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2025 20 January :: 3.25pm
:: Mood: exhausted
Day 20
The beginning of the ending
I am still waiting for him to decide to run for a third term. And find myself reminiscing about 10 years ago when I thought, "The guy from the apprentice? Surely they won't nominate HIM. 'YOU'RE FIRED'? That will never happen."
Joke of the day:
What do you call a mouse that swears?
- A cursor
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2025 1 January :: 7.47pm
:: Music: Shrek
Day 1
Happy 2025!
Most of the time I feel like the future is stupid. Every time I have to download a new “convenient” app full of broken code that barely functions. Every time I have to pump my own gas, then “see cashier for receipt.” Every time I fill a cart with groceries, then empty the cart to scan those groceries, then load them back into the cart, then empty the cart into the van, then load them from the van into the house. I’m sure the store would make us stock the shelves too if they could figure out how to market it as a convenience. Even more disappointing is the number of my peers who don’t seem to realize the dystopian hellscape in which we find ourselves; giving our worst jobs to actual humans and working them into exhaustion, all while investing absurd amounts of profits into training artificial intelligence to make art. Humans and machines are optimized for very different tasks and it seems like somewhere along the way the powers that be got it all mixed up.
Still, I have to have hope that we can do better in the future. Faith that there is a bigger cosmic plan in play. And trust that the majority of people are doing the best they can with what they have; that not everyone is an unconscionable shitbag.
So, as the world feels like it’s going down in a blaze of glory, be sure to love the ones who are close to you, let them love you back, and give everyone a lot of grace - including yourself.
I got a dad joke page-a-day calendar for Christmas. Today’s joke is:
What is corn’s favorite holiday?
- New Ear’s Day!
… Now I’m left to wonder how many of these jokes were written by AI
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2021 3 May :: 3.53pm
:: Mood: Seasonal
A staggering proportion of humans are allergic to the semen of plants.
A perennial reminder.
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2021 29 April :: 11.03pm
:: Music: Tauk - Sir Nebula
Jet Lag
I used to have arguments with my uncle about language. I insisted that there were grammatical structures and rules in place in order to keep the meaning of language consistent. If we are to communicate and exchange ideas, it is critical to have the same words and sounds mean the same thing to both parties, in order to successfully transmit all information in the idea accurately. I thought that the rules helped to keep those meanings from shifting.
His primary contention was that language was alive, constantly evolving and changing in meaning. Different languages cherry pick words and phrases from other languages, sometimes at random, sometimes by conquest. New words are constantly being born, while old words slowly die off and are forgotten. I think he viewed slang as some kind of nursery for future linquistic possibilities.
I have to admit, he may be right.
After all, they condensed an extremely specific phenomenon - in which one traverses the surface of the planet at such an incredible rate, that their biological rhythms have difficulty adapting to the dramatic change in diurnal cycle - into just two syllables.
1 stars caught |
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2021 1 April :: 10.30pm
:: Music: The Great Outdoors (1988)
life goes on, man.
finished a painting gig today. gonna try to hold off on any more work until after the trip to phoenix. aside from the laundry list of chores amassed for me by past chris. occasionally he surprises me, but usually he just kicks the cans down the road for future chris to deal with. hopefully some dedicated time will help future chris in his efforts.
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the spirit of god is alive wherever people are helping others, and growing in understanding. in places where people are wrongly harming others, the spirit is dead. even if that place is a church. or a school. or a home.
this may sound like a bummer, but it is actually very encouraging to witness the spirit thriving in many diverse and unlikely places. don't let the trimmings fool you. look at the people. see who's helping. join them. doesn't really matter where.
<3
4 stars caught |
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2021 13 March :: 8.43pm
:: Music: Breaking Bad
There's a Martian yelling, "CUT! BOOM IN THE SHOT. EVERYBODY BACK TO ONES!" but you can't hear it above the wind noise.
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2020 21 September :: 2.55pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Cascada - Evacuate the Dance Floor
OKay... We'll start small.
Gotta be honest right?... anxious and overwhelmed is not a new new feeling but talking about my feelings intensifies those emotional reactions. I am not even sure anyone will avidly read my posts. knowing people might read them at all intensifies my anxiety.... *deep breath* okay... um. My music is positive. That is a reflection of my emotional state past the anxiety. its not a bad day. Its nice out. I am getting around at some point and taking the dogs up north for a few days. I have no immediate financial concerns or responsibilities to deal with. I have kind of set myself up with a comfortable period for mourning. I know there is no right way to grieve but I feel what I have been doing is not working. I see a pattern of behavior developing that is dangerous for me and I need to try something else... so here this is.... I can already hear the little therapist in my head pushing me to share more... I will try to get there. Today I must start small. Today I miss my brother very much, Today I dont want to cry, but I will. I will also smile and love. Some parts of my day are gonna hurt. It all sucks right now and its so overwhelming.
So here are some of the major thoughts bouncing around my head....
I wonder how my ex is doing in a very passive aggressive way. I have a lot of anger over the person he turned out to be and didn't anything remotely like closure. But given the opportunity I cannot think of anything to say that would be worth the breath. part of me hopes he is doing bad cause I think he is a dickbag and its be nice if karma were real. but, also, part of me hopes he is doing well. Im not a soulless harpie who just stops caring for someone instantly.... I think thats all fairly normal after a break up.
I worry alot about how my younger brother is grieving and what he has lost. I stress about not knowing what to do or say to help him.
and there has been so much change lately I feel like I am left without a direction to move in. I cant even see whats out there my head is so foggy.... and I am afraid Im going to stay frozen... and overwhelmed...and not move anywhere.... and loose time.
time is too precious to waste like that...
so on that note. I am going to go pack for the woods. Just me and the dogs spending a few days in "sanctuary". That is what it is for me. Home. 20 acres in newaygo and a little pop up I renovated. I plan taking the dogs fishing in the canoe on Wednesday. its supposed to 77. post again when I am home.
2 stars caught |
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2020 21 September :: 2.24pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: Mnt Joy - Silver Lining
Hello Ghosts of the Past.
... can you hear me?
I cant believe this place is still a thing.... I am extremely happy it is. I need a safe place to document all the shit floating around in my head before I drown in it.... So much dramatic change in such a short time. So much grief and emotion to deal with. It fucking sucks. That's the nature of the beast. Life carries on. Weather you want to deal or not. Its fucking hard... and this journal holds me grammatically responsible. I love that... no half thought out, momentary, spaz blabbery, posted out to a mass of judgmental, surface-deep, cyber sharks.... okay, maybe. ;)... fucking old school emojies <3.... a safe space. What is safer then an online journal from high school? where some of my closest friends and family could come read if they so choose? forcing me to open up the door just a bit to those who could most certainly be considered safe..... Wow... Where the fuck do I start? lol
2 stars caught |
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2020 19 March :: 4.00pm
COVID-19
If I get stuck at home, you can bet your sweet booty I'll be uploading lots of recordings ;)
As it stands, I still have a job, and we're staying open, so I get to continue working. But if that changes, expect to be seeing some updates <3
Stay safe out there, friends.
2 stars caught |
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2020 1 March :: 8.01pm
Recorded on 2.29.20
OPEN TALK
In which I am joined by a host of promises. I gave an open talk at the alano club in Grand Rapids, and didn't really talk about booze that much.
Links to stuff I mentioned:
(Ultraclean floss is rad, btw. It is stretchy and doesn't break or tear like normal floss. Get you some ultraclean.)
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2019 7 October :: 4.42pm
Recorded on 9.20.19
POD 21
In which I am all alone
Links to stuff I mentioned:
3 stars caught |
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2019 25 July :: 11.27am
Recorded on 7.21.19
TECHNICALLY NOT A POD
In which I am joined by Trevor, who wields an axe with superior majesty, and has the hair to match.
ALSO NOT A POD
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2019 15 July :: 2.45pm
recorded on 7.10.19
POD 20
In which I am joined by Nick and Sam. Nick wrote the songs. Sam is an open mic legend here in Grand Rapids.
We were rehearsing for a gig at Mulligans Pub; an establishment whose threshold I had not darkened in nearly a decade. It hasn't changed at all.
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2019 10 July :: 10.25am
Recorded on 7.5.19
POD 19
In which I am joined by Eliot. He wants to start a 90s cover band, but neither of us sing. The set list is epic ... if we can ever learn all the songs. Or find a vocalist.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
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