valoth
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2010 11 January :: 1.09am
Seriously I am a glutton for punishment. I make my own damn head hurt from this shit spinning round my brain.
EDIT: Who's amazing at beating himself up mentally? *point at self with both thumbs* This guy!
Its a damn good thing I detest alcohol.
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valoth
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2010 11 January :: 1.08am
:: Music: Dirty Vegas / Days Go By (Steve Osbourne Acoustic Mix)
I am a lumocks
You
You
You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin
You leave me when I'm at my worst
Feeling as if I've been cursed
Bitter cold within
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Without you
Without you
You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin
You leave me when I'm at my worst
Feeling as if I've been cursed
Bitter cold within
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Without you
Without you
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Without you
Without you
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phil-himself
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2010 7 January :: 10.55pm
Dickbutt
2 stars caught |
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valoth
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2010 7 January :: 12.28am
Trying to not give in to old habits...reoccurring ones.
I want to do something everyone would probably think is really stupid to do. The timing seems like it could be right though. Ugh. I hate it. My stomach turns just thinking about it, and my heart says just freaking do it. My brain says no. My feet dont go. So...what to do. Sheesh.
FUCKSALT
Love, Forgiveness, Chocolate?
1 stars caught |
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Upchuck
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2010 2 January :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: "We Live"
Reading
I normally plow through books in my spare time. I had a lot less of it as of the last part of this year. It took me until just a few days ago to finish a book I started this summer at the lake. It was only short of 400 pages, small compared to my normal reading.
Now, however, I am reading "John Adams" by David McCullough. I had already read "Truman" by him, but this book is so different. His writing really captures the time the men lived.
One odd note that struck me as I was reading this afternoon was a statement of purpose that Adams wrote and had published on what a new American government might look like. The form of the government was remarkably similar to what we have now.
The part I found the most interesting is that he took time to outline one very important part, or function, of the government, so that it might function at peak ability.
"Laws for the liberal education of youth, especially for the lower classes of people ... no expense for this purpose should be considered too extravagant."
It is no wonder that our government cannot function if the citizenry is as poorly educated as we find ourselves today. Granted, the total level of education in this country has risen tremendously in the last century, but what has come of it? Is anyone more aware of our, or their own situation? No, unfortunately we have educated ourselves in the ways of the economy. We have neglected the very basic structures that should contribute to an egalitarian society. But instead of being able to make our own decisions about the issues of the day we must rely on politicians that are willing to curry favor for pork projects and campaign donations. Instead of selecting our political representatives out of patriotism and knowledge, it has become a popularity contest. We elect those who are endorsed by celebrities; who themselves have dubious backgrounds.
Why fix the education and create a body of intelligent citizens when the current system is working out so well for those in charge of it.
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valoth
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2010 1 January :: 11.29pm
The things we learn...sheesh.
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Upchuck
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2010 1 January :: 10.44pm
Some people feel as if they have no control. Most of the time I feel as if I have no control. The unfortunate part is that we think that life is about control.
I read a lot. I read alot in college. What I found most interesting were those pieces I read in Modern Poltical Theory. Locke talking about the natural law and how ideas like that revolutionized the way society has functioned ever since.
Instead of having an absolute law, created by an absolute ruler, we have realized that the rules of our society are inherent. We all have inherent rights just by the virtue of having been born. Whether you feel like this is a religious conviction, or just a revelation based on observing human behavior, remember this:
Someone at some point in the history of our species felt that you were special enough to fight for the inherent rights you now have.
Whether that person knew that is what they were fighting for you or not is another question. But they did, and you now have the "control" to fight for those inherent rights everyday, no matter how constrained by societal or economic forces you may be.
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Upchuck
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2010 1 January :: 11.12am
:: Mood: snotty
:: Music: WayFM
Family and New Year
A new year, a brand new year.
Yesterday I had a conversation with Catherine about making the office have more of an internet "presence." So she has since started a blog and Twitter. I am not a fan of Twitter at all, so I refuse to join.
That got me thinking that even though we have all of these strange new ways to connect to people, most of us feel more isolated now than we would have had to before.
Which leads me to my topic this morning. I am glad we chose to stay here in Michigan so we can have days like today. Really, it's all about family. For awhile there, we were very isolated from our families. We lived on the south side of GR and they all lived north. Now, even though we live in GR, and our parents still live in Cedar, it's not that far. I am really looking forward to this summer. A whole summer with a place at the lake will be great.
So I get to repeat what generations of my family and many other families in Michigan experience. Traveling north for the weekends, getting out of town. It is a time honored tradition now. It existed rarely before the fifties, but it's been going strong for over 60 years now. In the full scope of history, it's not that long. But in the timeline of one short human life it can mean the difference between happiness and friendship and lonliness and despair.
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Upchuck
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2010 1 January :: 1.20am
I am wondering why I keep stopping on these stupid TimeLife infomercials while I am flipping through late night TV.
Tonight's is "Romancing the 70's." Given the way I was raised I kind of expect to have a wide range of knowledge of older songs.
I know a lot of them, Jim Croce, Elton John, Rod Stewart, John Denver, and even Tony Orlando and Dawn. But apparently there was a group called "Bread." The standards seemed awfully low back then.
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rayray
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2009 31 December :: 11.22am
I was trying to remember what I have done on New Years Eve for the past 10 years.. but there are some blank memories in there..
So, if you were involved, tell me memories you shared with me..
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joslyn_julia
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2009 31 December :: 2.49am
this is me being pissed.
grrr....
somedays i just don't understand why he even bothers, especially when i seem to just be a nuisance...
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box
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2009 29 December :: 4.29am
This is the kind of thing we need to hear these days.
I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our
liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow
private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by
inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow
up around [the banks] will deprive the people of all property until
their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers
conquered. The issuing power should be taken from the banks and
restored to the people, to whom it properly belongs.
- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to the Secretary of the Treasury Albert Gallatin (1802)
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valoth
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2009 26 December :: 11.31pm
Here I am, there you are.
How did we ever let things get this far.
I have no money, I have no car.
I like you but the distance is too far.
You may sulk, you may soar, you think like before.
A time gone past, those ways don't last.
Cherish the moment.
Just try to make them last.
We definitely need atonement.
-------
In other news I fucking love this song, I dont know why!
Empire of the Sun- Walking on a Dream
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rayray
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2009 25 December :: 4.06pm
Had a rough couple of days.
They were more or less just extremely emotional and frustrating.
Had a hard time dealing with the 5 year anniversary of my grandma's death, and then this being the first christmas without my other grandma.
Argued 2 days in a row, with probably the most ignorant person in Ionia County.
I have felt a lot of unnecessary stress this week.
I think I am finally getting over it.
Thought I would have more Christmas spirit than I ended up with, but I guess shit happens.
Better luck next year.
1 stars caught |
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kandy
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2009 25 December :: 4.05pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Criminal Minds - on tv
ah..
see the knife
look at the blade glitter
pick it up
feel the edge
sharp enough to slice skin
press your thumb onto it
draw drops of crimson blood
exhale the breath you'd taken and smile
"this is it" you think
:my final time on this dreadful planet"
you mentally say goodbyes and praises
as you slowly lower the knife
so it presses against your inner wrist, on the vein
you take a deep breath
you press the blade down
press it hard
and slowly draw it against your skin
exhaling sharply against the sweet pain
you draw it so it makes a 2 inch cut
smiling as you see the blood
then you muster the courage
and switch hands
cutting into your other wrist
exerting a littler kmore pressure
so you get it right this time
you see the blood ooze out
you shiver slightly knowing, hoping
this will be your last
you make two more wounds
to the inner elbow of each arm
to help finish
knowing the asprain will only help
as the blood drips
you being to wonder
about what might have been
you write your thoughts down quickly
there's not too much time left now
you tell them how sorry you are
for not being perfect
for loving the wrong people
for doing the wrong things
but you lose your thoughts
you start to feel dizzy
you can feel yourself blacking out
you know you're dying
you hear someone walk in
you hear them shout your name
feel them run to you and cradle you in their arms
"I love you" you whisper
as blackness slips over you
"I love you! Please don't die" is whispered back
you struggle to hold on a little longer
if only to be with them
"I'm sorry. Remember me" you say
they hug you closer
they cry and tell you your forgiven and they love you
over and over again
your strength, your will weakens
you let go of life
with a smile
because you died in the arms of the one you loved
The only good thing you'd found on this dreadful planet.
I remember writing this years ago... and I still love the style of it.. but there is something wrong here. dying in the arms of the person you loved is not... an ending, nor is it probably the only good thing you'd find. To me, my dog is the only thing I have found with the exception of a few friends to have loved me unconditionally. To really be there for me and to accept me.
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