Weight
Mum and dad just left. And I weighed myself. Stripped down to my bra and underwear and weighed myself. 105.5
My clothes add 1.5 pounds.
Bad, bad, bad.
I need help.
The main thing I've eaten in the last two days is chocolate. And it makes me feel sick.
You know what else makes me feel sick? Making scars on myself.
But I do it anyways.
I've now made scars on my breasts. One says Holly and one says Naya.
You can just see them above my bra.
And I have a pentagram about 3 inches above my belly button. I'm still working on them. Gotta make sure they stay there. Hehe. Must remember who I was and who I am.
Always.
-naya-

I am a witch.

I do not worship Satan;
I am not interested in Satan.
Satan was invented by the Christians.
Satanism is a form of Christianity.
I am not a Christian.

I don't go to church on Sunday.
Jesus is NOT my savior.
He was simply a holy man who lived 2,000 years ago.

I am not afraid of going to Hell because
I don't believe in Hell any more than I believe in Satan.
I believe in reincarnation;
that I will come back to this world
or another and live out another life.

I am not evil.
Telling people I am a "good witch" or asking me if
I am a good witch implies that there are evil witches.
There are evil people in the world,
and there are people who chose to work with
the forces of nature in a way that harms others; those people are NOT
witches.
The central law of being a witch is:
"if it harms none, do as you will."

Please don't ask me about sacrificing cats or
desecrating churches. I love my cats.
And I don't go into churches or synagogues
unless a friend from that religion invites me
to some special occasion.
And if I DO enter a church,
I am not struck by lightning.
And if a Christian or a Jew or a Buddhist came to a pagan ritual, our gods
would not strike them dead either.

Isn't that something to think about?

Wearing a pentacle is no different than wearing a cross, crucifix, or Star
of David.
If you want me to take off the symbol of
MY religion (and Wicca is a religion,
protected by the same First Amendment
rights as other religions) because it's offensive, you need to make everyone
of every religion do that.
The five points of the star signify the four elements of Earth, Air, Fire &
Water, and the fifth point is Spirit; encircled by the World.
How that can offend anyone boggles my little pagan mind.
An image of a tortured, dying man is more offensive, yet thousands of people
openly wear crucifixes every day.

Also, don't ask me if I'm in a "coven" in that half-horrified,
half-fascinated tone of voice.
If I want to talk about my coven,
I will bring it up.
If I am a solitary practitioner,
I have no coven to discuss.

In any case, our rituals have candles, food, drink, poetry, dancing...yes,
there is a knife but it only cuts the air, not anyone's flesh.

I don't drink blood.
I am not some kind of vampire.
I wear black because it keeps
negativity away and because it looks better on me than orange and purple
polka dots.

If you want to ask me something related to MY
religion, ask me when the next full moon is.
Or the next blue moon.
Or what a blue moon IS.
Ask me about herbs.
Crystals.
Healing.
Even ask me to make you a love potion.
But I don't cast spells on other people and I won't cast a spell on you to
make you prettier, thinner, more desirable.
And I won't cast a spell on your quarry to make him/her love you.
Trust me, you don't want that, you don't want the karma that involves, and
neither do I!
That's a form of manipulation, taking away someone's power, infringing on
their free will.
Not nice at all.

And I also won't cast a binding spell to make someone STOP doing something
to you.

Spell work is about co-creation.
A witch works with universal energy,
With the gods, to tilt the engine of probability somewhat.

Need money?
Don't try to ensorcel your boss to give you a raise.
Simply ask the universe to increase the flow of abundance in your direction.

That infringes on NO ONE's free will.

One last thing: giving me a book about the
Burning Times is like giving a book on the
Holocaust to a Jewish person.
It's not funny and is rude.

Yes, I would go to Salem, but not because any of those Poor executed people
were witches
(I think the jury is still out on some of them), but because there's cool
pagan shops there.
If there were cool pagan shops in a town called East Cowflop, I'd go there.

Please don't try to make me ashamed of who
I worship and what I am.
Please don't try to convert me or "save" me.
Don't throw holy water on me.
Don't leave little pamphlets on my desk or windshield.
I don't need to be saved.

Witches are proud of the fact that we don't recruit people to become witches

We simply ARE, and those around us see how we
think, how we act, and our inner peace,
and only when someone says "how do I become a witch?" do we take them into
the fold with us.
I will NEVER leave a religious tract with anyone.
I don't have one, unless you count this letter.
And I am not asking you to convert.
I am only asking you to understand.
If you don't want to understand, just leave me alone.

Author Unknown

I love that....
MP,
naya

Early Out!!!
Yayz.
Today was überly fun.
Just hang out at the park with Justin and Joseph and Keya and Kelsey.
hehe.
We had a snowball fight. Twas wickedly awesome.
But that's not starting at the beginnng.
Cos we were walking with emma and liz from Northview. Yeah. Splashing in puddles. Me yelling at preps, calling them BITCHES! Then they turned cos they were going to Terrace. And we just kept going. Yeah. After I gave Emma a hug that is. Two hugs really.
Then we got to the park. And and and.....me and Justin we sitting at the top of the slide and Kelsey and Joseph started throwing snowballs at us. Keya was sitting on the monkey bars.
So we got into a full fledged war with them. Which included me and Keya hiding in the big evergreens, putting snow down Justin's shirt, getting snow in my ear, and finally freezing my hands by making lots and lots of snowballs for Justin. Twas fun. Then Kelsey and Joseph left to go bowling. And they wanted Justin to come. But after much sad, annoying sitting on the merry-go-round he decided to stay. So we had lots of fun. Keya cleared all the snow off the merry-go-round and Justin and I just sat at the top of the slide trying to thaw.
We left at 2:43. Keya's mum picked us up at 2:51. I got home ate 3:09.
Simple times stuck in my head forever.
::sigh::
It was über fun. The best early out I've had so far. Although last time with Erin and Golly is probably at number two. Yeah...
Tied with the one on September 24th.
good times.
We are the broken people.
-naya-

I dunno what to write.
I told Justin about my problem today. About me still burning and cutting myself.
I don't cut myself that often...almost never. I usually just run the knife along my wrist...wonder if I should. Steak knives are the sharpest thing we have. Except for this ginormous chef's knife. And the war knife down is the basement. Wouldn't that be fun..Naya kills herself with her grandfather's knife. A knife that was made to kill the enemy.
"They're not the enemy mother, we're the enemy." -White Oleander
mum and dad are finally gone. Left to go do taxes today. Taxes taxes taxes.
Today and tomorrow.
I'm excited for tomorrow. Dunno why. It's not like I haven't gone out to luch with them a billion times before. I dunno something seems different. Maybe it's that now Justin and I aren't going out...idk.
::sigh::
i wish we were.
I wonder how Joseph did on his today...guess I'll find out tomorrow.
I should go.
Need to eat something so I don't go back to being anerexic.
I hate having problems that no one can know about. I hate making promises even though I don't keep them. I hate pretending I do keep them.
And I hate the preps.
Evil whores.
Think I'll go do some kinda spell instead of eating.
Whatever.
-naya-

Lucid Dreaming...and my weekend in great detail.
I was going to work on lucid dreaming and dream recall and all that this weekend. Well, it didn't work out, and let me tell you why.
On Friday night I set my alarm for ninty minutes, I repeated the mantra over and over. I woke up at 5 AM to hear Stryder meowing, and realized that I'd turned my alarm to the off position. So, I let him out, reset my alarm, and went back to sleep. I awoke hours later to find that once again I'd put it in the off position. So, that was screwed. I spent the rest of Saturday lazing around, reading, opening a box of chocolates from mum, delievering valentines to the neighbours and babysitting. Then last night, I babysat until about 8, came home, got online, went back downstairs, gorged, watched For Richer or Poorer, and old reruns of The Cosby Show and then fell asleep about 12:15 am. Woke up at 12:30 am to mum sitting on the couch saying something about their night out. Got up, walked up the stairs, got a drink of water, flopped into bed. Turned my alarm on to go off at 2 am, made sure it was set to the on position. At 2 am it went off. But, as I was so tired at 12:30 I'd fell asleep before I could say the mantra. I was so confused that I spent 10 minutes trying to turn off the other alarm. It finally turned itself off. I was to tired to even try and reset it. I gave up and went back to sleep. At about 8:30 Stryder got up and so I let him out. Read until about 9:30, finished White Oleander and went downstairs. Ate a bismark and had some tea. Came up here and got online.
That's about it.
I'll probably make my spanish food a little later today...
Bleh.
The weekend is almost over. And Monday's an A DAY!!
I can't wait to see Justin.
Wait...I just kinda remembered my dream...
Justin got me a carnation....gee, wonder where that came from Maybe my deep desire to have someone get me a flower.
To feel loved...
Even though I am and I shouldn't need some stupid cheap flower to make me feel like I am.
It was a white carnation. Like the ones on my nightstand.

kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but
quite daring. you move for the kill confidently
knowing the other person wants the same thing.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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You are "Welcome to the Caribbean, love."
You're more than a little world-weary, but also
intelligent and you keep your head when things
get dodgy. You're everybody's favorite
drinking buddy, but your stubbornness does get
in the way sometimes.


Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
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the internet junk 'online test addiction test' deems me: 68% addicted to online tests!

Okay, so your'e pretty into tests. Probably, when you're free Sunday night begging the work-week not to come, you head to the computer and drown your sorrows in online tests. It's okay, we've all been there. So test away, friend, test away.

How sensitive are you??

in my eyes i see you as mysterious and strange alot
of people wish they could know you better and
you are probably an artist? i really wish there
were more people like you out there..i really
do. (rate?)


in my eyes you are...(pics and different outcomes)
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Prude. No sex, No thank you!!


What's your sex style?
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What Usage of the Word Fuck are You?
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what warning label are you?

Note that last one...BIohazardous.
One of my favorite words.
hehe.
That's all for now. Think I'll go watch the Truman Show and gorge on something...wake up sick tomorrow.
Yeah, sounds good.
later.
naya

Wow...
Just got back from babysitting Taylor and Hunter. I babysat for like 4 1/2 hours and they gave me 25 bucks. Awesome.. I need to buy a CD. Can't decide weither I want Matchbox Twenty or Coldplay. I love them both. I know for sure that Target has the Coldplay one that I want, but I don't know if they have the right Matchbox Twenty one...they didn't last time. I think the one I want is called Yourself or Someone Like You idk..It has the fat guy on the front. Yeah...great description Naya.
lol.
I watched two movies tonight..might go downstairs and watch another one. Should watch The Others. lol...and mum and dad would come home early and kill me. lol.
Bleh.
I don't think we own it anymore. Might have given it to Tony and Missy. As they do with all the awesome movies.
Anyhoo...gotta go.
Blessings,
Naya

Yesterday
We went shopping yesterday..me and my mum. It started out to be for coats, but we were at Sears and she needed some underwear so I was like "what the hell I'll get some too"
Yeah, it's sad how that's the only thing we can really bond over.
We're like looking around laughing at the ginormous underwear wonder how your ass could get that huge. And looking at bras wondering why the hell you'd want to make your boobs smaller. lol.
Sad, but fun.
My world...atleast we had a good time...I guess.
Yeah...
Today was oddish...bleh.
ITBS in math sux...
Oh well...my problems.