SONG OF THE MOMENT
THE FRESHMAN - The Verve Pipe

When I was young I knew everything
And she a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now Im guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a babys breath and a shoe full of rice

I cant be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I wont be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and wed never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe wed ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

My best friend took a weeks vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks worth of Valium and slept
Now hes guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

I cant be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I wont be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and wed never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe wed ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

Weve tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how were guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, wed say

I cant be held responsible
Cause she was touching her face
I wont be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and wed never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe wed ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and wed never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe wed ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen

Note:
This is a truly tragic song.
For those that dont know the story,
The song is about two of the band members
One of their girlfriends fell in love with someone else who was in the band.
I believe she had an affair and became pregnant because she also had an abortion.
Not knowing what to do, since she loved both of them and was overwhelmed,
she took her own life.

there are so many people that whine that their songs are not good.
Would it be worth it to have events such as these happen,
and lose a part of your soul, each time you write a song?

i'd do anything just to fall asleep with you..
well tonight wasn't too bad.
we sat around and talked, and then watched a movie.
stayed there until about a quarter to 11.
yeahh.
i was supposed to be going to bed, but im not really tired.
isn't it weird that im more awake when im functioning on less sleep?
like last night i got to bed about 2:30 or 3, but come 7, i was up and ready to roll.
::sigh::
and now that i've been up since 7 going strong, im ready to party the night away.
i guess maybe it's having the computer back in the office.
tis very nice.
i can be on late again.
i was starting to miss my late night AIM chats..though nobody is on now.
err..i dont think so anyways.
maybe i should actually sign on.
::pause while holly signs on::
nope, just taylor jo and bire.
taylor and i talked a little last night.
twas nice.
:-)
xanga is being gay.
i keep getting errors and shit.
which sucks, because i was working on layouts.
yeahh.
i think we're going to the mall tomorrow, so that'll be fun.
i still have a TON of christmas shopping to do.
WHAT DO Y'ALL WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?!
seriously, i have no idea what to get people.
i only have a couple presents.
:-(
bleh.
im bored...
wish i wasn't so antisocial on weekends.
well, im out for now.
<33
-holly-

cant find the way..
not much is happing..
we're going over to a friend's house for dinner tonight.
i think it's funny, they have a daughter my age, who goes to school with us, but we never talk unless it's when we go over for dinner.
i guess we're just so different now.
she's sort of into more girlish things, like horses, hollister, and shoes.
im more into cats, hot topic, and witchcraft.
:-)
even though i dont practice witchcraft anymore..
::sigh::
nik would be soo disappointed if he knew i'd totally given it up.
oh well.
but what was i talking about?
oh yeah..dinner tonight.
it usually ends up being pretty fun, they're kind of rich, and have lots of cool things to do.
i think tonight we're decorating cookies, playing ping pong, and watching a movie.
shouldnt be too bad.
i'd rather do something with friends, but i cant.
i mean i could, but i tend to not do stuff on weekends so people dont ask me if i want to anymore.
bleh.
we decorated our christmas tree today.
i really wish i had a good camera so i could get photography pictures of it.
but i dont.
:-(
i found some good bands though.
Palomar, Sparta, Anadivine, and Lacuna Coil.
yeahh
so far Anadivine is my favorite.
:-)
i'll update later.
<333
-holly-

my words become sad..
tonight was boring.
i think it's foreshadowing for my weekend.
:-(
hope not.
if anyone can do something (and would like to) feel free to call.
im freeee as a bird.
hehe.
i cant type much, cos mum's half awake and she'll yell at me for still being on the computer.
dunno why..i got 4 hours of sleep earlier this evening.
oh well.
maybe i'll go continue working on my ICL assignment.
::shrug::
wish somebody was online.
blehh
-holly-

a sort of oldish poem..
*elusive queen mirage*
hello.
how are you?
normal people say these things to eachother, right?
hmm.
i could be normal..couldn't i?

where are you?!
i need someone to understand me
but i dont see you anywhere
i know you were here.
you were, weren't you?

there you are!
my radiant queen;
strong,
proud,
beautiful
i was beginning to think i made you up,
you were something in my mind.

an image to pass the time,
a mirage in the vast desert-hell of life.

maybe you are...
im not so sure now
goddess, i feel odd.

so, how are you?

love has had its day and its way with me
whoa-o...i've been banging my head against the wall
whoa-o...for so long it seems i knocked it down, yeah it got knocked down
whoa-o...and the heating bill went through the roof
whoa-o...and the wall i knocked down was the proof
that my landlord needed to kick me out

i got evicted now i'm living on the street
my spirits lifted...oh wait, that wasn't me
too many turns have turned out to be wrong
this time i learned that, i knew it all along

when car crashes occur
then i'll be what you were
when i see what i should
when i see that it's good (that it's good)

to experience the bittersweet
to taste defeat
then brush my teeth
experience the bittersweet
to taste defeat
then brush my teeth

cause i struggle with forward motion
i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion
cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again
it's harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again

whoa-o...i've been banging my head against the wall
whoa-o...for so long it seems i got knocked out. yeah, i got knocked out cold
whoa-o...and the medical bills went through the roof
whoa-o...and the scar on my head is the proof
that i'll still remember this when i get old

i got evicted now i'm living on the street
my spirits lifted...oh wait, that wasn't me
too many turns have turned out to be wrong
this time i learned that, i knew it all along

when i grasp the concept
then i'll sleep where you slept
when i know i need help
when i allow myself (allow myself)

to experience the bittersweet
to taste defeat
then brush your teeth
experience the bittersweet
to taste defeat
then brush your teeth

cause i struggle with forward motion
i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion

cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again
it's harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again

cause i struggle with forward motion
cause i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion

[in background:]
(cause forward motion is harder than it sounds.
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again
cause forward motion is harder than it sounds
well everytime i gain some ground
i gotta turn myself around again)

cause i struggle with forward motion
cause i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion

cause i struggle with forward motion
cause i struggle with forward motion
we all struggle with forward motion

i heard about your regrets..
we put lights on the tree tonight.
we're waiting until tomorrow to do ornaments and such.
i couldn't handle anymore of The Asshole, anyways.
he was being all sarcastic at me after i ACCIDENTALLY spilled my water on the table.
of course he didn't offer to help mum and i clean it up, he just waited until we were done, and back to putting lights on, then he pounced.
he pulls out this basket of old magazines that nobody's looked at in over a year and he says to me, "How about you wipe off these books that got wet since you're just laying there doing nothing. Or is that too hard for you?"
wow, i was shocked and didn't say anything.
mum, however, wasn't so speechless. she snaps right back, "Holly is helping me with the lights right now, so she's busy."
hehe.
and i lay there thinking Go Mum, tell that cocky bastard off!
he really bothers me because i know that what he really meant was "Since you're being a lazy bitch and not doing anything productive how about I give you a totally worthless task so I can exercise my manly power?"
HE'S SUCH A FREAKING ASSHOLE!
he thinks that just because he's the only "man" around here he can tell us what to do.
and i hate how he fucking lectures me for everything!
ugh!!!
screw family activities...HOLIDAYS SUCK!

FUCKFACE!
sorry i haven't updated in awhile.
not since....thursday?
wow.
well on friday we went to get our christmas tree, and did some random moving shit.
WE MOVED THE COMPUTER BACK INTO THE OFFICE!!!!
saturday and sunday i spent with amy.
her mom and brother came up from missouri.
they were staying at best western, and i got to stay with them!
:-)
twas awesome.
uhh..i now have a desk in my room..
tis cool.
i can like bring home my homework now.
hehe.
went to the library after school, cos i had to interview mrs. akers for publications.
megan was there!
twas fun..we got to talk a lot.
hence the "FUCKFACE" subject...yeah.
inside joke?
uhh..not much else to say.
later.
-holly-

time is a broken glass that splinters against the wall..
wow, haven't had a chance to update until now.
yesterday was pretty fun.
i "missed" the bus (the buses weren't still there...really!), and justin said i could go home with him.
:-)
yeah..
but, my parents got off work early, so i only got to be with him until about 4:15.
after that we went shopping.
it was pretty fun.
went to valley junction, valley west mall, world market, and barnes & noble.
i got a good start on my christmas shopping.
yeah.
today was...okay.
i didn't feel very good (tired, and my legs hurt!), and yeah..
my mum called me about 3:10 and said they were off work, and asked if i was already on the bus.
since i was they just picked me up at crocker.
we went to get our christmas tree.
twas pretty fun.
it's rather nice getting a free tree every year.
:-)
yeah...
now we have to work on my room.
the top bunk is going away, and im getting a desk!
yay.
this weekend..
i get to see amy tomorrow!!!
most likely the highlight of my weekend.
yeah.
well, im out.
<33
-holly-

belief is gone
i am no longer associated with any religion.
i am not wiccan, christian, jewish, buddist, hindu, muslim, or any other religion the world throws at me.
I DO NOT BELIVE IN GOD!
god and religion are like Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, A LIE FED TO US IN CHILDHOOD!
well, im doing the natural thing.
im done with them.
i am old enough to realise that god and any form of religion is just a crock of shit.
belief is a crock of shit.
there is but one thing i still believe in.
love.
the only thing i believe in is love.
HAH!
let's all laugh at holly, she's gone soft and romantic.
no, not really.
i just realised that the only thing in this whole fucking world worth believing in is love.
and who knows, maybe one day love will bitch slap me in the face, and i'll deside to give up on that too.
but for now love is kind, and the only thing that gets me through the day.
:-)
so there you have it.
I AM PURGED OF ALL BELIEF BUT ONE!
-holly-

meow!
well, here i am in ELP.
actually it isn't ELP, it's advisement.
but i hate my advisement, so im in here.
the "smart people" room.
lol.
or maybe just the creative people?
yeah...
anyhoo.
today was pretty fun.
we finished up the gay holocaust movie, and i had to go up in front in chorus to sing.
it wasn't that bad.
and now everyone is all like "holly you have such a nice voice!"
even randal said something to me.
::shutters::
uhh, not much to say.
i have to go to algebra in 10 minutes.
ick.
WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN ALGEBRA?!?
tisn't going to help me in later life.
:-(
whatever.
i'll update soon.
love and such.
-holly-

im falling into memories of you..
1. What time is it: 8:38 pm
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate: as it appears on my birth certificate? Holly Rose Henderson..but im a Wheeler now.
3. Nicknames: Holly Rose, Hols, Miss Holly, Naya, Enna...
4. Piercing: nope
5. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theatre? Christmas With the Kranks
6. Eye color: mood changing
7. Place of birth: portland, oregon
8. Favorite foods: baked potatoes and uhhh..carrots?
9. Ever been to Africa: no
10. Ever been toilet papering: yep
11. Love someone so much it made you cry: mhmm
12. Been in a car accident: no, my father is a *superior driver* ::cough::asshole::cough::
13. Croutons or bacon bits: but i dont like salad..
14 Favorite day of the week? monday..i like new beginnings
15. Favorite restaurants: Cazador (the DSM one), and Papa Johns i guess
16. Favorite flower: lilacs or oleanders
17. Favorite sport to watch: football
18. Favorite drink: water
19. Favorite ice cream: cookies and cream
21. Favorite fast food restaurant: i dont do fast food
22. Color of bedroom carpeting? biege-ish like all the other carpet
23. How many times did you fail your driving test? ::giggle:: i haven't taken it
24. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email? uhh..Woohu, telling me i had a comment
25. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card: i dont have one, but probably Hot Topic
27. Bedtime: it varies
28. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest: but im not sending it as an email..
29. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond: yeahh..
30. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire: everyone?
31. Favorite TV shows: umm..anything on VH1?
32. Last person you went to dinner with: family
33. Ford or Chevy: ford
34. What are you listening to right now? "silence"
35. What is your favorite color: grey
36. Lake, Ocean or river: ocean
38. Time you finished this e-mail: 8:44 pm
39. Which came first God or Evolution? well, i dont belive in god, so im going with EVOLUTION
40. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? none

stale poetry from a bent spine
*desire*
you're laying here so close to me,
i could reach out and touch you.
yet you are a world apart,
i can never have you as i desire.
you lay there, unknowingly taunting me,
the image of what i cant have.
you cant even grasp the concept,
why do i need you like this?

*stop, drop, and roll*
stop,
these empty promises
drop,
the fake happiness.
roll,
away the pain.
stop,
this pretending.
drop,
your restlessness.
roll,
away from me.
if you please...

*me*
people look at me,
i wonder what they see.
do they see a happy kid,
grinning about something she did?
or do they notice all the sad,
and wonder would could be so bad?
do they see right into me,
or just my outside plea?
will they believe im just dumb,
or know ive only become numb?
are my bit and pieces what they see,
or an they put it together for the whole me?
i've become a puzzle,
can they pull off my muzzle?
oh, i wonder what they see,
when people look at me..