I got an email from my Spanish professor asking us if anyone was going to Traverse City and could deliver a package for her. She gave us her cell phone number just in case we were.
Tyler Epps
I miss my cousin. I don't even remember the last time I saw him. It had to have been at his mother's funeral in 1999. We're really close in age so we were inseparable for the longest time. Mom says no one knows where he is anymore.
I used google to search his name and found a picture of him. It's from March. I'm going to cry. I never realized how much I missed him. He's all grown up with facial hair and everything... Apparently he was still really good at basketball. Hey, Tyler. Ty Ty. I miss you.
Just in case you google yourself: this is Rachel, your cousin. You should contact us or Mike or someone. What are you up to? How is everything?
I was way too excited then quickly depressed today.
I saw Emily (!) whom I missed dearly which made me excited.
I also saw, for probably the last time ever, Micah, Tim from my creative writing class, CG and everyone in my creative writing class. Then in French I will have to deal with seeing Marah for the last time. Ever.
Stupid semester abroad. You screw up all my goodbyes.
I am thinking of totally not doing this paper for marketing but I sort of have to. It's all of my grade. But he wrote 0 notes on the one I have to rewrite (except for "good" and "okay maybe") so I have nothing to improve.
Exam week has me stressed and excited and sad. I miss people already.
We wear our scarves just like a noose
So tomorrow we are going to Chicago so I can get my French visa.
Emily was going to come with us but she has to work on Saturday so she can't. Which makes me more depressed than you can ever know.
In other news, I received a letter telling me who my host family was. I emailed the last two students who had that family and they both said that was the best family in France. I am excited.
everything that has happened in the past week or so has felt hazy, almost druglike.
not in the good way. in the sense that things move either really fast or really slow.
i can't tell the difference between reality and dreams.
i didn't sleep for 4 nights in a row.
and now i've been sleeping for entire days at a time.
i don't want to die. it's just that i don't like waking up.
i'm sick. both mentally and physically. i threw up blood yesterday.
i'd like to think it's just nerves but i've been feeling light-headed and dizzy today.
something is wrong. but i want to wait it out and just shake it off.
people think it's just because of the break up.
it's not. sure i miss him. but i wasn't going to spend the rest of my life with him, and i realize this.
i just let myself fall too far.
i'm not sure if i should try moving on. he called me and said he wanted it to just be a break and that he was really sorry.
it's confusing. he's confusing.
he kissed me yesterday. we didn't mean for it to happen.
but i can tell stuff like that is going to happen.
i can tell he still loves me.
because we just looked at eachother and got caught up in it.
i don't know why he's doing this.
i need to take a walk.
or do something to clear my mind.