HeAD RusH

HeAD RusH

:: 2005 11 May :: 2.14 am

one day ill make the clouds say i love you. then you'll understand.
why i want to fly.

:: 2005 10 May :: 1.11 am

the best way to satisfy your need for example.
is for you yourself. to become the sample
take your own medicine first. before you decide.
to dispense this thirst. curse; having no subside.
message in. simile. pretty simply. a way to tell you
of a downing story, one of a boy imploring for his
mother's wounds to heal, for all your shit to feel
better
i'll be your martyr. saint. knight. fighter. lover.
give to me your pain crucify me before a hurt hurts you

i just write random shit. gone through alot going through alot now and the future shows no stopping...so...i have to fight the hard fight...ill fight it harder then any youve seen...for you babe...for anyone whos good...ill fuck up whatevers thrown

1 People Fired | Ready..Aim..

:: 2005 2 April :: 1.25 am

worlds blown up again. when the world blows up, dont pull a wedensday.

tell me who is the stronger.the one who puts themself out in rage.insulting.demeaning.anger.or is it the one who takes the others pain. feels it. cries. accept the pain. dont take it out on others.

1 People Fired | Ready..Aim..

:: 2005 28 March :: 12.42 pm

gotta get this over with. gotta groove. but before my lips move, let it be known i feel serene calm clean
peace soldier alot of hate in me thats why im about to rip
so while reading this i hope you slip trip on your conscience. you might fight with your inner emotions and i hope you do. think back on things. reminisce. and now shut the fuck up and let me be pissed.

bryan katusak i looked at you;treated you. like my boy. and you got the nerve to fuck me like some toy. bitch. to be honest with you man i wanted to fuck you up beyond belief. never hold that in disbelief. but thats not like me to start violentry. too big to play that dumb little game. with you pussy i dont have too many words to share. but know this. im not starting any shit with you.im getting this over getting this through. i shoulda done this along time ago but fuck off alright im goddamn slow. anyways man in the gist of all this im saying were cool man, past is past and i like to let things be, we used to be bros remember that. but dont ever fuck with me again. and in the end. its all peace man so have a good one.

1 People Fired | Ready..Aim..

:: 2005 19 March :: 10.31 am

hey akon, was your song about me?
me, myself, and beautiful ashley?
francis, the girl i love, said i am.
retorted with a droop cause ive felt like mister lonely. she knows i have. i love her to death, and she loves me. after she finished telling me she was kidding and that im not mister lonely, who did she say I deserve to be? mister lonely. not who i was, someone i deserved to be. well that word deserve smacked a nerve.

you know what stems from the mouth of lonely? fuck that. serve it to me. if its what i deserve. try to make me mister lonely. mind as well murder me. try. all you can do is try. ill never be mister lonely. cause truth is if i was ever alone from you my clock would stop. id die.

1 People Fired | Ready..Aim..

:: 2005 30 January :: 3.39 am

always here im always here
everclear
never fear
ill stand till the end of time
for the most beautiful girl methemorphasize the world
i will.
and i just wanted to spill
the best two year old news there is: i love you

Ready..Aim..

:: 2005 9 January :: 2.36 pm

feels like dying
dead trying
drum silouhette rat tat tat

someone lit a bomb tuesday my name scatterbrain ever since. vicodin and all the other shit with this wisdom teeth mouth garbage fucks up the head id suggest just opting to go into a coma for a few days to recover if you ever need your wisdom teeth gone. whadda crazy ass week to start the new year definetly a few screws loose for sure ahh but im tightening those bitches up. i wish we would have had breakfast babe but oh darn it will have to be another day i hope. got to go back to boca raton soon and get back up in the riff raff but this time will be different im not gonna waste these months sitting and smoking and shitting. the 3 S's haha. im gonna start writing and using my mind again that shit feels like its been on pause too long and im gonna learn to play the fucking geetar if it kills me im not blowing shit out my ass i am going to learn and going to kill with it hell yea. lets all have some fun.

Ready..Aim..

:: 2005 7 January :: 11.23 pm

dizzyspell in my head. big juan.

Ready..Aim..

:: 2005 7 January :: 12.10 am

dah babe all the gush it smells like a tush pubic hair can look like a bush annd you make my heart melt to mush
the same heart you drive up the wall and make crazy as fuck
it can feel alot of different ways but it always goes back to mush

Ready..Aim..

:: 2004 23 December :: 5.53 am

mother fuckers im twisted in a system again
i thought the left was the right but now im vertical n'n
you could say its cause right now im so fuckin blazed...but
i know only help stems from the purple haze...so
if the boy katusak
fuckin the man with no sac
wants to put his lips on the girl ive kissed
for one whole year and seven months so dear
only one week past the sunday that we crashed?
i could of sworn he had known
i could of sworn he's my bro
but fuck that shit clutch pirate; mo'
bro's dont pull this type of show
with the girl their friends in love with? fuck you
i would die for this girl
she's my love and my world...but
my fucked up head let a big mistake happen this time
requiring big ass changes to my small little mind...but
how you gonna do that man? do you fucking think you love her?
want to spend your life with her? watch her become a mother?
i dont think you realize kid that these things are so real
fucking with these things; perhaps this may allow you to feel
my beliefs and the person I value most in life
is ashley francis and its not changing so kick that thought to the curb
you dont have a goddamn clue what you wedged youreself in
this vent is all you man; shes seperated and can do what she will
and i love her so so much, so i'll respect what she does
not you
she says its my fault she likes you and if i hadnt done what i did
she would have never fuckin given you a second thought kid
but i thought feelings are there no matter what?; and she was in love a week before?
something doesnt quite add
but so what; everything isnt for me to question
just had to tell some bitches how i feel
cause biting my tounge isnt close to real
and im sick of playing that game; too many been played
time out had to be called, switches have to be pulled
"and thats the way the cookie crumbles" some guy said
well this is a shitty ass cookie if you ask me
both to what i did, and to what you did
so now enough with the who donnits and who dids
ive spent a late night and now
i just want to say i love you

2 People Fired | Ready..Aim..

:: 2004 17 December :: 3.30 am

I wish i would have had the balls then to say how i felt. I love ashley francis. I can be so insecure, and i can act pretty fucking stupid. feels so shitty to go away on this empty stomach. i wanted to be your friend. i thought thats all you wanted to be to me. you dont know what love is, what she or anything means to me. you dont know me, and im sorry i let you in my life. let you fuck with my head. i let myself fuck up my love. all the compounding problems i needed to deal with and you just became an addition to them. shouldnt have bit my tounge for so long. should have told you to fuck off a long time ago. should have said the same thing to who i was being. i was so fuckin weak. i love ashley. to the end. she doesnt deserve that shit, and she wont have it. the hurt is so bad. still hate the fact that I let you overpower me. was so weak and stressed already, dont know how you made me believe you could help but you did. was so fuckin weak at the time. ashley francis isn't a girl. shes my love. not "my first love high-school sweetheart" love: she's my love. dont ever forget it. i almost did in the stupid shit storm i put myself in. all this shit caused by my personal problems. i never knew i was the fuckin mess ive realized i am. i love you so much. i need to straighten my shit out and im trying to now.forgivness from myself will be harder to gain than yours. i cant affect you like that; its not fair to you. i know the time that is needed will be taken. know i am here for you for anything babe. anyyyyyything at all. i hate going away blah. iloveyou

Ready..Aim..

:: 2004 13 December :: 10.53 am

cold air. likes to touch the bones. fuckin cold out.
good beans rule menk. i feel pretty normal not like a fuckin meth storm hit me. was so happy you called babe. you crazy as fuck girl <3. finals are done. fuck dat SHIT. and ill be 20 before I know :( merry christmas ho ho ho. ho.

Ready..Aim..

:: 2004 18 August :: 12.08 am

fuckin summers bout to end fuckity fuck feck. asfugbkhj

2 People Fired | Ready..Aim..

:: 2004 26 July :: 10.26 am

well after the best trip of my life, it was amazingly hard to leave that place for this one. did lots of reflecting up in the mountains. godbless the land of weiners and schnitzels'. hope i can make it here until my return trip next summer.

ashley suprised me at the airport. crazy girl taha. twas a beautiful sight to see her. she was the only thing i looked foward to in coming home. so then i got home and was here for only 6 hours until the guy across the street backed into my car. damn things.

and now i have my dorm assignment. i got the one i wanted. and i guess i move in there august 18th. not too much time left. especially with all this school bullshit to get taken care of.

1 People Fired | Ready..Aim..

:: 2004 23 July :: 12.56 pm

she blinds me with her smile, everythings allright.

Ready..Aim..