chuckitatthewall
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2005 18 July :: 5.29pm
seems as though people are back to their old ways again. summer was going so well until i realized it. now i gotta go face reality which i was doing a marvelous job of avoiding. that sucks really bad. so i will go back to school in 5 1/2 weeks and face the shittiness of it all and pray the time goes by swiftly cause i think i will die if it doesnt. honestly there is a world out there that i'll never fucking understand and whats the point cause i get glimpses of that shittiness and realize how truly stupid and childish it is. i dont need to be apart of that so hopefully i'll be able to ignore it somewhat well and wait until i'm 18 and get out of the shithole called san jose california. yea that will be nice.
other things: moms an ass. i knew that already but she is more of an ass now because is keeping me from a relationship with my sister. next summer monica said that she and james will be moving up to eldorado hills so i can go spend the summer with her and get a job and stuff. i think thats a good idea. i'm trying get out of san jose as much as i can and that will be a good opportunity to experience another way of living and make some new friends and have fun and not be in front of a computer or t.v for most of the summer. next year seems so far off. i hope i can make it that long. i have this feeling that my parents are going to get on me this winter and because no one will be there to defend me i'm going to have to stand up and take it like a man even though i am in fact a girl.
well i think thats all i have to say for now. i could probably go on for hours but i'll go write on it on paper. bye
2 Tales |
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justadreamer
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2005 9 July :: 6.02am
>\. Lefties.
"Difficult or stressful births happen far more commonly among babies who grow up to be left-handed or ambidextrous."
So, I'm left-handed because I died when I was born? [Umbilical cord wrapped 'round my neck, no oxygen, heart stopped, was revived, voila, here I am.]
"A study published in 1991 claimed that these statistics indicate that lefties' lifespans are shorter than those of their right-handed counterparts by as much as 9 years. They explained this gap by asserting that left-handed people are more likely to die in accidents as a result of their affliction, which renders them clumsier and ill-equipped to survive in a right-handed world."
.. -Glare.-
Lefties shall prevail!
.. Just had to update because of that.
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justadreamer
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2005 8 July :: 11.05am
Pretenses.
Overwhelmed by emotions,
Or overwhelmed by emptiness?
(I can't pretend that I feel it anymore)
In love with the memories that weren't real
The ones imagined in the dead of the night
(When we were looking for excuses to stay)
There was nothing in all that we were
No deeper meaning behind the shallow words
(I love you, I need you, I love you, please stay)
Pretending that there was something hidden
Deep below the surface of our make-believe love
(If I tell myself this, it'll be true; it'll work out)
Telling ourselves that when we look back on it
It'll be something more, and we weren't lying
(I really felt something, it wasn't pretend, really)
Saying goodbye with crushed forget-me-nots
Hoping you'll figure out the message, the truth
(If I wanted you to remember, I'd still be there)
A rose is not a rose when it's been burned to ashes
There's nothing still there to make it what it was
(Pretenses are the only meanings that matters)
You might have loved me, but I didn't love you
Take another step, and you might fall again.
(Say goodbye now before it starts once more)
It doesn't matter to me.
(I'm sick of the lies.)
Tell Me a tale
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justadreamer
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2005 7 July :: 9.04am
Bombings in London.
Listening/watching the news... A series of bombings in London. Numbers of the dead are rising as they find them. TV says over 150 injured, at least 45 dead, and to expect the numbers to rise.
Scary times we're living in. Horrible people..
And we're just watching the numbers rise on television.
AOL news as of around 9 AM behind the cut.
Read more..
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chuckitatthewall
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2005 2 July :: 9.09pm
my dad is such an alcoholic. my mom told him not to drink as much so now he is sorta "sneaking" drinks except my sister caught him just now. this time he took about 2 shots with his sudafed (sp) and advil. isnt it a warning on the back of all medicine bottles not to take them with alcohol?? my dad is stupid and he will kill himself if not with the alcohol then with his temper which makes his blood pressure go up. Hes fat so its not like his blood pressure is at a good level or anything. if he raises it too much he'll deffinately have a heart attack. i hate saying that i hope he gets one but i sorta do. It would save our family a lot of grief. well perhaps not. he is the money of the family and my mom being a secratary is not enough to support us. it seems like all lawyers are fat and alcoholics. if thats true then i'll never be a lawyer. its a pretty boring profession anyway. all those huge legal terms and worrying more about some case youre working on than your own family. not fucking cool. i guess i should get used to that type of shit cause thats how my family works. but then i think that i shouldnt have to get used to shit like that cause no one else does. jeeze i'm emotional right now. actually my thoughts are emotional but physically i'm not mostly cause i'm tired cause its been so hot lately and then i ran today. speaking of running that was a fucking run on sentence that didnt really make too much sense. anyway, i wont run again this summer during the heat of the afternoon/evening cause its just too hot. it must have been 100 degrees in the garage this evening and all i could do was 1.27 miles. not very good, eh?
anyway i'm done cause i'm bored. the giants are losing. not cool. bye
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justadreamer
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2005 30 June :: 7.58pm
Yay!
Dad doesn't have cancer! Everyone is so relieved and happy. Even the dog! o_O
T'is very hot in Texas. I really want to go out and do something, but, as usual, we can't really afford it. That's okay. Maybe I'll go grocery shopping with Mom and Dad tomorrow. It's better than just sitting around here collecting dust.
I was kind of planning on going to Dallas with some friends but my parents decided against it. They've got their reasons. Same old story: can't afford it, it's kind of far away, I'm 15, there's going to be guys, etc. I understand why I can't go. I don't resent them for it. After thinking about it, I guess it might be a good thing instead of a bad thing.
Hm. An attempt at optimism. Kind of working.
Except now, Mom's having heart problems. =\ Things can never be ALL good at once, eh?
Adios.
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justadreamer
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2005 24 June :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: pensive
:: Music: "Simple and Clean" - Utada Hikaru
Really Need To Read.
I've got.. 4/5 books that I'm in the process of reading. I think I should map out a plan.
1. Pride and Prejudice. (due next Wednesday)
2. The Unhandsome Prince. (need to give it back to Laura soon)
3. The Taking.
4. HP and the CoS.
5. [I'm sure there's another book I'm supposed to be reading, but can't remember the title.]
I've finished "Girl, Interrupted", the other book I checked out from the library, so that's not it.. Oh, well, I'll figure it out later.
Degrassi marathon all weekend long. I've seen almost all of the episodes over 10 times, so I'm not particularly worried about missing it. However, I do think I'll watch the marathon on Sunday, season four(?), because I've not seen them so many times. Then next Friday is the season premiere of Degrassi and Instant Star, a show that I'm not entirely sure about.
Mm. Can't wait 'til Mom and Dad get home with my chedder pretzels and cheese dip. Yes, I'm a cheese-aholic. And a choco-holic. And.. well, that's enough.
I think I have a new nickname. I'm not sure if Skye was joking or not when she said "I'm Moo, you're Cackle," so I guess we'll see. Cackle? Me? Sure, I say/do it alot, but... Cackle? XD.
Anywho, I'm off to do whatever. 'Bye.
-Ash
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justadreamer
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2005 21 June :: 1.29pm
Curses.
Rah, rah, rah. Confusion and boredom consumes me.
I want to go out! I wanna do fun, summer things!
... but... With whom? How? Where?
Ah, well.
Quizzes, stolen from ChibiKeriana, behind the cut.
Read more.. They're mostly true.
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chuckitatthewall
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2005 14 June :: 9.51pm
:: Music: "yes the river knows" -the doors
Dude its fucking pissing me off how the Giants dont appreciate Snow. He is the best fucking first baseman to ever play for the giants and they dont treat him with the respect he deserves. He deserves to be the every day starter and he deserves higher pay than what hes getting. Every fucking time I think hes got the starting role they find some shitty ass rookie who tries to take his fucking place and does for a few months and then they put him in occasionally. Its not fucking right. He's been there for the Giants whenever they fucking needed him and what does he get for it?? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING! Lance Niekro the bitch who only got to the major leagues because of his name is trying to take his spot. Hes batting better than Snow right now but lets face reality- Snow has more experience and knows how to play his position. The bitchy ass Niekro was a fucking 3rd baseman before but they converted him to first base because they already have a back up 3rd baseman. Fuck that. Turn him into a fucking pitcher cause thats what the fucking giants need right now. They've got a solid first baseman..why the hell can't they leave it alone??! OH my fucking god. It just makes me so mad because Snow deserves more respect than hes getting and the managment is so fucking money hungry they don't care how the hell team goes. I bet Lance Niekro's dad went in there and paid some money to get him to start everyday. So fucked up! IT FUCKING PISSES ME OFF! Today Niekro hurt his left big toe. I hope he fucking broke it and can't play for a few weeks. With Snows luck it will be a minor bruise and be gone in 2 days and Snow will face his fucking assignment of being the most talented first baseman ever to be benched. I dont fucking give a shit if that didnt make any sense cause in my head it did and its not like anyone would fucking read this cause no one cares about baseball these days except for dudes that have brains! FUCKING GIANTS MANAGMENT SHOULD FUCKING ROT IN HELL! I think i must have written that a million times in different places. These are Snow's quotes about this whole fucked up situation: "He said 'they' -- whoever that is -- want to see if Lance can play every day," Snow said. "He'll get a lot of playing time this trip. But I'm just a player and I don't make decisions. If I'm in the lineup, I play." "It seems like an annual thing with me," he said. "That's just the way it goes. I hope for nothing but the best for Lance. He's going to be a good player. I'll root the team on the best I can."
Hes such a great player. If I was on his team I would fucking wash his nasty socks for him and shine his cleats after every game just to show him how much I appreciate his attitude and his talent. Those quotes show how well he deals with all the fucking shit that the Giants put him through. I bet when he talks to his wife on the phone he yells and says all the shit that I've said except different cause its happening to him. Hes just really good with the press cause he knows whatever he says goes in the papers or on the internet and then the managment reads it. I gotta pray for Snow. I know that if you pray for bad things to happen to other people they never do so I wont try that. IF ANYONE WHO BELIEVES IN ANY SORT OF GOD READS THIS PLEASE PRAY THAT SNOW WILL PLAY MORE!
Ok...I'm done...for now. I might be back later to complain about this again.
Oh yea..Foppert played today. hes cool. I like him
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JustADreamer
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2005 7 June :: 8.33pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: "I Would Die For You" - Garbage
OMGHS YOUR SO KEWL.
Ooh, mishter, yer radio getz REEEL lowd! Tha'sh, like, aweszomezsz.
I live in the outskirts of a small town. Lots of people around us, particularly Mexicans. I'm not racist. I repeat, I am NOT racist. In fact, one of my best friends is Mexican. Truly.
However, the whole riding down the road, windows rolled down, radio blasting some Mexican song with particularly annoying bass rhythms that repeats over and over throughout the whole song, which happens to last well over five minutes, so that everyone around you (and within a five-mile proximity) can hear this magnificent song that makes him/her want to drill a whole through his/her own head, or yours... is not cool.
End of that subject. [end of song; The Killers CD begins.]
There's something I left off of that entry yesterday.
+We found out that Dad might have cancer again.
Yeah. Nervous about that... hope everything turns out okay.
But I'd rather not talk about that!
The new Coldplay CD came out today.. However, they didn't have it at Wal-Mart. Sadness feels me. Er, rather, I feel sadness. ...o_O;
Dance, dance.
... Did Drew ever give me my Killers CD back? -ponders.-
Anyway, I guess I don't really have much to say.. Just had to vent a wee bit about the music thing. Aheh.
Hope everyone's safe, sound, and healthy. If not, become so.
Will the thunder ever stop? From here, looking at the blinds, everything seems orange. Weird.
[five minutes later]
Yay pictures of the sky. Always fun. Especially when one part of the sky is ominous dark blue clouds, one part is pinkish fluffy ones, and another part is orangey/blackish, just plain scary/evil-looking clouds. Oh, and a little bit of blue sky in spots.
^Not photomanipulated.
It's been raining off and on all day, and thundering ALL day. Interesting weather. 'Supposed to do the same tomorrow, I think.
Funny how quickly it gets dark..
15 Tales |
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JustADreamer
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2005 6 June :: 1.59am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: [tv] Fresh Prince
Woohu, Journal Makeover.
For some reason, the weird color combination looks cool to me. I shall keep it. For now.
Well, I hardly ever use this journal anymore, but I felt it deserved at least a little bit of attention. -Pets journal.- There, there. I've not forgotten about you, my love.
Deedle dee.
Starbucks is teh moonrockeries. The kerflunkety. The awesomest.
And I feel like such a geek. Because I am one. Got a problem with it? Well, do you?
Hm. Tawney is supposed to be coming in for a visit on Wednesday. Actually, she's supposed to leave this morning (Monday morning), and stay for nine weeks.
Oh, how I long for a rainy atmosphere.
And, oh, how overly dramatic I feel.
-Faints into arms of journal.-
...
Okay, that's enough.
Here's basically what's happened since I've made a proper entry, or rather, what's happened that I can't remember whether I've written in here or not.
+School's out. Yay!
+I'm single. Happily single.
+I did well on my state tests.
+I did well on my report card.
+I've gotten in fights with a few friends.
+We've made up.
+Asa's been to visit, for a week.
+He's left, also.
+Something that was supposed to happen a while back finally did.
+The above means that I don't have to go to the doctor.
+[I pity you if you figure out what those two sentences mean.]
And currently,
+I want coffee.
I wonder if every time I visit this site I'll want coffee. Aheh.
I miss mah Starbucks.
Hope everyone's summer is going well!
-Ash
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JustADreamer
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2005 22 May :: 1.13am
I'm not your star.
Same old, same old.
Nothing really new.
I should really try to write...
Maybe I'll get more writing in during the summer.
Three and a half days of school left.
But really, only, like, two.
The last one and a half days are exams.
hm.
I feel kind of..
Weird.
It's a little unnerving..
Things not being how they were...
A few months ago.
[The title is a clue.]
Not that I'm, like...
Er.
Nevermind.
Sorry for the confusing, mindless ramble.
Ignore it.
But I'm not going to delete it.
Because I don't feel like it.
I'll try and update again soon.
I guess.
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elektragamblin
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2005 16 May :: 1.24am
wooo, love the new layout
Worship and adore it =p
XD
<3
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chuckitatthewall
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2005 12 May :: 6.09pm
crap
i'm so stupid and jealous and annoying. i did something stupid today and i feel bad about it. why don't i ever think before i say anything?? thats something i really gotta wrok on. i always tell myself that but then when something is bothering me i just blurt out almost everything thats in my head and then i end up regretting having said half of those things. its really fucked up and i'm stupid. i cant even do well at school or anything i try. cause i'm an idiot and i feel so fucking messed up all the time. uncomfortable being around people cause i think they hate me or that they dont want me there. i blame that stupid ass shawn for picking on me when i was in the 4th grade for some of my stupid issues. i am sad and whiny and dumb.
yea well anyway. my sister and mother are being screwed up again. but at least i get to see her every once in a while.
bye
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ElektraGamblin
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2005 3 May :: 2.04pm
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: none
<33333
"Sweet!! love is a hobo!!"
XDDD
omg....I love Seminar......XD
<3
More to come later >. >
=p
-JD
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