i get to leave work at 7 today :) im oh so happy :))) . i hooked up my best friend with a guy i like . but it dosent matter cuhz he dosent like me and she deserves a guy like him . :) im so fucking happy for her . :) i love her to death and i would much rather see her happy than myself . i want to go see bryce this summer . we'd have the best time . or he could come down here . i dont care . i wish guys like him lived down here . all guys want here is sex . not counting aj (anysias *my bestfriend* el boyfriendo. :) ) anyways ; im going to work till 7 :) then gunna see my el best friendo :) cant wait . well... later

YOU WHITE

im out and on the parkway , patient and waiting for headlights , dressed in a fashion thats fitting to the inconsistencys of my moods.

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last night i was going to go to this wrestling thing with brittany . but i called her and she didnt answer but her phones being retarded so it wasnt her fault . anyways; i called leighanne so she came over and we were about to leave and we're like we dont wanna go cuhz we need to catch up . we havent seen/talked to eachother since my birthday *feb. 15* she used to be my very best friend . and ever since high school ; we totally lost touch . so we caught up . and we talked about alot of stuff . but before she came over my mom called crying . our convo .
me-hello? whats wrong ?
mom-do you remember alissa ?
me- yes how could i forget her?
mom- well she broke up with chewy *a really good friend of mine* so she could move somewhere else to start a new life.
me- Ok ?
mom- well a few nights ago she was murdered .
me- what ?!
mom- her and her friend were walking at 1:00 a.m. when 2 guys came up to alissa and tried to take her purse . *she was holding her and her friends purse* she resisted and the guy shot her in the head . she was on life support for a short time . and her family pulled the plug . and she died the same day .
me- ok bye .
mom - bye
i didnt cry for some reason . my eyes just got watery . it was weird . but yeah . nothing else to say for now .

im so tired of days that feel like they're night.
okay.. 2 days ago i got on the bus to go home and i went to my seat and i saw legs under the seat so i pulled on them and there was a doll .. then i found another one :) they were pretty damn ugly though lol . so i took one and put the body out and closed the legs in the window and did the same for the other doll on the other window . we got half way down the road and "chico" *the bus driver* goes "ehh ehh boy you take that down ." stupid bish . so i opened the window and let it fall out while we were going 438573495735 miles per hour :) then my friend kyle did the same for the other doll . it was funny. yesterday .. came to school ; nothing happened that i can remember . hector came home with me cuhz he got locked out of andrews and no one was home . went to my house . played slinter cell . which is an awesome game . kinda confusing . but it was cool . rents got home listened to "blue collar rides again" . GIT -R- DONE ! . haha i love larry the cable guy . hes bad ass . :) got ready for work ; went to work ; it was super busy for some odd reason . so i had stuff to do allllll night . :( normally thats my lazy work day ... but no people wanted food . god damnit . lol . talked with ben until we got slammed . you can tell when he has a lot of food to cook when he cusses at himself . its soo funny . lol . hes a cool kid though so .. yeah . listened to some hawthorne heights;something corporate;and some gangster lil` jon cuhh . on the ride home from work with ben dover . haha . love it . some car broke down and we had to keep stopping and going ; so ben kept swurving around.. im like what are you doing and hes like having fun .. and im just like okaaayy ? lol . so we got outta there just made a U--turn . and took us 3456907567 extra minutes to get home . but i didnt care cuhz i hate being home;and i wanted to listen to loud music . and ben makes me laugh lol . :) got home . me and ben went inside ; i changed into my PJ's ; watched like 45 minutes of meet the fockers ben left . i went to sleep . had a hard time waking up this morning . remembered ITS 420 !! hahaha . alison didnt come to school cuhz she wanted to be like the rest of the "cool" kids . even though she dosent smoke lol . wootevaaa . i wasnt gunna go to school but i need to pull my grades up .. :( tonight is this wrestling thing with teachers . its gunna be awesome . me and brittany are probably going . FAT FAASSE !! yaya . haha . well 1st period- did my work . im done Activity period- went to brittanys portable with ashley . went over by adam and rubbed his back for a bit cuhz he didnt feel good . brittany came and sat by me for a while then i went and sat by her and ashley . cuhz ashley was looking lonely . :( sat there and talked for a bit . then the bell rang and now we're in 2nd period- updating and being quiet . whoa i know me being quiet ?! hey it happens . :) brittanys a cheater . hah j/k i love that girl soo much . anyways ... this is wicked long .

later
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spare me just 3 last words..
nothings been really happening lately. didnt do ANYTHING over the weekend. friday got in this huge fight with my dad in the car on the way home from work at 11:30 at night ! walk in the house screming at him and go in my room. mom comes in and says "you have a friend on the couch" and i was like "nu uh" and i was like "who?" and shes like "its hector" my dad came in my room screaming at me while hector was out on the couch. and i forgot he was there and started screaming back at my dad. 2 more hours down the drain. still screaming with my dad. tears were streaming down my face. i couldnt hold them in any longer and just exploded and started screaming so fucking loud. all my opinions about him. everything i hate about him. how he drinks too much. and how he has an anger problem and how he judges my friends way too fast. and talks shit about them. and how he judges what i wear. and makes fun of me for it. god i was so fucking pissed. i was cussing;screaming; i was about to lose it. so i went in my room layed on my bed and just cried. then i called my mom in to come lay with me. and i hugged her and said i was sorry. and shes started crying saying she was sorry. blah blah. then all of a sudden i felt like i was gunna puke. so i told her then shes like you can come sleep with me. and as i was crying.. i kept saying "no no im fine im fine ; i swear" until finally i just gave up and slept with her. oh i forgot to tell you about what happened with hector. well ; i went out by the couch and he wasnt there. i heard the door shut so i opened the door to say i was sorry that he had to listen to that. but he got in the car and drove away before i could say anything. i felt like shit. then i went to sleep with my moma dukes. i woke up with swollen eyes and crust around them. yumm ; eh` ? hahah . anyways . im getting my permit prolly tomorrow or thursday. cant wait. me and the rents have been ok so far this week. i work ALL weekend. my dad said i can bring a friend.. duh im bringing anysia lol. this is long. so im going to go .

later

i wanted to be that breath of fresh air, when everything smelled so insincere.

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cmnt bishes.

later

i love sonny moore ! <3
note to self: i miss you terribly . this is what we call a tragedy come back to me ; come back to me ; to me
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grah !
got into a fight with my mom yesterday . heard her talking shit about me . she said i was a emo bitch that isnt going to do anything with my life . and then she came into my room . and i was like IM EMO AND IM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING IN MY LIFE ! dude... most of the time im in a good mood... thats until i get home . then im a "emo bitch" so my mom would say . she dosent even know what emo means . she acts like she knows everything... at home im either on the computer ; in my room sitting on the floor blarring rock/emo music ; or out doing something . and if someone pisses me off at my house i go in my room and listen to music . it releaves me . why cant she understand that ? if there was no such thing as the music i listen to id be in a mental institution taking paper clips out of the floor trying to cut myself so i wouldnt have to go threw such things this world has to offer . i dont really use this journal for anyone to comment . its my own personal journal . and if you wanna read it ... be my guest . later guys .

ashes just fall to the ground yeah we're only ashes

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=\
i dont know if i should break up with josh ; i dont want to hurt him . i wrote him a note saying if anything happenes with us i still love him . i dont know what to do . i dont want a relationship right now . its too much for me =\ gaaaaa .

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im the happiest ive ever been .
i broke up with robbie . =\ and i am currently going out with Josh =) hes perfect for me . Hes like an inch shorter than me but i dont care . i'll take pictures today at lunch then i'll post them on my LJ and on here on monday . later

i freaking love you alison and brittany ; you complete me minnie mee =) hah

i'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake

i finally know now what i shouldve known then ; and i can still be ruthless if youd let me .
Well ; my last entry wasn't exactly true . I found everything out afterschool when I went over Robbies house . Everyone's just talking shit about him becuhz thats the way he "used" to be . I supposedly changed him ; says Hector . If it wasn't for Hector me and Robbie probably wouldn't be going out right now . But anyways ; he used to be all for sex and now all of a sudden he wants a relationship with me . I'm going to believe it for now . But in the next week or so ; if he says he wants to have sex and shit . hahahaha . I'm breaking up with him . I made it totally clear for him and his stoner head to understand im not like that lol . I'm so nice I know . =) But ; everythings okay with us . Thank god ; cuhz the last thing I need is DRAMA . I'm allergic . Last night I went to work . And ; had some pretty weird conversations with Ben ; my dads friend I work with . Hes 20 . Hes like my brother . =) He's a cool kid . Well ; this a wee bit long . thanks to all you that care . i love you .

ps. i love britt (=

later

its times like these when silence means everything and no one is to know about it.
spring break was sweet . im going out with robbie now . i think im gunna break up with him . . all he wants is sex and reefer . and thats not what i want . he lied to me . . he said he wanted a relation ship . did he think all the people at my bus stop wouldnt tell me all the things he says ? hah . they tell me every fucking thing . he lives by me . yeah so im going to find out one way or another . i found out this morning he made up something that i said . he told his brother andrew that he asked me if we could have sex with me . and i supposedly said "yeah in a couple weeks" ?! wtf ?! im totally not having sex with him . he was probably stoned ; as usual god . i freaking want an emo guy . godddddd . i can never find Mr. Right . i think hes dead . we'll never find eachother . EVER !!!!!! heres a picture. hope you guys like it . comment and tell me what i should do . thanks

later



robbie .

of all the things we've been through
all the nasty words we said
and the making up
and the fights
and the hatred in our voices..
all comes down to what we have
and what we have is far more important than any other friendship
you know exactly what im about to say before i say it
i know you love me and i know you know i love you
but why of all people did you pick me?
me of all people?
me to tell your secrets to
me to listen to cry on the phone when your boy friend breaks up with you
even though i've made you cry and made you want die inside...
remember these words that i mean oh so truley
you are my best friend..
and you will forever be that.

i love you alison.

its the day before spring break and i feel like shit
all i do is cry and wish things will be alright
but instead
all they do is get worse
can you picture me crying every night being depressed
sitting in my room all alone
wishing someone could hold me?
didnt think so
well this is to all those people who think my life is perfect
because let me fucking tell you something
YOUR WRONG !
i dont wish my life was perfect
i just wish things could get a little better you know?
so all im saying now is all you people that keep your crying and your feelings inside...
it only makes things
oh does it make things worse
please listen to me before........
before its too late
^i made that^

this is a taking back sunday lyric i like *down*

(well which would you prefer my finger on the trigger, or me face down, down across your floor well just so long as this thing’s loaded)

later on

i feel like shit. cryings the only thing i can relate to.
oceans to drown in; you won't make a sound in

holding tight and try not to hide how I feel cuhz feelings mean nothing now

guess which group and song these are.

later on

some kid sitting next to me... is ANNOYING as fuck... i thnk i made him cry lol.

We rock hard.
you only wanted me for the simple reason
oh that one simple reason
that i had my pajama pants on
and i fell for it too
i look just as bad as you
standing in the doorway of my room

you never cease to amaze me
all these things you say
i fall
i fall for it every fucking time
and i blame myself
for letting you use me
and do the things you do
and me being so gad damn gullable

im done.

if im just bad news; then your a liar.

im a wishful thinker with the worst intentions.

blah
im lying just to keep you here...

=]
Well people.. im gunna have the best weekend ever. I got my cell phone back. My mom gave it to me this morning ! and she hit my and shes like thanks for being a good kid. Mmk then =] Well; today when i get home anysias coming over at like 3:30 =] and then at 7:30 we're going to alisons house and ermins gunna be there. We'll watch movies and crap then saturday hanging out with anysia the whole day.. then somehow me;alison;jon;billy;alicia;maddie; and wes are gunna go out to eat. i dont know if i want my hawaiin jon to go.. =\ i like him and all... but i'd rather be with friends .. idk about that situation yet.. i `ll have to talk it over with everyone =]. yeah..
im so glad i have the best sophomore friends in the hole wide fucking world !!!

<3 Later Guys

I LOVE ANYSIA ALI#1 AND ALI # 2

Ladi da
hey guys.. i fixed my jernal.

update later..


<3 Laterrr

Blahhhhh
Hey guys.
i just got this piece of crap right now. me and brittany are trying to figure out this shit. i used have a whoohu but they went pay so it got deleted and i forgot how to do this. if ANYONE can help PLEASE help me. comment. =] thanks. Well; computer class right now.. nothing new. still boring... hmm.. nothing much else to say. so i'll talk to all you cool peeps later.

Later kiddz
<3

DONT FORGET TO COMMENT THANKS !!

hey love
hey love, its britt just testing your wOoHOooO !! lol =] love you tons
xox