portal to the sun (repost from lj)
how i remember
barely wild grass between my toes
and the sun kissing my face as i lay
watching the clouds amble 'cross the bluest sky

i loved how the world was my stage
myself being all the actors
today a secret agent, tomorrow a vampire
yet never the damsel in distress for i was always the valiant hero

i miss the feeling of tree bark against my bare feet
and the smell of coming rain as i sat on the highest tree branch
the 5 second heartattack as i leapt from the tree
smiling, accomplished as i landed on my two feet

i loved how when the sun set
that my world was one in a hue of shimmering gold
what a concoction of emotion; the beauty of the ending day
and the knowing that it was time to go in

welcome to cattlesburg: the halloween social
i got a mixture of emotions after he said that. a concoction of being happy, nervous, and horribly angry at the same time. 'yes, this is kieran. why did you leave us? where are you? how have you been?' i blurted out. i heard him sigh, 'well, i'm in vermont now and i've been pretty good.' i shifted the weight on to my right foot and sighed with annoyance. he didnt answer the one question that i really needed to head. so i stayed silent. 'is your mom home?' he asked.
'no, she isnt home right now. why didnt you answer my question? why are you in vermont now? was florida not good enough for you?' i was gettin more and more furious by the second. 'kieran elizabeth roberts! i am your father! you do not speak to me like that!' uh oh, he used the full name, i am in trouble now. 'fathers stay with their kids!' i yelled back. i hung up on him and sulked back to the living room to sit with chevy.
besides charley and mookie, chevy was one of my best friends. he always listens, is there for me, doesnt ever give me any back talk, and only whines when he wants food. i pet him on the head and told him about my 'dad's' phone call. he understood and put his head on my lap.
about ten minutes later my mom walked through the front door. 'dad called!' i yelled from the living room. 'yeah, i heard. he called my cell after you hung up on him,' she said as she walked in to the living room. i gazed out the front window as i pet chevy. 'he wants you, james, and emily to go up and see him after christmas,' she said as she took off her shades and walked in to the kitchen.
that night as we all sat around the island in our kitchen eating our dinner of chinese food, mom broke the news to james and emily. as she did i just looked in my box of chicken lo mein and moved the noodles around with the black plastic chopsticks i had in my hand. neither james or emily protested the christmas break plans, i didnt protest either for i wanted to find out why he left and also to see some snow for the first time.
when dinner was over, i went up to james' room. i stepped into his dark room and almost toppled over a pile of clothes. 'james? where are you in this filth hole of a room?,' i called out as i looked around at his shot glass collection and posters of beer companies and girls in bikins. 'back here!,' he called back. i gingerly walked to the bay window where he was sittin reading a magazine. 'what do you think of us going to go visit dad?' he kept reading his magazine, 'i dunno. we havent seen him in forever. it will definitely be weird.' i glanced down and shuddered at the sight of the empty pizza box that was peekin out from under his bed, 'do you know why he left us? during our whole conversation, this was the first time he looked up from his magazine. he frowned and looked back down at his magazine. 'actually, dont know why he left,' he quietly muttered as he flipped a page. i let out a disappointed sigh and turned around to find a pathway through all the junk the floor so i could make it to the door. i was just about at his door when i heard him say, 'but i will know at the end of december.'
the next day in chemistry, i told mookie and charley the news. 'vermont? kieran, your gonna freeze your katookus off!,' exclaimed charley. mookie finished drumming his pen on the desk and asked, 'when you see him in vermont, how long will it have been since youve seen him?' 'um,' i scribbled a circle on my lab paper, 'a couple of years.'
dash sat down and handed me a single daisy. 'i'm sorry i only got to say hi then run last night.' i grinned and pushed my wavy hair behind my ear so i could put the daisy there. 'stunning,' he noted as he fumbled around with his binder. 'mm, so how do you know jessica harcof?' i asked as he continued to look through his binder. 'last summer, before that car accident,' he smirked,' i met her at this sleep away camp in oregon and when i moved down to to cattlesburg, by some odd act of coincedence, i moved in to a house that is directly across the street from hers.' 'some coincidence. so do you know why she is so mean? she's never mean to mookie though. do you know why? charley and i think its because she is scared of his parents,' i hurriedly whispered seeing as ms. erlin shot me the infamous death glance again. dash smiled and in the same quiet tone said, 'maybe. i will show you tomorrow.' the bell rang and i wondered just exactly what would he be showing us tomorrow as i waved goodbye to him and made my way to the door.
later that night, i was talkin to mookie on the phone as i watched 'singing in the rain.' 'dont you wonder what dash is gonna show us tomorrow?' i asked him. 'duh. yes. now i will finally know why she is always so rude to just you two.' 'thats what i thought. hey, are you going to the halloween social?,' i asked as i chewed on a twizzler. 'yeah, cmon kieran. of course i will be there. i never pass up a chance to cut a rug. im going as a ghostbuster. what are you going as?,' he replied. i laughed, 'hmm, i dont know yet. do you have a date?' 'nah, chaely is going with corey and corey said that his sister val needed a date. i dunno yet though. you going with dash?' i looked down at my watch, 'he hasnt asked yet.' mook said, 'well, i gotta get going. enjoy the movie. goodnight.' i said goodnight then he hung up. for awhile i sat there pondering about the social, dash, and my friends. i finished watching my movie then headed to bed.
mookie, charley, and i are sitting at our table in chemistry when dash brings in a book. was that the thing that would tell is why jessica was so mean to us and nice to mookie? why yes it was. it wasnt a book but more like a diary. it was covered in lavender velvet with snowy white lace glues around the edges. dash opened the diary and flipped it to a random page. I LOVE MOOKIE was written all over the page. mookie 'hmm'ed while his face turned a lovely shade of red. on the next page i noticed my name and i read what she had written. 'that kieran roberts is so lucky to have mookie. i hate her. i'm so mad that dash actually likes her.' i stopped reading and looked up at dash. his face was about the same color as mookie's. 'interesting,' i noted as i closed the book, 'i think we've invaded her privacy enough for the day.'
at lunch, dash came up to the table where charley, mookie, and i were eating and he asked to talk to me in private. i let him lead me to where we were going to talk and while we were walking away i turned around and raised my eyebrows towards charley and mookie. we eventually sat down on benches in the school's garden. 'so as you know the halloween social is coming up. i really want to ask you to go with me but long before i met you i promised jessica i would take her.' i was dumbstruck. the only thing i could thing of to reply was 'oh.' i'm sure he could hear the disappointment in my voice. 'i'm really sorry, kieran. a promise is a promise. jessica has this whole plan for costumes and everything too. i will still see you there,' he said as he went to grab my hand. the bell rang and for once i was actually happy to be going to class.
for the rest of the school day i was once again a walking mixture of sadness and anger. i perked up when charley suggested that we three go to the rusty wave for a post school snack. kudos for charley because she knows that the rusty wave is my favorite resturaunt and that the place just makes me happy. really, that place is the best. they have a surfboad outside where all the ravenous surfers can park their boards while they grab a bite to eat. there is a big metal wave and surfer on the roof. inside its all pictures of surfing, sunsets, and even pictures of us locals. there is even a picture of charley, mookie and i over our favorite indoor booth. our booth is made of parts of surfboards, skateboards, and who knows what. pretty much everyone in town has a picture hanging on the walls. even my dad- he is in the picture from james' 15th birthday dinner we had there. there is always punk and beach rock from unsigned artists screaming from the speakers. every weekend, they have shows either inside or on their large party deck. we are such regulars that the owner mick always says hello to us by name when we come in.
we walked through the bamboo curtain and heard 'hey mookie, kieran, charley.' 'heey mick,' we all answered back. we sat down in our booth and ordered smoothies and fries. about five minutes later, our waiter (who i must say, was not too shabby looking) brought them out. gotta love the service! 'so what happened at lunch? what did dash tell you?,' charley asked. i sighed and took a long sip of my kiwi-strawberry smoothie, 'he told me he was taking jessica to the halloween social. something about a promise he made before he met me.' 'aww, i'm sorry, kieran. that really sucks. stupid jessica!' charley said. she added, 'yeah, i thought she was going to ask mookie to it.' charley and i laughed then mookie wadded up his straw wrapper and threw it at charley. we stayed there for about a half hour more and talked about everything.
'will you be my halloween social date?' mookie asked as we were standing in the middle of our street, 'i have no date. you have no date. i can save you from any tarantulas that pass our way,' he continued on. 'of course i will go with you. i was thinking about asking you. i still have no idea what to be yet. you might have to help me on that one.' 'sweet,' he said as we both parted ways then hollered 'bye' as we got to our front doors.
as i was refilling chevy's water bowl with him rolling around on the kitchen floor, i thought ; 'i'm going to the social with mookie whom jessica is secretly in love with while jessica is going with dash.' tomorrow night shall definitely be intersting.

highways & heartaches pt.2
from that day on we spent pretty much all the time we could together. class, lunch, on the weekends, and once in every blue moon when he wasnt working at the happy clam diner and i wasnt pouring over books he would come to my house afterschool.

when he did, i made him my five star specialty of ramen noodle soup. we would eat our soup on my back porch while we watched life go by on the canal i lived on. then afterwards we would go inside, share an old blue flannel blanket, and watch a movie.

sometimes we would skip the movie bit all together and go lay in the hammock that was set up in my backyard. i would listen to his heartbeat and he would mess around with my hair. our faces would be speckled with the pieces of sunlight that managed to break through the tree branches that loomed over us.

all of this happened before my parents got home. my mom worked in real estate and my dad was a pediatrician. they usually were both home around 7. by the time i was 8, i had already learned the drill: they both got home, we ate dinner around a bland dinnertable, then we all went to do our own things.

i remember the first time i got asked if i was seeing aaron. this girl, stephanie strickland, came up to me in the hall as i was bustling on my way to bio. she was one of those girls who called herself mrs. pitt and you suspected that she still had her my little pony set in her closet. occasionally taking them out and playing with them when mr. pitt didnt call.

'so are you and aaron going out?' she asked with such eagerness, as if it were her only means of living. 'nah, we're just friends,' i replied but in my head i finished it with 'for now.' stephanie looked crushed, 'well you guys should totally go out. you would look so good as a couple!' i raised my eyebrwo toward her, told her 'bye,' then headed towards my class.

untitled for now
dear aaron,
by the time you read this i will already be on the interstate. i bet right now you are looking around the house and yes, its true, all of my stuff is gone. your letterman jacket is hanging in the hallway closet. the locket you gave me still dangles around my neck. i havent decided if i want to hock it or not. this is it baby. heres my final goodbye

Gwen


i admit it: i have no idea what to do now that i've hit the interstate.

the exit to my parents house is coming up in twenty. honestly, id rather drive in to the atlantic then stay with them.

exit 37 is now in my rearview mirror.

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
sun was pouring through my windshield, blinding me. i pulled down my visor and to my surprise a picture of aaron and i tumbled on to my lap. picking it up, i glanced at it with a half bitter, half nostalgic smirk.

'gwendolyn sharp? what a name.'
aaron turned around and commented. the first words he ever said to me. burned on my brain forever.

actually, that first meeting is as branded in my memory like my name or phone number. it was the first day of senior year. he had been late to first period and the only seat left open just happened to be right infront of me.

i smiled and coyly asked, 'well, what is yours then?' by then the classroom, students, and the teacher still calling out roll simply faded away.

'aaron daniels.'
there was a pause.
'i think you win with the cooler name thing though.' and with that we chatted for the rest of the class.

hook, line, and sinker.
maybe it was his witty personality. perhaps his startling green eyes that clashed with his strawberry blonde hair. all i know is that he caught me.

well what else is there to do? i wondered before i nodded yes to go with them to the shops. i changed out of my uniform and cleats that still gleamed in the victory and happiness. amazing how lately my happiness has been in bursts. short but full of vigor when they come. i piled into the truck with the others. i remember how i used to prop my elbow up against the door and dream as i watched the town roll past. now i noticed myself just blankly looking ahead. not looking into the future or into the past but just staring into the vast emptiness that lays before me. we arrived in the parking lot and i slowly leapt out from the high seat of the truck as the others were already huddled in a group at the end of the truck bed. i walked ahead of everyone else and made it to the median. i crossed the street and stood on the double parallel bright yellow lines lookin for the perfect opportunity to cross to the sidewalk. a cherokee came close to not stopping at all. i walked past the chattering folk as they dined and drank out at their posh restauraunt. i have a growing dislike for those with money to throw around. maybe its just the jealousy in me coming out. i walked past the people sitting on benches, sipping coffee, and idling past the cleverly set up store windows as the group followed behind. we made it to the toy store and i blankly as a robot walked around the store. i played a small tune on the mini harp and sighed wondering when we would be leaving. we leave there but then end up at another store. here we are in this shop reeking of delicious smells in every direction. i picked up a bottle and smelled the cap. cherry blossom sent me back to 1995. suddenly i remembered being up in new york for my uncle's wedding. i was sitting on a curb outside of a tuxedo shop with my cousin and uncle. amazing how smells can bring back such memories. i know of a certain boy i will remember when i smell the roaring spray of the ocean, the sweet scent of the summer night, and pink popsicles. the lights on in this shop are blinding. i can feel it's uplifting atmosphere clashing with the dark stormy cloud above my head. everyone in the store is cheery as my younger cousin holds up a soap bottle and stands insanely still infront of the window. they all laugh as customers and window shoppers notice him and laugh, remarking what a wonderful mannequin he is. i crack a smile but that is it. i now know how a jack o lantern feels after we scrape its guts and seeds out...hollow. we leave, the people working in the store cheerfully telling my cousin he did a great job being a mannequin. they all want ice cream but i want solitude. i get the key to the truck and make my way, by myself, to the parking lot. i pass a large fountain and look up at the round old fashioned lightbulbs that are strung across it. how crazy that those lightbulbs make me want to dance. how i'd love for someone to take me by the hand under those lightbulbs. beforehand, turning on a boombox sitting on a nearby bench. pushin the play button so that my funny valentine by frank sinatra comes pouring out of the speakers like wine pouring out of a chilled bottle. we then slow dance around the great fountain under the bulbs and stars. not even noticing the people staring as we glided over the bricks. blinking that daydream was gone and i was still solo walking past the fountain and those lights. i made it to the parking lot and sighed as i found the truck. i crept up into it, cranked the engine on and tinkered with the radio. not one good song came on as i watched the people leave and enter the nearby spots. none of them even noticing me but what's new. my peace is broken when everyone comes banging on the windows. they all get in and we head out of the parking lot. finding myself still staring at the desolate wasteland ahead of me.

wind gushed through the hefty old wooden doors as i stumbled in to the resturaunt.
as i wiped my wet hair out of my face i let out a sigh as i saw how busy it was.
i should of known better to come on lunch hour but perhaps it was the brutal storm or the growling in my stomach that had led me to the mad hatter cafe.

there was a 20 minute wait which led me to sit in the old beanbags that they had scattered next to this bookshelf full of books on how to make a bicycle out of cereal boxes to the history of the three stooges.
now i remembered why i came into this cafe; because i loved it. it was so laid back and everything was unique. to the odd abstract paintings on the wall or the funky colorful zigzag lights that adorned the ceiling.
finally my name was called and i was led to my table.

the worst table in the house to be exact. it was right by the kitchen and pretty much all you could hear was the simmering of food being cooked, the clang of dishes, and the cooks talking about last nights baseball game. it wasnt the best table in the place but i knew the food would compensate for it. the table itself was beaufiful; a mosaic of glass and glamorous movie stars from the 30s. i tried listenin to the funky blues music that they were playin and i caught a couple verses between the noise behind me then it was interrupted by my waiter.

boy, was i interrupted by my waiter. he was tall and had dark short messy hair and blue eyes that could break down walls. when he handed me the menu i dropped it and knocked down the salt and pepper ceramic shakers that were shaped like palm trees. he told me that i might want to throw some of the salt over my shoulder just incase. i smiled and looked down at my rained on self and told him that i must of spilled some salt this morning and must not of known it. he laughed and disappeared in to the kitchen for my drink. it may have been storming like there was no tomorrow outside but i was feeling like it had just become a bit more sunnier.

he brought out my tea and started to take my order. the thing is though that we just didnt talk about what i was ordering. in the minutes between him saying what will you be having today to him leavin to take other customer's orders; i had found out that he was working here part time when he wasnt in class learning how to be an architect, he lives in a few streets away from me, he is originally from oregon, and that he drives a 88 bronco with foglights on it. i told him how i was also in college learning about health and medicine instead of measures and angles and that i am a native in this rather quaint city. i was in the middle of telling him that i drove an ol 74 vw thing when i was interrupted by lady is a tramp by frank sinatra. i told him how i loved sinatra music and how my funny valentine was my absolute favorite. i blushed and he smiled then left the table to his other tables he had to tend to. i didnt want him to take my order; i wanted him to take my heart.

my lunch was brought out and we talked a bit more. i wished he wasnt working and was the one at the cafe who was sitting on the other side of the table having lunch with me. he left and left me wanting this lunch to never end. i ate my delicious lunch and thought about nothing but him. it was odd how i only knew him for a short time and already loved everything about him and felt like i knew him for eons. as i was eating, i noticed him smile at me as he walked to and from the kitchen. he came over and took my plates, handed me my bill while slightly frowning as he did so. at the mad hatter cafe, as a tradition a hersheys kiss is given always with the bills. i put it in the wet pocket of my pea green jacket as we talked after i payed the bill. he told me it was nice meeting you and to have a safe drive home. i left a tip and gathered up my still soaked purse. as i was walking to the front of the cafe i turned around and he cracked a smile. his intense blue eyes lighting a path to the door.

i pushed open the heavy woden doors to a still stormy world. i barely noticed rain coming down in buckets or the thunder and lightening. then i stepped out from under the awning. rain seeped through my still damp clothing from before and i started to run to my car. since it was so busy when i first arrived, i had to park all the way in the back so i had quite a long way to run. finally i arrived at my car and hopped in. rain soaked the seats as i fished around in my purse for my keys. i put the key in the ignition and thunder crashed when i realized that the car wouldnt start.

we'll have halloween on christmas
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas but I will be sure to let you know when it starts feeling like Christmas. To me, Christmas is starting to lose it's luster. The holiday itself has become so overcome with the stress of holiday shopping and buying everyone that perfect present that it has left the true meaning of Christmas buried beneath a rubble of crumpled up wrapping paper, shimmering bows, and new gifts. The perfect gift for me would be something that you can't buy from a store. Those new gifts that were the reason for all of the holiday stress eventually become old, break, or end up in a free box at a garage sale. The gift I wish to receive cannot be wrapped up in a box, for that feeling of love and joy that I used to feel gush over my family cannot be wrapped up in bright red wrapping paper with various pictures of Santa Claus on it. To end this novel, all I'm saying is that I sometimes feel as if the Grinch should pay us all a visit to resurface the feeling of Christmas that I adore and miss so much.

whata weekend
yesterday from 9:30 to 3:30 i did lacrosse
6 hours
twas fun
fell three times
grass burn is so not fun
hahahah got a foul for falling into this girl

didnt get to go to bull bash
:(
next year :)

went to sleep around 8ish
woke up around 8ish
whoa baby thats 12 hours
HUZZAH!

i am le sore
i feel like an old lady hahaha

fallin into old familiar shoes that have walked this path before
at the end of the day, words of sweetness don't make up for feelings of sincerity.

guess whos back? back again? guess whos back? tell a friend
break down
computer = broken = not turning on = me sad
using aunts old computer = crap = cant update

curly hair makes you feel unstoppable..err maybe thats just me haha

tonight is one of those nights where i just want to escape.
they are all drivin me up the walls


buuuuut.....
its the freakin weekend baby im about to have me some fun...

have a safe an' happy halloween

andie

wrote this little diddy in english yesterday
the day repeatedly lulled around her as she wondered why she dealt with such dull madness. everyone and their voices blended and created a whirlwind dancing from wall to wall, engulfing her. she could feel herself sinking in her chair. the people stopped spinning around the room and went back to their normal places. she could feel the sun pouring into the room from the window that she sat by. although she felt imprisoned by the fellow folk, the window was the place she could always escape too. she peered across the field only to find a parade of colorful dots. eyebrows furrowing in wonder she squinted her eyes to catch a closer glimpse. carefully peering to see where her instructor was, she gingerly opened the window. the dots were slowly disappearing in the tall jade and golden grass. she found herself leaning bit by bit out in to the sky as she tried to follow the movement of the odd dots. she felt the cool rush of air then fell out the window. screaming, she plummeted through the air. wondering why the fall was so long she then noticed the blackness the surrounded her.




to be continued?
andie andie oxenfree***

welcome to my world
last night was the incubus concert
i love live music
the thump of the bass drum as it takes over your heart for millisecond as it reverbates through your body
the shrill of the guitar as its notes travels down your veins
the fact that i could feel the bottoms of my jeans vibrate on beat
i love live incubus
'wish you were here' was magnificently beautiful
'circles' was so powerful and vibrant
i loved it all
but it was about the music
so okay brandon boyd was a nice plus
but i was like a zombie
just trying to soak this amazing music into my soul
this is going to seem salvador dali-ish
but i pictured the music coming out of a faucet as i heard it and it fell into a sink and i could see it whirling down into the drain that was symbolically my soul
'I don't do drugs. I am drugs.'-salvador dali
but i didnt really notice anything else that was goin on around me
twas the music
i was like in my own little world

andie andie oxenfree***

dont wake me up before you go go. i want to sleep some more more
i love going over to my aunt's house.
i hate staying over there for this reason only.
my lil cousins wake up at like the crack of dawn and then feel the need to come wake me up.

oh no no no no no

last night we all stayed over

this mornin i was woken up when ryan came into his room i was sleepin in..yelled at him to get out

then rachael came into ryan's room

then i went into the livin room to go lay on the air mattress but they kicked me off
i was sitting on the edge but was kinda sittin on their dog ali so i backed off and i like toppled off the air mattress and landed on my elbow. that is only a thing i would do

then i went back into ryans room
brandon woke up
then he and ry came in and started playing 007 on ryans ps2
sorry kids i cant sleep when you are blowing peoples heads off

then i moved into rachaels room
by this time...i am REALLY grouchy

she comes in a coupla times
i yell at her
she brats at me
'andrea i will kick you out. this is my room'
bring it on rachael

finally she goes away
aaaah sleep at last

so i was thinking

next time i sleep over at terris
i am gonna have a deadbolt
and two attack dogs chained to the door who will gnaw off the leg of anyone who even thinks about waking me up.

all i need to do now is find mind reading dogs..

:P


good morning!
andie andie oxenfree***

sunday night rumble
dial tones
phones ringing
frustrated tone
doors slamming
speed walking
questions, questions
yelling and yelling
no music
tapping on the side of the car
window down
red lights
left turn blinker
small feeling of freedom
comments, comments
boy yelling
keys jangling
door opening
yelling
phone call
loud music
anger
yelling
cigarette smoke
slamming door
keyboard clicks
internet refuge
loud music in earphones
ruffled conversation
screaming from the heart
jaw quivering
more anger
louder music in headphones
breathing
counting to 10
hot shower
loud singing
comfy bed
sweet dreams
good night

andie andie oxenfree***

autumn ambling
i could feel my hand starting to sweat
as it was intwined with yours
the crisp wind beating about vanished that worry of mine
it was so silent out
nothing but the wind, rustle of dry leaves, and an occasional whisper
the only light was of the few rays that managed to break through the canopy of leaves that were still on the trees
the rays of sunlight were scattered about the path
showing the worn out pavement littered with a bounty of colored leaves and the unchanging green in your eyes
my scarlet scarf blew behind me in the dominant wind
as my long jacket nipped at my ankles and the leaves crunched under my hefty boots
the wind picked up and i instantly moved so we were shoulder to shoulder
a tornado at leaves pranced around our feet
the path seemed never ending and i was happy of that fact
i looked up at you as you gazed down the winding path
you caught me looking and smiled
i wondered what was going on through your head
looking at the lofty trees looming above us
i blinked
our hands were apart
you were no where to be seen
had i just been dreaming?
i crossed my arms across my chest
with my scarlet scarf still dancing in the breeze
as i wondered what had just happened as i sauntered down the same path that was unchanging
like your eyes had been

andie andie oxenfree***

lets talk about sex baby
pep rallies make me wonder about the sexual persona thy school has.
a.) you have the cheerleaders in their shorty short skirts humpin about the ground
b.) they had this game called pop the balloons. this is how you were to pop the balloons: a guy and a cheerleader had the balloon between them and had to hug to pop it. so you have the two of them thrustin about tryin to get the latex balloon between them popped.

hmmmmmm
andie andie oxenfree***

im baaack
well this here computer scuba steve has been...errr....dead for a coupla days

miracle miracle he sprang back to life again just like 5 mins ago

i am so so happy right now

anywhodo

whats up with all these hurricanes?

MOTHER NATURE....GIVE US A BREAK....please

ivan the horrible....number 3
well actually 4 but bonnie more hit the panhandle

if it is gonna hit my much beloved fort
ima boardin up my windows and am leavin
simple as that
maybe to ocala and maybe to alabama if its gonna hit up there

good luck to yall in the area


andie andie oxenfree***

ice ice baby
ah my jaw hurts from laughin on the bus
gerbil rocket, lordy thats so wrong

art rocked
as usual
doing contour keith haring picture
huzzah!

dropped my pizzatop (crust)
on the ground today
i was so le sad

speaking of sad
still havent heard 'grace is gone' yet
excuse my while i go have a cry now

hahah ryan and i sang the captain planet theme song on the bus
he has ghetto flip flops like me
whew! glad im not the only one

im sucha geeker
but a happy geeker
so its all good




in the hood





yo.



andie andie oxenfree***

random shtuff alphabet
a.) is for andrea. never calll my on-drey-uh or i may be liable to kick you in the shin afterwards. its an-dree-uh, thankyouverymuch

b.) is for brandon. thank goodness school starts on monday and i wont have to watch him anymore. he drives me up the walls. i feel bad for his teachers. yesterday he came into the dining room and exclaimed that he was Jesus. he is an odd one. he is my brother. oh oh oh i am sooo lucky.

c.) is for collage. i collaged a chunk of my wall with my art and art from magazines. i love it. i used mucho scotch tape but i love it and its all good..in the hood...yo

d.) is for drawing. i once drew a hibiscus on the bottom of my foot out of boredom and cause i had tattoo pens, it rubbed off on too my tan flip flop. you shoulda seen my yahtzee card from last night...doodles all over it. i am horrible at drawin faces. like 1 out of every 6 faces i draw come out looking human-like.

e.) is for email. thank goodness for email. i dont know how i could possibly survive using regular mail. when i was writin to rina in sweden over the summer i would go to the mailbox everyday.."where is that letter? jeez it takes forever. me=loves gettin regular mail, mondo-ly dislikes waitin for it

f.) is for flip flops. i am proud to say that i have 12 pairs. ya got the ghetto kind (the front flaps up..but there is a roll of duct tape in the flap to get em together..ah they are so comfy), the pink and black checkered ones where i am in the screw what everyone thinks kinda mood and just want to mismatch just to piss people off, the chunky tan ones that make me 5'4 and have the hibiscus on it (think letter d), and 9 others. i have a flip flop collection. yay.

g.) is for gingerbread. i have read gingerbread by rachel cohn like 10 times or more. it is so good. i think after i get offline..ima go read it again. if ya havent read it, hit the library and give it a whirl. i can wait til the sequel to it 'shrimp' comes out next year. woot.

h.) is for happiness. people people people...be HAPPY! live is too short to be angry or sad or some other negative mood. i read once that one minute of sadness is one minute of happiness that you will never get back. so dont worry...be happy.

i.) is for Ireland. ah i so want to travel to there. let the clovers grow and the irish beer flow. ah just playin. if i ever get mega mega rich one day..ima build a gargantuan mansion complete with a bowlin alley and a rollerdisco rink on acres and acres of land. 'andies rollerdisco....afros required...dancing skills optional'

j.) is for junkie. i am a fair junkie. i love fairs. ooooh especially the ones in november cause i love autumn and love ridin and havin the chilly wind whiskin about. cant forget about elephant ears. ah those are so so good. i saw this kit where you could make your own elephant ears, almost got it, but it wouldnt be the same. gravitron is a mucho sweet ride. just started ridin it last year and i loooove it. after the third time in a row ya ride it...then ya start gettin quite woozy.

k.) is for kicking. the other day i was fightin with robyn over this stick thing and i went to go kick robyn in the back of the leg while i was standing infront of him. i accidentaly kicked him in the shin..with the side of my foot. it hurt sooooo bad. i limped all that night. it is really bruised right now. i learned my lesson. no more kicking people.

l.) is for lunchables. yay for lunchables. i could LIVE ON the pizza lunchables. ya know? the ones where ya make the pizza with the sauce and cheese. always the ones with the two types of cheese cause i dont even wanna know what is in their so called 'pepperoni.'

m.) is for 'My problem is you make me melt and I don’t want to be frozen anymore.' that is a line from have you ever by incubus. i once told..errr..sent that to someone and i meant it. i didnt get a reply back from him. oh well, thats in the past now. i dont regret saying it at all.

n.) is for 'nineteen.' a couple days ago i was in my aunts rv and my cousin, my cousin's boyfriend, and my aunt and i were watchin the olympics. i said somethin like 'he is only nineteen,' but nineteen came out sooo southern and twanggy. it was funny. then my aunt, my cousin, and my cousin's boyfriend mimicked how i said it. what can i say? ima florida cracker..born an raised.

o.) is for op guy. he hangs on my magnetic board in my room. brandon boyd and matt taylor are on the magnetic board too. they are all very very good lookin boys. mike morrisey will be on the magnetic board soon.

p.) is for photo album. i have one that i update when i am bored. it is cool. it has magazine sayings and written sayings from me in the space with the picture commenting on the picture. once i get my pictures back from my cruise then i will be updatin it like cuh-razy.

q.) is for quiet. i am kinda quiet in clases cause i wanna pass and there is usually no one to talk to but wooo boy outta class i need a muzzle. i am loud. i speak my mind. the other day i went to the movies with my cousin jackie. these noisy kids sat next to us. and when the movie began this one girl semi-screamed at my cousin, 'HEY IS THIS THE PRINCESS DIARIES 2??!?' and i looked leaned forward and looked past my cousin and past an empty seat and at the girl and said, 'no, its jurassic park.'

r.) is for rubiks cube. i got one for christmas and it drives me crazy. it sits on my stereo between my various retro smurf figurines and wine glass full of seashells and once in a while i take it down and try to figure it out. i think the rubiks cube was invented by the devil.

s.) is for scuba steve. when my computer acts up i yell 'DAMN YOU SCUBA STEVE!' at it. so scuba steve kinda became my computers name. yea, my computer has a name. ima geek but its all good. this computer likes to often shut off outta the middle of nowhere. ON ITS OWN! cue to me yelling a certain line from a certain adam sandler movie.

t.) is for tampa bay bucs. yea ima bucs fan. whats it to you bub? haha just playin. cant wait for the 2004 season to kick off. then i can dig out my large alstott jersey and have an excuse to yell 'RUN! RUN! RUN!' at the tv. the team got a little dismantled this year but gruden can coach em to victory. GO BUCS!

u.) is for umbrella tree. we have an umbrella tree in our cubicle courtyard. it would shed and shed soo many leaves daily. and guess who's chore it was to sweep em up, put em in a pile, put the pile in a trash bag, and haul the trash bag to the dumpster? me, i was the lucky one. well hurricane charley blew like half of the leaves off that umbrella tree. HA HA!

v.) is for very sexy for her 2. that is the perfume i wear. aaahhh it smells so good. tis a little stong. i have justa lil bit of it left. tear.

w.) is for wonderwall. i was gonna put 'without a paddle' cause i want to see that but then i thought of wonderwall by oasis and now i cant get the song outta my head. 'cause maybe, your gonna be the one that saves me, and after all youre my wonderwall.'

x.) is for xylophone. when i was 6 i would always play with my lil one year old cousins brightly colored playskool xylophone. i could do twinkle twinkle little star, mary had a little lamb, annd are you sleeping? (i was gonna put the french name for the song but im not even gonna try to spell that sucker) buuut i could also the first like 3 notes from 'somewhere over the rainbow.' i would play the 3 notes over and over again yet never find any other notes. oh shnap!

y.) is for yearbooks. when bored i always dig out my ol yearbooks from elementary and middle school and look at how much my friends and myself have changed over the years. it also makes me remember some good memories from those times. 'A LITTLE DAB'LL DO YA!'

z.) is for zumiez. zumiez is a store up north. they had one in this huuuuuge mall i was in in syracuse. it is a snowboard/skate shop chock full with sweet roxy and billabong shtuff and other rad stuff. i wish we had a zumiez. too bad the snowboard part would be totally useless down here in the florida heat.

ta-da i am FINALLY DONE!

andie andie oxenfree***

learn it, live it, love it
Look who's come back home again
Loser looking for his lucky break
This time he says he just needs a friend
Ain't on the run he ain't on the take

Can you take this door babe
Will you just undo the chain
Will you take your time before you
Mix up love, his love and pain

Loneliness lays down his head
Wants to get you high, better take it now
A man like that's like an unmade bed
Stained eyes searching for another way out

Does it matter if you even want this
Maybe you just don't care
All I know it takes just one kiss, babe
For you - he's never there

Hey I know it's kinda hard
And maybe this time it will never end
Hit and run lover back in your heart
Answered prayers you should never have sent

Cuz now that you're in his arms babe
You know you're just in his way
Suckered by his fatal charm, oh girl
It's time we get away
-sonic youth

ahh i LOVE this song so so much
i kinda relate in a way
being suckered by ones fatal charm sucks
but this song is my new drug
i love the beat
its very me

andie andie oxenfree***

ima goth....well accordin to this..orange is the new black then
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may
have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that
young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture
leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness,
and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling,
prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if
five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the
Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God
and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local
mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may
speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires
believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and
should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask
your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene
immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within
it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your
local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

HAHAHAHA
andie andie oxenfree***

it's that time of the year again
school bells ringing
children singing
back to school again again
children knows that they will goes
back to school again again

that right above
is the song my grandma would always call and sing on the first day of school
she really is the sweetest thing
well now that am in high school
and start really really early
i dont get the call
makes me kinda sad
but its okay
i share the wealth of hearing this traditional song of school beginning
with my little cousins and now my brother
who just started school today
and will get to answer the phone
and listen to my grandma sing her song
until he hits high school and has to start really really early
wow i feel old now
i know for sure i will be singin this song to my chitlins on their first day of school
as they grimace and whine about how they dont want to go back and how summer flew by so fast
thanks gramm :D

andie andie oxenfree***

amazing how things change in a year
last chance
sit or dance
music's playing
heart praying
my hand is yours
my eyes roar
you look away
for some reason i stay
i ask once more
all we need is to hit the dance floor
no longer are you making me melt
says the icy cold vibes that i just felt
i won't run out the door and cry
for that was my final try
you blew your last chance
it's time for me to ask someone else to dance

andie andie oxenfree***

this sugarcult song makes me smile the one i wrote and am posting makes me wonder
Last Laugh

thought you were so cunning
with your stand up act
the joke was on me
you didnt look back

chorus:
the world is a joke
and i'm just the punchline
was it that funny to
leave me here behind

you dont see me laughing

thought youd be the joker
have you some fun
wont take you back now
whos the lonely one

now im the one laughing

the world is a joke
and i'm just the punchline
was it that funny to
leave me here behind

wasnt slapping my knee
or crying tears of joy
face not full of glee
you stupid selfish boy

the world is a joke
and i'm just the punchline
was it that funny to
leave me here behind

the world is a joke
nobody's laughing too
one day you'll grow up
and see the jokes on you

andie andie oxenfree***

a whole lotta nothing
I regret nothing.
I wish for nothing.
I try to remember nothing.
There seems to be nothing wrong.
Yet nothing seems to be right.
Nothing to do about the past.
Nothing to do about the future.
Except to wait for that nothing to become something.

andie andie oxenfree***

i know how he feels
i read this a while ago one someone's journal
it made me really think
it was so true
and so sweet
and i know how he felt
enjoy! :)

What she doesn't know will kill you
by Matt Brochu
November 21, 2003

You met her a few months ago, and somehow she managed to seep into your subconscious like that "Suga how you get so fly" song. Just like you have no clue who the hell sings it, you don't know why she's there. But she is, whether you like it or not. You know her cell phone, her room phone. You can dial her Aunt Doreen's house in West Springfield (where she goes to do her laundry every two weeks) faster than you can peck-out 911. But she doesn't know.

Her screenname, that generic one with her first name followed by three to five random numbers or UMass, has its own category at the top of your buddy list. Not only do you know what a "Buddy Alert" is, you've rigged your computer to play "Fat Guy in a Little Coat" from "Tommy Boy" every time her screen name changes from gray to black. Then her away message comes down, and you have a decision to make. To IM or not to IM? These are the ridiculous games that you play on a daily basis. But she doesn't know.

She's it. All right, so maybe not "it" it. Not necessarily Ms. Right, but closer to Ms. Right-up-there-with-Anna-Kournikova-and-Lizzie-McGuire-on-your-list-of-people-you'd-give-anything-to-be-stranded-with-on-a-broken-down-elevator. But it's about more than that. When is it ever about more than that? Never. Not like frilly white dress, overpriced catering, embarrassing drunk in-laws more, but closer to UMass sweatpants, two D.P. Dough Roni Zonies, a futon and a movie you have no interest in seeing more. But she doesn't know.

She's gorgeous, but gorgeous is an understatement. More like you're startled every time you see her because you notice something new in a "Where's Waldo" sort of way. More like you can't stop writing third grade run-on sentences because you can't remotely begin to describe something ... someone ... so inherently amazing. But you're a writer. You can describe anything. That's what you do: pictures to words, events to words, words to even better words. But nothing seems right. More like you're afraid that if you stare at her for too long, you'll prove your parents right: that yes, your face will stick that way. But you wouldn't mind.

You wouldn't mind that the questioning, "Hello?" on the other end makes you want to smile and throw up at the same time. You wouldn't mind worrying about what to get her for her birthday and spending $300 when you only have $17.50 and a Triple-A card to your name. You wouldn't mind that she left your TV on and the blaring infomercials wake you up at 4 a.m. ... because it gives you a chance to watch her sleep. You don't mind that you've slipped up twice when you were hammered and hinted at how you feel, but she was too drunk to remember. So she doesn't know.

Sure, she's pretty, but it's about more than that. You two connect. Anything you throw at her, she can throw right back. You figured out what's going on in that predictable head of hers in under five minutes, but something tells you her heart would take about five years.

You remember everything she's ever said to you, and when that freaks her out you blame it on your photographic memory (which is a lie, you have a 2.7 GPA). You can't remember your teaching assistant's name, and you can't remember that your Puffton rent check was due four days ago, yet you remember the middle name of the kid who tripped her in fifth grade and gave her that cute little scar on her shoulder. Maybe it's because you actually listen when she talks. When do you actually listen? Never. But she doesn't know.

But she has a boyfriend. The kid is a tool, and you are not. He has no redeeming qualities, and you have about 38, even when you're hung over. You could kick his butt, and you've never been in a fight in your life. He treats her like crap, and you would treat her like the princess she believed herself to be on Halloween in 1988.

But she loves him. He wouldn't know what he had even if she slapped him across the face and dumped him, but somehow she still loves him. And somehow she still doesn't know.

Then, out of nowhere, she slaps him across the face and dumps him. She comes to you. You've been there before, so you seem like the smartest guy on earth. She cries, but your corny half-joke, half-compliment somehow gets a smile out of her that almost makes you feel ashamed that you're the only one around who gets to witness it. It looks like you might make her realize that all guys don't deserve to have rocks thrown at them.

But nothing changes. She doesn't know. You get that library elevator feeling in your stomach that she'll never know. You get that feeling that you'll be forced to write a cheesy Collegian column about her that makes "Sleepless in Seattle" look like "Girls Gone Wild."

You go to sleep. You wake up. She doesn't know. You're not in love. You're not obsessed. You blame it on the fact that you just need to get some, but still, it's about more than that. It would just be nice if once in your life, things worked out the way you wanted them to.

So ___________, it's about time you know*.

Now cut this out, fill in her name, and give it to her, coward. Just let me know how it works out.



andie andie oxenfree***

i still feel like the boat is rocking
i am home.
home feels great.
school starts monday.
i am not gonna fret at all.
the cruise was awesome
totally and wonderfully awesome
i cant wait to go on another one

grand cayman:
had beautiful clear turquise water
except it reminded me of fort myers beach
well apart from the grand caymanians if thats what there called
and the cars with the drivers seat on the right side of the car
i was really wanting to drive one of their cars

cozumel, mexico:
mexico rocked!
water was b-e-a-utiful
kinda like stripes of amazing clear shades of blue
drinkin age was 18
but if you had a parent go up to order one with you, you could get one
i didnt drink though
toooooo hungry
and i am over the drinkin stage anyway
terri rented an excursion
for the 8 seats and a.c.
jr, terri, carroll, sue, diandra and i rode in it
went to this one stunningly beautiful beach
then went to go eat
david (with rosemary, adam, stephanie, rachael, and ryan) stopped the jeep they rented when a big ('whoa! thats a big'ern!') bright green lizard ran across the beach
ryan got out and tryed to catch it
ha
fat chance
went to outdoor resturaunt
got the spanish for hot and shut up mixed up and the waiter asked excuse me after it happened
rode in the jeep on the way back
loved it
i loved the having no windows concept
cause i am such the ride with the windows down kinda gal
smelled some mexican weed on the way back
shopped some
found a bottle of alcohol called mr.scorpion with a scorpion on the bottom
yum.
got back on the boat
showered
changed
into swishy skirt
mistake when its windy out
got off boat again with adam, stephanie, kyle, diandra, and i
met eal, matt, killian, and frank at fat tuesdays
went shopping
stephanie was hagglin with some mexican seller over this chess board
it was funny
when i was in there one of the guys who worked there called me a movie star and said i was a 'very gorgeous lady'hahaha
they had a place that was called drugs and deli that made me chuckle
went back to boat so we wouldnt miss it
had to hold my skirt so i wouldnt flash mexico
took awesome picture with stephanie and diandra..we bought it
goodbye mexico!

it was so much fun

many good lookin boys

hahah diandra and i named some
here we go:
breakfast, mr. surfboard, hat boy, surfboard, elevator boy, big arms boy and others that i cant remember

i had a stalked
his name was dave
and he was 16
we called him stalker dave
he walked by us like 10 times a day
one night when i was in bed cause i wasnt feelin good diandra told me he kept walkin by lookin for me

they had a party on the deck
it was so so so so much fun
i love dancin
i was bein sucha drill sargent dancin mama
'YOU! YOU! AND YOU! GET UP AND DANCE!'
more than half of the 20 or so people we went with got up and danced
that made me happy
we did the twist, the electric slide, the casper slide, the ymca, the conga line around the boat and a few others
eal was so plastered
his dancing method was jumping around and waving his arms in the air
he fell on the deck...HARD
but then jumped up and was like 'i'm okay!!' we played this game
and you held hands with someone and we were all in this big circle and a hula hoop would go around and you had to go throught the hula hoop without undoing hands and if the music went off and you were still in the hoop then you were out
i look over in the first 5 mins and eal was in the middle of the circle with the hula hoop around his ankle
the lady who was runnin the game and worked on the ship
said into the microphone to eal with her cool english keira knightly accent 'sir, you are completely trashed.' then she made him go in the middle
then later eal picked me up and i screamed and the security lady came over and called him a 'naughty boy' it was so so much fun

i loved it so much.

i cant wait til the next one.

what a wonderful vacation.

i could go for that 24 hour selfserve ice cream right about now...

andie andie oxenfree***

ima waver
so i was headin to a gas station with terri and rachael
they were lookin at the 6 cop cars on the side of the store
so we drove past this guy pumpin gas into his blue car
guzzle guzzle gas
goodbye goodbye moolah
so i looked at him and i thought 'hmm he looks familiar'
then i looked again and i thought 'oh hey that is brandi's uncle billy!'
so i waved
ya know when ya wave at someone ya think ya know only to find out that ya dont know em at all?
well that is how i felt
only to realize that i did know him
he was my ol personal fitness teacher from last year.
fun.

andie andie oxenfree***

from horrible to odd to great
so today
computer has some sort of monsterous error occur.
crap.
computer wont get on to windows.
so i dig out the recovery cd's..wont work
i was really upset
sometimes i want to kick this computer like its a football
it wouldnt solve anything but it would release a lot of pent up anger i have for this computer
damn you scuba steve!

so babysitting at terri's
the kiddies: ryan, adam, brandon
they were all on sugar rushes
wonderful.
they are bouncin around the house like the bouncy balls ya get from the machines for a quarter at a grocery store
diandra comes over too.
i had all three little boys trying to beat me up. fun.
ry and i walk adam home. its rainin out. we take umbrellas.
mine was huge. so we drop adam off.
i twirl my gigantic umbrella to get some of the water on ryan.
so ryan tries it but just ends up poking me with the ends of the umbrella. that hurt a bit.
get back to terris.
subs came. yum.
ryan and brandon still pinging around the house.
ryan starts a wegdie war with brandon and wins since he is so bigger.
ryan put his TOUNGE in his DOG'S MOUTH. gross.
diandra and i got beat up some more.
ate carrotcake.
diandra and i got beanie babies and wwf action figures thrown at us.
i put the cat on diandras head out of boredom 'i just love it when the cats claws go in to my skull' or somethin like that
ryan puts some of rachael's fake nails on his thumbs.
more fighting between ry and bran.
more fighting between ry and bran against diandra and me.
more chaos.
more mayhem.
parents come home. yay

terri drops diandra off then bran and i.
i come in all sad cause the computer wasnt working.
i get on and start messing around with it and it worked.
i dunno what i did but i am sooooo happy that it is workin now.
annnnd also no longer do you have to pry open the cd-rom tray with your fingernails cause now ya push the open button and ta da it opens!

andie andie oxenfree***

wonderful
thinking.
listening.
i am happy.
he lost his chance.
i dont care anymore in his direction.
i regret nothing.
i wish nothing.
i am happy.
things do happen for a reason.
so dont fret when things dont turn out in your direction because sooner or later things will turn in your direction.
la la la la la
its a good feelin

:D
andie andie oxenfree***