My Journal

My Journal

:: 2003 8 November :: 1.47pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Sugarcult - Bouncing off the Walls

Cracked open the ol' 2003 yearbook...
Aside from the completely wrong index and my not being listed as either pictured or not pictured (although I am quoted among the picture pages and pictured at the bottom of the not pictured page), it was pretty interesting to read what people had to say to me as I headed off to college, perhaps never to see any of these people again. Let's take a look at some excerpts:

"Bryan Leeeeeeeeeeee" -Mike Miller (btw, that was all he wrote)
"You can't wear high heels at graduation. I'm sorry." -Ryan Cech (damn)
"If you ever need a manwhore sex slave, I'm here for you." -Bill Sauer (thanks Bill)
"Remember Algebra? And Nick K? And spit puddles? And Mr. K? And Pok�mon?!? Ahh, good times in 8th grade." -Cassi Murakami (ah, memories)
"It was funny seeing you finish last on all the tests and stuff." -Paul Chung
"Man what's with all the crazy English teachers? I mean Beckham, Jolliffe, and Webb?" -Liz Oh (note how Smith is left out)
"Frolick and play the violin." -Bryan Ju
"I'll always remember my STAB as the guy who is obsessed with grammar." -Brie Simon
"Sorry for bugging you so much in class, but I can't stand Koreans." -John Kim
"You are a cool guy, Bryan. I'd even say you are as cool as TESB itself." -Brittany Asaro (I'm flattered)
"One day I want you to count how many letters are on this page." -Sam Adams (someday, Sam...)
"Alright, let's get to work. I've got a lot to write and I have so little room to do it. (Not to mention I have to outdo my brother)" -Tim Adams (well, you succeeded)

# of misspellings of my name: 10
# of references to my being Asian, Korean, or SLAB: 17

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 5 November :: 7.38pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Goldfinger - Counting the Days

Everything that has a beginning... has an end.
You know what that means... Movie review time! w00t!!!

Ok... Revolutions saw did I. Maybe you did, maybe you didn't, so I'm gonna give you the long and the short of it. The short:
Overall, I feel it had a serious lack of definition, though it did have its moments.

The long:
Revolutions served its main purpose; it concluded the story left behind by Reloaded, tieing up the story of the trilogy. But there were countless loose ends created or left untied. You see, this movie focused on accomplishing two things: the final battle in the real world between man and machine and the fate of humanity trapped in the Matrix. But so much is focused on telling the intricate yet shallow tale of the final battle that the latter is almost entirely left to the imagination. Maybe that side of the story is better left offscreen (it's hard to imagine it otherwise), but in the meantime so many other plot points are thrust in your face without clarification or time to even digest them. And what of the introduced concept of deleted programs fighting to survive from Reloaded? I expected more but it wasn't expanded upon at all, and neither was Penelope and the Merovingian. God forbid the concept wasn't just a way to make new villians... right? The Matrix sequels were a story by themselves apart from the straight and simple original; I ask, were they ever truly necessary?
But aside from the constant state of confusion, Revolutions does deliver, and if it spent too much time on the war in Zion, the time was damn well spent. I mean seriously... that was frigg'n tite-ass. The special f/x were seamless... utterly phenomenal. Almost made up for the lackluster dialogue.
Bottom line: a disappointment, but in a way, well worth it. I'd see it again just for the mech battle. :)

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 3 November :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: recumbent
:: Music: Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta

The limitless extent of inherently limited human potential
Some of the greatest advancements in innovation, technology, and even how people carry their everyday lives are credited to the substantial efforts of few among many. Often what I feel is that of these many people, those who gaze upon the vast achievements of mankind with a sense of personal pride fail to realize how dependent this system of upward expansion is on the work of the exceptional. In other words, human development relies on unexpected brilliance. These are the men and women to are remembered for leading the human race into the future.

And what of the billions of other people living their lives in the pursuit of happiness or perhaps the fight for survival? Inevitably, they are forgotten; mankind only gives heed to recognize those of accomplishment. However, I am a firm believer in that nothing truly lasts forever. In the great expanse of eons of time, even the greatest of men will be lost to the oblivion of the universe. Perhaps they will fade from memory or perhaps from written record... or perhaps their ultimate disappearance will lie in the end of mankind. There are those who fight to avoid this bleak fate and live their lives to be remembered. It is our obligation to give credit to these people for creating our world and advancing the reaches of humanity.

Perhaps I am wrong and mankind will never die, advancing faster than the universe will fight to destroy him. It's pointless to speculate over an ultimate fate we will never live to see, but for the sake of the possibility of limitless human potential, we should never stop moving forward, and perhaps future generations will appreciate what we've done for them. Or rather I should say... what some of us have done for them. I think that was my original point, right?

Whatever. Hehe. Shit happens.

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 2 November :: 1.13am
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: Zebrahead - Playmate of the Year

I don't care what he says. Scarface was not better than Pulp... Not by a longshot :)
Welcome to today�s special edition of Bryan�s blog, featuring the great wisdom of none other than Samuel Adams (not the beer dammit, the man... no, not that man! argh).
I've at some point considered devoting a whole part of my BuddyProfile to the crazy-go-nuts shit this guy says, but I decided to put it here instead. This took a lot of time scouring the logs; enjoy!

stussydude13: haha, yer cute when yer angry
stussydude13: damn koreans
stussydude13: girls are dumb, they're only good for porno
stussydude13: BBBBBBRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! isnt it weird that people sometimes talk to you on AIM even though you are not there.
stussydude13: what you think i would have a girlfriend that was not a ninja?
opivdude: BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!
opivdude: ya so anyways, last night i was having sex with this one guy and he reached back and tickled my balls, and i thought to myself, "what a faggot!"
opivdude: did you know that www.porn.com gives you a porn website?
opivdude: by the way, how did you ever let me go to utah, i mean i wouldnt have let you; some friend you are
opivdude: 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
opivdude: Don't be sexist. Broads hate that
opivdude: Why dont women wear wrist watches... CAUSE THEIRS A CLOCK ON THE STOVE!
opivdude: i would make a kickass criminal you know that

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 31 October :: 12.49pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Lit - My Own Worst Enemy

Your assignment is an unhappy one. (hehe I just had to use this title)
Heh heh... I was looking through my sister's blog and I ran into an entry she made earlier this summer while she was living with us before she shipped off to the land of the rising sun. I made some little harmless joke about her ass while she was asking me about how a pair of pants looked on her. So then she got the greeaat idea to draw it:

Aren't older siblings the greatest?
For my sake, I guess I shouldn't talk about people's asses anymore, huh... ;)

P.S. - Omg omg omg omg, she met Domo-kun! I am so jealous. Noona, you stink.
P.P.S. - Happy Halloween everyone!

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 30 October :: 7.53pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: The Unseen - Are We Dead Yet?

So what if they're all poor and starving?
The other day (er, yesterday), I had an hour to kill after acting class and before Aikido, so I just kinda wandered through the northern end of the big campus and chanced upon the art and design college, so I strolled through it. My God it makes the rest of the school look shitty; it's a beautiful part of campus, and there are all these people just hanging around with sketchbooks doodling; such amazing artists... I wanna be one of them so badly. I am sooo registering early this time. I wonder what private art school will be like...

On a different note, Cassi sent me this link to this freaky-ass Indian music video, and it's pretty funny. Haha, the guy can really move. Aside from the utter cheesiness, the song's catchy... even if I have no idea what the hell this Daler Mehndi is saying. ;)
And no one tell you know who about you know what and we can all be happy. :)

That'll be all for now.

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 28 October :: 6.30pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet With Butterfly Wings

For the love of God and all that is holy, MY [NOSE] IS BLEEDING!!!
Yesterday I was talking to Tim on his new AIM account...

hitokirivader (1:25:46 PM): my forehead is bleeding a lot right now for some freaky reason
hitokirivader (1:25:57 PM): i dunno, i just felt a drop come down and it was blood
hitokirivader (1:25:59 PM): hold on brb
Mac Monst3r (1:26:05 PM): that happens to non mac users sometimes
hitokirivader (1:28:43 PM): ok that was frigg'n creepy
hitokirivader (1:28:51 PM): oh so mac users are impervious to bleeding
Mac Monst3r (1:29:17 PM): what was it
Mac Monst3r (1:29:18 PM): yes

It was just some little cut I didn't know was there, but later that night I got a serious nosebleed for no apparent reason. I must be a hemophiliac. But hemophiliacs don't just spring blood leaks. Weird.
Anyways, school wasn't cancelled today, so I went and breathed in all those fumes and ash. It's snowing ash outside my window right now. It sucks that Old Glory is in danger of burning down; all of John Quigley's efforts up in flames, so to speak.

Hehe, I picked an idea for Kristal's novel. :)

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 27 October :: 6.12pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Tupac & Dr. Dre - California Love

:)
I was at CSUN this morning eating ditching my English class because I didn't want to listen to some boring informative speeches, enjoying a brisk early mornin' munchin' (hehe omg ok none of you got that right? good, ok moving on) and I look westward and see nothing but smoke. That wildfire is so scary when you're close up to it; the smoke pretty much filled up the entire sky in that direction. My Aikido instructor told us that while most of the smoke is whitish grey from the burning brush, here and there we'll see giant plumes of soot-black smoke. Those are the homes burning, along with all that chemical paint and whatnot. It's all over Simi Valley; I hope my violin teacher is ok since she lives there. Nearly two dozen have died... sheesh...
But as freaky as this wildfire is, I didn't let it ruin my day. I've been pretty depressed over this past week for unknown reasons (well, not unknown... but I won't go into it). But today I'm feeling a lot better. Dunno why, but I'll take advantage of it while it lasts. Don't bum me out, I'm on a roll. :)
Um, I don't know what else to say, sooo, uh... here's a funny quote from Stephen King:

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 26 October :: 1.25am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Bernard Herrmann - Twisted Nerve

"Don't mess with the Wyoming queer, or they'll fuck you up good."
"Twisted Nerve" is stuck in my head... that whistling... it's driving me nuts... Yeah I finally got the KBV1 soundtrack and it rocks, aside from the whistling that's making my brain swell.

Anyways, I just saw "The Laramie Project," a really powerful play production at CSUN, the true story of a gay hate crime that took place 5 years ago in Wyoming. It was amazingly well constructed, covering all viewpoints on gay hate, and really made me think...
I was at some point somewhat homophobic, but several years ago my receptivity to differences grew and my views changed. I know a number of gay people and some of them are the nicest and coolest people I know. However, I do know a few homophobic people, and some being my friends, I've tried to assess their opinions on why they feel the way they do. Their arguments have some strengths, so I won't be too quick to criticize them for how they feel, but I just wonder how some people in this world can feel justified enough to torture and murder someone for being who they are. I can understand the existence of homophobia because it's human nature to fear what one can't understand, but hatred to that extent? And they think they're justified? Some people can do evil things and perhaps that may not be under their control, but everyone has a conscience... *sigh*
I'm bored and I need something to get my mind off of matters. Ah yes, sleep. Daylight Savings ends and I'll have myself an extra hour of it.

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 24 October :: 11.22am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: The White Stripes - Fell in Love With a Girl

I was thinking about the universe again...
...and as a firm believer in science and logic, I believe all mysteries of the universe have a scientific and logical explanation. Whether or not the extent of human intelligence and intellectual capacity can comprehend these so-called vindications to the full magnitude may be in question, and frankly, I doubt it. All things considered, this is what I believe.

All matter consists of particles. Galaxies, nebulae, systems, planets... us. Amid these finite particles is infinite space, but space does not affect these particles, other particles do. All of these particles contain energy that cannot be created nor destroyed, and thus the universe of particles is in eternal motion. But the motion of these particles is judged by none other than the motion of other particles. That is the universe. If some impossible (yet in this case hypothetical), singular mind could somehow comprehend the location and velocity of every particle in the universe, all of the past and future could be determined. But notwithstanding, this is impossible.

But what of the greatest mystery of the universe? All science points to the human brain, the human consciousness, as an anomaly of science itself. It cannot be explained by our science, and thus, many believe it can never be explained by our science, and from this belief many religions are based... the concept of the soul and the supernatural. But I think of this and wonder... "our science..." is this simply an element beyond the boundaries of our current level of comprehension (I say current because this may not always be true)? I believe it is, and I believe that our mind, just as everything in the universe, is simply particles in motion, and thus the hypothetical yet impossible mind can predict this and the future as well. But enough of this mind; it does not exist and can never exit. Or does it? Is it God? God... is supernatural. And while I don't believe that elements beyond explanation can exist, the supernatural may very well be something beyond human comprehension... beyond me.

Which brings me straight back to the beginning. How will we ever know if there are elements of our universe and our existence beyond science and logic if we simply cannot comprehend the extent of what can be explained? That is impossible...
And thus the world continues to move forward, and mankind continues to search for a meaning in existence. Is there a meaning to our existence? Or are we simply just... particles in perpetual motion...

I need a Red Bull; can't you tell? ;)

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 23 October :: 12.29am
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: Green Day - Hitchin' a Ride

Aw shit yeah check this out!
Liz and Tim took this thing so I felt obligated to do the same. Duuude... I'm the Architect...

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

INTP - The Wizard

...but you can call me Larry. :D

"You do NOT want to see me get out of this chair! Ergo open your yapper one more time and I'm going to architect a world of pain over your candy ass! ERGO! VIS A VIS!! CONCORDANTLY!!!"
Hehe, I love Will Ferrell. Mugatu was the coolest guy in Zoolander.

Btw, aside from slight inconveniences in the playlist fuctions, iTunes is so much cooler than Winamp3.

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 22 October :: 12.44am
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Everclear - Santa Monica

Are we idiots? Maybe we just haven't realized it...
I was thinking again (omg run for you lives), thinking back on my childhood, my recent years, and the future...
A few little things I saw or heard in these past couple days have made long dormant memories of my childhood come back to me, and all I could do was smile and laugh at how innocent and silly life was as a child. I remember way back when; I had thought I had this world down, but compared to me now, my view of the world was far from complete. But then again, who's to say my view right now is complete? Our minds learn and grow through experience, but if we can't anticipate the future and what we'll become, we're just sitting ducks wallowing in false hopes that what we do is not in vain.
When I think back to my more recent years, I can't help but pine over some really terrible decisions I've made, only making me want to go back and slap some sense in me. Just like when considering how I've changed since childhood, I feel far more worldly and wiser right now than I did in high school, but unfortunately where I am now is for the most part based on decisions I've made in recent years... what I now consider years of ignorance. In high school, I felt ready to take on the world and make my own decisions, but my present-day self would have never let me dream of doing such a thing. I feel like I'm my own parent, and I feel like I've failed at raising myself, miserably. Whatever happened to all of that potential? I was too damn busy living in the present doing jack squat to take any advantage of it. And someday, I'll probably live to regret what I'm doing right now. Namely, I guess that's why I avoid doing a lot of things, like drugs, that I might regret; I'm too goddamn afraid that I'll feel even worse about what the hell I've done with my time and how I've disregarded my future. I've had enough regret in my life to know that I sincerely hate it.

I think Pvt. L.L. Church from "Red vs. Blue" put it best when he said:

"You are a goddamn idiot. And I'd like to prove this mathematically if I may. Take your current age. Now subtract 10 years from it. Were you smart back then? Of course you weren't! You were a goddamn idiot! The fact of the matter is, you're just as big an idiot today... it's just gonna take you 10 more years to realize it."

Why am I so depressed? I was happy 2 minutes ago. Ugh. I'll be happy once I get some sleep.

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 21 October :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Orgy - Stitches

Oh the things you do when you're bored...
Do you ever Google your name? I know a few people do sometimes when they're bored. If your last name isn't too unique (my last name is too common for my own good), often you can find a whole bunch of semi-famous people out there really making a name out of... you... sorta.

So apparently I'm a 60-year-old blues guitarist who's been blind since he was eight. Here's my official fansite, and you can buy all of my CD's here. I'm also some bodybuilding skydiving medical student guy with a website. I'm also apparently a clothing store in Santa Barbara.

And some freaky shirtless Aussie Korean dude with my name has registered it as a domain name... hehe.
http://www.bryanlee.com/

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hitokirivader

:: 2003 20 October :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Rancid - David Courtney

Redundancies
Mount Fuji-yama - Mount Mount Fuji

PIN Number - Personal Identification Number Number

The La Brea Tar Pits - The The Tar Tar Pits

that's all folks

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