these words at best were worse than teenage poetry.

these words at best were worse than teenage poetry.

:: 2003 17 November :: 5.39pm
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday-Ghost Man on Third

ruby ruby ruby ruby so ho
fuck off. if you dont like me, dont talk to me. that easy.

anyways.

my feelings are scattered everywhere...and im not even sure what they are for different people. *sigh

why waste my time...

as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 16 November :: 4.02pm
:: Music: The Used-Say Days ago

grrr.
my weekend was alright. went and saw the matrix last night, it was good. i wasnt as confused as i thought id be since i didnt see the second one.

..i was gonna hang out with brad, kelly and justin today, but my mom said no. they came over and i couldnt go so i felt bad, but i thought they were calling first so i could ask my mom. hope their not mad at me. :( there was no reason i couldnt go, my mom was just being stupid.

so once again another boring day at home.

1 brave fuck | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 15 November :: 1.19pm
:: Music: The Beatles-Let it be

such a gloomy..cold day.
well everyones gone again. its cold.
last night was fun. had a few people over...i needed to just laugh about stupid shit. made me feel a little better.

i still have this damn cold. and i swore it was gone.

chicken noodle soup sounds good right now, i think i'll go make some.

as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 14 November :: 3.22pm
:: Music: The Clash-Rock the Casbah

i hate rap music. like a lot.
the only word to describe how i felt today would have to be..

alone. yes, that sums it up.

*waits for people to show up at my house*
boredom sucks.

5 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 13 November :: 5.05pm

more and more each day im falling apart. slowly.

fuck.

as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 12 November :: 8.08pm

please read..

AFI - This Time Imperfect [Lyrics: Click + to display] +-
I cannot leave here, I cannot stay
Forever haunted, more than afraid
Asphyxiate on words I would say
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue

There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share for you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me

I cannot stay here, I cannot leave
Just like all I loved, I'm make believe
Imagined heart, I disappear
Seems... no one will appear here and make me real

There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me

I'd tell you how it haunts me
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams
You don't care that it haunts me

There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much you...

1 brave fuck | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 12 November :: 7.56pm
:: Music: AFI-Silver and Cold

fuck him.
hey look. my dads home. and hes drunk. and my moms telling him to leave and he wont.

i hope he dies. i really do.

9 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 12 November :: 5.30pm

somethings missing and im sick of pretending everythings there.

1 brave fuck | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 12 November :: 5.03pm
:: Music: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs-modern romance

it is fucking cold in this house.
im really cold. like freezing...my fingers are frozen, my feet are frozen..in conclusion im cold.

this week has sucked. not sure why..it just has. absolutely nothing to be happy about. nothing good has happened for such a long time.

while i sit in each class im not really there. im thinking about everything but what the teacher is saying. i go home and pour my heart out onto paper. by the end of the day im drained. falling asleep in like 20 minutes at 10 pm is unusual for me. i guess its nice to dream. thats when things are how i want them. for once.

leaving forever would be good. however id be more alone. no way of winning for me lately. things have never been as i had wished. i should be fucking use to it by now.

I dont want to let fear rule my life...I dont want to give up before i die-Smile Empty Soul/Silhouettes

as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 11 November :: 3.51pm
:: Music: AFI-File 13

i am not a creature...ah ha ha.
my thoughts on sex
why would god make something thats so much fun (or so i hear..wouldnt know due to lack of expierence, but its all the rage in cedar) cause so much pain later?
i had to watch child birth videos today. i went into that class thinking i didnt want to have kids, now im sure. im gonna go for adoption or that surrogant(sp?) mother shit.

yup.

8 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 11 November :: 5.44am

do you ever realize how selfish some people are? they figure.."it didnt affect me in any way so i dont care"

11 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 10 November :: 7.40pm

life is crazy.

i was reading over my past entries.

they are all stupid and pointless.

from now on..my entries are gonna be more of my thoughts..not what dumb shit i did that day. yeah..thats all.

as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 9 November :: 2.10pm

Excuse me while I fall apart.
Don't flatter yourself sweetheart.
Let me take the wheel and I'll crash this car.
Why do you have to make this so hard?
You're so good at pretending everything is alright.
You're as welcome as cancer, but my door is always unlocked.
-Matchbook Romance/Playing for Keeps

2 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 8 November :: 5.46pm
:: Music: Matchbook Romance

I finally got the Matchbook Romance cd i have been wanting...*smiles* it makes me happy. i reeaallly like it.

yeah..im bored.

5 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 8 November :: 10.37am
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack-Cambridge

you say that no one cares..but i do.. i doooo. hehe.
well yesterday was fun..stayed after school just to hang out with some people. than me brad and dustin went and played around in the auditorium...that was fun. we found the room under the stage and ran around in there..than ran around with the lights off..lol..its fun you must try it sometime. and bradley played his guitar...that was cool..i didnt know he was that good. made me jealous. heh. than me brad and my brother went to my house for like 5 min to eat burger king..than we headed to the park
to get kelly and neilee and walked to kayleighs..im suprised we lived..it was SO fucking cold. after that we all went to the concert at the high school. it was alright. i didnt care much for the first two bands. the bands were good..i just didnt like the vocals. broken sunday was alright..i wish the lead singer would have screamed more. after the concert becky came over and..that wraps up my night...i better get going...talk to ya'll later..

as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 5 November :: 4.48pm
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday-Summer Stars

today was an interesting day. there was a fight on my bus..it was awesome..ahaha..nothing like immature girls cat fighting. bradley finished my tbs pic..yay..its so pretty!! thank you bradley!!

some funny quotes from today..from random subjects..

"When you think of sex, think of me" Mr.Reyburn

me:"look at Arden..hes so gay..look at how he walks..look at him"!
ben birk: "your right...hahahaha"
arden: "my mom says i walk like my grandpa"
me: "was your grandpa gay"?
*laughter*

Mrs.Ahmed: "people in the middle east cant prevent pregnancy"
me: "dont have sex so damn much and they dont have to worry about it...damn whores"
Mrs.Ahmed: "excuse me"
me: "dont have sex, theres your protection"

Mitch: "release more wolves..than the deer will be eaten"!
me: "than the wolves will eat people"
Mitch: "than release bears, they'll eat the wolves"
me: "than the bears will eat us! what about we just release dinosaurs"?

thats all today kids...i can only waste your time for so long..heh.

if you are FOR SURE going to the Broken Sunday thing Friday leave a comment!

6 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 5 November :: 6.16am

I love this song...its awesome because it actually tells a story..read.

The Used - Poetic Tragedy [Lyrics: Click + to display] +-
the cup is not half empty as pescimists say
as far as he's sees nothings left in the cup
a whole cup full of nothing for him to induldge
since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up

a singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
he gave heed to nothing, and all that he was....
is just a tragedy

so he voyages in circles
succeeds getting nowhere
and submits to the substance
that first got him there

than in violent, frustration he cries out to God or just no one
is there a point to this madness and all that he was....
is just a tragedy

he feels alone
his heart in his hand
he's alone
he feels alone
I feel....

then on that last day he breaks
and he stood tall
and he yelled... and he takes his life

its crazy..whenever im sad, happy, whatever.. i turn to music.its always there..one thing i can rely on..as corny as that may sound..so true.

3 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 4 November :: 6.25am
:: Music: Matchbook Romance-Hollywood and Vine

yet another awesome song by this band..

my daddy cooked me breakfast..eggs, bacon and toast...this shows todays gonna be a goood day..unless hes missleading me..ha ha ha.

yeah..

3 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 3 November :: 4.29pm
:: Music: A Year in a Day-Love, Hope, & Fear

I fucking love this song...anyways..today was really good..not sure why it just was.

im not fighting with any of the people i care about anymore so im happy..i dont like my friends being upset with me. i might be going to the Broken Sunday thing on friday..anyone else going? tell me..

6 brave fucks | as if your opinion matters

fadingfallenstar

:: 2003 3 November :: 6.21am

I like this song...rancid wakes me up..

Rancid - Fall Back Down [Lyrics: Click + to display] +-
Don't worry about me, I'm gonna make it alright
Got my enemies crossed out in my sight
I take a bad situation gonna make it right
In the shadows of darkness I stand in the light

You see it's our style to keep it true
I've had a bad year, a lot to go through
I've been knocked out, beat down, black and blue
She's not the one coming back for you
She's not the one coming back for you
If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again
If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend

It takes disaster to learn a lesson
You're gonna make it through the darkest night
Some people betray one and cause treason
We're gonna make everything alright

Well the worst of times, now, they don't phase me
Even if I look and act really crazy
I went way down, she betrayed me
Now my vision is no longer hazy

I'm very lucky to have my crew
They stood by me when she flew
I've been knocked out, beat down, black and blue
She's not the one coming back for you
She's not the one coming back for you

If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again
If I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend

as if your opinion matters