It's a long way down from the place where we started from.

:: 2003 15 October :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Our Lady Peace - Shaking

Unrest In The Storm
Like normal we had practice tonight. Except tonight we had Matt (guitarist) there, which is like the second time he's practiced with us since I joined. With that said, we're getting frustrated with the fact that only 3 of us have been showing up to practice lately. I mean, I've only seen the singer once. But anyways, Matt brought of 30 pack of B**R, (bad idea) and him and his friend Lou drank, whatever, no biggie right?? Well, we get done playing our set and Matt and Lou go to have a cig outside and I eventually make my way out there to chat, but I stumble upon their convo and Matt is bitching that he feels like a puppet and says that Kyle takes control and blah blah. Well first of all, Matt doesn't come to enough practices, its only for like 2-3 hours a night, he's just not showing enough dedication. And second, Kyle has been playing guitar since the beginning of time so he knows what sounds good and he comes up with most of the riffs and whatnot and he formed the band so naturally he's going to take the most control, but Matt can't handle that. So Matt basically quit the band tonight. Lou starts in saying "man, you're just giving up, you suck, you're a bitch, this and that." and since they're both pretty drunk at this point they're being beligerent assholes and almost get in a fight and ultimately Lou tells Matt to "get your shit out of my car, cuz you're walking home!!". Its almost time to leave (we have to be out by 9 because the gate automatically locks and if we're still in we have to pay $30 to let us out) So being the responsible adults that we are we try to tell Matt that he's gonna get a ride with us, but he ends up throwing a bass across the lot and is yelling and we end up being late. Luckily the woman is nice and only charges us $10 as a warning. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. Who knows if this would've eventually happened, but the alcohol sure as hell didn't help...does it ever?

on a lighter note: I've developed a bassist callous on my finger SCORE!!

cowboy67

:: 2003 15 October :: 11.49am
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: pearl jam - corduroy

it's like the imprint it leaves on your skin
the waiting drove me mad
you're finally here and i'm a mess
i take your entrance back
can't let you roam inside my head

i don't want to take what you can give
i would rather starve than eat your bread
i would rather run, but i can't walk
guess i'll lie alone just like before

i'll take the firmest path
and i must refuse your test
push me and i will resist
this behavior's not unique

i don't want to hear from those who know
they can buy, but can't put on my clothes
i don't want to limp for them to walk
never would have known of me before

i don't want to be held in your debt
i'll pay it off in blood, let i be wed
i'm already cut up and half dead
i'll end up alone like i began

everything has changed
absolutely nothing's changed
take my hand, not my picture
spilled my tincture

i don't want to take what you can give
i would rather starve than eat your breast
all the things that others want for me
can't buy what i want because it's free
can't buy what i want because it's free
can't be what you want because i'm...

it's supposed to be just fun
to live and die, let it be done
i figure i'll be damned, all alone like i began

it's your move now
i thought you were a friend
but i guess
i, i guess i [edit: don't really like] you

:: 2003 14 October :: 2.50pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Rolling Stones - Paint It Black

F**K, S**T, A**, B**R???
After school today I was chillin' like a villain watching TV and a commercial came on advertising Ludacris's new album "Chicken & Beer" Except the Beer was B**R! And whenever the deep voiced announcer said "NEW ALBUM BY LUDACRIS! CHICKEN AND *Burp*" some stupid burp noise would come on. Is there something horrifically wrong with the word beer? If they're trying to protect kids then I guess we'll have to change the name of a popular soft drink to Root B**R. Now this isn't a matter of defending Ludacris or beer, its a matter of how stupid America's censorship rules are. It's getting absolutely ridiculous. Kids hear worse words when their dad is beating his wife and calling her a plethora of obsenities then demands her to bring him a BEER. *sigh

nerdalert

:: 2003 14 October :: 3.31pm
:: Mood: blah

poop
this morning was pointless. it all started off with my alarm clock being set ahead an hour without me knowing that. so instead of waking up at 6:40 i woke up at 5:40. i got all dressed and looked at the clock on the microwave and was like "aw shit, i still have an hour to sleep" and went back to bed. so an hour later i wake up go brush my teeth and go down to the track to run the mile again. i stretch and everything and we start running....i get done with one lap and had to stop becuase my legs tightened up so bad i coudnt run....well i could , but i know it would have been pointless because i never would have made the mile in time anyway. my first lap sucked ass anyway...it was like 1:30....it needs to be at least 1:20 for me to make 6:50. so anyway, my waking up at 6:40 was pointless because i have to run the mile tomorrow....well at least i wont be alone, there are 5 others...only one person got the time this morning...and by 2 seconds. im pissed that i have to run tomorrow though....we have the first day of practice tomorrow and im gonna have to run before?? not fair im gonna play worse because ill be more tired. oh a good note though like 5 people quit, so there are only like 24 playing, and that means that there wont be any cuts!! woo hoo!!! that makes me a lot less nervous. that also means ill play better becuase i play like shit when im nervous. well this was really long and i blabered on about shit.

now i understand why everyone always complains in these things.....

:: 2003 14 October :: 1.24am
:: Mood: Moobalicious
:: Music: Nirvana - About A Girl

Moob
Whenever I have inner tangents, whether something sets me off or I just randomly think of something, I seem to have a conversation/explanation in my mind. But I always seem to imagine myself addressing Laura VB. I don't know why exactly. Maybe its because she is incredibly understanding, or that I feel I can tell her anything, or that we just seem to relate to each other so well, or that she is incredibly open minded. We have such great conversations and whenever I have epitomes or just inner opinions I can seriously see myself telling her, and I usually do if I remember. Continue being such a wonderful friend please, you bring such interest, fun, excitement, and alternate ways of thinking to my life. Thank you Laura, I love you!

4 Lies | Fact and fiction work as a team.

nerdalert

:: 2003 13 October :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: pissed off

FUCK!!!
well the timed mile was today. i had to run it in 6:50....well im pissed. 6: frickin 55. who has to run at 7:15 AM...oh yeah thats me. and who feels like they have cramps (pre cramp cramps) thats me too. i hate being a girl for that reason!

3 Lies | Fact and fiction work as a team.

:: 2003 12 October :: 10.12pm

song of the day
tori amos - she's your cocaine (d/l this bitch, it's fab)

she's your cocaine
she's got you shaving your legs
you can suck anything
but you know you wanna be me
put on your makeup boy
you're your favourite stranger
and we all like to watch
so shimmy once and do it again
bring your sister if you can't handle it
she says you control it
then she says you don't control it
then she says you're controlling
the way she makes you crawl

she's your cocaine
your exodus laughing
and she knows what you are
so shimmy once
and do it again
bring your sister
bring your sister
if you can't handle it

if you want me to
boy i could lie to you
you don't need one of these to let me inside of you
and is it true that devils end up like you
do something safe for the picture frame
and is it true that devils end up like you
so tied up you don't know how she came

she's your cocaine
she's got you shaving your legs
she got you liking mine back
got me taking it in
getting mine back
i'm taking my easel
and i'm writing good checks
you sign prince of darkness
try squire of dimness
please don't help me with this

:: 2003 13 October :: 10.05am
:: Music: Rage Against The Machine - Revolver

I'm not a retard you freakin' hobo!!
I have a fear of the homeless. Not necessarily the ones you see sitting there all sad with an animal or something, but the one's that bust a tourette's as you walk by or just do strange things. On my excursion to SF we encountered quite a few homeless people. Some were havin' a good time and trying to make money. This one guy had a fake bush and as people walked by he'd jump at them and they'd be so delightfully startled that they'd give him money. But then there were others that outright scared me. We walked by one lying in the middle of the sidewalk in a jumble of blankets and as we walked by he lifted his head up and I could see some sort of froth on his lips as he eyed us... then there was another who just started shouting incoherent blabber. I'm always afraid those will be the types to attack all of a sudden. Then on our way back we saw the foamy guy again and he was walking away from a building after peeing on the wall and stared while laughing creepily at us. And as we walked away I could still hear his laugh trailing us, it was quite disturbing. I don't mean to be mean, I know there must be something mentally wrong with some of these people and I know its not their fault that they're this way, but I can't help but feel a bit frightened when I'm around them. I'm always afraid they'll do something out of nowhere and crazy. I dunno, maybe I'm weird for fearing the homeless... maybe I should restate that and say I'm afraid of the insane... but its more of a realistic fear than say something like.... CLOWNS!! pssh! you know who you are....

:: 2003 12 October :: 5.30pm

i found this more funny than anything

:: 2003 12 October :: 4.51pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: nin

i don't think iwant this for my song of the day, it's too negative. but it's going up anyways.

this is for all those spiky haired, crooked truckers hat wearing, alta loma/orange county, parents buy everything, raised truck driving, active/hollister wearing, good charlotte listening dumb asses that exist in this world.

sum 41 - asshole

You look like ass you smell like shit
so why are you such a dick.
You walk around like you're the tits
you always make me sick.
Bound for agony,
Your life's catastrophe.
You look like ass you smell like shit
so why are you such a dick.
You walk around like you're the tits
you always make me sick.
Bound for agony,
Your life's catastrophe.
You're an asshole
You're an asshole
You're an asshole
you make me sick.

:: 2003 12 October :: 1.41am
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: tori amos - from the choirgirl hotel

some test thingie

I AM:: tired
I THINK:: that love is a wonderful thing
I KNOW:: that kitties are cute
I WANT:: to be a happy girl :o)
I HAVE:: curly hair
I WISH:: my dreams would come true
I HATE:: when i am sad
I MISS:: my friends that live far away
I FEAR:: that i will let myself down
I HEAR:: the hum of the computer
I SEARCH:: on google
I WONDER:: what drives me
I REGRET:: lots of things
I ACHE:: when i work too hard
I CARE:: about history

jessa's Untitled brought to you by BZOINK!

2 Lies | Fact and fiction work as a team.

:: 2003 11 October :: 3.06pm

song of the day
deftones - mascara

i feel soon
i will sink
into you
what do you think
cause there's still blood
in your hair
and i've got the
bruise
of the year
but there's something about her
long shady eyes
i'm all about her
shade tonight
i hate
your tattoos
you have weak wrists
but i'll keep you
cause there's something about her
long shady eyes
i'm all about her
shade tonight
well it's too bad
well it's too bad
well it's too bad
you're married...
to me

cowboy67

:: 2003 11 October :: 5.27pm
:: Music: the white stripes

thinking of a day i'll be too old to throw a ball this heavy
i smelled grass today and thought of summer and everything that went along with it.
while i was mowing the lawn, my brain did its normal thing of thinking about everything except the current task at hand - meaning i got a little crooked crazy with the lawnmower - and i thought about danielle. and then i thought of something danielle told me. she said i need to be with the right person. and off of that studded my thoughts of relationships and love, and couples in movies and how it's the music in movies that makes me sad at sad parts. and i started thinking of movies that contain the death of one of the character's loved ones, and how it helps the audience appreciate their loved ones a little bit more. branched from that thought was the idea of appreciation and deserving things. and i don't think anyone really deserves anything they inherit, or are born with. you don't deserve anything given to you for free, because you don't appreciate it. you never appreciate what you have, and especially not the things that are free. you can't compare your life of having the things you've always had to your life of not having them, because you don't know that life. when you're born into a certain time period of life, you assume that this is how everything is, was, and will be. these things, not intentionally, are taken for granted. therefore, you can never truly appreciate something that you didn't even have to lift a finger for. you only realize how important something is when you have to fight for it. you only recognize the worth of anything when you don't have it. you only deserve what you work for.