:: 2006 23 October :: 10.20 pm

I've lost almost all of my hope for the future intelligence of the human race.


I'm fairly positive that they're going to put me in a nursing home and call me demented when I'm eighty and start reciting Frost.

7 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 22 October :: 7.41 pm
:: Mood: nauseated

Online Child Predator?
I'm in the library and I think I might be sitting next to an online sexual predator. These computers are open to the public, so you don't need to log in or sign in or anything.

When I came over to this computer he was on a site that feature interactive anime. Now, he's in a chat with someone who's icon is an emo stick figure. He keeps on stretching out and chuckling to himself whenever he gets a response to his message.

Did I mention he looks like he's fourty????

Gross.

[edit] oh, and he has a long scraggly ponytail, too. I bet he's almost bald underneath his embroidered baseball cap.

[edit 2] I think i'm going to throw up.

2 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 22 October :: 6.28 pm
:: Mood: drained

I went to the choir concert today, the one Jackie was in. It was beautiful. I've never been to a truely good choir concert, just high school ones.

I finally got it. The reason. Their voices, the instruments of a wind ensemble, they're suppose to sound the same (very few do, however). There were times when I would shut my eyes and it was just music. It wasn't a band, it wasn't a choir, they weren't even chords. It was just beauty painted on the silence of the stage. It made me start crying.

The more I listened, the more I felt that I have become disconnected from all of this. I just thought over and over how if I was studying music at Grand Valley right now, everything would be better. My life would be so different. But I'm not there, and my music is growing more distant every day. I'm ashamed of that.

The first choir sang a piece derived from my favorite poem by Christina Rossetti. I didn't have a program, but I knew after the first line what it was. I recited it to myself as they sang. The arrangement for it was beautiful, full of movement and richness. The words got to me. It was then that I realized that I love both too much to choose. I love words, I love how they make me think and question, but I love music as well, how it makes me feel, how it makes find beauty in everything. I don't know if I was suppose to study music, or english, but without both, I can't live, and in that, I'll study both for the rest of my life.

REMEMBER

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.


December 29, 1894

michelle

1 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 21 October :: 6.07 pm

I'm stuck. My car is broken.

2 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 20 October :: 2.20 pm
:: Mood: awake

Your eyes hold captive a sadness,
which very few have found.
Yet, is it luck or misfortune,
That you know this now?

Few can truely exclaim,
Knowing of that grief,
Does knowing of the worst,
Make happiness more sweet?

Do you know?

:: 2006 18 October :: 8.40 pm
:: Mood: nostalgic

Midterms are done. That's a definite relief. I've forfeited sleep a few nights for it. I don't think it was worth it. I felt a little overwhelmed with all of it, but it's better now knowing that I got an 88, and two 92's.

My first semester of college is half over with!

michelle

2 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 18 October :: 3.02 pm

Congratulations on your acceptance to Central Michigan University, Rueben.

1 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 16 October :: 6.16 pm

where did everyone go?

6 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 16 October :: 10.40 am
:: Mood: drained

"Why it was that upon this beautiful feminine tissue, sensitive as gossamer and practically blank as snow as yet, there should have been traced such a course pattern as it was doomed to receive...An immeasurable social chasm was to divide our heroine's personality thereafter from that previous self of hers who stepped from her mother's door to try her fortune at Trantridge poultry-farm."

-from Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy

Do you know?

:: 2006 16 October :: 12.15 am

I need to go to sleep, but the urge is not there.

I did absolutely nothing today. Well, I moved my car, and watched Legally Blonde for the first time, but nothing as momentous as doing homework.

Nothing profound.

Nothing new.

Nothing good.

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2006 15 October :: 1.48 pm

Like...OH MY GOD.

3 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 14 October :: 4.33 pm

I have friendship pasteries. That excites me.

Do you know?

:: 2006 14 October :: 3.09 pm

I bought fuzzy yarn with my casino winnings (yep, i won fourteen dollars at the casino last night). I'm making an exquisite scarf.

michelle

[edit] Jackie makes me cream my fuzzy pants, too.

Do you know?

:: 2006 13 October :: 4.36 pm

So tired.......

I have to go get my car from the parking lot in hell, by the way, did you know hell is a long way from the towers? It is, because that's where my car is. Anyway, I have to move it before two am. I'm not sure why exactly two am, since the parking department doesn't even open until six, but anyway, I have to walk there, and get my car, and move it, and it's cold, and raining/snowing, and extraordinarily windy, and it all sucks a ton because I'm tired, and my good shoes (the shoes that don't have any holes in them, or the shoes without duct tape on them) are terrible for walking. I don't even know why they make them. They are the hardest things to walk in EVER. Well, except maybe heels, but you're not suppose to walk in heels, you're suppose to look pretty in heels, and why the hell am I talking about heels when I was talking about how my car is in the parking lot from hell?...

heels are from hell, too.

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2006 12 October :: 5.10 pm
:: Mood: curious

It snowed for the first time today as I was walking back from my speech class. I was walking, head down, secretly cursing being born in this state for just that reason, when I tried to think of something beautiful. It's the first snow, a rebirth, isolation, a new canvas, an immaculate blanket; so many things. But I couldn't, I just couldn't. There was nothing there. It was cold, and harsh, and the faster I walked toward the warmth, the farther away it seemed. I switched my hands, giving them each a turns to nestle in my coat pocket, and alternate holding my books. All I could focus on was the bestial instinct to seek warmth. There was no beauty there, only instinct. Nothing creative, nothing intelligent. One thought cursed through my slowing freezing blood-to find warmth. That's all that I wanted.

When I reached the doors, I rushed in, and instantly became overwhelmingly warm. I stood for a moment, and looked out at the blowing snow. I found only beauty in the sight, but only the pain of basic instinct in its throws.

michelle

Do you know?