:: 2006 10 October :: 8.05 pm
:: Mood: contemplative

I just got out of university band and walked over to the library where I await my english group. We have a presentation to start, and none of us are motivated whatsoever to begin.

Everything seems to be falling into place now. My financial aid is secured for the time being; I'll be recieving a refund check. Next semester will be just about perfect, depending on how many books I have to get. I can't wait to take a million english classes next semester. I went light on myself this semester because I wasn't sure what to expect. I know myself well enough to realize that even I can get overwhelmed. Now, I'm ready to take on some intellectual thought, I crave brain food. I want to not have enough time to do stupid things like party and watch movies. I want to be the girl who has one hundred pages to read everynight. I know I'll grumble about it then, but my most productive times are my happiest.

I see my reflection in the large window to my left painted above the shadows of the trees and the glow of the early night lights. It's so cold outside, but you wouldn't know it from where I sit. You have to get up, go down four flights of stairs, and open the door. The frigidness wil steal your breath away. But it's clean, and crisp, and smells of the dead, fragile leaves of autumn.

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2006 9 October :: 10.03 am
:: Mood: listless

I got back last night after it was dark out. It was quite beautiful driving; looking in my rear view mirror at the pink and purple clouds, and the sun sinking below the early october foliage. Unfortunately I couldn't park my car in the designated parking lot because it's far away and dark and I didn't want to get raped. So, I parked it in a lot close to the towers and am crossing my fingers hoping that I don't get a parking ticket. What's another twenty five dollars in the scheme of things, right? Especially if it means I won't get raped. eh.

Other than that, Central is just how I left it, of course. I got to see all my little band children this weekend, which was exciting, but sorrowful at the same time. I miss band, but it's so different now. I'm enter that phase in my life where I'm starting to not know people in band. It's so weird to think that people I don't know are sitting in the band hallway, wearing those uniforms, sitting in Robuck's office playing with his toys and reading those stupid jokes out of that stupid joke book. It's over for us.

I think I'm going to go down to the coffee shop and get some breakfast. I have my english class at noon and then my biology lab at four. I have homework to do for both.

Sometimes I enjoy the constant changing, sometimes I abhorr it. Right now, it's just hard to comprehend.

1 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 8 October :: 8.09 pm
:: Mood: content

Red Flannel was disappointing.

Half of the parade was antique tractors.

What a bunch of hicks.

michelle

[Edit] I'm fairly sure that I got food poisoning from that corn dog.

4 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 6 October :: 12.01 pm

Oh God, it's red flannel. This is the first red flannel I've been to as a spectator since sixth grade. My biggest hope is to have a corn dog.

I'm missing Judging Amy right now.

michelle

4 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 5 October :: 12.00 pm

Bah.

Sex.

-michelle

7 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 4 October :: 8.18 pm
:: Mood: curious

Change of plans-I'm coming home tomorrow night instead of Friday afternoon. I decided to skip my English class and go home. I'm doing well in all of my classes, so I figured I could slack off for just this once.

I think I'm having an affair with John Phillips Sousa.

michelle

4 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 3 October :: 5.39 pm

I have university band in about an hour. It's so very exciting.

I'm concerned about what's happening with my music. It all makes me want to cry. Everything makes me want to cry. STRESS. Bah.

And the funny part is that i have everything under control. But that's the point isn't it? Control.

michelle

1 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 2 October :: 8.56 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

Do you know?

:: 2006 2 October :: 3.33 pm
:: Mood: pissed off

My english paper
I can't believe it.

I got a B+ on my paper.

It's not just that, a B+ is cool, whatever. It's that the kid I helped for three hours with his paper got an A-. His paper sucked ASS. It didn't prove a point. He had fragments, run ons, misspellings. He didn't support his thesis, and when he did he didn't have enough support. Basically he summarized the poem. And he got an A-, and I got a B+.

Why exactly did I get a B+? Her comments:

Michelle-
While the term transcendental (which she misspelled by the way) is often used with american romantics, it is not typical of british romantics. However, I do agree with the interpretation you come to as a result of borrowing the term. However, you can come to the same conclusion without the label.

So.....my paper was perfect except that she didn't agree with me.

And the kid who summarized instead of analyzed gets an A.

I thought I was suppose to be in college.

michelle

2 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 29 September :: 3.03 pm
:: Mood: gleeful

If I've figured this out right, they will be owing me $100. That is, if my financial aid actually comes in and is applied and they don't charge me because they forgot to process my paper work.

yay.

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2006 28 September :: 4.02 pm
:: Mood: mellow

There was a torrential down pour while i was in my biology lecture. When I went outside, there was no change, excepting only the sight of the slightly darken sidewalks.

That's how it happens sometimes, isn't it? You leave for mere minutes, and the world just falls apart. When you regain conciousness of it, there is only one slight variable out of place to hint at some form of change. You would have never known except for that little sign of something awry.

michelle

p.s. Who would have know that "Beam me up, Scotty" is street for PCP and Crack?

1 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2006 27 September :: 11.01 am
:: Mood: aggravated

Sometimes everything seems like it's snowballing. There is so much going on everyday that I'm not sure if I can keep up. I need to be more organized; more everything. I'm not sure how to be like that anymore. I've spent too much time trying to get more out of life than just getting good grades on everything. I've become a lot more social, than say, four years ago. I'm a very different person, but I still have that instinctive need to do better. I got SO upset when I realized that my computer assignment was due, and I didn't even know about it! It was on black board of course, but I didn't even know there was anything there. It doesn't help that my lab instructor is from china and can't really speak english. Even if he does understand what you ask him, that doesn't mean that you will understand his response.

It's a rainy day today. I'm in the fourth floor of the library looking out over the music building and Brooks hall. I had University band last night. I talked about the really annoying piccolo player to the guy who sits nex to me. He confirmed that he was really annoyed with her too - so everytime she did something bitchy I would just look at him and smile. It was really nice not feeling alone for once.

I think that's my problem here. I feel so alone. I have "friends", but there isn't anyone that I can tell stupid things to. For example, my english professor looks like a fish out of water gasping for air when she lectures, or I think my computer professor use to be a drug happy hippie. You can't just pull someone off the side walk and tell them this. Well, I guess you could, but as I learned in communications, that doesn't mean that you'll get a self disclosure back, which is what we all want anyway.

It was raining this morning when I awoke. I like when it rains here. It's very comforting to me. I remember a specific incident when I was little - I was sitting in one of our rocking chairs by our big window and a huge thunderstorm rolled in. I was probably five or six. The thunder was so loud that i could feel our house shake with its might. I sat in that chair, curled up in a ball, and covered myself with one of the doll blankets my Grandma had knitted for me. Here I was, a little girl scared of the thunderstorm, covering myself with a blanket no bigger than a mini skirt. As the storm began to drone on, I realized that I was safe. I was inside and the thunderstorm couldn't hurt me. I slowly peeped out from under the blanket, much to my mother's laughter. I stood on the chair and looked out of the window, half amazed, half scared out of my wits. I saw, for the first time that I can recollect, a thunderstorm. It was amazing. The coulds were so dark and infuriated, and the lightening came down, lighting up the midafternoon sky. Ever since, I have been in love with thunderstorms. I love to stand out in a field and watch them roll in. I love to feel the wind pick up and race through my hair. I love to feel that chill you get when you see something so fierce, so amazing, that you are stuck there, staring at it, realizing that it's beauty is dangerous.

Enough ranting for now. I have my english class to go to in a half an hour. Pride and Prejudice is actually a little better when you read it for a second time.

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2006 27 September :: 10.36 am

It's just one of those days.

I forgot to return my library book, which means I'll get a fine.

I forgot to do a Lab assignment for my computer course that was due today and worth fourty points.

I didn't do my reading for Pride and Prejudice last night, and am currently looking on sparknotes for a quick review.

BAH.

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2006 25 September :: 7.50 pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Waking up this morning was the toughest thing I've done in a long time.

I am incredibly sick. I even skipped a class. I only skip a class for a really good reason, such as sitting in my dorm trying not to throw up.

I really want some hot chicken noodle soup right now. That would make me feel better.

Your selfish needs polluted my perfect night. When are you ever going to learn? When is it not going to be about you anymore? When will you open your eyes and see the world that you so desperately claim to know so much of? Your actions are not beautiful, they are not heroic. They are just another intelligently masked motive for self gain, for pleasure.

There was a time when I thought everything you touched was beautiful. I thought you really understood how everything worked. I thought you could feel how life changed us minute by minute, hour by hour, through painful thought, tearless loss. Now I see you're the same as everyone else. That was my fault, my mistake, for you are only human, and I shouldn't have expected anything more out of you than anyone else. I'm terribly sorry for that.

michelle

Do you know?

:: 2006 24 September :: 8.59 pm

I had a really fun weekend. I went home and saw everyone, did many things, you know what I mean.

I went to shakedown street and priscilla's for the first time Saturday. It was definately awesome.

I had such a long night last night, I got about two hours of sleep. I almost fell asleep numerous times while I was driving back to Central. That wasn't too great.

I will be back for red flannel.

I like jello.

michelle

Do you know?