gillette
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2021 16 April :: 11.24pm
How do you help yourself when you feel all of the feelings and anxiety of everything around you so deeply.
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miniredhawk
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2019 8 July :: 9.08am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Court Junkies Podcast
Wowsers....
Crazy to think, I'm now 32 years old. I've toured with my idol doing comedy shows. I've released a comedy album. I was a celebrity bodyguard. I have a wonderful career in insurance when I'm not doing comedy. I was a professional paranormal hunter for almost a decade, and visited some of the most haunted places in America.
I guess what I'm getting at is... Crazy the way life has gone since I last used this. On my prior journal entry, I would not have been able to guess one of the above things would happen in my life. Crazy to think.
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sugarjackj
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2019 5 January :: 10.59am
:: Music: Bikini Kill - Feels Blind
Going through my journal is always strange. I get so many mixed feelings. It's interesting to read where I've been, what I've done, how I felt.
Some spots are incredibly cringe worthy.
Found an old Photobucket with pictures I thought I'd lost when my old laptop was stolen.
It's neat looking through a timeline of my life expressed in my own words.
It's also painful. Looking back at the relationships and friendships I trashed. All of the horrible and tragic decisions I made. Time lost and people I've hurt.
I fell so far down the rabbit hole. I'm surprised I ever made it out.
Although sometimes it makes me sad to go through my old journal, it does remind me of where I've come from.
There has been much progress and personal growth.
So much more to go.
It's good.
1 think they know |
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sugarjackj
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2015 6 March :: 2.41am
:: Mood: Tired
OK, so, today was alright. Which is fantastic because the past week has been very depressing.
I genuinely smiled/laughed at a couple things today. I didn't have the overwhelming feeling of awful gross all day, which again, was pretty sweet.
Tomorrow my dad is having surgery on his neck in GR.
Apparently he has some sort of hereditary spinal degeneration something-or-other that my grandma also had.
So I can look forward to that coming down the pipeline eventually.
The surgeons with be removing a vertebrae from my fathers neck and fusing the remaining vertebrae together. Its a three hour surgery that requires an overnight stay.
I'm nervous because in my eyes, my big, heroic, invincible father will be going under the knife.
I'm going to be thirty in a couple years, my dads heath is staring to deteriorate and how the fuck did we get here.
Its really alright. I just am jolted sometimes when time slaps me in the face.
So I'm going to the hospital to be there for my dad. I'm also going to be there for my mom, who needs emotional support since it will be in the same hospital my grandpa lost his battle to cancer just over a year ago.
I've been pretty shut-in the past couple of months and spending the next couple days with my emotional, concerned and neurotic mother is not something I am particularly looking forward to.
But.it.must.be.done.
I just hope the surgery is 100% successful and that my mother and I can play cool.
1 think they know |
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spinder
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2014 25 October :: 10.16am
I tend to be very hesitant about claiming good things have happened. I've had so many amazing interviews that never panned out that my general reaction to positive things is that life is just trying to play a trick on me.
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sugarjackj
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2014 29 May :: 11.16pm
fuck bitches, get money
I'm making enough money to buy the shit I want and do the things I want to do.
You can call me a quitter because I'm not doing my "dream job".
Money cant buy happiness.
But it can sure buy me the things that make life cushy.
And I like that.
1 think they know |
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spinder
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2014 6 March :: 6.39pm
Cancer update: Still sucks. Dont get it.
Mortality is an odd concept. When faced with someone you love keeling over it looms large in your mind. It changes alot of how you feel about your own life.
When the protagonist of that story rolls off her death bed and decides to keep living its really a bit jarring. I'm not complaining, its wonderful, but to a certain extent I was very ready to deal with Gloria's death. A lot of mental turmoil goes into preparing for that. For the time being, though, I can continue pretending everyone will continue living forever.
I just realized something while I was typing this. Now I know which of my parents I get my procrastination streak from.
Ahhaha... Dont judge; She'd laugh.
4 think they know |
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m&ms487
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2014 17 February :: 9.27am
:: Mood: pensive
I'm twenty-six and probably buying a house in a few months.
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sugarjackj
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2014 14 February :: 2.32am
I feel like a 16 year old girl again. Not the best time in my life...
The same man keeps breaking my heart time and time again.
I can’t help but always be there for him. I am unable to separate myself from him.
And it’s fucking killing me.
I broke up with my past 3 boyfriends. It just wasn’t right. I know this.
But how am I supposed to move on when I gave my whole heart to someone else?
That’s not fair to the men I am dating. And I know that.
What I don’t know is how to make these feelings stop.
Fuck.
After a year and a half of not being with you, you come back into my life and it’s like I’m unable to function. Paralyzed by your presence.
What the hell is my problem.
Why can’t I just leave you and be on my merry way?
I have to do something but am completely at a stand-still.
I would rather have you in my life than not. Even if it’s just as friends. Because after all, you are my greatest friend.
But emotionally I am a shit show because of it.
2 think they know |
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m&ms487
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2013 15 September :: 8.47pm
:: Music: Man on Fire-Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
PhDing and teaching. It involves lots of reading. And grading. Eventually, there will be writing. This year marks my 4th academic publication, and 2014 will hold conference presentations 7-9 at major conferences.
I really hope there will be some semblance of a good job at the end of all of this.
1 think they know |
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m&ms487
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2013 31 July :: 3.18pm
We move to Indiana in five days. I start my PhD in two and a half weeks.
1 think they know |
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windedhero
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2013 21 June :: 1.55pm
This is what a blockquote looks like.
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sugarjackj
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2013 5 June :: 8.51pm
You're.
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sugarjackj
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2013 3 April :: 1.27am
:: Music: Queens Of The Stone Age
The album is due in June, titled "Like clockwork".
You can read a little bit about the album and check out their new song "My God is the sun" on this link.
Queens of the Stone Age's new album
It's been 6 years since QOTSA has released any new marital.
"My God is the sun"
Far beyond the desert road
Where everything hangs off
So good the empty space
And to erase the given......
Healing, like fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
Healing, with fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
I don’t know what time it was
I don’t wear a watch
So good to be an ant who crawls
Atop a spinning rock
Healing, like fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
Healing, with fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
Healing, like fire from above
Kneeling, my god is the sun
Feeling, healing, nothing (loving)
...
Love us
Heal us
Always (look at) the sky
2 think they know |
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sugarjackj
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2013 22 March :: 11.19pm
Woohu,
I'll write you tommorow.
-Jacqulyn
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