[obsolete]

:: 2008 7 August :: 11.02am

Ugugugugh please someone save me I need a new job so badly. Ireally cannot take it. Im going insane

phil-himself

:: 2008 6 August :: 12.07pm

feels good man

3 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2008 4 August :: 10.46pm

Bachelorette party
going to be in MI this weekend anyone who wants to party let me know i will be in grand rapids friday night....yayayay

:: 2008 4 August :: 4.42pm

and the week continues and the plot thickend but i still feel less and less amuzed with the whole thing

:: 2008 3 August :: 1.18am

Yay I got it done! I feel l ike a badass haha. I was so scared but it doesn't hurt at all. I don't like the way it looks righht now cuz they had to use a 14 gage and a big ol ugly silver ball right now but in a wk and a half I am going to have the guy put a small cute diamond one in it. I am so excited and glad I did it. Now if only my parents won't hate me everything will be good!

2 think they know | Do you know?

:: 2008 2 August :: 7.32pm

So I've been wanting to do this for a long time. Going back and forth between a tattoo and piercing. Well im getting a piercing for many reasons
1. You can remove them so if I don't like it I don't have to worry about it.
2. I love jewelry and accessories. Anyone who knows me well knows this. I never go a day w.out earrings of some sort. I think accessories complete every look.
3. Im feeling rebelious and I need to do somethibng to satisfy that.
4. I think this specific piercing is cute and hopefully will look ok on me!
5. I need something different

So that's that its settled, im getting a "monroe" piercing. Hooray. Tonight after I get out of this shithole. Aka work.

My grandma is never going to speak to me again tho.... :0(
Forgive me!

:: 2008 1 August :: 8.16pm

well today has been an adventure......to say the least

it started off ok then i get a call from my Brother that my dad has yet again lost his job because he decided to go to work DRUNK AGAIN>>>i know its an addiction and i know i need to be there for him but i feel like i am someitmes at a brick wall. my mom gave him 2 months to clean his act up or she is "leaving" i dont really know what that means but i know her and nate are going to be completly selfish about this and it makes me sad. yeah it messes with thier life but my main focus is getting my dad better. no matter what the cost. maybe im just naive and stupid but its my dad and i love him and i am willing to do whatever for him ah well he has me and maybe thats all he needs.

THEN,
when i was doing laundry a got stung by a bee, which i am allergic to. raced home and took some meds and i feel ok my arm is throbbing but pain is a necessary evil and i can handle it.

2 think they know | Do you know?

phil-himself

:: 2008 31 July :: 10.16pm

Pineapple Express is over 9000 laughs, I got to see it tonight before it comes out

I lol'd, then I came

:: 2008 31 July :: 2.30pm

i finally got all of the stuff for the hall taken care of... at least i think i did. i have all the music and all the d-cor and i think in terms of wedding i am almost done with stuff....(doing the happy dance)

my mom finally is ok with everything, i thnk oh well.

m&ms487

:: 2008 31 July :: 8.20am

Well, I went and saw the doctor yesterday after trying to go to work at nine and then working for three hours being extremely dizzy and holding myself up with the counter.

Rueben and Glor came and picked me up and Rueben drove me to my appointment. The doctor said it was either something with my heart (because during my recent physcial I was told for the first time that I have a heart murmur) or I'm hypoglycemic; so I got an EKG, some blood drawn, and they sent me home with at 24 hour EKG. So, I get to carry around a little bag with wires attached to me until two this afternoon, and then Rueben is going to take me to drop it off. The real EKG they did in the office was fine, and the doctor said he thinks the 24 hour one will be, too. But...but only thing he was worried about was that hypoglycimia doesn't explain why I couldn't walk for almost an hour and a half after I almost passed out.

I guess we'll see. I think my ulcer is healing. I was able to eat quite a bit yesterday (probably about 1300 calories), which isn't quite a bit, but it's a hell of a lot more than I have been able to eat the past few months...plus I didn't get nauseated!

So, as one thing gets better, another gets worse.

I have the day off today from work, doctor's orders. I have to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so we'll see how it goes. I like the little vacation, but I don't like it's cause.

2 think they know | Do you know?

m&ms487

:: 2008 29 July :: 8.54am

I almost passed out at work yesterday. I was processing a return and all of the sudden I felt a wave of heat come over me. I looked at the computer screen and it split into three screens (just like in the movies, in fact), and then I couldn't hear anything like I was underwater. So, I told my coworker to finish the return and I collapsed on the floor.

I called my parents to come and get me since I couldn't drive home, and I was wheeled out in a wheel chair.

I have the day off today, so I'm just resting now. I feel a lot better; I couldn't walk for a few hours after it happened.

It was really warm behind the service desk again, almost seventy nine. My dad was yelling at me saying that I shouldn't be passing out when it's only seventy nine and there are lots of people that work in factories where it's warmer than that. It put me off. I can't help it, and there's nothing that a doctor will be able to do. When it gets really hot and humid, I can't sweat, which makes me overheat. I don't know, I feel like I'm thirteen again and I'm getting yelled at for something I have no control over.

I'm not looking forward to this weekend, however. It's suppose to get up into the nineties. What do I have to do? Buy myself twelve box fans to take to work with me?

I can tell you this, I don't ever want to be wheeled out of meijer in a wheel chair again until I'm ninety and don't know the difference.

:: 2008 28 July :: 11.27pm

ok so i have decided that no matter how much i truely grow up my mom still thinks i am stupid.... really. me and tj decided to have my work cater for the wedding, yeah it may be a little more work and such but in total we will be saving almost 500.00. i dont know about you but i could care less about a little more planning and sorting if i can save that much it is definetly worth it right!!!

Not buying a house just yet. we can save up more money if we stay where we are and just bank for a year... they rate we are saving now in a year we could have like 3 grand saved and that makes me very happy, that is it will once we can pay off all the credit cards and be ok on bills... being an adult is hard but i know together me and my soon to be husband ( its wierd to say that omg how corny am i?) cang et though it all...

:: 2008 27 July :: 10.37pm

Today was my day off for the week it was a good one too!
trying to get all that last minute bull shit for the wedding all together and my wonderful fience is NO HELP... boys suck balls

anyways, lifes great just chaotic such is such

:: 2008 26 July :: 12.17pm

My mind is blank now. Every part of my body is sinking and empty. I don't have to think about anything, hear anything, say anything, feel anything, worry about anything.
...there are no job interviews, no hypocrites. I do not have to... socialize. I do not have to smile. I do not have to justify my beliefs. I don't have to wear dress shoes. I don't have to pledge allegiance to the flag. I don't have to use a number two pencil. I don't have to read the fine print.
...it is true that it is nonproductive. But when ninety-five percent of out-of-bed activities hold the possibility of pain, to be pain-free is simply the most delicious feeling in the world.

-not mine

m&ms487

:: 2008 25 July :: 9.45pm

April 18

the slime of all my yesterdays
rots in the hollow of my skull

and if my stomach would contract
because of some explicable phenomenon
such as pregnancy or constipation

I would not remember you

or that because of sleep
infrequent as a moon of greencheese
that because of food
nourishing as violet leaves
that because of these

and in a few fatal yards of grass
in a few spaces of sky and treetops

a future was lost yesterday
as easily and irretrievably
as a tennis ball at twilight

-Sylvia Plath