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shalee
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2011 22 June :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: awake
Those who really love, love in silence.
1 Burn |
backtalk
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shalee
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2011 16 June :: 9.36pm
:: Music: Sondre Lerche
[Dan In Real Life]
"Because when you're out there and you're being tossed back and forth by those big dark waves, and you think that you'll never feel land again and that you could just split into a million pieces and just sink down all the way down into the deep... it's the light that keeps us on course; it's the light."
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shalee
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2011 31 May :: 9.19pm
:: Mood: contemplative
"I found myself thinking about you tonight on a walk under some makeshift constellations struggling through the light pollution of the city, fleeting thoughts coming and going like New England snowfalls. I want to bear my soul to you in the way that symphonies are written, so that at its completion, my story will have completely enveloped you like B minor at the predawn of a snow-covered day, and you'll realize that there is nothing more painfully right than the overlap of the lines on our palms and all the countless intersections of your eyes and mine."
backtalk
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aaron
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2011 17 February :: 4.28pm
What does it mean to be an individual?
2 Burns! |
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aaron
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2011 12 January :: 6.54pm
It's time for an adventure.
2 Burns! |
backtalk
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aaron
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2010 8 December :: 9.42pm
Goddamn it I could just burn this whole journal and tell you my life is beautiful and maybe that would make some sense.
The beauty in the world I chase so hard chases back.
2 Burns! |
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aaron
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2010 8 December :: 9.33pm
The funny thing is, whether it was learning an indigenous language on a mountain thousands of miles, or here at my desk writing philosophy, or napping with her on the couch...
now I'm just lost in the music. Haha, look at me go. Here we go?
Don't suppose I'm as crude of an instrument as I look, there's something very elegant going on here. We may be social dinosaurs, and maybe you don't believe in these sorts of dinosaurs, but I like to think they existed. If they didn't, then this isn't old fashioned, it's revolutionary.
On second thought, it's a revolution anyway. In my private little world, it's a revolution. I imagine it would be in yours, too.
Be balanced, but not compromised. Of course of course of course live this fiercely. Dive in.
And if the music is what makes the feeling, there's always people making more music.
backtalk
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aaron
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2010 8 December :: 9.30pm
I have existed twice and all at once.
backtalk
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aaron
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2010 29 September :: 6.06pm
:: Music: ratatat
bah
bahbah
bahbah
desert eagle and coffee.
folding and unfolding. something like origami flowers. can\\
sleeping in peace, sleeping cause you can't drown and feel this good.
buh
buhshickshicka. noisy drum noises.
There was a moment, 7 years ago, just like this, where something began.
See them? At first I thought it was snowing. Now I see it never mattered how scared I was, how small I was, or how hard the Leviathan fought to keep me back.
Like the Mobius strip, life only appears to go in a straight line if you're in it.
There was a moment 7 years ago. I could never have known how beautiful this is.
I can't tell you the future, and I can't decide who anyone else is. I'm sometimes not sure I can even know who anyone else is.
But I know who I am, and I can choose who I am, and if that has anything to do with the future, I can choose some piece of that, too.
A little girl pushes on the oar.
Grandpa pushes too. And that's how miracles happen.
backtalk
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aaron
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2010 19 September :: 6.00pm
My life is beautiful.
The dichotomy here is that I'm inclined to say something I know isn't true. So let's call it a feeling, not a thought
but
They can call me pretentious, I don't really mind. The meek and meager inherit the Earth, and the bold and reckless inherit the sky.
Mostly just love so powerful that when strikes me I could forget my own name. And finally a world of people who know what that means.
Oh, for the record: I really love that girl.
backtalk
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aaron
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2009 8 December :: 9.22pm
I feel good. Rough around the edges, but things are changing. Maybe it's thinking back to the things that mattered before this weird fog. Maybe it's the major key playing in the stereo.
Most people get out- I know that I need to break out and shine anyway.
I'm carrying this belief that if I go, I'll fuck it up- that the new people won't like me, that I won't succeed in the new place.
All of that is juvenile- this place started as passion and a way with words. All the pretentious anti-personal anti-poetry came later.
My roots as a person are the things that I can't make sense out of.
Maybe I should let myself acknowledge how foreign all of the rest is to me right now.
I can't breathe, but there's a big smile on my face anyway.
"But the oranges just sit there and never ripen!"
"Stalinist fruit."
backtalk
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aaron
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2009 8 December :: 9.19pm
"This is what I'm learning from this trip; I need friends, true friends, talk deeply, laugh deeply friends. And I need self-control. I need to not get away from myself or my best intentions. And I need to really live, really connect, really be human. Really.
I need to love, really. That's important. I need to be as human as I can without being human at everyone else's expense."
June 21st, 2009
How do people loose sight of moments like these?
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aaron
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2009 7 October :: 11.45am
Those are the things that stun me.
Life has so much continuity, it gives me goose bumps.
backtalk
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aaron
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2009 17 September :: 3.56pm
I was there. I took the step, I bridged the gap.
I'm still afraid, and I'm still dodging my best intentions, letting myself get away from myself.
I know who I am. He's not just coming into view, but exploding into Technicolor.
This is without system or method- I know that's hard for people to understand. Everyone feels abandoned by me, but it's not abandonment. It's just a newer (older?) me.
And this is deep. A lot deeper than anything I've ever experienced. Quiet, calm, almost still- but the vibrancy is undeniable and inescapable. I've always been afraid I would lose it, but I think it's been chasing me all along.
He's there, but he's very different than I expected. I expected either loud or quiet, fun or solemn. I expected him to fit.
And it's ironic. What I realized was how bad I need people, and what I did was ignore all of them.
I feel awful- but it's just begun.
And she's right, haahaha. She's got us pegged. I wonder if they all accept that better than I realized? They don't protest.
I never knew as much as I thought. But this is freedom, and I like it a little better.
1 Burn |
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aaron
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2009 7 May :: 9.57pm
Baby I've been here before,
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold
and it's a broken
hallelujah.
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the lord of song
with nothing on my tongue
but hallelujah.
1 Burn |
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