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Aaron
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2003 27 November :: 1.10pm
:: Mood: comforted
:: Music: some smashing pumpkins song...a happy one. it's playing in maddy's room.
Tori,
i'm supposed to be leaving in about thirty seconds, which doesn't give me much time, though i'll be on MSN messanger at my cousin's house. i'm all apolagies about last night. my dad unplugged the computer...anyway, i'll talk to you more later...i don't think you'd apreciate me continueing the conversation where everyone can see it. just know this. love is a verb. it is the act in which you become dependant on something or someone. i know your fear. i have that same fear. but i'm still that person you've trusted for five years. that person isn't leaving. minor changes may occur, but that is simply natural as ones hystory grows. i love you. i have become dependant on you. i live for you. and i would be no where without you.
with all the love of the world and whatever lies beyond, i am yours.
Paul
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Aaron
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2003 25 November :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: frightened
:: Music: my immortal, evanescence
again...it's haunting me.
tori...i need you...i'm frightened. i can feel the temptation rising...i don't know why....please, tori, call me or something...i won't be online much longer....please.
3 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 25 November :: 11.36pm
:: Mood: happy/tired/anxious...he's almost free! ^.^
tori..i wasn't. i deleted the message and i can't even remember the email adress. i have nore respect for you than that. i don't even have that much of a desire to talk to him. i think you need to learn to trust me more ;). i love you. no idea where you are at the moment. i know you said you were going to either nora's or sophie's house to do a science project...pretty sure it was nora. anywho, i'm on until nine. see ya soon.
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Aaron
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2003 23 November :: 5.53pm
thinking about it...should i tell her? later. much much later...now is just not good for her...i think this needs to brew longer, too. i still haven't found out everything,.
5 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 23 November :: 3.57am
:: Mood: tired/pained/happy/lonely
:: Music: techno on tori's computer, now on mine!
tori's eyeware
i say get contacts. no hiding for you missy. besides, i think you'll like it...i know i would. the glasses dim your eyes, though my opinion shouldn't matter to you...well actually, it should. but don't let it sway your decision. you choose, though my vote is for contacts...
3 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 22 November :: 11.54pm
goddamn it tori, i miss you like hell. i am dying. i am also sober, if that at all speeds your return. though, i am in large amounts of pain and will probably take a painkiller again very very soon. tons of love, XO, your own manic retard,
paul.
post script: though i made quite sure you heard with comments in your journal, my cousin showed me the link to the site from which the techno on your computer originated. it was most hystarical and random. i was most impressed when they played rammstien (german anarchist, let me enphasize this, ANARCHIST heavy metal band) as the theme song to the nazi crab which so malevolantly tried to steal poor blotes zepplin and was foiled by the combined forces of mr. pringle in a minitary tank and hairy in the zepplin itself, though it was hairy that stopped him and not mr. pringle and his military tank...how sad. (goddamnit i talk funny when i'm fucking sober, where the hell are my narcodics???!!!??!!?!)
7 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 22 November :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: lonely/hungry
:: Music: techno on tori's computer
ah...i had and anger rush today...i dropped a knife on my foot. i didn't mean to of course but i did and it squirted blood up and around. it was funny. so...i watched a LIVE world war 2 movie...it was a little unnerving, i mean, you're watching real people get mutilated with flame throwers and shells and you begin to wonder "what if that were me? would anyone cry for me? would anyone care if i were that guy getting melted alive?" it was pretty bizarre. -sigh-...tori is at a movie. i miss her...hurry back love. i need to speak with someone.
11 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 22 November :: 6.41pm
ah man...it was 3:33, but now it's 3:34....sad
2 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 22 November :: 6.31pm
wow...look at all that blood. did i do that?
1 Burn |
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Aaron
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2003 21 November :: 6.59pm
lmao!!! right as i say that she and morgan call on a cell phone and tell me they're coming over!!! hahaha...yay!!! i can't wait to see her.
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Aaron
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2003 21 November :: 6.50pm
tori should be on soon...yay! hehehe...i miss her...*sigh* i wanna hang out with her but she has to go to her dad's house.
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Aaron
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2003 21 November :: 6.41pm
"when one is on narcodics, it's pretty easy to stare at a wall for ten hours and not think about anything at all"- paul d. mahugh
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Aaron
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2003 21 November :: 5.30pm
hey guys...how'd you put music in your journal? i think mine could really use some...
10 Burns! |
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Aaron
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2003 21 November :: 5.29pm
:: Music: unwell, matchbox twenty
unwell
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
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Aaron
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2003 21 November :: 4.20pm
:: Mood: high...really fucking high...
a name for my knee
i think i'll name it...SAMMY!!! fitting...it's stupid and fat and ugly and annoying and....hehe....drugged up. my knee shall be named sammy. i watched lord of the rings this morning. my dad strapped that machine to me today, and so i wore that instead of my brace and splint until about 12:30. my mum brought me david's pizza and dr.pepper and man, this is awesome. it's like i have my own slaves...if i want music, bam, i have music. if i want food, bam, i have food. drinks are the same way. i get to pick meals...last night, chinese, tonight flank steak. the world is at my finger tips...almost. i really miss tori...i miss all of you. i'll be at school monday. probably on crutches. i have my brace so i should technacally be able to walk but it hurts like nothing i have ever felt or will ever feel. no one can comlain until they have children. my mom says the only things that hurt worse than a dislocated knee is an apendix three days from popping and, of course, birth. and she grew up on a farm. she knows pain....and more types of pain than you can imagine. but the drugs really help...god, if my sister bitches about guys having no pain tolerence i WILL kill her....kill her good. so, the other day she didn't want to go riding due to a "tummy ache"...heh heh heh....my mom even said "oh, i got it." yeah...anywho. it's swollen again, and it looks like a fat person's knee...thus the reason i named my knee sammy.
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