Went to Mel’s tonight. Had a really nice visit.

So I have a new roommate.

Long story short: Jay won’t be here until winter semester, so Josh said Paul could stay until then. This is the same guy that I was going to kick out in the morning because he’s been here two weeks while supposedly looking for an apartment.

I expected to be included in this decision. Josh’s reasoning is that Jay said he was in charge since he isn’t here. I’m sorry but I live here too, why should you be able to make decisions for me?

Anyway, how I found out is Paul was painting the dining room. I just sort of stared and asked how permanent is this? He thought I meant the paint; he had no clue that Josh hadn’t consulted me.

So I walk upstairs and go into Josh’s room, he’s making out with a boy from last week, in a fairly “firm” tone I tell him “Talk now!” He looked all pissy and came out. We sat and talked in Jay’s room for a bit, I got out most every problem I had with him including the new roommate issue. He did apologize, but also said he saw no reason to tell me. So it was an apology to make me happy, not actually one he meant. Anyway I decided to ask today when this all went down. Apparently it was decided on Monday. So four days after it is decided I find out.

I’m just fucking pissed. And I didn’t get drunk enough last night to forget my problems.

Somebody got a shovel?

Josh got hit by a truck today. He tried crossing an intersection while a truck was turning. He blames the driver of the truck, even though he had right of way. All he got was a scrape across one arm, and that isn’t even bad. It was funny when I drove up after work; he was sitting by the side door with the light on looking at his bike. I immediately thought white trash, he fit the stereotype so well, tight wife beater no longer white, his gut sticking out over his pants some. Very entertaining. I’m really looking forward to everyone showing up here. Got trashed at Katie’s the other night, wine in a box. Tastes much better than beer, and works better too. I didn’t have to pee all night. Went furniture shopping from Kelli’s car, just drove around looking for stuff people were throwing out. Got a bunch of stuff for their house.

I finally figured out why I’m so happy. I’m celebrating the death of a friendship. I know it’s a bad thing to celebrate, but I think this is a friendship that should have never begun. If a person can get this pissy over me telling him to shut off his alarm clock and appliances before he leaves, what’s the point? I knew he was a dumb fuck, but I never realized how truly immature he is. I figured that maybe I just caught him at the right time when I normally saw him, or maybe he’s just a drama queen. But, he’s a drama queen because he is so immature and egotistical. The other reason I’m happy is that I’ve finally realized what I knew all along. In addition to what he told me before, I am now “a man of no culture”. It’s funny how creative he’s trying to be in his insults. Maybe it’s just me, but I have more culture than is normal for a person my age. Oh well, I’m not going to get all mad over this one. I’m happy I lost a friend, sounds weird doesn’t it?

This is really weird. It’s two hours later and I’m still ecstatic. Just read his away message. It says, “tame me” in French. I know I’m probably too hard on the bastard, but for some reason it seems necessary with him. Nobody’s really commented on my actions, if any seem too far out of line let me know. Josh is giving Jordan relationship advice including: shut up shut up listen to me. Seeing as how his average relationship is down to about 6 hours, I really don’t see how he’s qualified to give real relationship advice. It is possible to help with having had little experience yourself, but if you don’t even listen to all of the person’s problems and actually cut them off, I don’t see how you can be of much help.

Brighter note. Mike came over Wednesday night and I dyed his hair. Then we went and saw Tombraider II. It was something I was in the mood for. I can see why people didn’t like it, but I also think they were a little harsh in their critiques.

Stayed up and read “Prey” that night as well. Took me until six in the morning but I finally read it. It’s been sitting there for a few months now. Good book. Michael Crichton is always a good writer. There were a few contradictions because it is so technical, but they were easy to overlook while reading.

I pissed Joshie off! YAY! You guys know how I usually sugar coat things right? Well, Josh had made the statement that I always “add a drop of honey” to things, so I decided to try and be blunt for once to get the point across. I got a “Fuck You!”. Normally this would trouble me, but for some reason I’ve had a big smile all morning. I think the blunt approach is the worst way to deal with him as far as keeping the civility of the house, but it is the most effective in my goals, so I will be using this approach from here on out.

Grr.

Well, lets start on a good note. In the last three days at Menards I’ve made sales totaling $30,000. So, you could say that I’ve been successful in meeting my sales goals. But then there’s that part where sales goals really mean nothing. Oh well.

Josh is a fucking slob. I cleaned while he was in Canada. It took him 16 hours before he had the house dirty enough to piss me off. Maybe it’s just me, but don’t you put stuff on a plate before you put it in the microwave? Maybe some things that don’t leave residue behind you will skip it, but a hot dog? They’re not even decent ones, so they leave a shit load of grease behind, he can’t even clean it up. Well me being the person that I am, I micro waved my food on a plate and then set the plate in my lap to eat. I hadn’t noticed the grease in the microwave until I looked at my clothes. Then there’s tonight. About a quarter of my raspberry jam disappeared. After the story he felt the need to tell me last time, I figured he and his current boy used some for “extracurricular purposes”. I looked in the sink and saw there wasn’t a plate in there, so I was thinking, maybe I was wrong. But, me being the anal bastard that I am, I counted plates. There was still one missing. This in not some cheap shit jam, its stuff that I made. I had to go outside and pick all those fucking raspberries. I really don’t want to see it wasted for sexual purposes, especially if I’m not the one eating it. I also don’t want to envision Josh doing it.

My parents are coming down this weekend. Not sure what to think of this. Hopefully it goes well.

Most of my neighbors are leaving, which is a good thing. The girls across the street had a habit of parking so badly I wasn’t able to get into my spot even if I used the sidewalk. Plus the drunken idiots beside me are gone. They weren’t even fun to drink with.

I need to finish my room. I know Jay is moving in soon.

I haven’t had to work during the morning so I’ve been sitting at my computer around lunchtime. Imagine my luck, the football players walk by my house to get to the practice field. Now only if they took off their shoulder pads so I could see more than their face.

Watched episode two of the OC tonight. I’m really starting to like it.

The state of MI is being a bitch once again. According to all of the laws I wasn’t able to apply for residency until August 1. Then it takes them six weeks to process the application. My plan was to see if I was denied residency then drop all of my classes if I was, and just pick up a few at KVCC and get more hours at Menards. Hopefully my application is approved.

I really want to become a stay at home wife. It would be the perfect career for me. I love to cook and I really love to have a clean house. So I could run errands, clean, and cook all day long. Now I just need to find a man to support this plan. Except all of them that come into Menards are married or so far below my standards that it’s almost not even funny. How can Josh keep meeting all these men, some of which are actually cute, working at Fazoli’s?

Going Under.


Ashe




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Grievance

youre in absolute distress because of the death of
someone important to you. youre the flood gates
to all the pain...

Went and applied for residency today. Forgot my tax forms back home, so I have to have my parents scan and e-mail those to me. Went back to Marshall Fields today, returned underwear that weren’t what they listed. Realized that I have to special order what I want. Seems silly that they carry almost nothing in 30” waist size. The ones that I did find were high-rise, never found a person who actually wears those. Bought a game while I was at the mall, Unreal II. 3 GB install, seems really large for a game. I’m going to go try that now, see how I like it.

Since Lindsey couldn’t make it to the Warped Tour today, we went out instead. Went to the John Ball zoo. Neat zoo, it’s a little small but neat nonetheless. Went to Bennigan’s for lunch. Then went to the mall. Nice mall. Really wanted to stop by the Godiva shop, but I know I would have blown too much there. As it was I spent about $100 today. Had a really good day. It was a very nice break from life.

I got my drivers license today. It’s one of those new ones, where they print it sideways if you’re under 21. Neat idea, except I turn 21 in less than two months and have to go back to get another new one. Plus it’s a paper back, so if I send it through the wash, it’s destroyed.

Not really sure what to write tonight. I’m sure there’s something that I’ll think of later, but it’s not coming to me right now. I’m really looking forward to everyone moving back. I’m going to apply for residency on Monday; we’ll see how that goes. I’m still waiting for my MI driver’s license. I’m thinking of other schools, a few stand out: one in Chicago, another in Minneapolis, and one near Seattle. I’ll see if I get residency first. If I don’t I’m going to throw a bitch fit, drop all of my classes and enroll at KVCC. I’m getting ahead of myself though, I should get residency.

Josh can be very dumb. I got to hear a story about him and Chris and some of my raspberry jam, I really didn’t want to hear. He assured me it was put on a plate first, but I still got a visual in my head, that I really didn’t want to have. Josh is really starting to get out of shape, and picturing him fucking is not a pretty sight. Now spreading jam on toast has a whole new meaning.

Started on season two of QAF. Just finished episode eight. Too bad season three won’t be out on DVD for a while. I guess that gives me time to buy the first two. Maybe I’ll put them on my Christmas list. Although, it would be weird if my parents bought it for me. In one of the episodes they bring up the point that it’s demeaning to gays to be portrayed as sex crazed freaks. Which is slightly what QAF does. Sex is a very central theme of the show, and it gets very graphic in spots, they show everything short of actual penetration. But then I realized, there are shows like this for straight people: soap operas and such. This is very high quality to be compared to a soap opera, but it got me to thinking. If straight people can have shows like this and aren’t demeaned in any way, why can’t I? Eh, I like the show even if it portrays gays as sex craved freaks. It shows how close our friendships are and how we can still weed out the worst guys drunk or high. :-) I don’t think any other show has provoked so much thought in me. Most of it’s viewers probably don’t take it this seriously, but I think it’s helping me sort through shit in my head.

On a side note the Kalamazoo Menards is really a rumor mill. This week my dad is a part of the pit crew at Indy. I really dislike the job for some reason. I’m not sure why, all other jobs have had bad characteristics and I haven’t disliked them nearly this much. I want to find an internship; I think I’ll start applying again once school starts.

My parents are coming down the weekend of the 16th; we’ll see how that goes.

I got to clean duck shit off our kitchen floor this morning. Woke up and the side door is wide open. I had locked it before I went to bed. Josh asked if I was prone to bouts of sleepwalking. The way he asked it, it was as if he felt guilty. Maybe it was just because it was so weird. I'm just assuming it was duck shit. It looked like the same stuff that we walked past by the pond on the way to class. The animal that left it is nowhere to be found.

I’m beginning to find my job at Menards to be very tedious. All of my previous jobs required almost no intelligence. Not that this job is too much different. Don’ t get me wrong it is difficult and all of my previous jobs have had difficult aspects. It’s just that this one is just beginning to bother me. There is less squabbling between departments than what I’m used to. But instead of squabbling, the other departments are just separate. I mean receiving is supposed to do half of the work that I actually do. I know they work hard back there and everything, it’s just annoying that I get to do someone else’s job. I really want an internship someplace. I’m not sure about my career choice either. There is this culinary program at Brown College in MN that sounds like a lot of fun. I’m just feeling insecure, or bored, or unsatisfied, or something. I don’t know.

Jay is going to start moving his stuff in this weekend. I have to get my shit out of his room so he has someplace to put his things.

Finished watching the QAF special features today. It’s weird how different the actor’s real personality is. Normally they have some similarities, but they seem more independent than I’m accustomed to. I read the issue of the Advocate that I bought yesterday. It’s now legal for me to have sex in any state; the Supreme Court has overturned all sodomy laws. There was a neat article on Pamela Anderson in there. I always thought that she was some big airhead. When she wants to be, she is very intelligent. I want to write other things, but I really don’t have the ambition to convert my thoughts into meaningful words, so this is it for tonight.

Went to work this morning, nothing eventful there. Just the same old shit. Went to Barnes & Noble with Katie, then we went and saw Finding Nemo. Ok movie, but I was expecting so much more. Stopped by DQ for dinner. Then started watching QAF special features. I’m not exactly sure what it is about the show, but it provokes so much more thought in me than anything else. Part of it is probably that I can relate to it, but their lives are so much more different than mine, so I can’t even relate very well, except for the gay part. Bought the new Eve 6 CD as well. Decent but I think that I liked the previous ones better, I’ll have to see what I think of it after listening to it while I’m more alert and can pick it apart better.

Side note: I became an uncle for the second time on Friday. Lawrence Michael Lonetree-Burgess. He is 9 lbs 6 oz, 22” long and was born at 11:25 AM. Big kid for labor being induced early.

Just pissed Joshie off. :-) I finished one of the disks so I knocked on his door, he had just walked in and his light was on, I didn't realize there was a guy in there. Now about 5 minutes later I hear a very loud groan. Grr. I want better-insulated walls. I even have my music turned up.

Had a little “Queer As Folk” marathon. Two days off work and spent both of them watching the first season. Josh borrowed the DVD set from some male friend, and I stole it from him. Excellent show. The humor is much more my style than what I normally watch. The editing is very good as well. They seem to capture very good facial expressions and always have the right camera angles. There is usually at least one bad actor in a series, but I noticed none, which is no big deal because of my low standards for that sort of thing, but it’s still an accomplishment. I just have the special features left to watch. I really want to get the second season now so I can continue watching, I also want to get Showtime, but that’s so expensive.

Lindsey came down yesterday for the kegger, she got here a little early so we watched some QAF. She seemed to enjoy it as well. Went over to Katie’s just before ten. Jackie and the entire house was there on the same night, the first time for that. Lots of neat people. I have usually been in an environment that always a few people have a problem with me being gay, at least in larger groups such as this. It was nice because not a single person did. A few cute guys, straight though. One guy brought a dog. Nice puppy, reminded me of mine. Not sure what time I made it home. It was fun.

New guy at work, he’s an MT. Nice enough, really bad breath. I mean BAD. Went back to the Secretary of State yet again. Still don’t have my Michigan license. They’re getting better though. I got a pink slip so I didn’t have to wait in line. Still took half an hour though. They don’t keep anything on file, so I had to fill out my address, get my picture taken, give them my signature, phone number, height, weight, and all that shit again. The picture looks more normal this time. We got the big dog at work, first time. Kris is on vacation this week. Somehow everyone got extra hours except me.

Wednesday. Woke up and went to work this morning. Arrived home at the peak of the heat. I look in our flowerbed, and our landlord planted flowers where I planted seeds. We’ll see if any of mine grow. Went and saw Hollywood Homicide with Katie. Not an Oscar winner, but good. Also explained to Katie what it meant to bottom. As you can tell, we had a rather varied discussion before the movie started. Landlord fixed the light in the basement, somehow it managed to flip the circuit breaker. Never heard of that happening when a light bulb burns out. He said he’s going to buy a new screen, but it may take a while, so I think I’m going to steal the one from Jay’s bedroom. Talked with Katie about Ryan. I guess sometimes I just can’t agree with some of my friends, and on this occasion it happens to be Mike. No big deal though. It’s way too hot out.

Had a chat with Mike today. I suppose I was a little strong suggesting that the Air Force fucked with Ryan’s head. In all reality he may have been confused when he thought he was gay before. I should get to know him better before I jump to any conclusions. Just hope he’s making the right decisions. He could really make his life difficult.

Well, it's about four in the morning and I'm waiting for my laundry to finish. Everyone is asleep, and I don't want to do any of the stuff that I should be doing right now...

Well here went Monday. Got sent home early from a five-hour shift at work. Seems pointless to work for three hours. Rachelle called tonight. Went over there and met her friend Ryan. Really cute guy, apparently he was gay before he entered the Air Force, but now isn’t. I thought it normally went the other way with the lack of women, but whatever. I guess it is illegal to be in the military and be gay, so that explains it. Katie and Kellie got off work and came back, went over to Alex’s house, drank some, not much. I think what bothered me the most is that I was actually attracted to Ryan. He is a nice guy. Too bad the military fucks up your mind some. Hopefully he figures himself out when his tour is up. But that is another four years, and a lot of damage could be done by then. Oh well. Night folks.