Merry Christmas
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE I am soo excited for my birthday coming up sweet 16 i cant wait. I am going to the greatest hotel and my friends and I are gonna go hottubbin and dinner wow it'll be great anyway I dont y but when we went to the park for lights this year something HIT ME I dont know why. I had a reality check about jesus christ. I had realized something so wonderful It felt like the lord was by me somewhere I dont know where and I dont know how but It was an extrordinary feeling
well MERRY CHRISTMAS

ME
I am soo amused right now just because I am. no reason and NO i am not high. JUST happy and hyper and yet I am still confused about wheter joel was serious or not
LATER

WHY
I dont understand sometimes. why are guys so dumb. Josh is a fuckin jerk. and joel told me he liked me a while back and that he would want to go out later on but I mean I dont know because we never talk and I want us to and I guess the other day he told manders that he wasnt sure if he liked me anymore but now Im not sure if he was joking I DONT KNOW. ther are so many things I want to say to him like personal feelings and things that bother me but I never do tell him ever because I am afraid that he will think I am dumb or that he will like me less. I dont really understand why I ever broke up with him last year Mostly I was scared. really I know it sounds dumb but its true. so many people in my past have lied to me about loving me and when I was so very dumb and naive they broke my heart because I believed that they truly loved me and it is so hard for me to trust people. I am starting to open up and trust joel ITS HARD but its real. and I dont want him to use that to his advantage or to break my heart. I just wish i felt normal you know? I dont know. . . the only ones I can talk to right now are my 2 three most best friends in the world. Manda julie and my sister.