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kellielynn
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2011 17 October :: 3.10am
:: Mood: pissed off
Dear Rachel, moose, and Tom,
The world may have well as ended.
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 14 October :: 11.01am
I think I was cheated on.
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 23 August :: 10.40am
Not sure what kind of mood I was in two slots ago but I'm having memories flood back like CRAZY lately. I miss him. He's single- and back in alpena. Lucky me.
I've been really crappy and reclusive this month and it's so weird...
I care. But in a different way now-
Still nothing from Meg still. Shes been gone 2.5 weeks and texted me saying she'd call and i haven't even gotten so much as a hello the whole time. So when my sister and I are disconnected, I am disconnected from the world.
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 8 August :: 4.44am
What happens when the one person you count on most in this world let's you down.
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 20 July :: 12.31am
Ok. Still not packing anymore for n.c. However I've gotten to the point where I'm not crying about the dirtbag anymore. I'm pissy, annoyed, and kinda sad still but it's kind of whatev now. Going nowhere. He's got a new girl- now to find me a new guy...
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 11 July :: 2.33pm
:: Mood: Just sad
Just another disappointing day. After these past few weeks of excellence having Jen and Scott, Steph and John, and Rach things have been so nice. The fireworks, bonfires, going to the beach, I had yet to start thinking about N.C.
This morning, I drove to town for boxes in which I returned home to fill them. I started with photo frames, looking, reminiscing, crying. I texted Meg this and her response was polar opposite of what I expected.
Basically, I quit my job for no reason, told everyone I was leaving, was starting to get excited to be with my sister away from this drama filled town- all for... Nothing.
If I'm not ready for school, quit shoving it in my face. Who's to say when I will be? ME. Don't keep saying 'come live with me' if you don't want to accept me for me. You're supposed to be my best friend. Not the wall I'm supposed to climb.
Today has taken a shitty twist. Especially when I woke up after an awful dream, trying to keep a good mindset by this:
'U can spend minutes hours days weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation : trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened - or u could just leave the pieces on the floor and move on' -Tupac
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 11 July :: 11.25am
:: Mood: crappy
I'm still so sad here. Not here, but where Mousseau and I stand.. I can't seem to accept the fact that it won't work. He still visits my dreams, I see him almost every weekend, not by choice. I don't fail to admit I'm running from him. Running from what I thought was a perfect love story. I just want to be wrapped in his arms. I feel infatuated. Want it to go away so I don't have to be sad kel anymore :(
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 21 June :: 1.11am
:: Mood: pleased
Fuck fuck Fuck
Fuck you, Chris Mousseau. Fuck you with a big fat punch in the face for making me feel this way!!! I wish I could hate you with every cell in my body but that's impossible for some reason. Fuck you for the things you said, for the shitty ways of breaking my heart not once but TWICE. Fuck. You.
Fuck you for meeting other girls and adding them on fb and saying you miss them just like you used to miss me. Fuck you!!!!!
!!!!!!
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 20 June :: 4.43am
:: Mood: lonely
Restless
Things are still hard. You're still on my mind. It drives me crazy. You, drive me crazy. I just want to feel normal. Waking up last night you were the first thing I saw. Across the room, which was my first problem in itself. My knees gets weak, the butterflies start fluttering, organs have dropped to the floor. I freeze up and think of everything I want to say, only for it to come out silent and unheard. I never thought a breakup could be this bad. I miss you so so much still, everyday you're on my mind. I miss your voice, the feel of your skin, your laugh, your face. I just miss you, so much. So so much...
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 22 May :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Ingrid Michaelson
Oh no,
I just can't seem to get it together and things are getting worse. Worse in a sense that I'm back on bad things because it's easier to get high then to accept reality. It's easier to sit here and cry or walk on the beach with my headphones blaring and cry. It's easier to be sad than happy.
And I keep telling everyone I'm okay I'm okay I'm okay like maybe I'll start believing it and it's so hard to convince others when you can't even convince yourself, but who really wants to hear that I feel broken and lost and so damn alone when they ask how I am?? It's like I'm falling apart again and I hate being so helpless but I keep thinking really horrendous thoughts when I'm driving or when I'm walking on the beach but I just want to be alone, all alone with nobody to talk to just so I can cry and grovel in misery.
I was clean for almost a year. I made it almost a year. A year. A fucking year!!!!! We'll see where it goes from here.
So this is what a heartbreak is...
1 smooch me! |
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 17 May :: 2.46am
Today, I realized how angry of a person I am.
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 16 May :: 1.03pm
:(
Woke up after an amazing dream and I'm in a bad mood because it was just that. A dream.
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 16 May :: 3.41am
:: Music: Mean - Taylor Swift
It's those things you hate about yourself that someday someone would love about you.
I don't understand why I'm getting calls, just to say hello or goodnight. I'm finding myself overanalyzing this stupid situation over and over and getting nowhere. I love the sound of his voice, it makes me all warm and cozy. And the cute birthday voicemail I got last night from him. Why must we play games? I'm over this stage in my life; we're adults and he needs to grow up and figure his shit out. It's not like I'm putting forth much effort to stop this so-called 'friendship'. I just want life to be RIGHT again. Right.
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 16 May :: 2.43am
:: Mood: Hurt :(
Let's update.
1. I am sore.
2. I have a bruised eye, a scraped knee, a knot on my spine, a lump on my boob, and I can't really move.
3. Going along with #1 and 2, when I poke my body it feels bruised.
4. Everywhere
5. Don't remember hardly anything about my 22nd. Rach had the best surprise ever- we were getting ready and Jen and Scott walked in with Bridgette, Jill, and Tony!!!
6. It was THE shit.
7. I got very intoxicated.
8. Hence I don't really remember much of the night.
9. The stories are funny though, got kicked out of Sneaks like 4 times... Kim tackled me in the parking lot. And punched Helwig in the face.
10. FABULOUS night. :)
11. Moose :(
12. :(
13. :(
That's all I got. :(
right here!
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kellielynn
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2011 14 May :: 2.40am
Regret nothing regret nothing regret nothing. I don't regret anything. Even being on probation. But I regret Mousseaus decision, oh so much. :( it's so loud inside my head. WTF. That's on my mind. WTF. WTF Mousseau ;( damn heartache is what you cause me. :( sad kel. Single kel, sad single kel, single single, how I despise being single. Hate it. Hate it so much I could scream. Single. I am SINGLE.
Bull :(
right here!
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