happy new year etc blah blah
Last night/this morning was completely amazing.
Went to see house of the flying daggers with Chris, it was very very very pretty (although maybe that girl in it was a little too pretty, may have to stamp on her face a bit). Although the story line was a bit, well... and there was this very annoying horses bum that kept changing colour and hair length. Gay.
We went back to his after that and watched Ross noble, which I was pleasantly surprised by. And then we basically had the best time doing nothing very much really and then it was 2005.
It was nice to sleep next to him ^_^, he’s just right not too much of a cuddly sleeper but just cuddly enough. V comfy bed. My pyjamas still smell like his room, v nice.
It was quite unnerving however to wake up to find him watching me sleep, i hate that, freaks me out a bit. But anyway after that, he went for his jog and i got in the shower etc however when he got back we just got back into the ol' pjs and stopped in bed until 12 ^_^ best ever. He read the paper and I watched cartoons. And then we both watched Dick and Dom which was most amusing indeed, and then robin hood the cartoon version, was strangely attracted to the robin hood fox (didn’t tell Chris that though). Was nice.
but then I had to go to work which ruined my life because I would have quite happily stayed there all day long.

Ch'istmassie ^_^
Oh yes, Christmas is my hero. I got lots of cool stuff, lots of game cube stuff and cds, an iou for a ps2 (there was none left 0.o), lots of clothes and smelly stuff and such. Very much meets my approval.
Christopher got the best ever presents; i got a doom kitty (soo cute ^_^), a Tim Burton book and love angel music baby. Best Ever x 10!
I got rather allot of chocolate too.
Ahw I heart Christmas.
Yesterday wasn’t too bad either, i was doing the family rounds etc. Went to grandmas and granddads for the morning and went out for lunch then went to uncle David’s (it was his last ever day down the pit yesterday after 28 years and 16 weeks heh). They’re having 15 over for Christmas dinner, insane/10. But its all okay because they gave me a Harry potter scarf, oh yes, i am the coolUst. Anyway that was nice.
Then i went to Christopher’s for a couple of hours after i got back, i was pretty sleepy like but we played on the ps2 and watched chocolát snuggled under the duvet. I fucking love that book/film, amazing imagery etc, very French indeed.
Speaking of France, im off to America for a fortnight with college, were going to the university of Pennsylvania with sociology to meet this sociologist, there’s only gonna be a few of us and were going to New York afterward so, yeah i am the coolest.

ucas
I wish Damian understood how important going to a good uni is to me. Ive just been on ucas trying to finish and its jst hit me that im gonna be living in middlesbrough going to teesside uni, which is something i thought id never have to do. I hope theres gonna be no self-fulfilling prophecys about that fucking uni. Looking at the league tables its in the bottom 10%. Im fucked.
Dougys going there though so at least I can talk to some one about it and be with some one I know while im there. (frans birthday tomorow, gona go get her a present to apologise for not going).
i feel like a fucking loser
(and before you kick off, and shout and stuff i already know what youre gonna say and you already know my response. just getting some stuff off my chest)

i hate drunk people more than i hate anything else
"Trifles as light as air are to the jelous confirmations strong as proofs of holy writ" - William Shakespeare 1603

hollys last night.
Well thursday night was absolutly class. I got into the crown for about 9.30 and met john who is looking completely differant now hes being all healthy and stuff. Lucy came to so i was with them for most the night, her bump gets bigger eveytime i see her its weird as hell.
Anyway i got told to leave the crown but got told by the manager that he reconises me from other nights and that i should come back in an hour after the cops had gone. Anyway then he got a bit sleazy and i was extremely rude to him so i think thats proberbly why i didnt get back in so anyway me john stace and lucy went to the arena because it was indie night, we sat in the acklam talkint to the baldie bouncer bloke mainly about the nights me and john used to spend at emmas and lucys babyanyway there was bands on in the arena (people from college playing in them) so we decided to stay. It was pretty good plenty of the indie kids from college were there so there was plenty of talkting and general mooching.
Baby got hungry though so me and lucy decided to get some food and john came too cause id hardly seen im in the whole year so it was a good idea that we could talk where we didnt have to shout at each other.
After that was dont we went back to the crow and the bouncers took complete pitty on me and gave me a big hug because the manager was a gay and they stook talking to me for the rest of the time while we were waiting for holly and jonny and dailey and damo blah blah blah. They were so cool they gave me a coat cause i was cold ahww.
When everyone got out there were like 50 people crying because they were all moving away (ahw and jim was crying cause liam is moving theyre so cute). We got roped into getting in a taxi with jonny cause he said hed pay for it but of course it was saul that was blodey driving it so it took absolutly ages to get to the crown. So combined with waiting to say bye to everyone till new year and for fecking saul to come in his taxi we didnt get back till 3 and then me anbd stace stayed up talkign about the holly claire damo daily situation for about an hour so we both got very little sleep esp since we had to be up and quater to seven. Dont care theough i had the best night ever.
Appart from damian getting all posesive agsty and paranoid about promices i dint make and the fact that i cant fix phones or fuck with peoples free will. Its all okay now though. Just look like i will be living my life under the fucking thumb after all, goodbye social life
In other news since my helix percing fell out ive decided do either get a conch rook or daith dont at 1.2 with a bar so it looks really descreet. cant wait eep!

new kids at college.
Well the 1st years are at college, its dead packed now, i dont like em' *shakes fist*. I suppose when a few of them drop out it'll quieten down a fair bit as it did with our year. There are a few nice people though, so its all good really.
So far im enjoying this year at college, me, jam and stace have made an agreement to kick eachother in the ass when we slack off so we should all really be working quite hard. Even if i do only do 17 hours now the home work hours have gone up to about two a night so i shouldbe kept fairly busy, i just hope that damian doesnt get mad if i ahve to do some work or something and dont pay him as much attention as hed like.
I dont think damian trusts me.
He wont let me go on holiday for, what to me, is no good reson. And even though im alowed to go out on thursday he doesnt want me to go really (even though i said id eat something garlicy and rub cabbage into my armpits so no one wants to snog me). Hes making me feel really giulty for going to hollys leaving do when i shouldnt because its one of my best friends and i wont see her for a year, so no matter what i have to go. Plus i havnt been out in ages so it'll be nice to catch up with people (eg tom, damo, claire, john, blah). I sholdnt feel giulty for going out once every three months really, its not like im blowing him off because hes known about it as long as i have.
I dunno, him not trusting me would explain the whole holiday thing and the whole needing to know exactly where i am all the time. I dunno. He says he does, but. argh i dunno.
Anyway it seems that i may be coming ino a bit of money soon ive already bought everything i wanted to buy (game cube 60 halfed between me and ellen, bench jacket 40 quid, college folders paper etc 30 in all) and i still have 78 quid left and will be getting 20 off jam and 30 from dad for my bike. WOOO! i asked damian if i could get him a lil present bt he doesnt know what he wants heh, well he has time to think.
Going shopping with lucy on wednesday, gonna get her some stuff for the house and the baby. Ahw, its surreal, lucys gonna be a mother (damn good one it looks like). its insane.

first day back at college.
Well my first day back was busy but dead good, i like all my teachers and im in good classes and im sitting next to all dead good people in my lessons (as if i have to sit next to sam in psychology lol thats so odd). I have a really good time table, im only gona be there for 17 hours a week in all. so yey.
going to see ridick tomorow, ive got a feeling im not gonna like it too much, ill go to see vin deisel though.
Ive got a new thing in my head, im gonna give blood about christmas time. I would give blood now but ive had a pericing in the last 12 months. Ima gonna make it a regualr thing aswell, just because its a good thing to do. *nods*

angst central
How much of a fucking nob was damian last night. Urgh. Fucking sick of phone calls like that. And im fucking sick to death of double fucking standards.
Anyway, proberbly going out on friday with the work lot and im out next fiday with stacey and holly to say bye bye to holly before she goes to uni *is sad* college wont be the same without holly there. Anyway better go get ready, decided not to go shopping today as i wouldnt have enough time before work so we shall be shopping really hard tomorow.

oh yeah ---> http://www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/ hahahahhaha

Brrrrr im soo cold
Well theres no longer grass in my garden and there is a duck floating on the flood water. Theres been fire engines all over for most of the day sucking up water from peoples houses.
Went to buy my contacts today, i get them on monday. I hope i can wear them without my eyes water all over the place.
right teas done so ill eat then finish this later.

Argh results.
Well i did shite i got all cs apart from one b. ill resit the ones i got cs in in january though so thats no problem. Im not gona talk about results no more cause its just annyoying me.
Well it was at least nice to see some people who i havnt seen in a while. Gots lots of hugs off craig and people when i got a bit upset when i did shite.
Went to stacies after thatand got pitted in paint. It was so much fun ^_^ Stevie came over to find out how stace had done and stayed for a while which was really cool too. Theyre so completely cute. Ahw. But steve is unbelieveably strong. Its scarey.
Anyway i was gona stop over at stacies but damian said not to so meh.
Been invited to bradford for a weekend to see the people who we made friends with in whitby ^_^ yey they were so cool. Its gonna be all of the whitby lot going down on the friday and stoping till saturday night. Very very cool, cant wait. eep.

Powercuts make work more fun.
Well i worked till nine tonight, i hate that shift. But it was okay because the lights went out for about an hour due to the storm outside. It was pretty bo. We were trying to organise a night out but we didnt get anywhere because everyone seems to be free on differant days. I think we'll leave it till the week after weve all been payed. Should be very good fun ^_^ Ooh and apparently Cara Nossiter has just applied to matalan, yey! I havent seen her in a loonngg time.
Me and Damian had a long chat on the phone last night. We have very differant ideas about life and how and why to live it. I suppose it's just something we'll have to comprimise on when we come to those things.
I sometimes wonder, if he doesnt even like who i am, as a person, why hes with me. It looks like im gonna have to act like some one else around him to keep him happy.

results day
Well i had a dead good day with stace and got to go for a ride in stevies uber uber cool car. We also decided to go to newquay next summer.
Its results day soon though, me and stace are both very very worried. I know i havnt done as well as i could have through the year (mostly becase i didnt have my priorites right at the begining of the year and thought of college as a social thing) but i think im gonna do resits in january if i really do badly.
Me and stace are gonna go get the results and open them at hers. More privacy = lots better.

yey
Damian is in a good mood again ^_^ wee. I feel much better now.
In other news, today i went to flamingo land. I fell down twice, nearly got killed by a lion and bumped my head really hard on the car window as we went over a bump. It was good though, i was brave and went on lots of rides.
Im sooo sleepy now though, i didnt get to sleep till about 5 because of the whole crying thingy and had to be up at seven.
Now i get to go to bed though wee.
And damian seems in a good mood again wee.

Im not angry any more
Well im sat here because I cant sleep because im thinking too much and in turn just start crying.
Its like he doesnt even want me around anymore, like he doesnt even care if were together or not.
When I got back off holiday all I thought about was seeing damian and i was so happy and everything was amazing for a couple of days after but lately its been horrible.
I think hes got bored of me.
He says its because I went on holiday and he got used to just being with his friends but thats no reson to be mean and snappy and well just cold towards me.
When he asks me to phone him he answers and its like its just another thing he has to get out of the way so he can get on with his day (or playing computer games).
Its like I have to fit around his scedule no matter what, like I have to either see him when he feels like it or not at all.
Just like im another annoyance.
He doesnt even say I love you any more. (well thats a lie actualy he does but from when i saw him that day i was out in the town with stace hes not said it, he normaly says it every time we talk.) Whats worse is i dont think he even notices.
I thought we were happy. I was anyway.
He thinks I dont know him and I dont pay attention but I do, i only asked what he wanted to eat becase i wanted to make him the right thing so he wouldt be to full or still hungry or whatever. I listen to everything he tells me (well appart from details of nights out and what he did when he was drunk because i dont like to hear that). I know what his type of film it i know what books he likes to read i know what his favorite bands are i know his veiws on all sorts of stuff i know what he wants for the future and where he wants to end up. I know all of that stuff and more. Im trying to be a good girlfriend but i dont know what im doing wrong. I wish i knew what to do to make everything alright again. Ive fucked it up again.
Urgh im gonna have to go have a drink and a wash i have mascara covering my cheeks now. Im gona look fucking ugly in the morning. Fucking hate crying.