derrangeddemon666
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2004 15 March :: 6.31am
:: Mood: stressed
chaos n stuff
me n sally are back together now....yay im happy bout that got to move out in 2 hours time aint finished me packing yet n jen came round for a shag but i told her me n sally are back together n that i couldnt n she said fair enough no hard feelings.....n she has a boyfriend now anyway sally is coming round about one and so is gareth we are picking my stuff up then going shopping. gaz said he would buy me a new book which is pretty cool. i need one. well i gotta go to the job centre to change my address and then home to finish me packing. gotta run
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 12 March :: 11.11am
:: Mood: stressed
aint found anywhere to live yet, well, we have but we dont know where or when we can move in if that makes any sense. got a new bath today but aint gonna bother fitting it, looking forward to the party tonight, lots of people gonna be there as it is the final farewell to the legacy....for now anyway until we get set up again spent all day tuesday with sally is was quite a boring day but we both enjoyed spending the time together, im going to get back together with her tonight....a few people are dissapointed by that....i.e jen and melanie but emma was being strange last night. she gave me a kiss and a cuddle n i was sat tlking to her for ages....she is actually a nice person once you get to know her well gotta go meet frogs dad in the isaacs now n i dont know when i will be able to write in this again happy bout sally stuff yay :)
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 8 March :: 9.52am
:: Mood: stressed
what a week
sally spent the night on friday, i miss her alot she was very upset as someone tried to rape her but i cheered her up yay for me. still aint found anywhere to live looks like i might end up back in eston which is something i really dont want to do as i wont be able to see her as much, but im gonna ask paddy for an extension of two month and if he gives us it i should be able to find us somewhere to live, hopefully.
me dad phoned me yesterday with alot of bad news, suprise suprise. I cant go to court with him as he will be taken into protective custody as soon as he gets there wich is abit shit but sally is still coming down and we are gonna go spend the day together, my uncle is in a worse state than he was before and the doctors dont think he has long left and 7 lads from my brothers barracks have been shot in iraq and we havnt been able to get in touch with him to find out if he is one of them, looking back at what i have wrote in this it has been a really shit year and i dont know what to do about sally as i want to be with her but she is also sleeping with this mike guy and i really dont like that the thought of sharing her with another man gets me so pissed off sometimes i just want to snap but i know i cant cos that would loose me all chances i have with her, she isn't going out on friday night but she is gonna come round mine and spend the night with me instead and im probably gonna talk to her about it then and hopefully get this whole business over and done with as i have too much shit going on in my mind at the moment so she said she will give me an answer this weekend. i love her so much but her not been able to give me answer is slowly destroying my mind and i need to be able to save as much as possible of that.
why is everyone dying? my uncle wont last much longer my brother might be laid in hospital somewhere with a bullet wound and me dad only has a few years left. THE WORLD HAS GONE TO SHIT!!!
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 3 March :: 8.55am
:: Mood: sad
poetry
nothing much has happened the last couple of days, getting evicted within 2 weeks probably gonna end up back at my parents house wish i didnt have to but might be left with no choice. sally can't come down today as she has to watch a film at college shes gonnha spend the night again on friday tho which will be nice. i like holding her. finally filled my poetry book so i decided to finish it off with a very personal one;
Children wail, their small hearts break,
He swings again his mistake,
They have grown, He has not
He goes down to stay lie and rot
End of pain, End of anguish, End of all.
Rebirth, Reborn our lives begin
This is it, the start of everything.
first time i ever hit back against my father. Not a very happy memory but a clear turning point in my life. Going to buy a new book now and write a few in that so its not lying around useless.
Ailsa was upset yesterday so i offered to write her a poem to cheer her up. First time i have ever wrote one about a person not my feelings for a person and every thinks its a good one but frog was taking the piss saying it was soppy but it did what it was supposed to....cheered her up;
Flaming Godess, Beauty embodied
Mind of the world, heart on an angel
Smile of the sun, body of the divine
Hearts beat, Pulses race,
Everybody chases for you and your tender embrace.
it really does sound as though i was coming onto her now that i have re-read this but i know that i wasn't and so does she which is all that really matters. fuck what anyone says
i have made a decision and it is to fuck the world right up the ass it wants to fuck me about i can and will take it with me to an eternal destruction where there shall be no return
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 1 March :: 9.50am
:: Mood: flu
sally
seen sally on friday night and let her stay at mine as her mam couldnt pick her up, spent all night cuddling and talking to her made love twice the night meant alot to me and she is probably gonna come and see me again on wednesday. we decided on the phone that we are gonna see more of eachother but not as much as we where and see where it leads which is alot better than not seeing eachother at all. getting paid 2morra but gonna be skint as alot of debts at the momentpaye came round last night and so did paula went for a coupple of drinks then got stoned twas alright but i really couldnt be arsed so i went to bed early again as i usually do. sally also kept crying at a song everytime it came on and the lyrics say to me that she misses me more than she realises but all i can do is keep trying anyway the lyrics are;
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll
ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
she was crying in my arms so i take it it has something to do with me. it may sound egotistical but hey thats just my opinion ill let the world decide for itself.
jen came round on sunday she was upset (again) because she had an arguement with liam other his blatant disregard fro her personal space and feelings as he came round hers that morning took all his clothes off and climbed into bed with her. someone should tell that silly bastard doing shit like that is not the way to get someone you like especially when they aint that fond of you. as soon as i get my money sorted out properly so that i aint got no debts im gonna start taking sally out for dinner etc and hopefully we will get back together eventually
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 25 February :: 9.28am
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: none
uncle
just been to the hospital to visit me uncle, he is not looking very well at all. he still has his sense of humour but it wont do him any good, the doctors have told him IF he survives he is going to be in there for a long time. Why does it always happen to the good ones?! his eye looks as though its about to fall out of the socket, he can barely speak and his kidneys are fucked. going to see him again if he is still there next week gonna go every wednesday until he is better or dies whichever happens i hope he can pull through. still thinking alot of sally missing her and wish she would get in touch with me, i need her now even if it is just for comfort. why does all shit happen at once??
gonna go home now and start on the whisky until frog gets home then hopefully we'll go for a few pints. i need to be plastered. not the best thing for me to do at the moment but hey lifes a bitch!
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 24 February :: 9.40am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: none
life
layed in bed last night thinking of sally alot, really missing her but she has made her decision, want to speak to her and be with her but i know she dont fell the same anymore so im just gonna try and get on with things, pissed jen off as she said she might want a relationship with me n i told her no as i she is too much trouble so its just gonna be casual sex until i find someone, which hoppefully wont be for a while. Cant handle relationship stuff at the moment. just left the ccourt me frog n ailsa are going to the housing office and we are gonna kick off as we are meant to be excempt from council tax. better go they are waiting for me. Love you sally. xx
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 23 February :: 11.31am
:: Mood: sexually content
:: Music: none
everything
what a few weeks its been, finally lost my patience with jamie the stupid bastard but we are ok now. Chipped one of his teeth, at court tomorrow about the whole council tax thing but im not sure if i shud go or not with the warrewnt, seen sally on friday which was nice but my uncle glenn was taken into hospital and i was told he might not last the night but he has so far, started sleeping with jen again today but i know nothing is going to come of it as its just someone to comfort me and she is too much trouble to have a relationship with anyway. missing sally alot but at least now i know we deffinately aint going to get back together....head up and get on with me life.
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 16 February :: 8.36am
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: None
stuff
another boring week, stayed in getting stoned with frog most of the time, or out on the piss with him n his dad.
Seen sally on saturday missing her loads, kissed her and it felt so right, she might be coming round sometime this week or she might not she dont know yet but she said if she dont come round then she will phone me on friday n we'll meet up in the isaacs. Jen came round a few hours ago, she was trying to make me horney so i would shag her again but i put my foot down! said no as i need more than just sex out of life, she wernt too happy about it but she accepted it n went to sleep where i left her in me bed, was looking after paula's dog today as she is getting double glazing fitted and one of the builders nearly dropped a brick on its head....That dog is crazy!!
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 9 February :: 8.08am
what a fucking weekend. Sally phoned me on friday and asked for her necklace back and for me to give it to someone as she doesnt want to bump into me and i snapped at her for it, her saying that was like her taking a big bite out of my heart and throwing the rest on the floor, told jen on friday that im not going to sleep with her anymore as i need more than sex. i know this might sound abit like steve but i need someone with strength and security and jen dont have them. wish i hadnt snapped at sally but her saying that is very painful to me, on a lighter note im gonna be getting arrested soon as my dad couldnt afford to pay off my fine just yet so im waiting for the police to come and arrest me which should be fun, at least ill be getting fed, gonna go email sally now and explain to her why i snapped like i did and ask her to phone me either tonight or 2morra. c ya soon
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derrangeddemon666
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2004 4 February :: 6.56am
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: none
my life
first ever entry here, im sat in the library as my interneet at home is knackered as frog didnt pay the fucking phone bill again so we have been disconnected. Been spending alot of time with Jen lately but i think she might just be using me for sex, like to make it more than that but im gonna wait and see what happends with sally. hopefully we will get back together at the end of the month but i dont know as she really likes this mike guy, The saying goes that you dont know what you have til its gone....thats true for me as i didnt know that me n sally had something special until we had both destroyed it my life is pretty fucked up lately and to top it all off my giro didnt come this morning because of a cock up at the jobcentre and they wont be able to pay me til next week at the earliest...shittin hell what is happening to my life??? :l
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