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Living in a world where one's dreams are left to rust ...

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:: 2004 1 February :: 9.04 pm
:: Mood: busy

You pressed the damn button!! well, now youre here, u can answer these!
>^..^<
What's your favorite.....
Scene From A Movie?:
Sexual Possition?:
Flavour 'Ben n Jerry's Ice Cream?':
Character from a TV Show?:
Character from a Film?:
Disney Tragedy(i.e. Bambi or Nemo's mom's death)?:
Song Lyric?:
Breed of Dog?:
Color thats not in the Rainbow(No Red,Yellow,Pink,Green,Orange,Purple,Blu)?:
Drug of Choice?:
Object in your Bedroom?:
Sea Dwelling Creature?:
...Choose 1 from each group of 4...
>^..^<:
Earth, Air, Fire or Water?:
North, South, East or West?:
Head, Shoulders, Knees or Toes?:
Spring, Summer, Autumn or Winter?:
Eyes, Ears, Nose or Mouth?:
New York, Hawaii, Florida or California?:
(Christina Aguilera's) Fighter, Beautiful, Dirrrty or Can't Hold Us Down?:
Cat, Dog, Kitten or Puppy?:
McDonalds, Burger King, KFC or Subway?:
Scream 1, Scream 2, Scream 3 or Scary Movie?:
3pm, 6pm, 9pm or 12pm:
The Mask, Ace Ventura, Cable Guy or Bruce Almighty?:
Christmas, Birthday, New year or Halloween?:
...~~Would You Rather~~...
>^..^<
Die alone? or die with people around you?:
Have the ability to Fly? or to make yourself Invisible?:
Bring back 2pac? or Biggie?:
Cut off your arms? or cut off your legs?:
Be a Villain? or be a Hero?:
Be a Simpson? or be a Griffin?:
Be Famous? or be Infamous?:
Go to a Rock Festival? or go to a Dance Festival?:
Forget who you were? or forget who your best friend was?:
Be Prime Minister of England? or President of the United States?:
Kill for Money? or Kill for Revenge?:
Be Deaf? or Blind?:
Be a Nice Hooker? or a Nasty Porn Star?:
...........~~Word Association~~...........
write the 1st word that comes into your head upon reading each word.
:~Cinnamon~:
:~Monkey~:
:~Death~:
:~Red~:
:~Trick~:
:~Wet~:
:~Slayer~:
:~Rocket~:
:~Blanket~:
:~Doggy~:
:~Woman~:
:~Psycho~:
:~Heron~:
.........About Yourself.........
>^..^<
What Colour is your Bedroom Painted?:
How many rooms are there in your house?:
What's your DJ/LJ name?:
How old will you be in 2005?:
What do you want to name your first child?:
Do you prefer being Indoors or Outdoors?:
When's your Birthday?:
What name do you *wish* your parents had given you?:
What's your Favourite Word?:
If you could choose to speak any language fluently, what would it be?:
How do you like your Tea/Coffee?:
Who is your least favourite famous person, in the world?:
What's the exact Date & Time ... right ... Now?:
Would you do any of the following for £10,000,000?
>^..^<
Eat Shit?:
Let Someone run over your leg with their car?:
Kill Someone?:
Kill A Child?:
Sign a contract that states you have to make a Porn movie a day for a year?:
Hit the Queen of England in the face with a Spiked Bat?:
Agree to Never speak to any of your family & friends again?:
Cut off your own hand with a bread-knife?:
Sleep with someone that had H.I.V?:
Marry an Ugly and Abusive Partner, then Kill them for the money?:
Make Porn movies based on Snuff/Rape?:
Stick a pineapple up your pussy/ass?:
Have a sex change, and agree never to change back?:
Shave off all the hair on your body, and keep it shaven forever?:
Fuck a member of your family?:
Agree to Kill yourself 15years after you recieve the money?:
Eat a horse, alive!?:
##~~~ Just a few more now ~~##
What's your name??:
Where ya From??:
What colour are your eyes?:
Aren't you really bored by now?:
Are you glad you pressed the button??:

(({:DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON:})) brought to you by BZOINK!

Fell


:: 2004 1 February :: 6.34 pm


Green Eyes


What Color Eyes Should You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fell


:: 2004 1 February :: 6.23 pm
:: Mood: cool dude

cuddle and a kiss
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Fell


:: 2004 1 February :: 1.35 pm
:: Mood: intimidated
:: Music: yellowcard_Californ IA

Missing the rainy days
Wow guy im really feeling stranded today ... you know how you feel like your stuck in the day and itss passing you by and you feel like you have to do something? well its a very crappy feeling ... makes you start thinking of sad things and how messed up the world is! i miss the rainy days because it relfects on how i feel ... i cant wait until summer when it rains and thunders everyday ... i really like thunder ... makes me want to write a list of how many people i wish lightning would strike ... sorry that was a mean thought ... today, i helped nature, i picked all the dog hair off of our rug and i threw it outside for birdies to makes nests out of. i feel good about that. it smells in here because my grandma was vaccuuming and the belt broke and it smells like broken burnt snapped belt stuff. well i have to go im going to lisas in a minute ... lov you guys. ~andy
i love johnny depp foever and today

Fell


:: 2004 31 January :: 9.52 pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: none

survey
For starters
Smoke?:: no ... never have
Do drugs?:: no ... never have
Have a partner?:: no
Have sex?:: no ... not for a long time
Sleep with stuffed animals?:: no
Live in the moment?:: yeah
Think you'll get married?:: no never
Have a dream that keeps coming back?:: no never have
Play an instrument?:: nope
Believe there is life on other planets?:: most definately
Remember your first love?:: yeah
Still love him/her?:: yeah
Read the newpaper?:: no
Have gay/lesbian friends?:: no
Believe in miracles?:: not really i dunno
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:: no
Consider yourself tolerant of others?:: yeah
Like the taste of alcohol?:: depends on what it is
Fave candy?:: dipstix ... but i never eat them anymore
Believe in astrology?:: yeah
Believe in magic?:: yes
Believe in God?:: sometimes im confused at this point
Pray?:: rarely
Go to church?: i used to ...
Moving on:
Have any secrets?:: yes plenty
Any pets?:: yes one dog one bird one rabbit
College?:: any place in cali
Major?:: i wanna act
Talk to strangers who IM you?:: of course! doesnt cost anything to be nice!
Wear hats?:: no
Hate yourself?:: sometimes
Wish you were someone else?:: no ... rarely
Have an obsession?:: yes ... johnny depp
Collect anything?:: no ... johnny depp stuff
Have a best friend?:: yes
Wish on stars?:: yes
Like your handwriting?:: yes ... thats conceided dont ask that
Any bad habits?:: yeah
Care about looks?:: yes
Believe in witches?:: yeah
Satan?:: yes
Ghosts?:: supernatural beings? of course!
Trust others easily?:: no not at all
Like noise? Music?:: yes
First thing you think of:
I see:: computer
I need:: water
I find:: lizards ... omg wow whered that come from?!
I want:: california
I wish:: i lived there
I love:: my friends and family (pets too) everyone basicly im pretty friendsly i think
I hate:: fake rich people
I miss:: not knowing what is in brats (bratwurst)
I fear:: dark
I hear:: music stuck in my head
I smell:: rain
I crave:: johnny depp
I search:: for johnny depp
I wonder:: what johnny depp is doing right now
I regret:: ever watching pirates of the carabbean
I cried:: because i always want what i cannot have
Last time you.:
Bought something:: today
Danced:: today ... with my dog
Were sarcastic:: i dunno
Kissed someone:: its been a while ... im in no hurry
Talked to an Ex:: never ... i dont keep in touch with people from 5th grade anymore lol
Had a nightmare:: last night dude it was so scarey!
Last book you read:: juniper
Last movie you saw:: don jaun demarco ... a movie based on sex
Last song you heard:: yellowcard_inside out
Last thing you had to drink:: water
Feeling this moment:: delusional
Favorites:
Band:: i like many bands ... at this point i love yellowcard but i dont think they are my favorite
Show:: friends
Movie:: edward scissorhands
Song:: i dunno i like a lot of songs


~andy
i l o v e j o h n n y d e p p

Fell


:: 2004 28 January :: 7.38 pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: parent screaming ... its a new album just released called laurens life

sorry i havent written for a while, my computer got a virus and i didnt have a computer for a long time because it was getting fixed. god im so mad!!!!!!! ok i had plans and well now i dont because my grandma has to stay over because my parents are going to be out of town and grrr! and i really gay god i think everyone is out to get me just lately i really do think everyone is watching me on their home telivision! they have a telivision with a lauren channel and just when things go ight the rush over and screw them up! and so if you ever hear me excited about little things its because i dont get many little good things i have many big good things that i might not see because i take advantage of them but when i do see them i get excited and then i tell people and they shoot me down and im just so frustrated! and i kinda like this guy but i can never talk to this guy or hang around with him because of this other amazingly selfish rude mean heartless guy that i swear trys to ruin my day! and i dunno guys im just so sick everything just seems so overwhelmingly screwed up and like some decisions my parents make are just so stupid and so gay its just unbelievable! grrr! well enough of my pitty party i gotta go ttyl bye

Fell


:: 2004 5 January :: 3.23 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: all american rejects (the hole cd)

not love
i wish i could be alone with me
alone to think of what will never be
all the perfect words are wrong
everything is unstable
do you want me?
i million questions i ask myself
hoping for a jump of faith
run to me ill take you
trust me i wont break you
your a different new
i just cant tell my heart no
it just cant let you go
i slapped my head the other day
it was scolding me for liking you
it will never be
it cant ever be
scared if i tell you,
you'll run away
anything ill do to be with you
you cant see it
i cant get it out of my eyes
i need to tell myself never
i cant stop trying to improve myself
hoping one day you'll see
i think we're meant to be together
... ... ... this isn't love.

4 Watched me as I | Fell


:: 2003 30 December :: 9.51 pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: blue collar comedy tour

JOHNNY BOY!
got a new magazine hes so hott man dude i got only one thing bout jd for christmas from annalisse (thank you im still looking for a frame!) and im like woah whats with this!? lol bye guys!
I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP
~ANDY

2 Watched me as I | Fell


:: 2003 22 December :: 2.46 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: rabbit slurping

oh happy days are here again!
Hey! well todaymy grandparents came and we got a new lazyboy chair and so the old one went in my room because im kinda attached to it so im gunna keep it for a while. the new one tho is very big and very comfy! (comfy is a funny word isn't it?! lol and im talking to my french friends right now! i think im going to learn french! lol well today is good... my room is awsome now cuz i just rearranged it and maybe others wont like it but i do! welp i gotta go! tootles!!! lol
i lov ya!
and i love johnny depp!
~LoRlOr~
~aNdY~

Fell


:: 2003 16 December :: 4.31 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: breakdown, go ahead and give it to me_by whom i know not of

upsetting the chemical balaces in my BRAIN! ahh!
hey guys... today was fairly decent...almost worth remembering. sometimes i think a person just needs to know who truley stands behind them... who will always be there and loves you... i just want you guys to take 2 seconds and reply to this journal entry or just e-mail me please because i just need to know... its hard to find true friends in life, i just wanna know who mine are... but before you email me (if you do) please read the following thanks guys... love you



15 Things You Probably
Never Knew or Thought About






1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.



2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.



3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.



4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.



5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.



6. You mean the world to someone.



7. If not for you, someone may not be living.



8. You are special and unique.



9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.



10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.



11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.



12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.



13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.



14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.



15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.




3 Watched me as I | Fell


:: 2003 15 December :: 5.37 pm

the journal entrie before this is new also
im unsure of my existance
but ill keep walking in the blank
wondering around
wondering where i fit
everything is blank
and all i see is black
around me, my world is crashing
this safe dome i formed is colasping
the good is so hard to see
and hope is all i need
but like good, its hard to find
in this dark... black... blank

Fell


:: 2003 15 December :: 4.34 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: 96.9

Hurt
...before i went to this baptist church play about Christ, i did not have any faith... i didnt believe in god or anything religious for that matter. Then i went to the play friday, and i cried because i regained my faith, it changed me... i had a good weekend after friday...until sunday. We got a phone call from my grandma... my grandpa had an irregular heart rate and was driven to the hospital from work in an ambulance... his heart rate is wacked and he is going up north today to be checked by another hospital for blockage... if there is he will go into surgery immidiately. My other grandpa died of heart complications just last march. i just think its ironic that just as i regain my faith and start to believe i could put my life back on track and believe in something... something like this happens... i swear if i have to lose this much in one year i will never believe again! not ever! im so mad right now! im mad crying its not fair! and i know this girl... she doesnt talk to her dad anymore... she has all the money and buys whatever and just doesnt talk to her dad! she takes advantage of everything she has! yeah hes with us now but once hes gone she'll wish she had been nicer to him and spent more time with him! it seems like money takes over her life! she doesnt value her friendships or family and it makes me so mad that someone has that much when someone close to her has lost so much and yet she doesnt see that its wrong of her! everything is crashing down around me and around one of my very close friends and i just feel empty inside... i say to god "YOU TOOK SO MUCH DAMNIT WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" it seems like everyday its something new, something more for me to bare and i feel like im going to crack! oneday im just going to break! And i almost started balling in health... and i look at all the happy people around me and i wanted to slap them because it hurt to see them having so much fun during this time in my life (even if they dont have anything to do with it) like some people seriously get it al and they dont appriciate it! they dont value the most important things in life! they brag about getting high and drunk and laugh at it... DONT even begin to tell me its fun DON even try! i saw them doing it in language (no names) and i actually said "you know what thats not even funny... have you ever lost anyone you cared about to being drunk huh?" because i havent but i know people who have and its not funny... its not a game and its not cool! you hurt people... if any of you have a little sister or brother... now would you feel if one day they were in an accident with a drunk driver... its careless! something like a soul of a 10 year old angle is lost to an IDIOT! god id be so mad id kill the person... and what if the drunk driver was you. think for a minute... you traded your sisters life for a couple of hours of stupidity and stubbling and a majior hangover... tell me you dont care... tell me you could forgive yourself! everything is so wrong! some people just dont care... i hate them...

Fell


:: 2003 10 December :: 6.35 pm
:: Mood: Confused
:: Music: No Doubt

Crazy? or Brilliance?
sometimes i say... odd... things. just ask annalisse! and i dont know if its everyone else just living the norm and never thinking outside of their 2 inch box... or me being over-imaginative. and if it is me, i dont think im crazy... i dont think its brilliance... i dont know what to think of it. its like a breakthrough when i say something because i think so hard to try to put my theories into words and then annalisse just bites my head off! lol "your so wierd lauren i swear to god!" and you know what? i think its wierd too, i think i have like some wierd thing in my head that i dunno no one else has i guess. and people call me crazy but like i dunno i dont wanna sound conceided but i think i have like some sort of special mental thing! like its wierd and it makes me different, but not too different, just wierd! but i have a address another issue thats been buggin me because i was staring at these kind of people at school today and it made me sick! ok when i say something... i dont say it to get attention because honestly i dont need 10 people to pitty me when i feel lost and alone, i say it because it helps me like explain more about myself and it helps me understand better too when i write it. and people email me "oh lauren i love you!" (dont worry angie im not talking about you i love you) well they just like hunt for sad people and try to make them feel better like when people are like "lauren i love you" i never hear from them unless i write some big long sad thing! and im like " no... no you dont love me! you must just like saying that... you say it to everyone... how do i know you're sincere? you dont love me not one bit!" lol but yeah and i have to say something but i cant put it into words right now so maybe later because my french friend is online and i wanna talk to him. oh yeah one more thing
IM NOT MOVING TO FRANCE BECAUSE OF JOHNNY DEPP! SO SHUT UP AND QUIT SAYING IT! YOU DONT KNOW WHY AND ILL NEVER TELL YOU SO HA! MAYBE IM MOVING TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING AND I DONT THINK CALI IS FAR ENOUGH ANYMORE! ILL TRY BUT I KNOW IT WONT WORK! AND IF I CANT AFFORD TO MOVE THERE THEN IM DEFINATLY MOVING TO CALI! AND I WANT YOU TO STOP THINKING ALL OF MY DECISIONS ARE BASED AROUND JOHNNY DEPP AND GRRR IM LEAVING! sorry ttyl
I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP! ~lOrLoR aNdY

Fell


:: 2003 10 December :: 6.35 pm
:: Mood: Confused
:: Music: No Doubt

Crazy? or Brilliance?
sometimes i say... odd... things. just ask annalisse! and i dont know if its everyone else just living the norm and never thinking outside of their 2 inch box... or me being over-imaginative. and if it is me, i dont think im crazy... i dont think its brilliance... i dont know what to think of it. its like a breakthrough when i say something because i think so hard to try to put my theories into words and then annalisse just bites my head off! lol "your so wierd lauren i swear to god!" and you know what? i think its wierd too, i think i have like some wierd thing in my head that i dunno no one else has i guess. and people call me crazy but like i dunno i dont wanna sound conceided but i think i have like some sort of special mental thing! like its wierd and it makes me different, but not too different, just wierd! but i have a address another issue thats been buggin me because i was staring at these kind of people at school today and it made me sick! ok when i say something... i dont say it to get attention because honestly i dont need 10 people to pitty me when i feel lost and alone, i say it because it helps me like explain more about myself and it helps me understand better too when i write it. and people email me "oh lauren i love you!" well they just like hunt for sad people and try to make them feel better like when people are like lauren i love you i never hear from them unless i write some big long sad thing! and im like " no... no you dont love me! you must just like saying that... you say it to everyone... how do i know you're sincere? you dont love me not one bit!" lol but yeah and i have to say something but i cant put it into words right now so maybe later because my french friend isonline and i wanna talk to him. oh yeah one more thing
IM NOT MOVING TO FRANCE BECAUSE OF JOHNNY DEPP! SO SHUT UP AND QUIT SAYING IT! YOU DONT KNOW WHY AND ILL NEVER TELL YOU SO HA! MAYBE IM MOVING TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING AND I DONT THINK CALI IS FAR ENOUGH ANYMORE! ILL TRY BUT I KNOW IT WONT WORK! AND IF I CANT AFFORD TO MOVE THERE THEN IM DEFINATLY MOVING TO CALI! AND I WANT YOU TO STOP THINKING ALL OF MY DECISIONS ARE BASED AROUND JOHNNY DEPP AND GR IM LEAVING! lol sorry i had to say it even tho it was lameO! lol ttyl
I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP! ~lOrLoR aNdY

Fell


:: 2003 10 December :: 6.35 pm
:: Mood: Confused
:: Music: No Doubt

Crazy? or Brilliance?
sometimes i say... odd... things. just ask annalisse! and i dont know if its everyone else just living the norm and never thinking outside of their 2 inch box... or me being over-imaginative. and if it is me, i dont think im crazy... i dont think its brilliance... i dont know what to think of it. its like a breakthrough when i say something because i think so hard to try to put my theories into words and then annalisse just bites my head off! lol "your so wierd lauren i swear to god!" and you know what? i think its wierd too, i think i have like some wierd thing in my head that i dunno no one else has i guess. and people call me crazy but like i dunno i dont wanna sound conceided but i think i have like some sort of special mental thing! like its wierd and it makes me different, but not too different, just wierd! but i have a address another issue thats been buggin me because i was staring at these kind of people at school today and it made me sick! ok when i say something... i dont say it to get attention because honestly i dont need 10 people to pitty me when i feel lost and alone, i say it because it helps me like explain more about myself and it helps me understand better too when i write it. and people email me "oh lauren i love you!" well they just like hunt for sad people and try to make them feel better like when people are like lauren i love you i never hear from them unless i write some big long sad thing! and im like " no... no you dont love me! you must just like saying that... you say it to everyone... how do i know you're sincere? you dont love me not one bit!" lol but yeah and i have to say something but i cant put it into words right now so maybe later because my french friend isonline and i wanna talk to him. oh yeah one more thing
IM NOT MOVING TO FRANCE BECAUSE OF JOHNNY DEPP! SO SHUT UP AND QUIT SAYING IT! YOU DONT KNOW WHY AND ILL NEVER TELL YOU SO HA! MAYBE IM MOVING TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING AND I DONT THINK CALI IS FAR ENOUGH ANYMORE! ILL TRY BUT I KNOW IT WONT WORK! AND IF I CANT AFFORD TO MOVE THERE THEN IM DEFINATLY MOVING TO CALI! AND I WANT YOU TO STOP THINKING ALL OF MY DECISIONS ARE BASED AROUND JOHNNY DEPP AND GR IM LEAVING! lol sorry i had to say it even tho it was lameO! lol ttyl
I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP! ~lOrLoR aNdY

Fell

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