I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.

I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.

:: 2005 23 January :: 10.17pm

guess i should post quick.. damn woohu.

me and keegan and my mom painted my room.. and then me and keegan painted my closet.. we're finally gonna move in, this weekend hopefully... and i could just cry im so happy. and now my room reflects me, and my closet reflects me and keegan, because we got all creative with it, and its just wonderful, and its OUR house, and we're gonna move in, and away from this maddness.. and i can sleep in a bed thats mine and wake up in the morning and eat cereal at my own kitchen table with our own electricity. i can stumble to the bathroom in the morning and dread going to school as i pull out of my own driveway onto OUR road. you dont realize how much you take your house for granted until you dont have one. its been a year now.. and all i've been doing is dreaming and praying for this day to finally to come. for us to finally get back on our feet since this whole divorce has started. and now its finally happening, and chris can continue to ruin our lives, but at least we'll beable to cry in the comfort of our OWN home instead of the cold empty void of someone else's.

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charlessumnerthatsickfuck

:: 2005 22 January :: 7.39pm

six times more boys than girls, in the united states, commit suicide. Reach out to whom ever you can. GIve aid whenever you can. not just to ur friends. Give ur attention, make people feel valuable. these are rules i have been trying to live my life by. from today on i will just try to live my life with more warmth for every being.

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charlessumnerthatsickfuck

:: 2005 18 January :: 3.27am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: melissa snoring

insomnia
well. long time old friend. i've been avoiding this place, like a hint of innocent joy in a stand up comedian�s life. alas, my inability to successfully achieve what Gondi called "the best form of meditation" has resulted in my return.
the temp is 1degree far. the red cedar has flooded into a beautiful concoction of pollution and ice. it's still scenic. i still love it here. hopefully i'll love it just as much as when i return from europe. coach joe hopes that i'll decide not to transfer, i'm sure he'd like me to judge for him. for those of u whom i didn't come to waving this information until now, my dairy judging team did quiet well at nationals, and now it's onto the world, which is held in germany.
i tried imagining what my room will be next year. the solitude and control will be wonderful. the dimensional aspect will be a benefit as well.
yet as i make all these tentative plans i wonder what part of my personal time line the peace corps fit in. i don't want start my own life before i am a benefit to someone else's. or have i already?
oh, if you'd like to boycott bush's inauguration (which will be lavish, i wonder why our public schools can't afford band music?) simply refuse to be a consumer on January 20th. apparently it will be a wide spread spending kibosh. i, for one, will be thrilled to participate.
perhaps sleep will come now. adios.

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 17 January :: 12.07am

last night was fun.

after we got out of work me becca and brandi went down to division to this 24 hour theatre thing.. incredibly bomb.

then we went to morningstar 75.. which i had never been to before. and it was real layed back, i liked it alot. but it was a hazy cloud of smoke.. and that kinda turned me off a bit.

we walked down division.. like 5 blocks.. and in my mind im thinking.. te he he, this is where the hookers are. i've never walked downtown before.. so to walk downtown in the dark is a big step for me. wooo.

this morning i went bowling with keegan.. he needs to stop showing me up in that game.. he got like 7 strikes in one game.. i kid you not.. and i was like.. pshhh. whatever. lol.

*hugs him.
words cant describe.

we were together all day except for the 4 hours i was at work. picked me up at 9:30, went to GR, went to his soccer game, i took his car to work, he picked his car up from work after his game, and then later came back and picked me up. then later brought me home.. thats the worst part about keegan. he makes time go so fast! time disappears when we're together, and i HATE that!

speaking of.. i need to call that favorite asian of mine.....
*runs to..

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 13 January :: 10.03pm

i have 5 exams tomorrow.. i think i give up studying.

tonight i went to the wrestling match.... micah kicked ass by the way.... then i went to keegans soccer game. worked a little bit of studying in there. its all good.

i think im falling out of woohu.... for some reason.. i dont have any desire to update half as frequently as i used to, and when i do.. i say nothing of any importance.

my life just keeps taking one dramatic turn after another... and its exciting.. because i hate it. and i love it. and its new... and ughh. lifes a rush.. moment by moment... thats how you have to take it on. and now im fully ready to do that.

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 8 January :: 11.08pm

today was good.

keegan is good.
dinner was good.

scratch that....
keegan is amazing.
dinner was soooo good.

i talked to his mom for like an hour tonight... *hugs her*... aawwww..

keeeeegan. i get all happy when i think about him.

*breaths.
i have to remind myself to do that from time to time.

alsdkfgjal;skdjfsldkf :)

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 6 January :: 1.05pm

i just got to school... my mom wouldnt let me drive in this morning cuz of the roads.. how cool is that. so i got to sleep till like 11:20.

our school is so stupid, honestly. 175 schools closed. ALL the schools around us... rockford, greenvile, tri-county, CTA (which is IN cedar).. but noooo not cedar springs. heaven forbid we have a day off.. however it can be slightly foggy and they'll cancel the day.

grrr... *shakes fist at administration.

the call back list was posted today... and i have to go back after school.. which i would normally be like OK, but i have to meet sue at 3:15 to get my crown fixed. so im like mreh... WHAT to do?! bahh.

i just totally zoned out for a minute there.
the library is really boring when there's noone in it... ahh well.

STOP SNOWING...

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 5 January :: 6.01pm

we have so much fun.
*remembers... te he ha..

even though i am abusive...

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 5 January :: 8.43am

nothin like being late for school.

eh.. its all good.
last night me, brandi and jamie made a movie for history.. its so funny.
te he he he.

then i came home, neglected my chem, talked to keegan... the night wouldnt be complete without our conversation of random things that make no sense (its true doll... we should record the things we talk about! giggles..), then went to bed.

i hope it doesnt snow that hard today.. i wanna go to grand rapids.

tried out for the musical yesterday. *crosses fingers*
seems like a real fun story line.
martino's trying to one up H, i can tell.
but he's doin the set.. which'll make the show all the better...
i dont know.. i think its gonna be a really funny show.

speaking of H.. i miss that man.

urgh.. my face is so dry. i hate winter.

me and brandi are both going in late today.. *wooo

this is entry is so pointless its killing me.
*dies.
*comes back to life.

WHAT is wrong with me.. gahhhhhhhd.

im getting two new purses today... if the weather permits me too.. woot hoot. that makes my day... purses, mmmm.

*licks lips.
reminds me of a cat. cats are cool. they sure are. yes indeedy.

mwha ha.
indeedy.
mwah ha ha.

who says that.
*points at self

WHY are you still on line.. GET OFF

(line)

madness...
silence is so loud.
ears, ow.. stop.

misha.aaaa.
*seductive groaaan.

what a gross word.. groan.. and isnt it also an onomotopoeia?

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 3 January :: 8.55pm

im pretty darn well sick of all the drama...
stop fighting with eachother... if you dont fight, then you wont. errmm.. yes.

i dont know.. i guess im confused. one of my good friends is making really stupid mistakes.. result of poor judgement i presume. and i almost dont know how to look at her anymore. it makes me sad to see such a dramatic change in someone i used to know so well.

metron has made major hour cuts, im so mad i cant even think about it. in the next pay period (2 weeks), im schedualed to work twice... thats an 8 hour pay check BEFORE taxes. makes me sick... urgghhh.

our meeting went phenomanally good... so good that i dont even care how bad i slaughtered that word. nothing like i had ever imagined, yet all that i needed.

im trying out for the play tomorrow. mehh.. whatever.

i've been advised to not blow my check since i wont have many more after this one and the next one... again i must say... mehh.. whatever.

im in a state of frustration.. so i must go suffer through homework and finish my chai.

what would i do with out my chai to sooth me in times of adlckajsd;fkjas;dlckjsdl;iferhgn;bf (lack of proper adjective).

yeaaah. im so glad i have so many friends... riiight.
i have to basically pour my soul or start some gossip for anyone to take a minute to reply to my entries.
also sad... shows whats important to people.

next year we can all leave this hellish routine and never see eachother again. *counts the days.....

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 3 January :: 11.08am

back to routine again...

stay up late, get up early, suffer through another day at school, go to work, come home, start over again.

at least i have things to look forward to now.
bahhh.. im to lazy to update anything worthwhile....

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brokenmentality

:: 2005 1 January :: 11.57am

i got to spend new years with the only person i'd ever want to.
we played 5 games of bowling.. im getting better i am.

last night was just perfect. we seem to experience that alot.. perfection.
and i love that.

now to do my paper for dolbee that i've put off all break..

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 31 December :: 9.12pm

yay.. i wont be stuck at home for another new years.

*dances.

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 30 December :: 9.48am

im all nerves.

how do you prepare for something like this. what do i say. what do i do when i see him. im getting there first.. thats all there is to it.

it hasnt caught up with me yet... it wont sink in for some reason.
i wish it would. i wish i could just cry and let out 16 years of frustration.

but im a soldier. :)
thank you for being here.. through everything.

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