today was a lazy day. a wonderful, lazy day.

shelbys christmas program was this morning, she was a little angel... kind of a stretch, nooooooo. she is.

i came home from church, put lounge (ish) clothes on.... napped for 2 hours, which i NEVER do. did some homework, and now im here.



so chris informed my mom tonight that he's leaving for florida wednesday morning and wont be back until the hearing in feburary. im uneasy... i dont know why yet. something isnt right. why would he just up and leave shelby? and before christmas? its almost a miracle, because until FEBURARY we wont have to deal with him... but thats the part that worries me. he wouldnt just make it that easy for us. its his soul purpose to destroy every aspect of our lives... why would he just leave. i dont know....


found something interesting yesterday... whether or not i pursue it is still in question. a part of me is nervous, a part of me thinks its only right that i do. once again.. i dont know.

i started to think about him today. and what i would say to him if i was to ever see him. i've come to the conclusion that i'd just cry and scream. what good does that do. sometimes i wonder... well i guess it doesnt matter what.... by i do, and it bothers me, and it frustrates me, i hate feeling out of control. i hate waiting for something to happen, when in truth.. it never will. i guess accepting that is the next step.

i dont like that they're breaking up. in my eyes, they're perfect for eachother. grrrrr. i cant even get ahold of her to find out whats going on.



a positive i've gained in the past two weeks.... im finally happy for him. i can finally put my worries aside, and accept everything and move on. not that i hadnt.. but im so much more at ease. i know nothing of this girl, which may be a good thing, that i know nothing that is..... but he seems happy, finally. a sincear happy, i can see it. and that makes me.... well, happy for him. its a good feeling.


and i can finally say that im (trying to think of a different word than "happy"... but regardless you get the point). he's opened my eyes to things i've neglected to see. im more in tune with myself now then i ever was. never have i been more connected to someone than we are to eachother. its so comfortable, so ideal, so right. and yes, it happend fast, i can admit that. but with him time has always been irrelevant. when we're together, time has no bearing. for lack of properly expressing exactly what it is that puts this permanent smile on my face... im gonna stop here.




i've never mentioned the play yet have i. it was incredible. an experience that i'll cherish forever. it ended in the best way possible.. i'll be forever greatful to the cast and mostly to H for making one of my *corny moment* dreams come true. i gained alot more than just an awesome experience though..... *smiles.



desperate housewives is on in like a half an hour... i've become sickly addicted. its sad.... its just one of those shows. i advise you to watch it.... mmm hmmm.

i pray that we'll have a snow day tomorrow. pleeeease let there be snow.



i've gotta learn to stop rambling.

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