brokenmentality
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2004 29 June :: 10.11am
CORRECTION TO MY LAST UPDATE
ok, in my last update, i said the only good part about that day was watching GH.. BUT.. i stand sadly mistaken.....
the BEST part of my day was seeing my dear dear best friend Rouxi after a week went by.. WITHOUT US SEEING EACHOTHER!
*gasp.. is that even possible?
i think it is.. because it happend.... but damn it.... why.. whyyyyy must we do this to our selves..... *bangs head against wall.
so in regards to my last entry... Becky dear.. you were right, and you WERE the best part of my day.
*cries
*hugs you
*FYI- my hotmail and msn dont work on this computer for some odd reason.. so i cant get on anything except AOL... if you have AOL and care to chat with me, my screen name is soul confinement. (im not just avoiding you all... although, not a bad idea.... te he he.. JK.)
CORRECTION TO BECKABOOS LAST UPDATE: IN HER LAST UPDATE SHE STATED THAT I LOVE JOHNNY ALMOST AS MUCH AS SHE DOES. NOW DEAR, YOU ARE MISTAKEN.... sadly MISTAKEN. WE LOVE HIM EQUAL, AND SOME DAY, WE WILL HAVE HIS BABYS (at the same time.... *giggles)
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charlessumnerthatsickfuck
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2004 29 June :: 2.55am
:: Music: the offspring, b/f they were cool
conditioning
i've got it
whenever i think of him (how great he is and how much i'd like to get to know him) i'll snort pepper up my nose, therefore associating the thought of him with the violent burning pain of pepper in my nasal cavity. It's a better alternative than posting in woohu about unrequited love, well, i don't even know if it's that, on either end. meh.
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charlessumnerthatsickfuck
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2004 29 June :: 1.46am
I met this hobo who called himself jack handy and he keep muttering these words, half of them were garbled curses but this came through:
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex
--Jack Handey Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live - NBC)
I知 a paradox. I want to fall, but I知 afraid of falling. That must be why I procrastinate. I知 always in waiting. I知 never willing to take a chance or show my true colors. It痴 got to be the good old fear of rejection complex. Meh. I値l just keep coasting until somebody sweeps me off my feet because I知 too afraid of failing when I see something I want to pursue. My ethical beliefs contradict this. I suppose ethics are something we work towards being, not what we are right now. I mean, if we all preformed exactly what we preached then half of us, if not more, could likely be the next Jesus.
Moving on, who yall going to vote for this November? The 9/11 documentary will surely sway some votes. Has anyone seen that yet? Probably not, our local theater was almost breaking it痴 social barriers by showing dodgeball. But since 9/11 toped box offices, maybe $ signs will convince them. Who knows, I can only hope.
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brokenmentality
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2004 28 June :: 4.22pm
now you know that you cant walk all over me like other people let you... if you like me, then you treat me exactly how I want you to.. and if you dare lie to me, or tell me that im the one whos misunderstood again... then fuck you. you're the one who cant keep your lies straight to everyone... and leave MY friends alone... just because you dwell on "getting people going" doesnt mean they want any part of it.
im tired.
im in a bad mood.
i JUST got home from arbys.
now i have to go to cindys.
*cries.
the only good part about today was watching GH inbetween jobs... what would i do without my soaps.... *doesnt know.
"friends let you use their phone, BEST friends let you wear their underwear."
lol.. i thought it was funny.
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brokenmentality
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2004 27 June :: 7.01pm
:: Music: dashboard
i havent gotten a chance to update at all.. and i have SOO much to update about. so if you dont want a minute by minute account of my life, dont read this entry.
ok. so the yearbook thing. more fun then i've had in such a long time! it was so great. we all had to meet at the school at like 5:45 thursday morning... and then we went to yipsilanti which is about 2 1/2 hours away. it was me, jenna, anthony, chad, and mr. stark. i dont think we could have had a funner group of people.. considering we were the school with the least ammount of people. anyways, so we get there (to the hotel where the convention is being held) and its so nice. it has conference rooms everywhere... its just awesome. and we have this big intro meeting in the main room, this room had like 4 HUGE chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. and they gave us free breakfast, lunch, and dinner. and GUESS who's parents and sister headed up the ENTIRE convention? BACHELOR BOB!!! from the ABC show... the bachelor. lol.. obviously. and maybe you dont know.. but im obsessed with EVERY season.. and bob was my favorite. i loved him when he was on Tristas bachelorett, and then when he was on his own. so that was exciting. we went to two classes that his dad was teaching! and friday morning his mom came up to me and jenna to say good morning, and she looked at me and was like... " you have the prettiest smile, you're just always smiling." and i was all like... *gasp... that was bobs mom! lol. but anyways.. thursday night bob put on a free concert... and we knew about that from earlier that day, which put us in a frenzy alone, but i didnt have a camera. so we went out to the van and mr. stark was gonna bring us to find one, but the battery was dead... so me and jenna walked down to the entrance of the hotel, across the highway and down this huge hill.. which is exactly where this guy told us to go. when we got down the hill there was like nothing around but car dealerships.. and occasional scary cars who couldnt do anything but stare at us.. and to make matters worse... it started raining. lol. AND there wasnt even a gas station down there, and HE said there was supposed to be two. so we went back to the hotel and got all ready for THE BIG CONCERT..... *giggles. when we finally got in the tent we could see him, and it was sooo cool! and i was thinking wouldnt it be cool if Rebecca was here... because Rebecca Budig is "Greenli" on All My Children.. and i LOVE All My Children.. i've been watching for years.. and Greenli has always been one of my FAVORITE charactors.. well Rebecca and Bon are engaged.... (i already knew that... pshh.. i keep up on my soap stars and bachelors.. lol) so THEN i see this girl run up to him and he hugs her.. and im like.. could it be.... and then she turns around....... and omg... i freaked out.. i was like.. *makes huge gasping noise* it was soooooo cool. it was her!!!!! *screams. so i get out my phone and call my mom because she loves her too.. and i was like.. "you will NEVER guess who's here!" she was already jealous because i was seeing bob, but when she found out about greenli... ohhhhhhh. and then im talking to my mom for awhile and i look over and she's standing like, RIGHT next to me. i could have fainted. she was SELLING T-shirts for bob! this huge star and she's selling concert shirts for her fiance! so i went over to her and asked her to sign something for me, and she did, asked me if i watched the show.. i said yes... and then jenna took a picture of us with her camera.. but her camera had no flash.. so odds are it wouldnt turn out. at least we tried.... then we watched the concert.. which was awesome.. and hes so funny.... he was hilarious on the show but i wasnt sure if he would be in person.. but HE WAS. after the show he stayed after to sign autographs and take pictures.. and there was 200 people max there, so you can imagine how close to the stage we were. so we were in line waiting to meet him and Rebecca was still over there selling T-shirts and i was almost more excited about her, because i get ALL wrapped up in soap operas and such... and on top of THAT we were meeting BACHELOR BOB! *giggles again..... me and jenna were bouncing off the walls.. it was so funny. we're such nerds! and anyways, this lady behind us was started talking to us and i just kept teling jenna i just wanted to go over and talk to greenli.. i was like.. i just want to talk to her! and the lady behind us asked if we wanted her to take our picture with her, and i was like.... "our camera doesnt have flash, so i doubt it'll turn out, plus we already tried!" and she was like... "no i mean i'll take a picture with MY camera and then i'll email it to you." i was just like... are you serious! it was soooo cool! so she took my picture with Rebecca and after she took my picture and stayed and talked to her for like FIVE minutes! *dies. dies again. breaks out in tears.* im not exagerating either.. we had an ACTUAL conversation! and she's so nice! we talked all about the show, and i told her that when Leo died i cried for her because she was sad, and she was like, aww you're so sweet. and then she told me that she cried that whole last day she got to work with him because she was so sad. and she told me about how she had become really good friends with _______ the actress who played anna devain.... and i dont know... we just talked about stuff like that. and just normal stuff.. it was so exciting! so after that we got back in line and we finally got up to bob HE DID THE LAUGH.. if you know bob from the bachelor, you KNOW what laugh im talking about. its so funny. so we got his autograph and the lady behind us took all kinds of candid pictures and then a regular picture... i told him that i watched both seasons of the bachelor and that i loved all my children.. lol. and that was about it... he was so nice too! after we left the tent the concert was in.. we were still so _____ (place adjective for excited here) that there was no way were gonna go back to our room.. it was about 10:00.. we found anthony and chad, but they had found themselves some desperate whores, so we decided to go swimming instead... and that was fun. and after that we wandered the hotel because we were bored and we wanted mini-muffins, but failed to find any.... PLUS.... we knew where bob and rebeccas room was, someone told us, it was on the 6th floor with huge double doors, so we walked by there quite a few times. lol... when we finally went back to our room our roomates had been there for awhile, so we talked to them, they were really nice... LOL.. TALK about first impressions! *winks at jenna* *laughs. we rented Starsky and Hutch off the tv because we could rent movies for free... but we fell asleep before it was done... i made it just after the "dragon" part. lol. the next day we had breakfast and stuff.. and more classes. which were really neat.. we learned SO much, and we're so excited about yearbook next year.. me and jenna are the editors, and we plan to make out book the best it can possibly be. we have so many awesome ideas! FYI: our cover kicks ass. So it was a good day, no bob, but it was good. regardless we were still surrounded by his family, and they're all so nice and fun to be around. we talked to his mom, dad, and sister quite a few times too. and BECAUSE we're such nerds, we went to the hotel gift shop and bought thank you cards and filled them out for Bob and Rebecca and Bob and Nora (they're bobs parents) and after noras last class we went in there and gave her the cards and she read hers and hugged us both like twice and told us she loved us and that she was gonna "just treasure these cards, just treasure them" we told her how much we appreciated all the work they put into the convention and how much fun we had. we talked to her for 5 to 10 minutes just the three of us.. it was really cool. shes such a sweet lady, the kind you just want to take home with you and call grandma... lol. we went to the last big meeting in "chandeliere" room and then we left. it was sad to leave.. we didnt want to... but all of us were so incredibly tired. that was that... and wow was it fun.... TWO of my favorite daytime stars.... and I MET them! Talk about an awesome experience.... learned a load about yearbook, met so many amazing people.... and "bonded" with jenna.. i love her. shes so fun! Lol... and now we know what nerds we both are! we were both nervous to go, because we didnt know eachother, but not once was it weird.. it was soooo cooooool!!!! *screams for the millionth time.
when we FINALLY got back to school at around 5:30 my mom picked me up and we went straight to VBS, it was the last night. i didnt even have to go.. but i did, because i wanted to. me and alyssa were in charge of the K- 1st graders..... which is hard work.. and this evil lady yelled at us.. it really ticked me off. she hadnt been there any other night for VBS and then she has the balls to yell at me and alyssa for "not helping Jill and the kids play simon says" for crying out loud.. SIMON SAYS.. how hard is that. not to mention we had been the ones in charge of it the last 4 nights of vbs.. we just had them play that in the extra 5 minutes of snack time.... so we're sitting on the ground talking.. and this god awful woman comes over and says "you girls need to get up and participate with those kids, in alaska you're not going to have a jill to do everything for you" i looked at her like, are you fricking kidding me? so we just stand behind them all and finally alyssa says to me.. what are we supposed to do.. i mean comon.. they're JUST playing simon says! we were so mad... and then this bratty little boy was like... "i dont know how to play simon says..." after they had been playing for like 5 minutes and that same stupid woman was like... "why dont you ask erika and alyssa to help you" and then she pushes us towards them and says... "there.. now you have something to do" and she's saying all this in the cockiest, meanest tone....... i looked at her and was like.. "we've been doing this for the last four days" and she gave me THE LOOK for like 5 seconds and then was like "this is your training for alaska.. alot of people have put in alot of effort to even make it possible for you to go, you better act like you appreciate it." i COULD NOT believe she said that to me.. i was soooooo furious.. you cant even imagine. WHOS put in all the effort? i've raised all my money, i've been at almost ALL the trainings and meetings and work projects...... and some cocky bitch thinks she has the right to say something like that.... talk about wanting to hit somebody. i dont care who it is, including an adult from our church, i dont just pretend its ok when someones rude to me, and i definately got my opinion of her across....... then i was afraid to tell my mom because i thought she'd be mad at me for talking back to that lady, and my mom was furious.. like how dare here talk to me like that. i think it was a mix of things. i had JUST gotten back from being away for 2 days, i was exhausted, i didnt even have a chance to go home... and not to mention all MY effort i've put into this trip.... *gahhhhhhhhh* sorry, i just had to update about that... it seriously made me me so mad that i started crying.. yeah.. i know... pathetic, but i think it was just everything ontop of everything else. my life is crazy as it is.. and not to mention i was so tired and exhausted.............. *forgets about it. im gonna talk to jeff and carrie.. im so frustrated with so many things having to do with people at church. theres at least 7 people who just tick me off. and that woman... shes just the kind that scares nice people away because fat woman like that think they own the church, and you're just AWFUL if you dont do as much as they do... well SORRY.. some people have lives other then church....... not that its a bad thing... but still.... i do my best. and im sick and TIRED of people not acknoledging that. i know im gonna hear about it because i didnt go to church this morning.. i HAD TO WORK..... and i dont have to expaine that to everyone... ALKSDFj'asdfklaj;sk......
anyways.. i know this entry was long.. but this IS my journal.. and MY account of things that have happend.. i want to know and remember things that happend to me.. its my journal, not yours... some people cant grasp that..... so im sorry if you read the WHOLE thing and now want to complaine about it... did someone make you read it? mm hmmmmm.......
i got the swiss army romance cd (dashboard) its really good, and im yet to get the secret window..... but my first priority is a car. i've figured it out.. and SO FAR this summer, after next summer.. i will have made 498 dollars.. which is alot.. so that makes me happy. or maybe it was 398.. either way.. it makes me happy... take that lazy teenagers.. im working two jobs, and being all churchy and stuff.... dont complaine to ME about being overworked... yesterday i worked from 11-9...... my feet ache.. my sides for some reason ached.. i just ache. all. over.
but thats about all i have energy to type right now.. and my moms having a hernia because i wont get off...... so i suppose i will.
Ok, so top my last few days... Bachelor Bob, Greenli, stressed to tears, bratty kindergardeners, working all day multiple times, and new dashboard... mwah ha ha.. how DO i do it.
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brokenmentality
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2004 23 June :: 4.30pm
hmmm... well thats one way to look at it.
i guess i'm just not worth it right? its easy to deny me isnt it?
i should just let you walk over me shouldnt i? because thats what you're used to... is it not?
you'll regret crossing me like this....
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brokenmentality
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2004 23 June :: 2.15pm
i think im finally starting to understand.....
they were right about you werent they?
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brokenmentality
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2004 22 June :: 8.40pm
vbs went good tonight. a little girl gave me the friendship bracelet that they all made. it was sweet. me and alyssa are in charge of kindergarden through 1st grade.... its amazing how cute some of them are.... but sometimes i just want to inform them that i only have 2 hands, therefore they cant ALL hold them at the same time. lol.
i didnt sing tonight... mwah ha ha ha... hows THAT for thinking for myself.
saturday im supposed to have missions trip training from 1 till 9.... but i have to work from 11-10.... i hope jeffs not to mad... im gonna completely miss it.
this summer is all work for me. *tear.
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brokenmentality
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2004 21 June :: 12.46pm
todays brandi's birthday.. and she's not even here for me to maul her and tell her happy birthday.... *sudden sadness over comes me.
ah well... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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brokenmentality
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2004 19 June :: 8.19am
last night was stacys bon fire.. that went good, except for random morons and their stupid randomness... wait.
no. ok fine. stacy, im leaving, because the music SUCKS! and that just TOTALLY makes or breaks a party... well, no, i should rephrase, it didnt suck. i would just rather stab a fork in my eye and feed it to my dog. *smiles.
some people arent even worth a giggle. *shakes head.
theres nothing i love more then going to sleep at 3, and waking up at 7. just gives me some sort of high.... riiight.
im gonna be so busy the next week.
next week is VBS at church, and i have to help out at that, its a sort of training for the missions trip.
the 24th and 25th i have a yearbook thing to go to.. its overnight, where... i forget.
i guess it doesnt sound like much, but it is damn it.
i would LOVE it if i could start working at arbys.... its like... "you're hired" (80 years later)... "your first day is this next friday."
that'd suck to be that old..... *shudders.
i have to be to work in a WHOLE 3 hours... i just dont know if i have time to get ready. hmm...
its nice working at cindys cuz we dont have to wear anykind of uniform, and we can eat food all day... like ice cream.... *licks lips. at arbys we get 50%.. that just sucks. seems how becky works at mcdonalds and gets a free lunch. tisk tisk....
its cold... really really cold.
i have no life.
MISHY was at stacys party... i couldnt have been happier. *tears.. i love her sooo much.
i was gonna end my entry with the whole... i have no life, but then i found the dire need to express my love for mishy, and then i found the need to explain why i didnt end it how intentionally i was going to end it, so now i've decided to leave you in an udder sence of confusion.. thinking im a moron.
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brokenmentality
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2004 18 June :: 4.14pm
it is HOT.
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brokenmentality
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2004 18 June :: 1.34am
It's Saras birthday!!! woot woot!
*hugs her.
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brokenmentality
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2004 17 June :: 4.13pm
on a side note.....
ajsdlk;fjasd;gkljadflkjafsdgklajsdfgklja;sdflgjka;l
*screams.. GAHHH
fuck you.
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brokenmentality
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2004 17 June :: 4.05pm
tomorrow's my friend sara's birthday, so im going over there tonight. i miss that girl.
im sad though, me n jess were gonna hang out.... *tear.
i desperatly want the outkast cd... thats sad right? but i like them..... mm hmm. *nods head.
SHOOOOOOOOOOOOT. im suposed to call becky back, sorry... she takes priority...
*runs to phone.
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brokenmentality
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2004 15 June :: 12.21pm
i have to go to the school and have the fill out my work permit.... *cries. i dont want to.
that requires taking a shower, which requires drying my hair, which I HATE DOING.
i really need to get back into shape, it depresses me how flubby i am. *cries again.
becky got me the usher cd for my birthday *loves her. im gonna pimp all the way to town while my booty goes smack.
*giggles.
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