I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.

I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.

:: 2004 14 June :: 6.06pm

today i had my orientation at arbys, that went pretty ok. everyone seems pretty nice there.

i got another job too. at cindys ice cream, she called me today and wants to train me wendsday! how cool is that! lol. so now i have TWO jobs.. mwah ha ha ha.

i have boot camp tonight for the missions trip.. all my money is raised.. im so relieved.

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 13 June :: 10.49pm

you.

make.

me.

mad.

*screams... gahhhh.

i dont know what to believe anymore. or what to do. or who to talk to. or who to see. or what to watch. or listen to. or think. or feel.

somebody, just please, take all my emotions away from me, i dont deserve them.. i shouldnt be trusted with running my life... but you on the other hand, can be responsible for ruining it.

my life has turned upside down. i dont feel much of anything. just numb pain... i know everythings there.. i'd just rather disregard it. im good at pretending to be happy.. if anybody really knew.. really knew at all what goes through this mind on a daily basis, it'd scare you. because it scares me.

its because of you. you'll burn in hell someday, i know you will. i just dont know when... but if i was 3 quarters of an inch crazier i'd assure you that it'd be soon.

i wanna go to the warped tour.
i wanna have my own room in my own house with my own backyard.
i wanna forget everything i've experienced in the last year.
i wanna be 2 inches taller.
i want mishy to stay.
i want to know your real intentions.
i want someone to talk to, someone inteligent who can tell me what to do.
i want to be ABLE to spell inteligent.. is that right? i dont know...
i want him to stop hitting her.
i want someone who can respect me.
i want someone who makes an effort to be there for me.
i want someone who will just make me cookies and bring them over spontaneously early in the morning because he thinks that im pretty even without my make up and just wants to see me.
i want someone who will take my hand and lead me toward an open window with my eyes closed so i can feel the breeze in the summer.
i want someone christianly.
i want someone cute.
i want someone responsible.
i want someone respectful.
i want someone who wants me.
i want someone who wont laugh at how corny my wants are, because he wants them too.
i want to stop wanting things.
i want to grow up.
i want to move away from everybody whos ever caused me pain.
i want a car.
i want a place to go when it rains.
i want to sleep for a full 8 hours, just once.
i want to erase her past so she wont feel so confused and hurt.
i want to.. god.. i just dont know what i want.

I WANT A LIFE FREE OF EVERYTHING.

i think i wanna be a lawyer some day, so that i can at least help a few people not go through what we're going through.

this entry, is about LOTS of different people, so dont asume im talking about you in different parts, because if you do you're stupid. i dont use names for a reason. and besides its my journal.... fuck you if you dont like what i have to say. im sick of woohu creating so much drama. i know jess can agree with me on this one. IF YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW MUCH WE DESPISE LIFE, DONT READ IT.

simple isnt it? no.... its far to complicated for most to understand.

gahhh.. i hate life. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.

7 comments | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 13 June :: 10.01pm

i havent had time to update in awhile...

our bonfire was so much fun. we had 24 people show up... so it turned out pretty well. im so glad everyone who came did... i love them all... awwwwww.

i have so much that i could update, but i'd rather just vent to select people, and make ya'll wonder.

*malicious giggle.

1 comment | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 9 June :: 11.49am

does anyone know what today is?

well i'll tell you what today is. today is the day that the sexiest man ever born to walk the face of this hellish planet was born. today was the day that the future father of my countless babies and source of ultimate pleasure was born.

today.. is Johnny Depps 41st birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

*faints

*becky cant have him.

1 comment | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 8 June :: 9.59pm

what did i do today?

i had my interview. do i know if i got it.. no.

then we went to the lake, we being stacy, becky, brandi, and lisa. we made a group of morons believe we were all lesbians... one of them then offered his sexual pleasures to us, whom we "kindly" told that we only do eachother, as we walked away holding hands. stacy stole a thong out of an open car, it was hanging on the rearview mirror, we then placed it on the antenna on lisas car.

if you were to read stacy and beckys journal.. you'd get the jist of today..

haha.. jist.
what a dirty word.

leave a comment

munkysaurus

:: 2004 8 June :: 2.05am

Synonyms for procreation?...
Sigh...

Her...

4 comments | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 7 June :: 10.54pm

i have an interview at arbys tomorrow.. woot woot. *crosses fingers

THIS FRIDAY....... just in case any of you.. might have missed it. brandi and i are having our party..... all are invited..... and if anyone knows how to get ahold of cherie.... tell her she needs to come, cuz neither of us have her email. ok..........

brandi and are gonna watch the last episode of friends..... and cry.

its sad ok. geeeeeeeeze.

1 comment | leave a comment

munkysaurus

:: 2004 5 June :: 3.18pm

I smiled, and little pieces of me walked this way and that, passing right under my nose...
Work time.
Smoke time.

Is it really, seriously, unattractive/denerving to find a guy who smokes. I feel like a convicted felon from the middle eastern 17th century. Everytime I light up. It's like, jeez, at least I'm not a cardinal of the Vatican, fucking bending little naked boys over. So I could snort crack off their asses. Are you going to chop one of my lungs off with your scimitar, huh, fuck brick! sigh...

I have to go to work pretty soon. "She'll" be there. I shake like I have palsy every time I see her. I can't help it. I loved her... But, I don't get it. How do I make people hate me so much. And, I'm not being a rere about this whole situation. It's like, every friend I've had I've driven away by some means. It's weird. And really deturring.

New Friend: "Hey, I like your hair."

Me: dancing around like a maroon (the white boy or something) "Thanks, what's up?"

New Friend: disqusted "Holy shit dude, not a DAMN thing."

Whoa, is ME?

See ya, J-unit...yoi yoi...cough*

1 comment | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 5 June :: 1.47pm

i have kangaroos in my phone.. yes thats right. kangaroos.

my moms taking me out for dinner today since we didnt "have time" yesterday. *rolls eyes. i think we're getting my red flannel dress too... its so puuurrdy.

tonight im going to see harry potter 3 with becky, dont laugh at us.. we're not losers... well... not quite. ok fine we are... they're good books damn it!

after that i do believe im going out with jon... i guess it depends on what time i get home. eh.. i dont know. its nice having birthdays after your initial birthday. today is more of a birthday then yesterday. hmm... well anyways.

"whats that Mary Kate and ashlee? perfume? Ohh pleeaaaaaaas, but its all good.. schwweaaaattt. and by the way brandi, im so glad that you didnt get me Abercrobie and Finch colognie.... or bolagna. *shakes head* The four of us love you. schmwa*

2 comments | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 4 June :: 6.38pm

Happy Birthday to myself... mmm hmm.
so todays the BIG 16... it hasnt been the best day, but its been a pretty damn good day.

for starters i got my licence! how cool is that... im so excited, no car to drive... but STILL!!!!

i got a cell phone for my birthday too... now i can walk through the mall, pretend to talk to someone important, and feel cool like the rest of you. yep, thats my plan. its so cute! so little and cute....... *admires.

i got a johnny shirt too... its beautiful.

so yes, i am legal. *giggles.

brandi got me a dashborad cd, and clothes, and chapstick, and sun glasses, socks, and flip flops.... shes so good to me. *hugs her*

next friday is our birthday party... (mine and brandis) ya'll can come if you want. just email me for directions.. anyone can come.... we welcome you all. te he he......

soul_confinement@hotmail.com
or
lynn_13@msn.com (brandi)

8 comments | leave a comment

munkysaurus

:: 2004 4 June :: 1.32am

I loaded my shotgun with eminems, and proliferated his ass with chocolaty goodness...
Um, dearest and...deepest?, Mr. J.

My love life is a like a Offspring song. Go ahead listen to one. Yep, that's right. Pretty fucked up in a shrieked, grab your balls octave kind of way.
I don't understand girls. I don't think they understand themselves. It's like, bigotry aside, over there in a shady corner, off, off you go, girls act like they know everything about another.
Now, that may be a opinionated, biased statement. It's true though. They walk into shit like they're the calrone. That's fuckin' right, I said it, Calrone!
But, the unoffended, I assure you. Guys are no better.
Eh, whatever, fuck you, fuck me, apethy.
*Insert another interjection
It's kinda funny. I've been thinking this shit for three weeks and I finally decided to bitch about it. And what do I get, a incoherent, hardly close piece of bowel release.

I've only kept a handful of contacts since I've been out of school. And now they're fading on me. I guess that's just one of the cards in the Milton Bradley game. And I know I'm really touchy, feely with the past. But, fuck, who am I going to have left?

Just a pen, pencil, and a scrap of paper.
"She's" gone. Mandy's lost interest. Ryan's moving to New Orleans. Corina was never close to me. Tara, either, besides the fact that we have some kind of awkward tension between us.

Work sucks, getting bitchy and itchy. If you don't know what I mean by that. Go see for yourself. Bitchy and itchy.

Geh, oh well...

Time to go shoot me some sheep-age. Nighty,
Dustin

1 comment | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 2 June :: 8.16pm

i cant believe tomorrow is the last day of school. im relieved, but sad.

today was fun. i went to the mall with lisa, kate, becky, and stacy. there really isnt a way to describe that.......... *laughs

i got brandis birthday present all taken care of...... its "neat". mmmmm hmm.

once again, pointless entry.

oh yeah, i think i might be going to kent city next wednesday with alyssa for their last day. that should be cool.

our bonfire is next saturday.... no friday... hell, i dont know. June 11th. woot woot.

less then 2 days and i'll be 16......

2 comments | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 1 June :: 9.14pm

well i think tomorrow im going shoping with lisa, becky and stacy. that should be fun. i need to get brandis bday present.... SPEAKING OF... mines friday. ohhh yeah.

i wanna lose 10 pounds. 10 whole pounds.. is that to much ask. comon gods of heavens... JUST LET ME!!! *shakes fist and growls.

i hate updating and having nothing to talk about......

oh wait.. becky bit my ovary today.
heh heh.. oooooh yeah.
you bite that ovary becky... mmmm hmm.

brandi and i went out in the woods, damn those mosquitoes...... hmmm. toes... i dont think thats right.... *shrugs

i hope i pass that stupid exam in ahmed.

on a different note.. becky and i joined the debate team. sounds really nerdy... but it should be fun.

ok.. thats about all i could scrounge together for this half errmmm.. apple entry.

beckys an apple. thats right... im anti-vegitarian.. and Becky.. YOU MADE OUT WITH HIM BEFORE YOU WENT OUT WITH HIM! yeah, thats right. whats up now.... yeah, yeah.... mm hmmm. "check out theeeese torpedos!"

to all others but becky....... disregard.

1 comment | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 31 May :: 7.25pm

well.. another weekend gone. parts of it were good. some parts really good. other parts sucked. today was boring. i went to rivertown with alyssa... that was good. but that was about it for my day.

this friday is my birthday. *dances* woot woot.

im a boring person, living a boring life.......

mm hmmm...