I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.

I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.

:: 2004 30 May :: 3.41pm

well..... whats life without a little change?

im livin at brandis now. this should be a fun summer... even though neither of us will be around much. i love her. *hugs*

things in my life are finally settling down... starting to become more normal i guess you could say. and some parts of it are really taking off for me. im excited to see what the next year has in store.... nothing could be worse then this past year.

i dont really know what else to say....

ok....

ummmmm....

that about does it.

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charlessumnerthatsickfuck

:: 2004 18 May :: 12.25am
:: Music: jay leno, trying to be hip and therefore an adulator and male chauvinist. no dice

wow, it works
old time rockin' roll. that kinda music just soothes the soul.
so much has happened in the last 6 months
times change
flowers, people, relationships and pop corn kernels bloom.
then wilt, with the mortality that every event, feeling, even inanimate object posses.
for now all that endures is my own intellect, and vague sense of self.

i'm having difficulty living in the present.
everything is a matter of perspection.

all i can do is appreciate the tangible beauty of nature and the magnanimous acts of a few humans

each person is different. they have flaws that make them more adaptable to change or susceptible to failure.

which are you? which am i? where does determination, ambition, and sprit come into play?

at this transient moment in our 4th dimension (and most confounding 'd') i'm going to take the opportunity to temporarily immortalize my emotions (say it jessa, "don't fuck with literary terms")

Appreciation
1)comprehension proceeded by scattered contemplation
2)people, for their complex contradictions that cause chaos
3) the letter "c"
4) Jessa, her enthusiasm for life and love
5) Katie, her concise judgement that clears the clutter of human character
6) oiy, steph, and your former affinity for absolute vodka. ha not a single "c", damn
7) ah, comedy, provided by Conan, my cue
c ya

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 16 May :: 11.27am

I HATE COMPUTERS!!!

gah... messenger wont work.. the caps keep periodically turning on....... stupid thing.

i woke up at 11:00, but we're supposed to be at church. so now im all confused. i think brandis sick, and thats why we stayed home.. i dont know. hmmmm.

to kill a mockingbird, should die a painful, miserable death, and then be burned.

i've got a TON of homework to do.. i guess i should do that.

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 16 May :: 1.02am

well this weekend was pretty good. pretty darn good.

friday i went and saw van helsing with jon.. and that was fun. and then saturday morning i had work project, then brandi and i went tanning, then we got ready for her senior high banquet at her church. we got to get all dressed up in fancy dresses and fuss over our hair and make up and such. so we get to the church no knowing where we're going.. and then we pile in the church van and pull into BURGER KING! we were all freaking out cuz we were all dressed up and expecting something wonderfull.. but you know that huge room that the play thing used to be in? well we walked in there and they had it all decorated. the windows were all covered, lights were hung up and dangling down from the ceiling along with that sheer white stuff. and there was purple sheer stuff and just cool decorations randomly placed everywhere. plus they had some lady playing the violin in the corner. it was sooooo pretty. and we had the whole room to ourselves, it didnt seem like we were at burger king, it was so cool! so then we went and changed at first baptist right there on the corner... why.. im not sure. just a place to change i guess. and then we went to ajs. that was cool. self explanatory.. everyone knows what you do at ajs. *recap- go carts, mini golf, the whole sha-bang*

after that whole thing, we got back to the church around 10:30, then me, brandi, and richele went to petes bonfire... got home around midnight... and now here i am. updating my journal... because i thats just the cool thing to do now a days.

seniors are gone.. thats sad.

i cried the other day.. why, im not sure. but it had been awhile.... damn feelings. and damn me. and damn my feelings. yep.. that about sums it up.

well, at least im gonna be 16 soon. less then a month. i'll be legal to have sex, not that i will. but still. te he he he.

gah.. i dont know what im supposed to do. a part of me is like, woot woot, this is great, and another part is like... noooooooooo.. bad idea. so i dont know. GAH.. I HATE NOT KNOWING.......... maybe its not even what i think it is. or maybe it is.. i dont know. i wish i was a mind reader. and that i had xray vision. that'd be cool too.

off to bed.
church tomorrow.
LOTS of homework.
3 more weeks.. thank god.

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 11 May :: 1.52pm

tomorrow is my moms birthday, AND my best friends birthday. crazy.... *shakes head.

the sad thing is i cant afford to get my mom anything.... which makes me feel awful. i just told her that when i go to alaska i'll get her something then. still though..... grrrr.. i hate being poor, and not having a job, and having nothing in the bank.....

oh yeah, and YAY!!!! so my friends and i have talked about this, and even though prom might suck next year... AT LEAST we can still party with our reps!!!! that makes us feel SO much better. i mean.... comon... thats who i'd want running my class! ha ha.. our class is gonna suck next year.....

this saturday.... im going to a banquet with brandi at her church.. well actually we're going to eat somewheres, but they wont tell us where. the element of suprise, te he. and then i guess we're gonna change and then go to ajs. so that SHALL be fun. Friday i think im doing something with jon. and sunday theres church, which i missed last sunday. My mom wasnt to happy with me... so i guess i should probably go this time.

this band wants to meet me.. non-chalant... or something like that. because their bass player quit. so i think me and Alyssa are goin over there sometime soon. that should be cool too. they're already well known.. so that would be "neat".... te he.. what a fun word neat.

BUT... my first and foremost project will mine and beckys band thing. because we want it all acoustic, so we figure if we work our tails off and learn... we can have some sort of mellow band. and seems how becky is my best friend, we'd never ditch eachother. *tear, i love you man!*

"The only gossip I'm interested in is
things from the Weekly World News -
'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'.
That kind of thing."

"Fear... Fear... Utter fear. Clowns!
Clowns scare me."

"I pretty much try to stay in a constant
state of confusion just because of the
expression it leaves on my face."

"Trips to the dentist-- I like to postpone that kind of thing"

"If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them."

"This is a rumor-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics... or masturbation"

"America is dumb, it's like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you, aggressive. My daughter is four, my boy is one. I'd like them to see America as a toy, a broken toy. Investigate it a little, check it out, get this feeling and then get out."

�I have a funny relationship with my body...Ah, it sounds so stupid, but for me there shouldn't be any half way."

"Oh yeah. I play Barbies all the time... "

-John Christopher Depp III

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 8 May :: 4.34pm

woot woot... so me and becky are losers.

we went to that movie place in town thats going out of buisness.... and we were probably there for about an hour looking through all their posters for johnny posters... but was there any???? NOOOO.... crazy. out of AT LEAST 300 posters, not one was johnny. *tears.

but... we both got chocolat.. and that makes us happy. and if any of you think thats candy... *whispers...* you're stupid

we just completed the rest of our algebra homework that has been periodically due throughout last week.... at least its done.

we made the best smoothies... EVER.

kiwi, rasberries, strawberry yogurt, a bananna, whip cream, lemonade, and ice.

yum. kiwi.. what a fun ingrediant. its like, yeah.. i had kiwi. im better then you. kiwi. its just fun.. and erm.. sophisticated... or something. its something an anerexic, well rounded person would eat. we're not either... ah well. te he. kiwi. he he.

we're going to see mean girls tonight. yep.. sure are.

i think im out of things to say....

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 7 May :: 2.14pm

*tear.

friends is all over, but.... they named their baby after me. yes, thats right. after me... because they said to themselves..... "erika childs, that girl is so cool..." yeah, i got nothin.

elections today..... *crossing fingers.

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 6 May :: 1.56pm

no, it cant be over. *cries
tonight is the last episode EVER of friends. i think i just might bawl. im so sad. its been my favorite show since i can remember. and its ENDING.

*breaks down.

i talked to my friend tyler yesterday... that was awesome. havent talked to him in months.

will someone PLEASE help me with algebra. i think im gonna cry im so far behind. and while you're at that, help becky too. because we're screwed, and sad, and failing. *tears.

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 4 May :: 2.13pm

im at 575...... thats so cool. *smiles

te he.. no one knows what im talking about.

go stacy, go driving...... yayyyy.

should i be a cheerleader next year? i just dont know... hmmmmmmmmm.

5 comments | leave a comment

brokenmentality

:: 2004 3 May :: 1.46pm

another weekend... came and gone.

it was an alright weekend.

i went to my friend joanns house, we watched the wedding planner, which i think is a bitter cross between my best friends wedding and how to lose a guy in 10 days. it was an ok movie. sunday we had a dinner at church..... foods always an exciting thing.

hmm.. friday i went to the mall with my mom and shan and sara. saras my friend, shans my moms, but they're mom and daughter too, it was fun. i got some capris. yay.

saturday i went to my aunt pats house and did some work around there to earn money for my missions trip. it was grusome work. but i got through it.. even though it was raining. i even sawed down a pine tree... oooh yeah. i conquered that tree. yep.

im sick of gloomy days. they're not fun... they're...... erm.. gloomy.

the senate went to arnies for lunch today. that was fun. well not fun.. but food, and once again... food is always a good thing.

i've decided that i love becky. i cant believe we actually thought we were never gonna be friends again. she really completes me. lol. as does brandi. my other halves. wait.. wouldnt that make us thirds... i dont know. math isnt fun. fun fun fun fun fun.... how about i say fun a few more times. akl;jva;lskcjas;ldkjfal;skjf

im not in a bad mood, or a sad mood, but im not happy. i dont know why.

algebra is depressing me. someone help me...... *cries

Becky... next time you come over, you need to refrain from wiggling your vagina on my floor... and oh yeah. i will not be catching your serbia croatia... no, i will not. thats right every one.. becky has an std... serbia croatia...... its sad. it really is. we made noodles... ha ha. noodle. ha.

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 30 April :: 10.32am

random journaling.. no, more like stalking cedar peoples journals (which all of you guys do, admit it) just makes me giggle.

*ahem* "my life is over" "this isnt happening" "im gonna kill myself" "oh my freaking gosh, no way"

and then you've got the wiggers.. whose language is far from my own. i dont know.. andy should shun these pathetic journals.. and make them no more.

in other news.

tonight i am the loser who has no prom date. but its all good. because nobody in cedar is worthy.. anybody thats an upperclassmen anyways. it takes a special guy to win me over to prom... or just a pat on the head and a "you're kinda cute" but hey.. ya know it.... its all good. im kidding. i went last week, thats good enough.

im going shopping tonight with shan and sara and my mom. that should be fun.

brandi and i are going tanning after school. cant wait.... its so relaxing... why have i never discovered this before?

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 29 April :: 1.47pm

ok, so aparantly im some awful person who only thinks about herself and casts away her friends who have "been there for her" through lots of things. and aparantly i can only credit some of the greatest achievements in my life to this one person, because without this one person i couldnt have done it. riiiiiiiight.

in other news..........

i finally made up my mind to go onto the executive board. im satisfied, and confident, sad that i will no longer be class president, but happy because im movin up. *thinks of that stupid theme song*

today almost was an ok day, except for that, and then there was that other thing, and yeah, that other thing pretty much sucked too.....

youth group tonight, i really wanna go, but i really wanna do my math.

end school end... end right now. *does a wiggly dance*

i started learning the guitar yesterday thanks to the teaching talents of dylan. :) im so excited, im finally learning, or trying to learn. or something of the sort.... nooo, im doing ok. i hope, lol. i can make noise on it though, and thats kick ass. *giggles.

becky lee.... you little whore. i love you. *tear. im here, and i would be more then willing to do the told ya so dance. just ask, i'll do it, i will. lol... im just kidding. i do love you though.

and brandi.... *you are sooo beautiful tooo oo oo meeeeeeee.* and by the way.. i am SOOOO gonna marry elton john first. you just watch me.

i think that sums it up.

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 27 April :: 2.52pm

im going to chuck e cheeze tonight with brandi. how fun.

decision. made. tomorrow.

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brokenmentality

:: 2004 26 April :: 1.55pm

prom was so much fun. this whole weekend was so much fun. i'd advise you to skip past this entry if you dont really care about my weekend, because thats all this is going to be about.

friday: alyssa and jen picked me up and we went shopping for fabric and the last of our prom outfits, sadly, i didnt get any satin gloves... too expensive for my liking. and we ended up going to alpine, eating Wendy's behind a med center...... te he, dont ask, and then going to woodland. then we went back to alyssas house, tried on everything all together, took showers, watched a movie, and went to bed. pretty basic.. so much fun.

saturday: we had to decorate the place where prom was because alyssas on prom committee, it was at the wave room above the celebration cinemas. it was really cool because the theme was hollywood, so it worked out perfectly. and GASP.. GUESS WHAT I GOT!!!!! *freaks out* this girl had probably about 100 movie posters that we could use to decorate with, donated from the movie place in cedar, and i was looking through them and i found the movie poster for... are you ready? *looks around* PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN!!!!! eeeeeeek. so i took it, of course... lol. i got another once upon a time in mexico too. now i have two of those. so yes, that was exciting.. back to errrm.. prom. yes. prom. so when we were done decorating we went back to alyssas friends house to pick up her car, and then we went tanning, which, i had never been tanning before. sooo relaxing, i think i might be addicted, it was wonderful. then we went BACK to her house, got ready, her friend julie did my hair, then alyssa tweaked it, and then we went to christinas house for dinner, because we're all poor. but thats ok, because there was about 8 of us girls all eating steaks with towels shoved down the fronts of our dresses. lol. i met so many new girls, and made so many new friends. it was so fun. so we wanted to be fashionably late, but we ended up being 45 minutes late because the cinema was so far away. it was all good though. when we got there i thought i was gonna be all shy, but i wasnt, which made it even better. i met even more people there, and we just all danced all night, which yeah, i guess that makes sence seems how its a dance..... te he. i saw jake and his date there, and awwwww. they're so cute. *Jake, you found a cutie!* I'm happy for him, he deserves it. i even got to dance with somebody, we'll just keep it on the DL who it was, but it was nice. we didnt get back to alyssas house until about 1:30. and 10 girls came back to her house with us. that was fun too, except there was WAY to much food, and not enough self control.

sunday: we didnt go to church because we were too tired, but we did end up getting there about 10 minutes before everybody got out because we had to help with the fundraisng dinner for our missions trip. then my mom picked me up from the church, we went and looked at houses, and then she dropped me back off at alyssa and jennifers house. we wanted to play paint ball, but the burns couldnt so we ended up scrubbing it up and going out into there woods. go me, i climbed a tree... not very high, but it was over a swamp, and i COULD have seen a snake. te he. we found a bunch of weird stuff out there. lets go down the list shall we...

a rotatiller
deer carcus
timer camera, that took a picture of alyssa before we knew it was there, it was weird
a tent
an arrow.

let me mind you that all these were in the very middle of it. the camera was the wierdest thing. it was just on this pipe that was comming out of the ground, and alyssa walked in front of it and it clicked, and she's like oh my gosh its a camera! we ended up getting lost out there, and had to go to the nearest field, walk up to the road, and then down to her house. we were REALLY lost, because we had to walk a long ways to get back. yep, so then i went home.

very busy weekend. one night im in high heels, the next night we trecking around muddy woods. ah well.. it was the most fun i've had in a long time.

alyssa and gordy are so cute together.. i dont think he knows it yet. *giggles. awwww

alright, well... now that i've bored all of you (which i dont care by the way) i guess i'll go.

*im glad we got to talk, i never intended for us to hate eachother, but like i said, at times we need our space. and it was nice talking to you. i do care about you, i always will. dont forget that k. *

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