sweetest sixteen a girl could ask for
the best birthday of my life! i got home n i CRIIIEEEDDDDD! i couldn't fucking believe it. the last time i ahd a birthday, it was the most fucked up, disturbing experience i've ever been through at age 9, and now this.. i owe you guys so fuckin much because what you gave me is something i could never repay you for. i feel so alive! i went out in the morning to school, all comfortable in my jeans and my MOTHER'S shirt, and i felt so breezy! fara7 fuckin ATTACKED me as soon as i walked into the auditorium, then i attacked andy so it was all good. yay! the shows were pretty decent, but the band that played muse butchered "time is running out" and left it a bloody mangled mess. sad. i got some fantastic booty, (no seriously, fantastic) until my fuckin heart started fuckin up. blag was scared, i could tell, but he handled himself beautifully. he even carried me part of the way to the auditorium. soliman was beautiful, he bought me chips, and walked me to the baqualla, and we talked and hugged and joked, and he's so great! i love that guy! seriously, i love him. tammam was pretty decent too. at first it was like, "no goldfish, swim away," but then he bought me iced tea and some licorice (which i didn't even ask for!) and sat next to me and we joked and talked baout the band and music and cars, and he took a picture of himself on my phone, which i gotta admit, makes him look like a fuckin rock star. we're in love with his guitar *silent reverie*. later, i took care to speak with fredubine about this, and make sure she was ok with it because YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND I WOULD NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH GOLDFISH IF IT WOULD JEAOPARDISE MY FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU! but truly, he was a gentlemen. and then, blag gave me perfume for my birthday! never mind it reminded me of that old joke i ahd with kaileen (perfume, shampoo and clothes tell you respectively "you stink," "you need to shower" and "i hate the way you dress") but it was sweet of him to give me a present, even though we're not involved in a relationship. so later, barney drove me home, and i hung out there for a couple hours, having lunch and doing some quiet reading (i should have done my homework). then saleem picked me up, picked fara7 kookee up, picked barney and andy up and took us to ruby tuesdays! yay! we ate and joked, and exchanged stories. then they got the people that worked there to humiliate me with the world's gayest birthday song. thanks guys :P i got gifts! and cards! barney and andy got me (together): a tank top, a g-string, a pair of earrings, a toe ring, and a gigantic ring that i wear on my big toe. and best of all (barney i can't believe you remembered!) a train CD, drops of jupiter to be exact. she remembered! i (heart) it and i (heart) you barney! thank you so much! fara7 got me an AMAZING che guevara shirt, and a fuckin beautiful card that made me fuckin cry when i read it. i realised just how much i'm missing out on without that girl, and how much i (heart) her like the sister she always was to me. so that was my day. music, talk, joy, bliss, ass, presents, birthday brownies, new friends, underwear, cards (coughTRASHYSLUTcough* who?), glowing dildos and such. fredubine you were the only hting missing from my celebration and i wish you were there. i (heart) you immensely. thank you guys SOOOOO fuckin much for the best birthday i could have ever hoped for. i'm ready to die :)

dude... goldfish's mother
hmmm, i'm still a little tipsy from today. if being deprived for a long ass-ed time makes blag do this, then maybe i'll deprive him more often. wow... i'm so yea, high. wow.... and then! right, nahida asked me today why i wasn't in the talent show, and last period jaber told me i should come to their jamming sessions and sing instead of my brother. hahaha i feel so talented! but i'm not gonna be in the talent hsow this year, i'm gonna design the stage tho! yay! i feel professional! and then i'm still not over today's booty. i think that's the best i ever had next to scottie. hmmm. ad then MY HUSBAND'S GONNA BE IN THE TALENT SHOW! YAY! i (heart) him. in computer class, the teacher calls me all of a sudden and goes " fajer, can you take these sheets to mr. perovich? he left them in my room this morning. and ask him if he took mine by mistake." i wanted to cry. it was fate! so i FLOATED to his classroom and got jelly knees as soon as i stepped in. apparently, according to what andy told me later, i had a THO. that was nice and embarassing. and then, i talked to him as best i could without bursting into tears of love! liane later said i might as well have stripped for him i was all over him. can't help it! i (heart) him! more than..... yes i believe so.. more than.... MATT BELLAMY! *bursts into tears* i said it i admit it! i'm in love with a white haired starwars loving classic book reading backstreet boys singing dorky teacher! more than i'm in love with the bisexual guitar and piano playing english lord. wait a minute... what'd i jsut say? ok i take it back i love them the same again. psh, what was i thinking? it's matt bellamy! but i'm still on today behind the curtains. and then, we had our orgasm orgy over goldfish's guitar. then they played and minus some fine tuning, they're pretty damn good. andy sang! yay i heard her! she was so great she went all high n low n high again! the best part of the song was kinda off tho, the "dear daddy" part. ah well, mustn't criticise, i can't play for shyt. and then...

dedicated to he who lived full and free
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Chorus 1
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Chorus 2
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

2.
Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Chorus 3
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
Chorus 4
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

3.
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

[Repeat Chorus 3]
[Repeat Chorus 1]

one sould missed deeply, hope you hear the words of this song reverbrating from my very core:
I’m lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn’t really know, doesn’t really know

(chorus)
I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I’m all out of love, what am I without you
I can’t be too late to say I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long, lonely nights
I’m reaching for you, are you feeling it too?
Does the feeling seem oh, so right?

And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can’t hold on?
There’s no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I’ll be gone, I’ll be gone

(chorus)
Ooh, what are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
(repeat chorus)

heroine
AC sent me a pic of liv tyler, in black and white only she elctrified her blue eyes and wrote "HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY," across the top and "JO!" at the bottom. it's such a sentimental gift! if you ever read this, AC, thank you! i (heart) it! and then, i still feel buzzed with the hyperness of all yesterday. that was so much fun, altho i still feal like a fool for my sobfest. both in virgin AND at barney's later. i feel like a weak gay shyt. not good, incase you're nto all that bright. but all in all, i ahd a great time. i got soaked bcause i started dancing in the rain. i went downstairs to my pool, and they emptied all the water out so i just stood in the middle of it and starting singing and dacing in the rain. i (heart) that feeling! so invigorating! i'm dyslexic! i swear! i can't type properly! gay... and then i don't know. oh! i found the birthday card barney's giving me on my birthday! so cute! she's so sweet. we went shopping for formal dresses today for the party in february, and i realized jsut how sickeningly broke my family is. no i mean really! there was this dress for 50KD and it fit me perfectly and it looked REALLY GOOD, and my mom jsut shook her head and was like "i don't have that money". then i saw a pair of jeans i LOVED, that made me look PURRRRTY! but they were for some 12KD and my mom shook her head again, real sad like, and said "not htis month. i can't this month." it's been like this for al ong time now, and it's getting old. i mean, aren't i supposed to be spoiled? i go to the most expensive school in the country! you'd think i'd be able to afford a pair of jeans for 12KD or a dress for 50KD. i feel bad for my mom, because she's not even 40 yet and she's already so tired. shes a single mother who wasted her youth by getting married at a ripe age of 16 and becoming a mother at 17. she never got to be a kid. guys still ask her to marry them, and i know she wouldnt even DREAM about it until i graduate. i owe her a lot. but i still wish we had more sometimes. i read about this in a book, where if a kid grows up deprived, as soon as they get money they start going wild, buying everything even if they dont want or need it. not exaggerating, i seriously think that's gonna be me. maybe that's why i always have dreams ending with me being rich and famous. it's become my craving, to satisfy my materialistic urges and desires. and then, this topic gets depressing, so... MOVING ON! and then....

thank you
thank you for listening and putitng up with me AND crying with me barney. i appreciate it :)

bless me!
i just got home from marina with barney, andy, fredubine and summer! yay! fuch munness. and then the people that work at the one hated us and they blessed me/! several times! HAHAHA! that was fun. we stole the deftones and weezer plastic things! woohu! finally! i took lots and lots of ictures of the formula 1 car. yay! and then, i started crying in virgin because a song summer made me listen to made me cry. i feel like such a silly ninny. it reminded me of scottie and i broke down whining "i miss scottie!" it was humiliating. but never mind that, and then..

look thrgouh a faithless eye, are you afraid to die?
well, i just got home form the hospital, and it's official: i'm cured. i am no longer anorexic, no longer bullemic. why aren't i happier? i know it's not true. the only concern now is not my psychological condiiton, it's my weight. so they put me on vitamins and treatment for two more months and sent me on my way. fuck it, i'll take the damn pills..

cinnamon oh cinnamon wherefor art though my cinnamon?

You are Spearmint.
You are quick-witted and sharp. You pay close
attention to details and you can tell what your
friends are feeling. You are always the first
to understand a joke and you are valued for
your insight and advice. However, you
sometimes isolate yourself from other people,
afraid to share your own feelings.
Most Compatible With: Cinnamon


Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

DOBLE-HEADDE COIN IS COMPLETED! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! *thunder claps in background*
it's finished! i completed it! one more story done! i am torn however, between naming it either WIN or DOUBLE-HEADED COIN.i wish there was more reference to the coin instead of to the artist's cap, but alas, readers will just have to figure out the symbolism for themselves. all in all, i'm pleased. ofcourse there's gotta be osme changes made, some additions, and some fine tuning here and there. the characters seem rushed, even to me, and the plot doesn't have enough time to unfold. i'm still wondering how i managed to squeeze 7 chapters into 9 pages. that's like 1.2 pages per chapter. pretty short, very choppy. i need to fix that, maybe if i strung a chapter or two together it would run more smoothly. but i feel like dramatic pauses are neseccary! i mean, how cool would it be to stop right when the fortune cookies get to the table? really cool... the romance ebbed out of the story, and i'm left with a tale of trust, fairness, independence and winning. all the things i want in my life. to best express them, i showed a life that lacked them, and slowly infiltrated each into the character. by the end of the story, she had them all, and it was happy. i usually suck at writting happy endings, but this one is really happy, in its own way, if the reader can find it. i'm so proud of this story! my entire entry is about it! i don't care it's amazing! this is one of my better ones definitely. and then....