My heart in a headlock.

the invitation
it doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
i want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

it doesn't interest me how old you are.
i want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

it doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
i want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

i want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

i want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

it doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
i want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
if you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

i want to know if you can see beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
and if you can source your own life
from its presence.

i want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"yes."

it doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
i want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

it doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
i want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

it doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
i want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

i want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

written by: oriah mountain dreamer

2 shot darlings | bang bang

cowboy67

:: 2005 20 December :: 3.24pm

i wasn't born to follow.

moana

:: 2005 20 December :: 2.51am
:: Music: Gorillaz - Green World

Don't desert me now.

The thing about me is, you have to get past a lot. You have a lot of defense mechanisms you have to get through, and a lot of protests and contradictions. I rarely come right out and ask for help, when it matters anyway, and a lot of the time, right after I do, I'll yell at you for helping me. You have to get past the brutal sense of humor, the pretentious indignation, the hostility and then, the tears. Some layers are omissions of facts and other layers are just downright lies. Some layers are truthful to the bone, some layers are just for show. And deep down, when you can get past the big hair, the glasses, the odd clothes and the sneakers, when you can get past the jittery stance and the gait and the high-pitched squealing voice, when you can get past the book-smart talk about nothing at all and the contemptuous snort at everything that is important, then there�s me. A little sad, a little happy, a little brave, and very scared.

The mismatched earrings, the autographed shoes, the childish whine, the chalk-stained jeans, the odd-sounding laugh, the charming enthusiasm, the nerd and the bimbo, the cheerleader and the loner, the musician and the mathematician, if you can get past that, it�d be great.

But if you could get past all that and still like me, still consider me a friend, still consider me a loved one, a family member or whatever it is I am to you now, then that�d just make it all irrelevant, wouldn't it?

2 shot darlings | bang bang

moana

:: 2005 18 December :: 1.59am

aaaaaaaaaaaaand semester

Done. Over. Through. Oh yes.

I'm gonna miss my new people though, those that aren't coming abck. Rodell, Marz and Lydia, for one thing. Rodell especially. My gay boyfriend.

I guess that's all there is to it, then.

By this time tomorrow I'll be back in Kuwait.

I'll see you then.

1 shot darling | bang bang

moana

:: 2005 17 December :: 2.29am

I just left the A building. It's 2:30 in the morning.

I am so screwed.

I did a 100x140cm self-portrait, a 50x70 self-portrait and an A2 reproduction of a charcoal portrait. Between 3pm and 2am. I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm covered in charcoal and bird shit, and I'm cranky.

I hate freehand drawing.

bang bang

cowboy67

:: 2005 15 December :: 3.11am

happy birthday, big boy!

from all of us gladiators, we wish you the best and hope you have a great day! happy 23rd, joe!

1 shot darling | bang bang

cowboy67

:: 2005 14 December :: 4.29pm

i believe the answer would be yes

2 shot darlings | bang bang

cowboy67

:: 2005 14 December :: 3.45pm

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is; nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.

You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urge that motivates you. Keep the channel open.

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

Martha Graham