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TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 12 January :: 2.56pm

You're so predictable no shadow of doubt
when you are suffering know who sold you out
Fuck your opinions
Fuck your lack of spine
When you are miserable
Know that I'm just fine

You go solo
your faggot rainbow
your junkie ego
won't save you this time

you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 11 January :: 10.41pm

dont stop get it get it. LoL
welp today when i came home from school; i layed down because i have a migrain.. i wasnt so smart today in school, so since i have been down in the dumps alittle i took a break off of my xanx bars and decided to take some vicodine along with aderol (sp?) so yeah, i wasnt the sharpest tool in the shed.. i felt awful. but alaina and mike showed up and they got me out of bed to go with them to drive around and what not.. we smoked alittle and drank a beer or 2. so we just chilled.. i didnt eat anything ALL DAY. so i was sick to my stomach.. after we hung out i came home and i felt like i was going to litterly collaspe. but i guess i will survive HAH! anyways. yeah me and lai are chillin like villians on penicillin cause i dont have school fri or mon. YES GO ME WOOO. so who knows what the dickens we will be up to; im also supposed to see <3jason. but i wanna see jon also. heh i dunnnnnno


everything is so NOT EXPLAINABLE!.
i seriously dont know how to feel anymore.

you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 10 January :: 6.40pm
:: Mood: Blah

I realized odds and science are against me
I wish I could give you what you're looking for, but I don't know what it is. There's a part of you that you keep closed off from everyone, including me. It's as if I'm not the one you're really with. Your mind is on someone else.


I'm figureing out that i must not be the material that you need; and i'm not up to your level, honestly it hurts.. but i guess it's how it has to be and something i have to deal with.

I really do miss you..

1 can now see | you are blind


theedgeofyouratmosphere

:: 2006 9 January :: 4.15pm
:: Mood: melancholy

I get knocked down; but i get up again.
you know i seriously dont care anymore.. but its funny cause i say i dont but i really do.. cause just a few things bother me. but oh well i guess its a part of life. im just tired of hurting anymore with friends, family, lovers, haters.. wtf whatever; anything. i just wanna be smiling. all i do is sleep anymore; noone ever wants to do anything and thats fine.. i got used to not doing so much of anything anymore so all i like to do is lay around and sleep. jasons not here so i have nothing to do and it bothers me to see him not with me. i dunno mabey i should let go or stay up and put up with this fight and try. but im not willing to let go yet; and i dont tend on wanting to. he told me if something better comes along, take it rochelle well what the piss, i dont think anything is going to come along and it isnt like i want it to. i just dont know EVERYTHING and i mean EVERYTHING is so fucked anymore. i just want it to be the way i feel it should be

My Goals after high school..
: Moving out
: Attending a school in Colorado
: Getting a job
: Finding my own place
: Meeting new people
: Graduate from the school
: Come back home for alittle while
: Get Engaged/Married (mabey)
: Have 1 or 2 rugrats (mabey)
: Get a better job
: Have Nicer things

thats all i think about
i dunno mabey im crazy; mabey the whole school thing isnt me. i mean the only reason why i stick around in HS is so i can get into that school in CO. and make my mother proud. bleh i dunno. er
:

you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 8 January :: 1.09pm

lastnite i went out on a date with this kid jon. i dunno it was ok i suppose. i just thought about jason the whole time and thats all that ran through my mind. i dunno im pathetic. but ya me and alaina just hung out and shit. just goofed around & had a good time..haha






i love it how my 'friends' like always have something better to do than do anything with me.. its like im not being a baby but forreal i ask em' all the time HEY! u wanna do something? and there like no i cant or some bullshit and then they go out with someone else or something.. wtf, whatever



GOSH, EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED ANYMORE i cant take it, im seriously about to crack.

you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 6 January :: 3.10pm

Yeah everything fucking sucks.

you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 3 January :: 10.26pm
:: Music: 30 seconds to mars - beautiful lie

Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
Cuz this is just a game

It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
That this is just a game





today was boring as always.
i slept like all day in school.
and i had some guys tell me they wanted to see my 'tatas'
nothing new.
but ya..

anyways. im tired; and i miss jason. i miss alot of things. haha im so dumb!

2 can now see | you are blind


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2006 2 January :: 1.37pm

2005 taught me that friends won't always be there.
(happy) new year, everyone.
things don't feel any different. probably because they're not.
i have no resolutions. even if i did, i wouldn't go by them.
i never do.

stay classy, san diego.

1 can now see | you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 2 January :: 4.04am
:: Mood: Sad/Tired
:: Music: Sr71- in my mind

Happy new years
My new years was alright. i didnt get to drunk lmao. but i was feeeeling good!. i went to alainas and had fun; i needed to try and get my mind off jason. didnt really work though, i balled my eyes out but ya.. so i talked to him today and i told him i needed to see him; i think alaina is takin me to see him this weekend; cause if i dont im going to go fucking insane. im to upset to do anything, i never been this choked up. but to top that all off i started to think back in the past and shit so that wasnt to good. but what a way to start off the new year right? hah. its BS i know. but i have to get to bed its 4am omfg. and i have to get up at 10 to go with alaina to bentleyville. so ya RISE AND SHINEEE! errr


i miss him so much, boy oh boy am i outta place anymore. yikes. :(

2 can now see | you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 30 December :: 11.42am

Yeah..
Jason: well regardless of what happens i still want us to be close and i still want to be around you i meen if its decided not to be together that doesnt mean me and you are going to end. id fucking go through hell before you were taken out of my life


Yeah me and him had a long convo about us.. and i dont really wanna talk about it but yeah just know im not in the best of shape. =( he just means so much to me..





Update

i was reading this girl emily's xanga (the one who keeps trying to ruin things for me) and shes basically obessed with jason. so yeah i want to to kill the bitch; and not just that but she will IM me and ask me dumb shit (like its any of her buisness?) and tells me things about him that she knows (LIKE I FUCKING CARE U STUPID WHORE!!) i really dont care. just leave me alone. k?

update he said he isnt done with me.. but were not together anymore

:(:(:(

you are blind


theedgeofyouratmosphere

:: 2005 29 December :: 3.43pm

teehee
im having a good break. my baby came over tuesday but left today (so im saddd) but we had a nice time.. a very nice time ;). we went to the mall/movies with jena and kelly yesterday to see the new jim carrey movie called fun with dick and jane, we all liked it. Saturday im going to jasons house to stay then sunday were all going out to the movies (me, him, his mom, his brother and his gf). so this should be fun. lol im all nnneerrrvvvoouuuss. but yeah so excited!

i adore this kid so much! xoxo.

1 can now see | you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 27 December :: 12.17pm
:: Music: la la la

TODAY IS THE BESTEST DAY EVER!!

my bbbaaaabbby is coming over today; i'm so excited!!!



so i mostlikely wont be online. lol so i will update later. hes staying until thursday and im so HAPPPPY! hehehe..:):)

1 can now see | you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 26 December :: 2.01am
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: nickelback- because of you

12.26.05
my christmas was alright. i got everything i wanted anyways. and i decided to call my real father just to say merry xmas. even though i dont talk to him. but hes still my dad but it didnt blow over to well. i thought i would be the right thing to do.. but i guess i was wrong he basically asked me why the fuck i called him and said i thought we agreed we were done with another.. i didnt no what to say so i sat in silence he said some harsh things to me like im not his daughter and i fucked up and i mess up everything i said i was sorry.. and he said go waste your time on someone else and hung up. so ya i know im never calling him again. so im not going to ramble on about it.. just really got to me. i guess thats what i get for trying to be nice. but anyways my baby is coming over tuesday and im so excited. i dont even know how i will react lol. but ya. goodnite everyone!

1 can now see | you are blind


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 24 December :: 2.17am
:: Mood: head hurtsss
:: Music: Tom petty - last dance with maryjane

aw come on ONCE MORE TIME TO KILL THE PAIN!
well again i got into another fight with jason, this time i claimed to gotten on his nerves about something. but hes the type who doesnt wanna talk about it ever. so yeah he gets all pissy and yells. but whatever; i told him i was sorry.

"i'm always right"




i did one more run today to the mall for last minute christmas shoppin; alaina came and got me and we went and just hung out. it was nice seeing her again. she got her liscense and a car LUCKY BITCH! lol. so ya i had a good time, we went to wal*mart first (it was insane so much traffic) but ya who goes to wallyworld and the mall a day b4 xmas eve. UHH US! haha. so yeah we saw my cousin roland and our friend steven there, they were wrapping xmas presents for people for community service LMAO and he was wearing a santa hat.. pretty freaking halarious. but yeah thats my day. i have a headache so im outtie.

1 can now see | you are blind


TheEdgeofYourAtmosphere

:: 2005 23 December :: 2.55am

Ultimate survey of 2005. past, present, future, and everything random!
Basics
Time::2:24am
Name::Rochelle
Nickname(s)::Roach, Chelle, RoRo
Favorite nickname::Roach, i've had it since 4th grade.
Age::16
Age you act::older.
Age you wish you could be::18
Height::5'5
Weight::average
Shoe size::9 1/2
Siblings::Yes, one sister
Pets::No
Living situation::With my mother.
Location::Finleyville..
Childhood past and General past
Favorite toy::My ball
How did you dress?:Like a little tom boy.
Preschool::Yeah i went there
What age did you stop using the bottle?:Uhm. the bottle? like 1.
Did you prefer playing indoors or outdoors?:Outdoors
Did you have an immaginary friends?:Nope
First pet::My dog, bandit
What did you want to be when you grew up?:Vetenarian
Do you still want to be that?:No
(assuming you do) did you always have your own room?:Yep
Did you ever ask a fat lady how long she'd been pregnant for?:Sure did.
What age did you learn to read and write?:Very young
Were you quiet or nosy?:Noisy, but i was a good kid. trust me
What was your favorite story book?:Velveteen Rabbit
Second favorite?:I didnt have a 2nd
Third favorite?:I didnt have a fucking 3rd favorite.
Sum yourself up as a kid.:I was well mannered.
Who was your first best friend?:As a kid?. i didnt have any friends
How old were you when you had your first birthday party?:uhm 1? duh. first bday party.
Where was it?:My house
What was your earliest bedtime?:8
When did you learn to ride a bike?:Very young
Were you immaginative?:Yes i was.
Did you play with gender appropriate toys?:Sure did
Did you play with age appropriate toys?:Sure did..
What was your favorite stuffed animal?:My bear
How many barbies did you have?:like 39024984 x 5
Did you have carebears?:I had the tapes.. beat that biiiitch
Ninja turtles?:I LOVED THEM
That creepy bear that reads books?:Creepy bear? uhm. okay not clicking
Did you like to climb trees?:Haha, no never ask me that again
Throw tantrums?:All the time, i had to get 7 catscans
Was it hard to sleep, or did you sleep like a baby?:I slept like a baby, except for when "santa" was coming
Did you go to the zoo?:Like 2 times.
Did you scream a lot?:Sure did
Did you ever go to an amusement park?:Yep
When and where was your first kiss?:When i was in 7th grade.
Kissed someone of the opposite sex?:Yes i have..
Kissed someone of the same sex?:Yes i have.. *ahem*
how many total goldfish have you collectively owned?:5
As a kid, what was the best thing ever?:My swingset, and poga stick
The worst?:Nap time
What was the best year of your life?:When i was happy.
Generally, in the past, have you ever:
Ran away from home?:Nope
Snuck out?:Yep
Wished on a star?:Yep. never works
Danced in the rain?:Yeah all the time duh; your not cool unless u dance in the rain
Been to an unsupervised party?:Surely have
Been drunk?:Noway..
Smoked?:I smoke cigarettes.
Been beaten up?:No i will beat someones ass.
Been depressed?:Yeah who hasnt
Been lonely?:Indeed i have
Been afraid of the dark?:Yep
Cut your own hair?:Yep
Stayed up all night?:Yep
Gone streaking?:Yep
Gone skinny dipping?:Yeppp
Played strip poker?:Nope
Been on a roof?:I was on this girl angies roof. pretty nifty.
Been in a trash can?:haha yeah thanks roland!
Egged somebodies house?:LOL NOWAY! not I.
Teepeed someones house?:no dude. wtf
Cheated on a guy / girl?:No i dont believe in that shit.
Cheated on a test?:Yes
Set something on fire on purpose?:Yes
Set something on fire accidentally?:yes
Eaten squid?:eww wtf
Eaten sushi?:WTF NO
Had a cell phone?:YEA its a piece of shit
Had a computer?:Yeah and i want to kick it
Had an ipod / mp2 player?:pish not that lucky.
Broken a light bulb?:Yeah i have; over your forehead.
Cruised the streets past 3 AM?:It was wrong i know.
Did a prank call?:lmfao. ya and i almost got arressted
Gone to school with a hangover?:noway
Been in love?:Yes....
Sworn at your parents?:bloody battles.
Regretted something you did?:All the time
Regretted something you should have done but never did?:Dont fucking remind me.
Lied to your parents?:Yeah
Lied to your friends?:Yeah
Currently:
Are you a lucky person?:No
Are you a happy person?:No
Are you a virgin?:No
What are you wearing?:MY BIRTHDAY SUIT!
What did you have for breakfast?:A cheese sandwich
What kind of socks do you wear?:colorfull ones and white ones
What are your most comfortable shoes?:Audios cause there old and worn in
Are you doing well in school?:Okay i suppose.
Do you have a lot of friends?:No.
Are you happy with them?:No
Past of 2005:
Did 2005 treat you well?:i suppose.
Did it go by fast, slow, or at just the right pace?:right place?
Approximately how many parties did you go to?:Ziltch
What was your biggest acheivement this year?:To do good on my report card.
Did you change over 2005?:yeah i have
Did your hairstyle change?:yea it has
How much taller did you get from last year?:i havent grown since 7th grade
Did you make new friends?:Yes
Did you lose any old friends?:yes
Did you try new things?:Yes
Go places you've never been?:Yes
Do things you've never done?:No
Things you never thought you would do?:No
Have fun?:No
What do you miss most about 2005?:your mother.
If you could choose one thing to completely undo, what would it be?:I would have never dated daniel ray merico (aka smokey)
If you could choose one thing to redo (fix) what would it be?:I would have never dated an asshole
If you could choose one thing to relive, what would it be?:Im with a better person?
Did 2005 have a big impact on your life?:no
Do you think 2006 will be better?:no
Was 2005 special?:no
Was it the best year for you?:sure why not.
Future, mainly 2006
Have you made a resolution?:To lose weight.<-- thats mine every year.
What's one thing you will do differently in 2006?:Everything
What are your goals?:Pass 11th grade
Do you feel fullfilled?:Noway
Are you going to learn something new from 2006?:No
What's one place you want to go?:Greece
What's the main thing you want out of 2006?:for you to shut up
Back to this past year, have you bee..
Naughty or Nice?:naughty
Happy or Sad?:okay
Dull or Interesting?:dull
Boring or Fun?:boring
Cray or Normal?:normal
Wild or Calm?:wild
Mean or Kind?:both
Caring?:sure
Carefree?:no
Careless?:no
Careful?:sure?
Loud or Silent?:all depends *winks*
Smart or Stupid?:Both at times.
Last but not least..
Nine things you won't be able to live without. Go.
1.:Phone
2.:Computer
3.:Friends
4.:Jason
5.:Sleep
6.:Food
7.:Music
8.:Sweatshirts
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