xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 20 December :: 10.48pm
i have been
hurt,
lied to,
and used.
but above all,
hurt. beyond repair.
and i am done...
with all of this.
honestly, just fuck off.
1 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 15 December :: 10.26pm
"if you get to college and you feel like its easier than highschool, than we've done our jobs."
i am sick of school.
3 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 6 December :: 10.28pm
everything that has happened in the past week or so has felt hazy, almost druglike.
not in the good way. in the sense that things move either really fast or really slow.
i can't tell the difference between reality and dreams.
i didn't sleep for 4 nights in a row.
and now i've been sleeping for entire days at a time.
i don't want to die. it's just that i don't like waking up.
i'm sick. both mentally and physically. i threw up blood yesterday.
i'd like to think it's just nerves but i've been feeling light-headed and dizzy today.
something is wrong. but i want to wait it out and just shake it off.
people think it's just because of the break up.
it's not. sure i miss him. but i wasn't going to spend the rest of my life with him, and i realize this.
i just let myself fall too far.
i'm not sure if i should try moving on. he called me and said he wanted it to just be a break and that he was really sorry.
it's confusing. he's confusing.
he kissed me yesterday. we didn't mean for it to happen.
but i can tell stuff like that is going to happen.
i can tell he still loves me.
because we just looked at eachother and got caught up in it.
i don't know why he's doing this.
i need to take a walk.
or do something to clear my mind.
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 1 December :: 11.45pm
i'm heartbroken. newly single.
and in love with "just a friend."
3 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 30 November :: 7.06pm
things are slipping away from me.
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 17 November :: 2.06pm
i can't do it.
1 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 12 November :: 11.18pm
it's not his fault.
i just need to adjust.
3 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 18 October :: 10.50pm
nothing seems real anymore.
i can't look at somebody without wondering what they're seeing...
or wondering if they're having problems, too.
and i can't look at myself in the mirror without having to stop and realize...
that it's me i'm looking at. and i'm actually living my life.
all of this is actually happening.
it seems so simple, but it's so hard for me to comprehend.
i can't be around someone,
without wondering if people can tell that i'm falling apart.
...am i falling apart? or do i just feel like i should be?
i tried so hard to help. i wanted things to get better.
i was affectionate and kind, and when that didn't work,
i screamed so loud that it hurt.
i said hateful things and harsh words. that needed to be said.
"tough love," i guess you call it.
i don't know what's happening.
i hate how i've lost grip.
i just want my life back.
1 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 9 October :: 10.17pm
life is confusing.
1 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 8 October :: 11.11pm
tonight.
i'm so attached it scares me.
for the first time in my life,
i am 100% sure that i am in love.
2 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 27 September :: 2.09pm
things aren't getting better.
i kind of stopped caring.
1 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 19 September :: 4.08pm
:: Music: the smiths- asleep
i just finished the perks of being a wallflower.
it touched my heart.
i believe it's the best book i've ever read.
i'm sad. not just because it was a sad book,
but because i'm done reading it.
and i can never read it again without knowing what's going to happen.
things got out of control with my family last night.
i cried myself to sleep,
and slept in until zack was at my house to pick me up for school this morning.
i don't know if that really matters.
...he is so sweet to me.
i don't want him to ever change.
4 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 18 September :: 3.12pm
today makes it 6 months.
:]
i'm happy.
and sad.
...but mostly happy.
i'm reading the perks of being a wallflower.
it's good.
i miss carly.
and i love her alot,
even if she doesn't see that anymore.
1 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 14 September :: 9.33pm
i would kill for a video ipod.
1 can now see |
you are blind
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2006 8 September :: 2.45pm
i'm in computer apps.
and puffgames.com is one of the coolest websites i've ever been to.
:]
the guy who sits next to me has the coolest last name ever.
pevonka.
haha.
i miss being able to see zack whenever i want to.
you are blind
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