okay so hears something new i am sitting here in the wyoming library which i am in total awe of the volicity of this place it huge!!! they have this fountin thing in here and racks apon racks of books and this computer that i am on is top of the line it takes probably three seconds to do anything it is totally awesome. I am deffinetly** coming here again!! i love this place.
Katie if you are on and you some how come apon this e-mail me right away okay, thanks

What obscure band are you?

the finally has come
there are so many things that i wish to express today. it has been so long since i have actually written in here that i feel that i am an alien. oh well.
I recieved a reply from erin today or maybe it was some other day i don't know the last i checked my e-mail was two days ago so i don't know anyways she e-mailed me saying that she wanted to be my friend forever i don't know weather to laugh or to believe her there have been some really rough roads around us and i don't know if she was being for real or not.
My boyfriend proposed to me the other day saying that i was his only true love and he would die if i didn't say yes now even if he wouldn't have said the following i would still have said yes he gave me a ring and it is so beautifull i mean like really really preety i love it its purple and has diamonds around it i started crying when he gave me it well not really but either way i still love it. alright have to go.

give it a rest.
okay so i have written to and even tried to explain my self which i normally have taken into account that i don't do anymore to two preticular girls that i used to live with and i know that you know who i am talking about. what i don't get is why all of a sudden you don't even want to speak to me. its not like i did anything wrong. no did i? To erin: okay i let you know that i forgive you and that i am not mad at you. but come on! at least you could do is write me back to tell me that you got the message and that you acknoledge the fact that i forgave you.
to Jessa: why are you mad at me I didn't even do anything and know all of a sudden your going to shun me from even thinking that im not alive. whatever dude you can do whatever you want there just is a lot of unfinished buisness that we need to take care of. so hopefully we can do this and get it done and over with.

in the library
okay so i have totally made an ass of myself. no worries though i think i covered it up a little well covered up makes it sound like i didn't deal with it and i did so don't worry not like you were but hey. Jessa why were you sick yesterday?? sorry hope you feel better. really i do.I am in the library totally bored out of my mind because i refuse to spend another min. in second hour reading retarted frankinstein. seriously that book is really a downer. next up Dracula yey me!! my whole ordeal about yester.... the outcome happy it was a happy outcome and today a happy day. well my retarts i can only say so much today so there was my soap box hope you enjoyed it.

im going compleatly and utterly crazy
to find out that i have found myself in a very complicated perdictament** and i don't know how i am going to weasel my way out of this one. did you ever wake up one day and realize that your whole week has been compleatly and utterly crazy. this week last week and the week before has been one really long crazy anxious week that i can just not find my way out of. this is my cry for help. I have asked god to help and maybe i am just not paying attention or maybe he's just busy but either way it ain't coming my way and i need it big time!! i wish that i wasn't so stupid sometimes and i listen to my brain and heart more than my body. oh well whats done is done and hopefully nothing to hazordus** is on the lookout i don't know if i could take it right now.

alright i have been home for two days now and it's my birthday and nobody not even eddie has written me an email. what is with that. i had a fight with him yesterday over something so incrediably stupid and i let it get to me. stupid i know. okay so what you say well i'm afriad he has stoped talking to me becasue i told him i would be on line last night which i was and he still didn't get on line. i want to say i am sorry for being a bitch. you still love me?? oh well

hey so i have like so much to say seems how i haven't spent much time with ya all.
first things first, to erin i am not really all that mad at you just wondering why you have to run your mouth cause the last thing i knew was that you and i had solved are differences. so whatever just shut your trap.
to eddie i don't really know what i want i love you but i don't i don't know how to explain it i jsut know that i don't know what i want and i thought that i needed you to carry on but i found out that i have my own two legs to stand on and that they know how to work.
to katie i love ya sis.
and to everyone else its my birthday tommorow so be nice and reply to me to say happy birthday. i love ya all i do i really do.
oh and darby... why not talk to me anymore huh. just because i did what ever i talk to much???? who cares i guess. just do what you think is right i am sorry to everyone i have hurt and or made a fool of. god well nice soap box for the day i think.

i am utterly the most happy person in the world
i have finally got everything i have ever wanted. well sort of maybe it's a little to much right now but hey you know life doesn't give you everything you want at once and if it does you know somethings up cause it just doesn't happen. I am just afriad that it isn't going to last what happens then?? i don't want to think about it. to a certain someone I love you but I don't if i am compleatly ready to give you my life my. get what I mean?? don't get mad but i just feel like i need to tell you that. someday i will just not right this second/day. I love you. dont forget that okay. jessa why don't you write me anymore and do you like my new journal colors/pic/writting? i do it's kind of hard to see but hey who cares right.

why me?
he didn't call me. I really wanted him to, but he didn't. does this mean that he doesn't want me?? why won't he just tell me then instead of just letting me hang there like a fricken monkey. do I look like someone who likes to be pulled around? I am sorry for everything I have done to you but why do it back? two wrongs don't make a right. I may be a bitch but don't be an ass to me.

don't ask it just came out
Dark sunken holes
falling
now in over my head
where is the hand
to pull me out
shaking
I look over the edge
my friend staring
down below
nobody would care
nobody to miss me
I jumped