I need him I love him I want him
I miss him. he knows it but what is he doin about it?? i don't really know. is he going to take me back? is he going to leave me in the blue just hangin here? why would he do that??? I need him. I have actually surpressed my self to say that I need him.

HEllo all.
believe it or not I am sitting at Katie's house and sitting practicly on her at this moment. Sorry Jessa your missing this. Oh and by the way Jessa just heard about that Ass, we should start a posse. a ex posse. talked to matt last night for like three hours I had to talk to somebody besides Eddie and he totally made me feel so good about myself he kept telling me that He just isn't good enough for me. He tried everything that he could to make me laugh Jessa I know what your thinking what the F#### are you doing with him again but just chill I need someone to care right now and he does.

today is to hot! I washed my dirt bike and I had sweat dripping off my face I know that sounds gross but don't worry I took a shower after words. I watched a movie called the foresaken and it remined me of Jessa. don't ask if you watch the movie and you know her you would understand, oh and no offense jessa it just did. did the chat thing yesterday for the first time. it sure was different from the rest of the rooms. I don't know maybe it just was the people I was talking to that made it sound so different. I called Eddie last nite and he was going to the movies with some other girl and I have to tell you I was so jelous I don't even know why does that not mean that I still have feelings for him?? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! what am I going to do????? I have screwed up my life so bad lately and now he probably doesn't even want me back anymore. I have hurt him to bad this time I was a total bitch. kill me someone please.

okay so right now at this very moment I am at church helping out for my youth director,(it's kind of slow right now so don't ask!) I have to say thanks to jessa for her hospitality on monday thanks it was really nice having someone to talk to for once!!! who would have thought that someone could talk so much!! anyways I have a question for you Jessa what is Darby's address I have a question for him, nothing to personal so don't get mad at me It just has been bugging me all week. Eddie I love you. but sometimes you really get on my nerves. stop that. I know that I am confusing but just stick with me will you maybe... eventually things will work out for the best. But I do love you with all my heart if I could find it I would show you but recently it seems like it's hideing in the closet. please come out. I need you to be here for me.
My grandfather yelled at me yesterday and I cried for like two hours why? I don't really know but it really made me mad and I still haven't apologized to him.I can't do it cause I know what I said was the right thing to say to him he needed to hear that. no matter what anyone says I know that I said the right thing. It's preaty sunny out today don't you think? but all in all that's kind of depressing because I know that I can't go outside and play in it unless I have ten tons of sunscreen on. not happining all it does is make me look greasy. yuck.

got a hangover
so I am sitting here wondering why the hell am I sitting here and then I realize oh yeah I have to make a journal entry for everyone who really loves to read me!! tommorow I leave my world but don't worry I will be back in time for... all of you. I need some me time to guys. make me proud.

I'm going crazy
I have a lot on my mind right now and I don't know how to express them. I know I know I just got a few things that I should deal with and I don't really want to right now. big deal. My ex keeps patronizing me. someone must have some advice????? HELP