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jredmon
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2005 11 June :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: amused
It's been a good day. Meredith graduated, which is awesome. Congratulations! Even though you technically graduated in January... but still, congratulations!
Went out and saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith with Tucker, Meredith, and Meredith's friend Marlena (sp?). I've gotta say, it's a damn funny movie considering the concept. Oh, and it's just icing on the cake that... well... nevermind. It's damn funny though. Sort of a chick flick, maybe... not really... but you probably won't see a lot of single... straight... guys go to see it.
Smell the Pretty Flowers
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shinoakurei
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2005 11 June :: 1.49am
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Static X-- Im the One
Hmmm
Well today was sorta fruitful...talked to grandad...hes not doing well, they took half of his foot, and mom says hes not doing very good. Grandma has been at the hospital all day. I worry. I fear that Im going to lose him before I have a chance to make him proud of me. I don't want to let him go yet...or at all period. Im going to bed. By the way, Thank You Nomder Ressej for the new Static X.
1 Sweet Scent |
Smell the Pretty Flowers
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jredmon
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2005 10 June :: 8.54pm
:: Mood: Shitting my pants.
:: Music: Papa Roach - Scars (Tear my Heart Open)
Verizon Online...
HAS GONE FUCKING CRAZY! Don't believe me? Verizon FIOS Internet Service. Believe 'dat, bitch.
Five megabits downstream, two megabits upstream for $40.00? My current Verizon DSL that does three megabits down and 768kb up is that much. That's a hell of an upstream increase, too. I mean, that's an absolute fuckload. I'm the only person I know that has the 3 megabit DSL, whereas everyone else has the 1.5 megabit service. I could upload to someone I know, and still have upload left over. Mmmm.
But right below that, that's what I like. Mmm, yeah. 15 megabits of downloading force. And it's $10.00 more. That's a little crazy. 15 megabits a second, let's just assume the worst and say you get roughly 13 or so. That's still 1664 kilobytes a second. Damn. That's an entire 700MB CD in 7.1794871 minutes.
Then there's the internet service that will turn your toaster on for you. It'll have your children. It'll create world peace in your sleep. It'll be yo' baby's daddy. 30 megabits. I'm not even going to use the calculator on this one. That's just fast. Faster than anyone reasonably needs. I mean really. The fact that's it's $200 a month just adds to the whole "get it and tout it over your neighbor and friends" factor. Invite a bunch of people over... "Yeah, look at how fast I can download DVD quality porn. Don't you wish you could do that? Oh, you've still got that wimpy-assed 3 megabit stuff."
Smell the Pretty Flowers
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jredmon
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2005 10 June :: 3.26pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Metallica - I Disappear
Me and my aunt
Judy haven't ever really gotten along for some reason. Maybe it's because she thinks that since she's had a job with the Air Force (a desk job, mind you) she knows everything. Well, now she's pregnant. She's always tried to be that very bitchy kind of independent woman. The kind that will tell you "I don't need you to do nothin' for me, I'll do it myself!" Oh yeah?
I'm sitting in the kitchen, fixing myself a tuna sandwich. I hear her voice from behind me, "Why don't you fix me and sandwich?" Hmm, I dunno. Maybe because you can do it yourself. Like every other time I've asked you if you've wanted me to do something for you. "I would but I'm busy... sorry..." is all I could think of. I kinda wanted it to not sound apologetic at all, and considering how monotonous I am most of the time, I'm pretty sure she got the just of it. "FINE THEN! I'LL JUST DO IT MYSELF!" Heh, fuckin' right you will.
"JESSE! WHERE THE FU... WHERE'S THE TUNA FISH!?" I understand she's pregnant, and maybe a little bitchy because she's about to push something watermelon sized through something not so watermelon sized. I don't care though. Screaming at me will get you very little compliance, and most likely, if I'm in a good mood, a string of sarcasm. "I'm not sure. Did you check behind you? Where you saw me reach to get mine? Right behind you?" And here it comes. "You don't have to be such a SMARTASS ALL THE DAMN TIME!" I wasn't a smartass before. Go time! "Here, let me get the mayonaise for you." I was going to get it too. I wasn't joking. As I'm opening the fridge she kinda makes that bitch growl... I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, no matter who you are. The ERRRRRRR noise. " I THOUGHT YOU WERE BUSY! WHY DON'T YOU GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!?" Well damn. She's right. "Oh yeah. I was busy eating my sandwich. Thanks for reminding me." So I sit down at the table and eat my sandwich. Then she looks in the fridge for the mayonaise, and can't find it. "Jesse, where's the mayonaise?" It's right behind that jar of "I know, but I'm going to fuck with you anyway." Suddenly though, I feel bad... I get up and get the mayonaise for her. I give her the can opener.
There's no bread. I got the last two peices when I was making my sandwich. I was unaware of this. Oh well, though. There are saltine crackers. She can eat those. I think. "Where's the bread?" Right here in my hands. "Looks like we're out." And the flood gates open. "All I wanted was a fucking tuna fish sandwich like you had." Awww.
Let them eat crackers.
Smell the Pretty Flowers
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jredmon
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2005 10 June :: 1.47pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Raffi - Bananaphone (Fast)
Comet!
It makes your teeth turn green. Comet! It tastes like gasoline. Comet! It makes you vomit! So try some Comet, and stop up your motherfucking bath tub today!
So that's not how the song ends. Whatever... it still stops up the fucking bath tub. Well, maybe it wouldn't if my grandma didn't go apeshit crazy with it. We're not talking like... "hey, this'll clean the tub" crazy. We're talking... "PREPARE TO PAY FOR YOUR SINS, TUB! MAY YOUR PORCELAIN BE BURNED CLEAN! PRAY, TUB, PRAY! SCREAM OUT TO BE SAVED BY YOUR GOD! SCREAM! MOAN IN PAIN!" crazy. Like, close enough to an entire can of this crap that she gets one use per can. We're talking the big cans.
So, what does using a can of a non water-soluable powder in a tub lead to? That's right, a tub that doesn't fucking drain at fucking all. I wake up this morning, and it's just sitting there in the tub, the sea-green puddle, the cleanliness crusader. I pull the plug out of the drain, and then wait about 10 minutes while slowly but surely the water drains... but the Comet remains. I turn on the water, and try to wash the remaining powder down the drain. Now, repeat the previous two sentences about five times. I've gotten skin burns on my feet from this shit before. Fuck that. Alright, now that it's all gone, I get in the shower. Doot doot doo.
Uh oh. The tub is stopped up. Again. Just like every other time she's made a feeble attempt at cleaning the tub. What's this lead to? There's always the plunger, but that rarely actually works. Then, there's this stuff we get from Sherman's, "Clobber." So, what smells like sulfur, reacts to water, will give you a nasty fucking chemical burn, and is obviously the best choice for cleaning drains? This stuff! It says to pour about two or three ounces down the drain, and to just wait. We've learned from the past though. Two or three ounces? More like about two fluid cups. Of sulfuric acid. In a tub drain.
"It's Clobbering time, drain clog!" I think. Oh, but how wrong I am. How wrong I am. I pour it down the drain, and it A.) Smells like the stinkiest crap you've ever taken, B.) Smokes a little. That's right. Fuckin' smokes. Might just be water evaporating, or something. Not a whole lot, in any case, and C.) Makes this odd sizzling sound as this brown liquid I just poured in the drain backs up into the tub. That's mostly because it hit the water trapped in the drain, but it's still nasty. What now? Now it flows back into the drain, and comes back up again. This time it's jet fucking black like crude oil, but there isn't but so much of it. Well, now it flows into the drain for the last time. I'm supposed to wait about 2 hours before pouring water down the drain... fuck that. Water on. Paint off.
The drain sizzles and gurgles, but I don't give a shit. It's not like it's going to come exploding our of there anyway. Sizzle, gurgle, sizzle... at least the drain works again. However, This stuff has this odd tendency to... eat through things. That's because it's acid and that's what it does. We've used it three times, and it's left its mark. Where there used to be pearly white enamel, now there's big black spots. I should've taken before and after pictures, because it really looks kinda shitty.
Behold.
All praise be to Clobber!
Smell the Pretty Flowers
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