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2005 10 March :: 9.58 pm
:: Mood: fuck you
You no, i think i can say i hate my father, i dont understand how someone can do something so heartless and so fucking grimey to his own daughter. see what coke does to you..do you see it.,..it makes u fucking crazy I FUCKING HATE HIM...hes not gunna live with us anymore, nobody wants him here because all he fucking does is make us miserable, and i cant stand to come home and fucking see his fucking lazy drunk ass laying on the couch passed out the theres no tomorrow..it just makes me SICK TO MY FUCKING STOMACH. fuck him, if i would i would fucking kill him brutally and i wouldnt feel one inch of sorrow because he has never done anything for me my whole life, and i dont no why my mom let him stick around this long but i have had it up to my fucking head with his bullshit and everything hes done to my mom and my and my sister, i just cant stand him, and he really needs to get some fucking help and straighten up his life..because oh no its not gunna be a lolly pops and candy anymore for him..becuase hes never ever coming back here if i have anything to do with it..ill go to the cops myself and tell them that my dad fucking does coke and does nothing..ill prove it to..so fuck him..and fuck ever thinking he was going to change..hes exactly like someone else i no..
just go on and say it |
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2005 7 March :: 8.37 pm
Turns out that being dissapointed and unhappy
all the time is losing it's charm.
I don't know what to do. I love you so much.
just go on and say it |
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2005 6 March :: 6.47 pm
:: Mood: envious
"It's when I'm standing six feet away from you and not being able to find the words to tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you that I want to just scream to the whole room that I'm still in love with you. It's When I'm sitting alone with the phone in my hand dialing your number and hanging up that I would trade a thousand tomorrow's for just one yesterday. Then I could just call you to tell you goodnight. It's when I am really sad about something and need someone to talk to that I realize you're the only one who really knew me at all. It's when I cry myself to sleep at night and it hits me how much I would give to hold you at that very moment. It's when I think about you that I realize no one else in the world is meant for me."
just go on and say it |
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2005 5 March :: 2.50 pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: walk away
He'll meet u & sweep u off your feet,
He's nice; hes funny, so cute & so sweet,
He's the perfect guy, the one of your dreams,
You belong together; or so it seems.
He looks in ur eyes, and plays with ur hair,
He tells u that hell always be there
His touch is soft; his hold is so tight,
His words are soothing, his kiss just right.
You ditch ur friends for ur new obsession,
U don't realize ur future is full of depression,
U think that u love him: you give him ur heart,
Little do u know he'll tear it apart.
U know what he wants, you know it's not good,
U told him to slow down, u think he understood,
U let it slide by; he's just havin' fun,
He won't do it again for as long as he lives.
At this point u've fallen into his trap,
He's in control when ur on his lap,
U believe hes sorry, wen you're together again,
U give him a chance, he's ur only friend.
Ur right where he wants u, he moulds u like a clay,
And u see him with girl number three the next day,
He's got what he wanted, accomplished his goal,
But he still has ur heart that he evilly stole.
He's stolen ur purity, u still cant believe,
U feel hurt & cheap & extremely naïve,
If only ur hair was blonde & straight,
If only u looked like u'd lost some weight,
If only ur clothes were a little bit tighter,
If only ur teeth were a little bit whiter,
U know he's a dickhead, but u still want him back,
And grieve all those qualities u lack.
All u wanted was to have sum fun,
Now u wish that this whole thing hadn't begun.
U wish one day, you'll see him cry,
That one day he'll know he killed u inside.
But u know he wont because hes numb to pain,
Hell be wid sum girl while u cry & complain,
BEWARE of the playas; they'll steal ur heart,
And they wont give it back until its torn apart,
Dont let them suck u into their game,
Cause once u loose ull neva be the same
Jimmy cant come tonight :(..ugh..i hope something changes soon..cuz i hate how things are right now.
just go on and say it |
::
2005 3 March :: 8.07 pm
:: Mood: horrible
:: Music: walk away
I guess in everyones life, there is a point where you just want everything to stop. Just stop time, and have one day where nothing can go wrong. People are so incredibly crule, you learn to trust them, and they just turn their back like that. They make up stupid rumors about me like its there business. Well i just wanted to let those people no that they must be pretty damn unhappy with themselves, to involve themselves in my life, and fucking tell me boyfriend that i fucking have diseases, who fucking does that, i wish i knew who you were, because i would like to personally think you, thank you for fucking up my life, and thank all the other people who helped spread thos rumors and made up things, because im gunna be stuck with thos rumors forever, i can personally say that you have ruined everything i had a chance at, and everything i had going for me, my reputation. And to all of those people who belive what you hear about me, then fuck you, seriously if you belive any of it...fuck you..because i can truely say that i dont think i can find one person that i can trust without them telling someone else and then they make up something else. You no, i used to think i had it so good, and i loved my friends,..but i dont think i can name one person right now who hasnt hurt me, in some way, i have nobody in the end. I have lost trust for every single person. i have some to the conclution that if i dont trust people, and dont think everything will end up so perfect, and that things dont change, well fuck allthat...never trust anyone, and dont count on everything being perfect, because they never were, never are, and neverwill be. Thank you people, for making my life a living hell, i hope you nevr 4get me
2 you need me like a bad habbit |
just go on and say it |
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2005 2 March :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: walk away - ben harper
somethings wrong..i sence it in the air. :o(
Read more..
just go on and say it |
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2005 2 March :: 2.08 am
:: Mood: weird
Oh no- here comes that sun again.
And (that) means another day without you my friend.
And it hurts me to look into the mirror at myself.
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away.
With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes - sometimes,
you just have to walk away - walk away and head for the door.
We've tried the goodbye so many days.
We walk in the same direction so that we could never stray.
They say if you love somebody than you have got to set them free,
but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.
They say time will make all this go away,
but it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is droppin' on down
And once again, you my friend, are nowhere to be found.
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say.
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door.
You just walk away - walk away - walk away.
You just walk away, walk on, turn and head for the door.
just go on and say it |
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2005 1 March :: 6.56 pm
_______________±
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just go on and say it |
::
2005 28 February :: 10.07 pm
:: Mood: happy
PRAY FOR NO SCHOOL!
more pics..meand my doggy in my room~! :o)
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so f**king special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so f**king special
I wish I was special
Read more..
1 you need me like a bad habbit |
just go on and say it |
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2005 28 February :: 8.00 pm
I hate snow! i hate it i hate it i hate it. Jimmy's flight got delaid until tomorrow bcuz of this gay storm :(..i just wanna see him..i miss him alot. It makes me sad. But ...tomorrow's kt's one year of smoking :-O WOO HOO!!!! i love her :o) tomorrow will be fun. I hope theres no school..so we can just skip the school part and go strait to having fun. Ill take some pictures to post on here too...yayness.
Read more..
just go on and say it |
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