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2004 3 January :: 12.24 pm
:: Mood: hopeful
daydreams
aren't daydreams the greatest?? *sigh* i think i'm an obsessive daydreamer. but that's okay...:0D
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2004 1 January :: 6.19 pm
when i will die (according to an online test)
November 22, 2076
at the age of 87 years old.
On that date you will most likely die from:
Cancer (27%)
Electrolysis (15%)
Homicide (7%)
Loneliness (5%)
Heart Attack (5%)
Horrible Accident (5%)
LONLINESS? NOOOO!!
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2004 1 January :: 1.51 pm
:: Mood: disappointed
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
i think i daydream too often. or maybe i just believe that dreams will come true. it's harder to face reality when it's so far from your dreams. okay, this sounds too depressing for the mild (though now that i'm thinking about it, heartwrenching) dissapointment i'm feeling. but i feel like being dramatic. i had a dream a couple nights ago that i was trying out for Broken Box and everyone else stunk and the director loved me. i think that's a sign that i've been away from the theatre for too long. so i'll just be moody and dramatic to try to make up for it.
it was hilarious and i was almost relieved at the time, but now...i feel like i missed out. i'm...almost bitterly jealous of what other people get to experience. it's so weird to think about how i've changed over the years...where i was last year at this time...the year before that...what i was thinking...what i was hoping for in the new year. i haven't actually thought about new year's resolutions in a while, but i remember trying to be original a few years ago...(2 maybe) and writing down all of the things that hadn't happened the way i'd have liked them to, cut them up, and threw them away at midnight, hoping that the symbolism would somehow change my luck. it's funny that there's only one thing that i can remember writing: 'i don't have a boyfriend.' lol. or something to that extent...something about not being asked out, not being danced with enough, whatever. it had to do with boys. ha. of course. you could have guessed that, couldn't you?
now i'm thinking back to louise's birthday party and how i was so proud that my 'melissa the boy lover' stereotype was being recognized again. at the moment, it seems like that's the only thing anyone can count on me for anymore. i don't have the impossibly busy schedule...no more soccer, no marching band, girl scouts, even voice lessons. (though that one should change once i find myself a new voice teacher.) it's all very depressing. (oh wait, i can't use that word...sorry.)
so...what do i want to happen in the new year? what do i want to accomplish for myself? let's see now... i want to keep the weight off that i lost over the summer. (so far, so good.) i want to try out for concert choir, though it sounded like mr. shaull was going to audition ALL of us whether we wanted him to or not... i want to practice clarinet and oboe. (ha. not likely...it's always a hope, though.) i want to...learn to expect the worst and take it easy on myself when the worst is a reality. (i already know how to hope for the best.) i want to survive finals without throwing myself into a hysteria. i want...a great deal of things. but above all, i want to be content with myself if none of those things are accomplished.
well, here's to a new year. so far i've been pessimistic and selfish. i thought i was slowly working out of my pessimism phase...oh well. this is definitely out of place at this point, but HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
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2003 31 December :: 4.49 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
BEAT THAT!!
I did it in 3 seconds.
I deserved an A++!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!
3 seconds...ooh baby i rock!!
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2003 31 December :: 3.45 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Clay Aiken-Perfect Day
LMAO
*note: this has been edited from it's original version for...reasons. don't worry, it's no less hilarious, though.
LbBabe127: he misses the bed?
Horseeyoregal: apparently
LbBabe127: interesting..
Horseeyoregal: yeah
LbBabe127: that would be a bummer if you were waiting to sleep with him though
LbBabe127: haha
Horseeyoregal: LOL
LbBabe127: cuz you'd be like sitting on the bed...
LbBabe127: and then he just falls on the floor and goes to sleep
LbBabe127: and you're like SHIT
Horseeyoregal: LOL
hahaha...okay fine, don't laugh. but i thought it was funny!
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2003 31 December :: 11.10 pm
:: Music: Clay Aiken-Measure Of A Man
music
mmmmmmm...music. bliss. heaven. yumm. i wonder how long i can stay up listening to music? hmmm...
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2003 30 December :: 8.36 pm
:: Mood: amused
hahaha
LbBabe127: chad's still online
LbBabe127: i think i'll im him
Horseeyoregal: who IS chad?
Horseeyoregal: okay
Horseeyoregal: you do that!
LbBabe127: the sevie who liked me, remember?
Horseeyoregal: OH
Horseeyoregal: that chad
Horseeyoregal: the red haired one
LbBabe127: he hasn't been on since that thing he said about asking me out
LbBabe127: noooo you tard
LbBabe127: that's chris
LbBabe127: chad's the tall black haired one
LbBabe127: with the really low voice
LbBabe127: from chorus
Horseeyoregal: OH
Horseeyoregal: THAT CHAD!
Horseeyoregal: lol
LbBabe127: lol
Horseeyoregal: the really horny one!
LbBabe127: you are sooo retarded sometimes
LbBabe127: yes!
Horseeyoregal: i know :-D
Horseeyoregal: but don't you love me anyway?
LbBabe127: what is it about me that attracts horny guys?
LbBabe127: yes
LbBabe127: wait.. don't answe that
Horseeyoregal: ummm, do you really awnt me to answer that?
Horseeyoregal: LOL
LbBabe127: *answer
LbBabe127: LMAO!
well I'M laughing. lol.
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2003 30 December :: 7.35 pm
lol
i didn't think my away message would cause such controversy. it didn't for nicole!! and i copied it directly!! i guess it's not that i write about more controversial topics than her, people just tend to take it as such. haha, it WAS amusing, though.
so i put up a very boring away message 'i'm away...doing something' and came back an hour later with a reply from nicole saying that it was 'a bit weird.' seeing that she is now away, i check her away message, and it is 'faites-moi *with a kissy face here*' i thought it was cute, and, seeing as the phrase 'DO ME!!!' has died out considerably, i figured i should try to reserect the phrase and use it myself. so i did. here were my 2 responses. (i didn't leave it up for more than 10 minutes...)
KingdomKey13: Can Lisser come out and play?
Auto response from Horseeyoregal: faites-moi:-* -lol isn't that great? kudos to nicole for using it as an away message first.
KingdomKey13: ew
KingdomKey13: NO!
now, this one is great. kingdomkey13 is my friend chris from church. now, what he meant by 'Can Lisser come out and play?' i'm not sure i really want to know... but anyway, he's in french 2 at PALY, so he obviously translated and responded with 'ew! no!' HAHAHAHAHA.
the second response isn't nearly as funny. but really, who can beat 'can lisser come out and play?' well, jeff's response was:
DoktorKwack: Your away message is very scary...
well, i suppose it was. i was going for creative and funny, though. but whatever. hahaha, well that was funny. back to boredom...
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2003 30 December :: 2.27 pm
:: Music: Black Eyed Peas Ft Justin Timberlake-Where Is The Love?
Where Is The Love?
it's everywhere, silly. but that's besides the point. what is the point, you ask? there isn't one. HA. but nicole got hot dates for christmas!! i know! i was jealous too...until she told me that she actually just got a package of dates, ya know, the fruit, with the word 'hot' written on it. nice. lol.
good news, everybody!! i think i'm about 80% recovered from my cold!! yay!!
spent the morning IMing nicole and bitching about controversial journal replies. it was fun. and guess what? in half an hour i'm going to go shopping!! (this is where you all say "*gasp!* melissa's actually getting out of the house for once and doing something (somewhat) productive!!" yes, i know.
*bows*
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2003 29 December :: 2.34 pm
:: Mood: sleepy
It's raining!
and raining...and raining...and raining... i don't ever remember it raining this much during christmas break. oh well, it doesn't really bother me.
for once, i can sum up my entire day so far in french!! yay for me!! well, not really. are you ready for this?
"j'ai dormi"
c'est tout. i slept. and slept...and slept... quite like the rain outside. waking up periodically (as the rain lets up occaisionally...well...i haven't seen it stop yet, but it must sometimes...right?) and then falling back into a deep sleep for a few hours. (as the rain goes into heavy downpours at times.)
well, that's it so far. i'm definately feeling better, though the fact that i could force myself to sleep for...*caculates* 14 hours ALMOST continually might hint otherwise. oh well. better is better!
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2003 28 December :: 5.03 pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Forbidden Broadway-Les Miserables
ugh
i'm still sick. and unhappy about that fact. i've gotten the weirdest colds this year!! i don't have any symptoms other than a stuffy nose and fatigue. it's really quite miserable though. i think i'll go wallow in self pity. or not. i'll just write about it.
so my mom woke me up at 8:45 to go to church this morning. she spared me from having to go to sunday school. (thanks, mom!) not that i mind sunday school...it's just that i was thankful for the extra sleep. we get to church and she's like 'wait...i'm not doing the welcoming words and news?' (she's a lay leader, so every other week or so she does this little 'welcome to fumc, we have some announcements etc. etc.') it turns out she wouldn't have made us come if she'd known she didn't have to do anything. no fair!! so i'm sitting there using like 2 entire packs of tissues and feeling awful while maggie preaches about giving ourselves to God and how we should suffer for Him and stuff. great thing to talk about when i'm feeling like crap...ugh. i much prefer the sermons that focus on how we all make mistakes in our lives but God loves us anyway. those are much more uplifting. ya know, i've really been questioning my faith recently. i remember being about 9 and listening to the children's sermon...it was about praying and how important it is. i remember praying every night for an entire week and being really dissapointed because God never responded. it's really easy to just go along with the singing and communion and prayers and stuff in church, but when i actually try to think about it all, i'm really skeptical. in 6th grade i went through confirmation classes with everyone else, wrote a faith statement, and was confirmed and baptised on the same sunday. i can't remember my faith statement exactly, but it had that i believed in God and Jesus in there somewhere, i'm sure. it's just so hard to believe in something that you've never seen or felt. i mean, really. people say they've felt the presence of God with them in their lives, but i can't really say that i ever have. whenever i think about my doubts i tend to think of courtney, a girl from Pinewood that goes to my church. at the end of confirmation class, it is a choice to follow through with confirmation and write a faith statement and all of that. all of my class decided to go through with it, but in the class before mine, 2 years prior, courtney decided not to. i remember being really surprised and confused...i was only in 4th or 5th grade, but i couldn't think of anyone that went to our church NOT believing. i just didn't really think about it at that age. i don't know. i've been going to church since i was 3...it's never really occurred to me to doubt religion. well, until a few years ago. but as i think about it, i find it harder and harder to speak the responses in church because i just don't really mean them. and then, on the other hand, i can't control myself at good friday services...i cry along with all of the adults. and on christmas eve, when we were all singing silent night outside in the cold at 12:00, i was just so happy. and not because i got to open presents in the morning, because Jesus was born. faith is such a confusing thing...maybe i'll ramble on later.
well...to be continued. i must go change into my homecoming dress (yay!!) and go do make-up at nicole's house and then off to a party. i'll try to pretend like i'm not feeling like crap...ha.
alright well, i'm back from all of that, and, as i suspected, do not feel like continuing my whining about faith.
sooo....i'll whine about my clarinet lesson and how much it stunk. first of all, i wasn't expecting to have a clarinet lesson today, seeing as it is 3 days after christmas. it's not like i would have practiced a ton even if i HAD known about it, but it was still a nasty surprise. after church i washed my hair and fell asleep. i wasn't really up to doing much else, and i figured sleep would be a good idea...who knows? maybe i would wake up feeling better. well, that didn't work. i woke up an hour before my lesson and practiced a bit. great...turns out he gave me like 2 entire pages of crap to learn. wonderful... let's just say that when practicing, i figured out what the most annoying notes on the clarinet are. any guesses? high C#. second worst: high Eb. well, needless to say, the lesson was just awful. 15 minutes in to it my right arm/hand started shaking, making it quite difficult to play. i'm blaming it all on being sick. i think there are only 2 things that are keeping me going with clarinet lessons. 1) i'll forget it all if i don't. 2) i have to keep playing SOME instrument to live up to the Band Award. well, at least i feel like i should. this reminds me, i got yet ANOTHER lecture on how i need to buy a better mouthpiece today, and apparently said the wrong thing. my argument was that i don't play my clarinet very often, therefore a new mouthpiece would hardly ever be used. 'why not?' my clarinet teacher asks. so, i give him the abridged version of the issue: marching band is over, and i'm not enrolled in another band class. wrong thing to say. he begins to tell me about how i really should be playing more often...etc. etc. believe me, if i COULD be in symphonic band, i WOULD be. really. it's not like i don't want to be in a band. in fact, i think of band all the time and how much i miss it. so really, if you want to piss me off, start talking about band and mr. ferrucci and who's first chair and all that. i guarauntee you'll destroy my mood. so, that was fun. 45 minutes of hell.
alright well, i think i'm done bitching about life. i'm sorry i don't have anything uplifting to say. well, here's something good. tomorrow's monday and we don't have to go to school! yay! and new year's eve is wednesday! yay!
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2003 27 December :: 12.54 pm
:: Mood: groggy
noooo!!
i think i'm getting sick again!! my throat hurts, i can't breathe through my nose, and i don't have any energy. :0( this isn't fair! how could i have gotten sick? my family isn't sick! darn movie theatres...spreading germs...
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2003 25 December :: 5.55 pm
Merry Christmas!!
well, i woke up happy at least. for some reason i've been really gloomy this christmas. i'm not sure why. actually i am, but i won't go into that. it might possibly worsen my mood further. (i'm not sure that's possible...wait, yes it is. *remembers finals*) right. well. anyway. because i have nothing especially jovial to say, i will now criticize gikis' away message. and believe me, there is a lot to criticize about it.
"marry x-mas every body!"
let's start at the beginning, shall we? 'marry'. shall we review homophones? these are words that sound the same, but are spelled differently. here are some definitions.
marry-to take a husband or wife
merry-jolly, festive
Mary-a name. this time of year, the name Mary is generally referring to mother of Jesus.
Gikis, you mean 'merry.'
"x-mas"
i resent that remark. okay, not really, but you could at least write it out. CHRISTmas. christmas is about Christ being born. (or so they say...i know, it's a little-known fact these days)
OMG! okay, enough for being bitter. to make what was going to be a very long story short, 'everybody' is one word.
but i'm not feeling at all pessimistic anymore. :0D i think i'll go dance around my room and scream now. merry christmas!!!
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2003 24 December :: 3.57 pm
regarding the christmas pageant:
KingdomKey13: *sigh*
KingdomKey13: this is gonna flop. Majorly
KingdomKey13: big time
Horseeyoregal: i'm excited...
KingdomKey13: why? I've heard that small animals who are about to die get adrenaline... is that it?
Horseeyoregal: haha
Horseeyoregal: i was being sarcastic
Horseeyoregal: but that could be it
KingdomKey13: IT'S
KingdomKey13: JUST
KingdomKey13: SO
KingdomKey13: BAD!
KingdomKey13: BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KingdomKey13: says I!
Horseeyoregal: the entire congregation will be saying 'BAD!' once we're through...
please pray for the children and youth of the first united methodist church of palo alto. at 6:00, we will be performing the worst christmas pageant our church has ever seen. i just hope we all live through it so we can enjoy at least one more christmas. thank you.
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2003 24 December :: 2.27 pm
:: Mood: giddy
it's christmas eve day!
it's christmas eve day! it's christmas eve day! it's christmas eve day! it's christmas eve day! *does a little dance*
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