Both of my dogs chase their tails. My older dog growls while he does it. I'm not sure why they do it, because they have to know their tails are their own.
::
2012 29 November :: 4.58pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Entering a period of extreme change in my life, and it's terrifying, but also a little exciting, and very sad.
I'm a big mix of emotions, but I think what I'm doing is the right choice for me. And I'm hoping that this will put me on the right path in making the best choices for myself moving forward.
I'm still really sad the way things turned out, and I wish things could have been different... But maybe this will be the best thing for everyone involved. I really hope it turns out to be like that.
I hate growing up. I have hated almost every single thing about it. Everything is so much more difficult, so much more stressful, so much more confusing and heart breaking.
But I also look back at all the mementos of my adolescence and I realize, I was so fucked up back then. I am SO much better now than I was in the past... And I'm very glad I've gotten the help I need to move past all the terrible things in my past.
So.... I'm having a hard time staying focused and dedicated to school. I think it's because I don't like writing research papers, but I'm not sure. I just know that at this point, I don't want to write anything anymore and I more so don't want to find sources and cite them.
Ugh, so much intellectual property! I feel like there are no more original thoughts and merely saying anything is going to plagiarize something somewhere.
On a brighter now, I'm using a brine on my turkey this year. It's apple cider based, and smells weird, but it has so many 5 star reviews I thought, "How could this go wrong?" I mean, I'm a pretty competent cook. I don't fuck up too royally anymore.
I think the thing I'm most excited about this year is getting to spend it with a family, rather than just me and Sus. Because of all the stuff going on in Samie's family, they aren't doing a family Thanksgiving, so I'm just bringing all my stuff over to her house and we're doing it together. I feel bad for her since it's her first turkey day away from her family, and my first one was kinda sad too, but I am excited too :)
I got 4.0's in both of my first classes. I'm on my way to the same thing in this set too. Though, keeping motivated is difficult. Sometimes I just can't find it in me to care, not sure how to fix that.
Had an epic date night with Sus last night! We got my hair cut, went to see Cloud Atlas and then had some sushi. I couldn't have asked for more. I even got motherfucking tater tots. That boy <3
Rika is in her first heat cycle.. Poor baby :( but that means puppies eventually!! We are getting Bjorne fixed next Saturday.. poor baby :( both of my puppies are so sad! But adorable and I think it'll be the best option for him. He's so big and I don't want to put Rika in danger.
In all seriousness..
Every time I see a picture of my sister I think: "I love you. You are so alive and uniquely zuzu that I can't help but love you and admire everything you are and wish I could be a part of your life like Joy, Heather, Kayley or Nicole."
I've always been jealous of you zuzu.. You've always been who I wanted to be.. You're always one step ahead. And I love you for it.. You're so insanely beautiful and so intelligent and soulful and.. Genuinely humane. You are the best example I have of what a human should be..
I don't know.. I'm sorry for all the shitty things I've ever done to you. I love you so much and I want so much to be important to you. Sometimes I feel like even though we only live 20 minutes apart by car, it's almost like I live in seattle..
Maybe someday I can make you feel as proud to be a sister as I feel about you.. I know you're going to accomplish great things, and I just hope I might be a part of them someday.
I have a date tonight with a beautiful, strong and independent woman.. Well 3rd date. Which means, and I will quote a NIN song, it's time to "get down, make love" if you know what I mean ;)
We're going to watch paprika, eat snacks and who knows what will happen after that haha
Then I have to go to work tomorrow :( 5 day work week.. I haven't had one of those in a year and a half! It'll be killer.