doin whut com<u>e</u>s naturally

I'm sitting on the couch with my little bazooka. I just fed her some fancy feast, let her lick my hand, purring, and pet her cute little face. It's her birthday month. I've had her for 3 years.. And these are probably the last few hours I'll get with her.

I love my baby. I am torn to see her go. There's a heaviness in my heart, but I know it's for the best. She'll be happier in her new home, more space, a better catbox, more money to have nice things and a perpetually clean litter box.

I'll miss her. :(

1 touched my hand | and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 10 November :: 12.56pm

I'm suck a LAZY FAT FUCK.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 9 November :: 10.52am

I'm so freaked out I can't sleep..
My car..
My cat..
My weight..
My debt..
My credit..
Christmas..

Ugh. I just want to sleep

1 touched my hand | and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 8 November :: 1.41pm

There's a heavy pain in my heart.. And I hate it.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 3 November :: 2.07pm

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it..
And usually the anwser is no. But that doesn't change it.
I'm getting tired. And I can bring myself to get loud and fix it.
I'm just getting to be exhausted.. Every second is a battle to stay awake.
I could have slept all day today.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 3 November :: 2.49am

Big warm fuzzy secret heart..

I need like 14 more drinks and maybe I'd be ok.
But right now... Oh no.
:/

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 30 October :: 6.47pm

First thanksgiving where I'm running the show!! I'm so excited!!

Alixz is helping with some exciting smashed Parmesan potatoes!

I'm making a salted lemon-oregano roasted turkey, mushroom strudel, some salad and the obligatory cranberry sauce in a can!

I'm really super stoked to be cooking this year! And I'm really excited to make the day after turkey pot pue which I missed out on last year!

I just have to decide if I want to work a shift on thanksgiving or not.. It's my normal day off.. Hmmm...

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 30 October :: 1.49pm

So I've decided I'm going to try the diet Corky is on.. I'm hoping that I'll be successful.

I'm struggling with self esteem issues and my appetite is out of control even with prescription diet pills. I just want to lose the weight, feel attractive, relieve my back pain and feel healthy and happy. Everyday I look at myself and see my pretty face and hair and I like that, but I see my fatty chin and big pot belly and just feel replusive. I want to look as pretty as I know I am. I want to look like I used to.

I really want to play DDR again. I want that happiness back.

So, this is my plan;
step one is pay back my dad
step two is pay off my bestbuy card
step three is pay off my Bowflex card
step four is buy Medifast
step five is pay off student loan
step five is pay off Wellsfargo

step one will take 2 paychecks
step two will take 2 more
step three will take 6 paychecks
step four is going to push everything 1 paycheck out
step five will take 16 months (but it's good for my credit so I don't mind that taking forever)
step six will take 13 paychecks

I think the two year plan will make it just barely :)
and with Medifast hopefully I'll move back to Seattle one hot bitch.

1 touched my hand | and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 29 October :: 11.23am

Last night was theraputic. :)

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 28 October :: 7.52pm

I need to just understand that I'm not supposed to be happy or enjoy what I have.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 28 October :: 10.55am

Last night was really fun :3
especially in the bedroom ;)

now onto lunch with my family!
And then an evening with a cute girl!
And then the couch comes on Friday!!1!1one1!!

Yay for good weekends :D

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 27 October :: 1.29am

I realize clearly now I made a mistake.
I regret it almost everyday.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 26 October :: 12.08pm

Hmm.. I'm tired. But not sleepy.

I'm bored, too.

And thinking college might be a little further off than I thought.

I'm disappointed, but I'm just assuming at this point, which I'm not supposed to do, so I won't worry..

I'm glad our apt is looking super homie :)

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2010 24 October :: 8.03pm

Two year list:

1. Pay my dad back
2. Pay off Best Buy card
3. Go to college
4. Pay off Bowflex card
5. Pay off Wellsfargo card
6. Finish paying off Sallie Mae
7. Get a promotion

pretty good list.. :)

and tha sun got brighter then


kissed by the sun, straddled by you,
no deep thoughts running through my brain.
only sweet thrills of happiness
racing through my veins.
<3
lay me on the ground, fly me in the sky.