godessalthena
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2010 30 June :: 5.09am
The way I see it either we have free will or god has a plan. You can't have both.
Either it was god's plan to have my brother sexually molest and rape me for a good portion of my formative years or god just sat back and watched because my brother has free will.
Either way that's fucked.
Amd then god planned for my parents not to see the signs of the abuse or to ignore them.. Or he just sat back and let them do that of their own free will.
Either way that's fucked up too.
I am done with religion.
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 29 June :: 5.29pm
Just worked off 515 calories :D feeling AWESOME
not even exhausted!
And I was told I'm a superstar by my superiors! Hell fucking yeah!
Now if only roomie situations were better... :/
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 28 June :: 5.40pm
I love being asked questions like: "what's your favorite movie?" or "if your life was a movie what would it be?"
I always say "the fountian" and the response I always get is: " now that's a movie I dont understand!" (nervous chuckle)
I love it! I love the look on their faces. It's so satisfying. Especially when they've been married for 10+ years and/or have kids. Ahhh
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 27 June :: 12.40am
Goth night @ A Club = love
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 22 June :: 6.02pm
Being in Spokane is a bummer..
But we bought some awesome clothes for Sus! And I got a cute skirt! The plans kinda fell through, but it was SO much fun going to the Metropolatin Grill with Sus and his dad for father's day :D that is the ritziest resturants I've been to in two years! The calamari were so cute and tiny :D and delicious.. Everything was delicious! And fun. And it made me feel really.. Happy inside :)
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 18 June :: 11.14am
Soooo it turns out since I work a late shift I get a 10% bonus to my total yearly salary. What that means:
I'll be making $21.45 an hour rather than $19.50. Seriously.
I will be out of debt so fast. I will be buying a new car. I will be able to afford the help to get the body I want. I'll be able to be completely finacially independant in under 6 months.
And you know what? If I had stayed in college I would have NEVER been presented this opportunity. So to all of you that told me I couldn't be successful without a college education:
FUCK YOU.
Hahaha I feel so fucking good about myself. I'm so happy. I'm so excited! And I'm so confident I'm going to get to where I want in life.
:D
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 16 June :: 8.44am
Ahhh 2 more days until payday! And Seattle! And happiness!!
New clothes! Caught up in bills!
I also found ot my debt is down to $8,400 ish :D pretty fucking rad!!
Now if only Spokane didn't suck so damn much
1 touched my hand |
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 5 June :: 10.15am
Yesterday Sus's mom told me that she loves me and that the whole family loves me and that I'm part of their family :) and the best part was how sincere she was..
It's nice to know I have somewhere to turn if things get hard where I'll be met with warmth and understanding. Sus told me that if he and I break up Corky would still take care of me :) it makes me really happy!
I love being here! But the sun never truely sets this time of hear and it's trippy. The sun went behind the mountians at midnight and then started coming up again.. Trippy!
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 2 June :: 7.22am
Driving to work this morning, I almost forget I wasn't in Seattle. Beautiful.
I'm really happy with where I am in life right now. Amazing love. Great job. A career path. A nice apartment. I can finally see my goals as obtainable!
Occasionally I'll wish we had friends, but things are seeming to work out with Amora.. And if Sus starts school he'll make friends there for sure! I don't really think I can be friends with anyone at work.. They are all so.. Spokane. Plus in my experience making friends from work rarely works out. Sus is the only work-turned-something-else that's worked haha
But it's nice to be happy. And have health benefits. :D
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 30 May :: 6.46pm
So I just found out today I'll be making $19.50 an hour at my new job.
And that's without an AA degree. That's without the support of my family. That's without any number of friends in my physical realm.
That is my being extremely talented, intelligent, hard working and suffienct on my own. With the support and love of my wonderfully hot, caring and intelligent boyfriend.
I'm so thankful for everything I do have. And at this point I find it so pointless to be controlled by the negativity of others. I have a couple people who love the hell out of me and I have the skills and the potential to be successful at anything I try.
I feel so good about myself. I'm so happy with where I am. And I'm extremely excited about my future!
GO ME!
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 25 May :: 11.47am
Almost a 3 day weekend!
Then a 4 day weekend!
Then a Seattle weekend!
XD ahhh!! And a new job!
I know I sound like a broken record.. But damn!!
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 21 May :: 12.54pm
Today just keeps getting better and better :D
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 21 May :: 7.13am
My dr gave me a month of free cymbalta :)
met an amazing woman yesterday :)
get to see sus's amazing mom in a couple weeks :)
get to see Seattle in a couple more :)
starting an amazing job in a week :)
will be debt free in a few months :)
life is pretty FUCKING awesome right now
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 18 May :: 7.11am
So! For my birthday Sus's mom is flying us up to Alaska!!!!!!
I love visiting! And we'll get to actually see theflaciers and animals!
Only roadblock to the final frontier is getting 2 days off work. I'm banking on my experience to get me excused.. I really want to go up north!!
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 15 May :: 12.34pm
So.. Haven't fucked a girl in over a month :( and Stateline isn't helping.
I feel so ugly. Plus this recent interaction with my dad only makes me feel worse. I dint understand him.
He doesn't want me to do things to make him happy, he wants me to do things for me. So I am now and it's bad...? Damn double standards. I will never win.
I find that my pessimism is addictive. I don't want it but I need it to survive.
do you still believe?
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 15 May :: 1.34am
i want a steady girl
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 11 May :: 11.07am
I'm so tired of them making me feel like shit.
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2010 9 May :: 10.51am
Went to josh's birthday party last night!! Had a great time and talked to some peole I never thought I'd eve talk to haha Josh did an amazing light show for me (3 acutally) and Nik did too! And I totally kicked everyone's ass too!
And I tried shasish which was hella fun! And I found out it's just vapor.. And now I'm considering getting one cuz the smoke is so fun!
Then I got to cuddle with my cat boi and have some yummy fun :3 it was a great night!
1 touched my hand |
and tha sun got brighter then
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