kissed by the sun, straddled by you,
no deep thoughts running through my brain.
only sweet thrills of happiness
racing through my veins.
<3
lay me on the ground, fly me in the sky.

 

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godessalthena

:: 2010 5 May :: 12.13pm

I just got hired at Liberty Mutual!
Which means:
annual salary $31,400
full benefits from day 1
11 days paid vacation per year
15 sick days per year
debt free in 2 months
NEW CAR

ahhhhhhhh success

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 4 May :: 6.56pm

Is it honestly too much to ask to have more than one or two worthwhile people in your entire life who care?

I mean.. I know Sus cares.. And my sister is great when we hang out..

But all people here do is make me feel like shit for being me, for sharing my feelings, for expecting people to actually be a friend.. But no. People don't give a fuck no matter how loudly I scream for help, no matter how many times I try to ask...

I honestly feel like every single person I have ever cared about here thinks I'm a worthless piece of shit who's broken and just... Garbage.

Maybe I am. One person loves me unconditionally. One person reaches out when I need them.. And the rest blame me fo them not helping.

I am so scared to run out of my medicine. I don't want to die, but I know I will want to once they run out.

I just want to be happy.
To feel loved.
To not have every negative thought I have reinforced by the people in my life.

I quit.

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 4 May :: 11.23am

So.. We have two plans.
Plan a is awesome
Plan b will suck but is manageable

both lead to happiness in the end.. And both have a sucky part..
But just knowing that we actually have 2 viable plans makes me feel so much better about my life.

This is the first time in a lot time I feel like a goal
is achieveable

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 4 May :: 8.42am

Good lord freaking BRR!!

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 3 May :: 7.11am

I'm living for the weekend.

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 28 April :: 1.03pm

XD

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 28 April :: 11.05am

:(

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 26 April :: 5.51am

I remember a time when always looking amazing was very important to me..
Now I don't really give a crap when I go out.
I kinda miss being that vain, just because I felt better about myself..
Spokane has made me a lazy fuck. I need to change that.

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 24 April :: 4.55pm

I wish moving was easier.
I wish life would stop taking a crap all over me.
I'm done with Spokane. Once I finally leave I am NEVER coming back. For any reason.

I have never hated a place more than I hate this place.

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 23 April :: 7.12am

I woke up this mornig being caressed by my lover and with images of Seattle in my mind.. I could see all my favorite places so clearly.. And I could feel love and warmth in Sus's touch and it was at that moment I realized where all my passion has gone..

I never lost it.. I just wasn't used to it being so concentrated in so few things. I used to be passionate about so much and now.. Every ounce is focused into the twobest and most important things in the world:

my lover and my home.

Its like everything I am and that ever was and every will be is focused on my love of these two things. It's an incredible feeling :)

i've never felt more. I've never been happier. I might explode when we get back to Seattle :)

1 touched my hand | and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 21 April :: 7.11am

I am so torn between wanting to stay at this amazing job and wanting to move back to Seattle. I mean Seattle wins hands down when it comes down to everything... Except money/finacial security. At this point I think we are on the plan where after our lease is up we'll go month to month until we have enough to go home.. But who knows when that will be? We want to have a good store of money. And..

Well if you like at it like this: I'll be making approximately $1100 each paycheck so that's $2200 every month. Right now we are living off my wage of $700 a month pulse what Sus is making (I don't care to discuss his $$ it's his to discuss). So that means that if we can exist on $700 (which includes entertainment) we'll have an extra $1500 a month to save round-about. That means in 4 months we'll have $6000 which is a fairly decent amount to move with. And that's just on my end.

The part Im worried about is finding a job over there. The only reason why I'd want to stay is after a year of working here I could ge my adjustor's lisence and get a claims adjusting job in Seattle making at least the same amount. And that looks really good to the logical/unfeeling side of me. The prospect of staying in Spokan for another year is probably one of the most repulsive thoughts that has crossed my mind..

I guess it just really boils down to this autumn. How we feel and what we save...

Here's to hope!

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 18 April :: 11.49am
:: Mood: sick

Sick.. Grumpy.. :(

I just want to buy an interview outfit I feel confident it. That's all I want to do.

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 17 April :: 7.30pm

I wish I could just be depressed again.
Damn addictions.

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 16 April :: 1.47pm

Caught a cold :(

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 14 April :: 10.53pm

Pain = ucky

1 touched my hand | and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 14 April :: 11.19am

$16 an hour.
Guarenteed 37.5 hours a week
Benefits
22 days paid vacation
great environment
awesome coworkers...

And I am a shoe-in!

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 12 April :: 7.01pm

I got everything I wanted :) and more!!

I love Sus! And his mom! And my family really made me feel loved this year!! :D

:)

so happy

and tha sun got brighter then


godessalthena

:: 2010 12 April :: 2.41pm

Today is the anniversary of my birth :)

2 touched my hand... | and tha sun got brighter then

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