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2005 25 April :: 7.01 pm
I don't write, draw, paint, or sing anymore. I am sorry for the inconvience of you checking on my past journal.
Love. |
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2005 25 April :: 6.23 pm
I used to believe.
I thought there was fate. I thought maybe it wasn't present and obvious some of the time, but I always thought it was there. I thought it was a like a soft breeze, gently urging us forward onto some greater truth and existance. I thought that fate always leads us to where we are meant to be and where we will find happiness.
But I am afraid to say that there is no fate. When we wish upon a star outside of our bedroom at night, we are wasting our time. Because the rare times that our wishes do come true, its only temporary and its only a mere coincidence.
Fate is nonexistant. The same can be said about love. Love is not an emotion. Love is something we are either forced into [and it still is not true], created by hormones, self-enduced, or just a mere figment of our imagination; created to satisfy our need for intimacy and for a place to belong. So nobody could ever truely love me, because love does not exist, and I have never been in love either. I have loved no man nor boy.
Trust is a mistake. Humans are imperfect, as am I. We cannot act as angels and we cannot give only care and 'love' to those around us. We hurt and we tear others down and some of us like it. Some of us thrive on such a pain. Trust is then a mistake. Humans cannot be trusted, because they always hurt you and they are never always there for you. They lull you into a false state of security. What is best is not to trust.
Its best not to love.
Its best to not have fate.
Because I am no longer a child, and I can no longer believe in magic.
Because if magic did exist, it would us itself on someone much more important than I.
I do not love.
I do not trust.
I do not believe.
Love. |
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2005 25 April :: 3.54 pm
:: Mood: hurt
:: Music: Vindicated :: Spiderman 2
Don't even bother.
Why don't you just stand in line for my execution?
Goodbye to me.
1 do. |
Love. |
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2005 24 April :: 10.25 am
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: How bad do you want it :: Tim McGraw
How bad do you want it?
This is/was the most amazing weekend. I won first in state in my competiton, I beat so many people. I get to go to Nashville! I was the only one to place, but our whole Chapter got 3rd in the Scrapbook, so Morgan R. is going to represent us in that competition there. Go us. It was so much fun, seriously. I will talk to you guys about everything later because you will be like "NO WAY,".
Oh well.
Amazing weekend. Too much to write about. Now I get to go to a kickass concert with my girl Kate! We got to get us some hats! Weekend keeps getting better!
2 do. |
Love. |
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