:: 2005 1 June :: 3.44 pm

He is the one.
But I have a purpose.
He is the one.
And I have to fight this.
He is the one.
The villian I can't knock down.

I see your face with every punch I take,
every bone I break,
It's all for you.

He is the one.
All that I wanted.
He is the one.
And I will be haunted.
He is the one.
This gift is my curse for now.

Love.

:: 2005 26 May :: 6.25 pm

People keep saying "Well, didn't you used to?"
Key Words: Used to. As in past tense.
Things change.
Rather quickly.
You realize things, you come to conclusions.
You see things that you didn't see before.
You see all the flaws in yourself.
You see why things could never be.

Things change so quickly around me, people leaving, maybe not physically but emotionally. I want them to stay, but they won't, so I have to change to try and save some of my dignity and meet new people. Because I don't want to be alone after VB.

You realize that you need to let go.

3 do. | Love.

:: 2005 23 May :: 6.43 pm

Well isn't it ironic?
I think I used to belong.

So you think you can love me and leave me to die?

The Door will do that.

1 do. | Love.

:: 2005 22 May :: 5.04 pm

There are some things that I have kept close to my heart that have no business being there.
Hopeless dreams kept sacred by my foolishness and my weakness.
And so I listen, quietly, to other's tales.
And I come to understand that those hopeless dreams are only a mirage, and the harder I push myself towards it, the farther and more transparent it becomes.
Then I come to understand that I must make a choice, and that I will never have the things my heart most desires.
And I will sacrifice,
and sacrifice,
and sacrifice.
And when all my sacrifices combine together I will achieve one thing.
And it is true, I may look back with a sorrow heart and feel as though I have made the wrong choice.
But I can never have the other choice.
And so I will sacrifice some more.
And I will find The Door .
And when I come to that Door I will look back at you with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart and I will say only one word.
And when I call out that word that door will open.
And you will see.
You will see everything that I can be.
And you will know that I was worth more than you could ever deserve.
But I will still keep you in my heart,
and with that,
I will burst forth into that door and I will win.
And I will save you,
I will save everyone.
And when I win I will say another word, and it shall not be your name but my own.
Then I shall die.

So, I now condemn myself to the choice that leads to The Door , and I shall leave you behind to save you,
despite your lack of love for me.
And as I cry out through my sacrifices,
my blood and my tears will be for you.
And it when it is all done,
I will still not have you.

The Door .

Love.