Kate
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2004 3 May :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: Green Day - Brain Stew
Leaving for Stratford in 6 and a half hours.
I hope someone misses me from my absence tomorrow.
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Kate
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2004 2 May :: 10.13pm
:: Mood: Very well
:: Music: The Clash - Somebody Got Murdered
"IHOP ith goo."
Good day.
I'd go more in-depth if I wasn't such a bum.
Let's just say.. Kate, Jay, Matt, Dustin, and Stacy at The Corner Bar = lots of water, salt shakers in coke, and ruined paper.
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BigBen61
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2004 30 April :: 9.13pm
everyone is a conformist anyone who says they are not is conforming and anyone who says they are is conforming. your conforming by breathing so anyone worried about it should stop breathing
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Kate
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2004 28 April :: 5.44pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday
achem. *gets close to your ear* "meow."
I have a writing class tonight. I don't think I'm going to go. I have nothing new to read to them.
I have lots and lots of Algebra to do.. lots. You should.. do it for me. It's not cool at all.
Stacy and I may be the coolest kids in the entire school, (and you know we are,) but it sucks here. We're debating on if we're going to go to Rockford or not. What do you think? Wait, I guess it doesn't matter much.
I'm just filling up space in this journal. I paid $2.00, I might as well use it, but there's nothing to write about. I had an uneventful day. I saw the few good people, and hugged them, and that was nice. Otherwise, I'm bored. Bored bored bored. And my hand smells like Matt's cologne stuff; thanks to Stacy's fetish for sporadically spraying it on people.
tsk tsk.
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BigBen61
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2004 25 April :: 3.22pm
goo today is boring noones home
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Kate
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2004 25 April :: 1.00am
I'm thinking.. I'll start updating a little more. Maybe. If I find the motivation again sometime. I haven't written since the 23rd. Geez. I'm a slacker. I used to write 3 entries a day. Pfft. I bet I used to be annoying too. Oh God, I'm rambling. Bleh.
The boredom is deeply impressioned in my bones. ohhhhh... I want to go have fun right now. I could run out into the rain and mosh with.. myself. What fun. You should all randomly come over, right now, (even though that would make it unrandom,) and seee meee.
Say, if you can drive, and you want to sneak out tonight and terrorize the town, I'm all for it, just tell me. I'm not ready to go to bed anytime soon.
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BigBen61
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2004 24 April :: 10.57pm
i love you all.
except for you stupid fucker
go to hell
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BigBen61
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2004 17 April :: 9.19pm
Well i'm gonna do what everyone else is doin becuase someday i want to be as cool as stacys old toenail clippings. So ask me any 3 questions yada yada yada.
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BigBen61
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2004 1 April :: 8.04pm
holy crap people are dyin left and right. I have to go to another funeral thats the third one sence the first week of march.
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BigBen61
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2004 31 March :: 6.38pm
well figured out a little more the girl who likes me that i like, well the reasons nothins happenin is because i'm a freshmen wich i understand so yeah oh well not a gonna dwell on that i am lookin for a g/f but its not gonna be her
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BigBen61
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2004 30 March :: 9.50pm
Ok so here it is i really like someone and she likes me too but i'm not sure what i'm gonna do because shes a junior and i'm a freshmen and i think it might be unfair to her because i'm broke and i might be for a very long time if corey decides to change his mind on the guitar wich would be hella gay. I paid him already i just haven't gotten a chance to pick it up yet, and now he sayin that he doesn't want to give it to me because he played it once, if anyone knows corey you know that if he keeps it then he will never play it again it will sit in his room forever while he plays video games. He'll probably use it as a coaster. Oh well if it does happen i'll save up for a guitar starting at 3 dollars because its all i have, then buying gifts for people over the year accounting in a can't get a job yeah i'll be pissed
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kate
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2004 23 March :: 5.05pm
:: Music: Our Lady Peace - Car Crash
Quotes from the third Marking Period
1/18
"I couldn't rape my way out of a wet paper bag." - Jay Ruster
1/19
"He can suck my dick." - Courtney Rae
1/20
"Uranus's bleeding testicle." - Mrs. Olsen
1/21
"We can play in your room." - CJ Fisk
"On your knees! Now!" - CJ Fisk
"Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is crack
And so are you." - Mrs. Shaffer
"I was screwin' myself and I didn't even know it." - Adam Draves
"He threatened to rape me!" - Jacqui DeFouw
"And then I fondle your balls." - Kate
"Whoa, I missed the whole first part of this conversation." - Emily Rowe
1/23
"Except when your friends get drunk and make out in your shower; that's kinda awkward." - Emily Rowe
"I say some stupid shit sometimes. You should write that down." - Emily Rowe
"Two llamas with friends have dice." - Emily Rowe (translating ' Tu llamas el amigo y le dice.')
"Do you like to eat Italian crucifixes?" - Mrs. Crowley
"I love Italian crucifixes!" - Emily Rowe
"Look, Neilee kinda rhymes with candy!" - Emily Rowe
"Do you want to jiggle my boob?" - Kate
"I'm talking about poop-water!" - Neilee Metzger
"Hey everybody, let's ... be gay." - Alex Grecheski
"Will you please put your shirt back on?" - Sam Hamilton
"Jeff was doin' the spit yo-yo over my face, and then the phone was ringning, so I moved and it went in my ear." - Sam Hamilton
"I would rather just roll around the gym." - Emily Rowe
"You're gonna get the wrath of Reed." - Mr. Reed
"Think about it: if you had 20 pounds of marijuana sitting right in front of you, would you turn it in?" - Stephanie Lewis
"No, I'd probably sell it." - Kate
"I wish my name was Black Castle of Opium." - Stephanie Lewis
"Quiet, Bean Eater." - Matt Curtis
"Ashley's grandma pretends to pull things our of her ass." - Stephanie Lewis
"Only when I ask for something. She's like, 'oh, here it comes.'" - Ashley
"Eww, crotch items." - Stephanie Lewis
"Does anyone have any candy?" - Kate
"Ask Ashley's grandma." - Stephanie
"I don't eat ass-candy." - Kate
"My boobs are too big." - Kate
"No they're not, they're milkalicious." - Stephanie Lewis
"Did you just lube me up?" - CJ Fisk
"Ashley lubes up before every meal." - Stephanie
"It's good for the body and the soul to fuck grandmas." - Brad Blair
"I banged my grandma in the ass." - Jay Ruster
"The first girl that sucked my dick kinda chewed on it." - Jay Ruster
"I wanna put rogaine on my wiener." - Jay
1/26
"Are you achin'? Yup, yup, yup. For some bacon? Yup, yup, yup. You can be a big pig too." - Alyssa Cole
"Did he die?" - Allyn Longcore
"I don't know, he shoulda." - Mrs. Olsen
1/27
"Why is there a hotdog up there?" - Courtney Rae
"It's not a hotdog, it's a barbie leg." - Zach Ebenstein
"The leg's in a hotdog bun." - Mrs. Crowley
"I'm a pill-popping madman today." - Justin BeVier
"An enraged bedroom slipper." - Fournier
"Look, I changed the penis into a tornado." - CJ Fisk
"That's what you get for being on a Krispy Kream diet." - Stephanie Lewis
"Ashley, will you give me a butt-rub?" - Stephanie Lewis
"You're gonna be shittin' fire tomorrow." - Stephanie
1/29
"You can't have a pair of balls and tap dance; it just does not work." - Jay Ruster
"They were never going out, they were just breeding buddies." - Jay Ruster
1/30
"Can we play in the road today?" - Courtney Rae
"That is so homosexual." - Fournier
"If it smells like a dog, looks like a dog, and barks like a dog, it's not a duck!" - Sara Kies
"I had to run behind Kate while she was strapped to a harness." - Stephanie
2/2
"You were dry and I made you juicy." - Courtney Rae
"I'm just using her for her candy, I don't really like her." - Kate
"Jump rope with the intestines." - Fournier
"Shit faced, muther fuckers." - Jake Shain
"If you don't want a yeast infection, eat yogurt." - Fournier
"Ya never know when a moose is gonna take a dump." - Fournier
"Mike says 'icky' too. That's such a homosexual little saying." - Stephanie Lewis
"Underground vacuum racing." - DeAnna Ellis
"Why is he talking like a dragon?" - Ron Wheaton
2/3
"Sickly green fear pulled at their entrails. That means they got tummy aches." - Mrs. Olsen
"Yeah, I was like, 'whatever, you're hot.'" - Jacqui DeFouw
"Do you know what a buttplug is, Jacqui?" - Stephanie DeFouw
2/4
"She makes me look snagely and I am not snagely. She's the snagel here, not me." - Stephanie Lewis
"I want to kick her snagely ass." - Stephy
"Spasming below the waist." - Dusty Postumas
"You'll never be the happy Islamic woman I am!" - Matt Whetzel
2/5
"The word 'fuck' makes me have to poop." - James Golden
"Makes me wish I had 2 penises, but that's why guys have mouths." - James Golden
2/6
"I can play the fricken skin flute for an hour and it doesn't make any noise." - Stephanie Lewis
2/9
"Mr. A's hot." - Will Taboska
"Tuna is the chicken of the sea." - Jeremy Woodward
"Don't fondle my penguin." - Fournier
2/17
"When I want my finger in your crack, I'll put it there." - Stephanie Lewis
2/18
"Make sure you sanitize the poop before you eat it." - Corey Chase
"Don't go lookin' for dirty meat." - Fournier
"Did you know there's a parasite that can take over a snail's mind?" - Dan Reed
"Is it rectal exam day?" - Mr. Reed
"I eat peas and they kinda clump up on my pancreas." - Stephanie Lewis
"She's only 6, let's not corrupt her yet." - Mrs. Olsen
2/20
"Sounds like they're spankin' a baby with a cat." - Bill Korb
"Sometimes I forget to swallow." - CJ Fisk
"I can't go anywhere without my George Foreman Grill." - Will Tobashka
2/23
"You've got a hole in your butt!" - Brad Blair
"I gotta take a dump." - Megan Colby
"George Washington was known as the ghetto kitty of our country." - Fournier
"No! Don't lick it up!" - Fournier
"It was a hug-fest!" - Josh Farrel
2/24
"What's that?" - Kate
"I made it. It's a stick." - Brad Blair
"He was colored and flimsable. I don't know what flimsable means, but he could flim." - Brad Blair
2/25
"Someone drew male genitalia on my pillow." - Mrs. Crowley
3/1
*runs finger along dead, opened worm.* "I can pet it, and stroke it.." - Alyssa Cole
"Phyllis beats her meat with dirty little birdy feet." - Stephanie Lewis
"How do you masturbate a snail?" - Kate
"I don't know, ask her." *points to Ashley* - Stephanie
"The same way you probe a cricket." - Stephanie
"Yeah, I lay in bed and think about masturbating snails." - Stephanie Lewis
3/2
"I'm such a homo." - Stephanie Lewis
"You have nipples on your back." - Stephanie
"I know, Tony put 'em there." - CJ Fisk
"I see your smile, but your eyes scream sadness." - Mishy
3/3
"What is that; fried shit?" - Jessica Nichols
"Back that train up." - Fournier
"It's like a combination of blood and jiz on a sandwich." - Jay Ruster
"Wouldn't that be a pooper? You go through high school, you're in 12th grade and almost done, then you drop dead." - Mrs. Olsen
3/5
"You're so squishy and hyper." - Neilee Metzger
3/11
"... or I'll remove your reason for being a man." - Courtney Rae
"It's like tupperware for your vagina!" - Emily Rowe
3/12
"Yeah, touch my bongos." - Adam Vainavicz
3/16
"I don't hear anybody thinking." - Mrs. Crowley
3/17
"Drop your pants and let me squeeze your balls." - Stephanie Lewis
"You've never been to My-anus?" - Tyler Bauer
"No, you want me to?" - Steve Odren
"I would clean up monkey shit before I touched your penis." - Mitch Armstrong
"No, you wouldn't." - Kevin Cuppett
"Yeah, I know." - Mitch
3/18
"There's his anus! Probe it!" - Sara Kies
3/19
"Ew, now I've got beaver germs in my mouth." - Jenny Reed
"I love penis." - Justin BeVier
"Fuck you, Courtney." - Brad Blair
"I love cooter." - Courtney Rae
"Your vagina muscles squish it." - Brad Blair
"You need nipple shields." - Jenny Reed
"I get nervous when you get close to my nipples." - Tony Wiers
"Humor the old whore." - Jorden Porter
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Kate
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2004 21 March :: 6.48pm
:: Music: Yellowcard - Powder
I'm going to tell you a story
*sigh* I need to talk to you guys.
I don't know what to do, so I guess I'm going to.. ramble.
I want to move from Cedar. If I had the opportunity to go, I would take it right now. Hell.. if I had the opportunity to determine if the ceiling caved in and killed me right now, I would let it happen. I fucked myself over so badly..
Sometimes I wonder if I had the chance to go back and stop myself from ever meeting Jake Mol at that all-nighter, thus introducing me to this whole group, if I would. No, I suppose I wouldn't. I would stop myself from dating in the group though.
I went out with Jake. I don't remember what happened with that, but I don't think we really went anywhere, so ended up breaking up.
I had a crush on James after that, but nothing happened.
Then Justin and I started talking a lot and decided to go out. Justin was a good boyfriend. What I mainly remember about our relationship was how much fun we had. I have good summer memories because of it. We broke up by fault of mine. I'm not going to deny that Joe wasn't part of the reason I broke up with Justin, but I do know I didn't leave him for Joe.
So Joe comes in. Can't say it wasn't my best relationship. I got in deeper than I have before, or will again for who knows how long, and.. I don't even know what to say about it. I was happy, and, frankly.. I was in love. Towards the end, however, Joe played a lot of video games, and I felt neglected. Maybe I overreacted. *shrugs* We broke up, due to.. uncertain feelings. During that end, I talked to Jay about Joe and I, about how I felt and all. I confided in him. But I never cheated. I know there's apparently proof that I did, because there's emails I sent him, but I will show every one of those emails to anyone, and none of them are of me cheating. And if you think I altered them, ask Joe, I'm sure he's got a copy of them.
Anyway.. 3 weeks later, I started going out with Jay. This made Joe angry.. causing him to hate me, and Jay. One month later, or last Thursday, I break up with Jay. Because.. we don't go as well as I thought we would. Not because we didn't try, especially Jay, I just.. couldn't do it. And I can't say some of the reason wasn't because I still thought about Joe. I still miss all of what I had. I still regret giving it up. And now Jay says he's leaving the group so people won't hate me, and as much as he explains to me how that makes sense, I don't get it at all. Seems like they'd hate me more if he left. I don't know..
I got into the relationship with Jay way too early. I wasn't ready, and I should've waited. We might've lasted longer if I had.
That leaves me where I am now. I never lied to or cheated on any one of them, but I suppose if you think I did lie, you wouldn't believe that statement. If I didn't mean any of it, why would I do it in the first place? If I didn't mean any of it, why would I risk so much, and end up where I am now; with the man I used to dearly love loathing me, with people I didn't even know didn't like me, with Jay leaving his friends, with 2 close friends to confide in, but one believing deep down that I'm a terrible girlfriend. With, *sigh* so much lost.
I know I can't do anything to fix a single of my mistakes. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. If I knew what to do, I would certainly do it. I wish I could make this all better even a little bit, but I just can't. I fucked up so so badly.. I can't make it up to anyone. I'm not asking anyone to care, or expecting them to, I just figure this is my last shot at trying to clear up misconceptions.
I did like Justin.
I did love Joe.
I did like Jay.
I never meant to hurt them, or do anything purely for the benefit of me. I mean, heh, how could it've been to benefit myself when I'm completely fucked right now?
So that's my side of it. I'm lost. I want to fix it, but my efforts seem to make things worse. Since I can't move away and let everyone forget about me, as I'm sure a few of you would like, I need help..
Does anyone have any advice?
Does anyone believe me?
I'm sorry. I wish with everything in me, that I could make things right.
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BigBen61
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2004 14 March :: 1.03pm
:: Mood: annoyed
Yep well what a great day my mom is all mad at me because she saw a friends s/n and all it said was (D)Kiss my Ass(D) and shes like oh my gosh who is that blah blah vulgur blah blah blah, so i was like mom just stop i mean really and she kept on talking and then i just put my hand over her mouth and she got pissed and yelled some more. Its kinda wierd how she thinks i actually care what she has to say, if they didn't want to put up with a son like me my dad should have worn a condom. Oh well the play was awsome last night the after party was to i wish i had been able to do the play. Me and dillan are swing sancin partner, only a few more years of ractice and we will be kinda ok.
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BigBen61
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2004 12 March :: 11.54pm
Ok anyone who says romeo and juliet is the greatest love story ever written they are retarted. I knew it was dumb before but no that i actually read a little more into the story this is retarted, it goes along the line of love at first sight wich is a huge load of shit because thats saying its based on looks alone. Holy hell i mean really you don't fall in love with a stranger within 30 seconds, i garentee if they hadn't killed themselves they would have divorced or killed eachother. Its also really stupid when a girl in class (not gonna give their name) says its alright to kiss someone when you don't even know there name or anything about them because thats just pretty much puttin a sign on you that says your as much of a skank as juliet, just because you do it doesn't make it any less sluttish.
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