jaganshi
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2004 17 November :: 3.32pm
Damn it. I've never gotten menstrual cramps before. damn! These suck! No wonder you women whine all the time!
Of course, I could just take aspirin, but I doubt I will.
Probably not even me anyway.
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Jaganshi
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2004 17 November :: 2.48pm
I got an email from Link. These are more fun for me every time, I swear.
Read more..
Yeah, so I'm posting this as public in case any of you have comments that can go directly to him. I am posting this email unedited and unabridged so that I can never be accused of misrepresenting him. What you see is what I got.
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2004 16 November :: 9.58pm
:: Mood: Fleeting/Rushed
:: Music: TV
Wow
So much has happened in the last.. how many, 3 weeks? No, four
Let's see..
-I celebrated my friend's 15th
-I finished my costume
-I skipped out on homecoming
-I had a buncha people over for Halloween
-I wandered around some parking lots for 3 hours
-I had my heart broken
-I made new friends
-I found another
-I crushed on some more
-I saw the scariest movie ever
-I wandered around some more parking lots
-I had a boy sleep over at my house
-I chopped off a lot of my hair
-I now often look like a deranged miniature biker >>;
-I'm considering not signing up for band next year
-I tried out for the school play Arsenic and Old Lace
I guess those are the main points. I think I've gained a couple of pounds, which sucks, 'cause I'm almost overweight already.. I should just stop eating <<;
Doubt that'd work, though xD
I'm gonna try out for this girl's band.. I think I'm pretty much in already since I told her I could sing.
Heh ^^; Silly
I need to go do some laundry, you get me, right? Tomorrow's an LTM and I'm planning on spending some more of the night.. reading o.0;; Since I have to be done with this freakin' book by Friday and I'm like.. chapter 15 when there's 30-something chapters..
Poop-chutes.
Christmas is coming and next week is already Thanksgiving o.o;;;;; I have.. A project and a paper due next Monday and Tuesday, and WOMG! I FORGOT THAT.. rEPORT! 0.0;;;;;;;; DEATHHHH
I better try and do that real quick whilst I'm downstairs. Lets see if I got some pants..
Love you, I need milk, BAI!
"Hi, I'm Emily, are you married?"
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Jaganshi
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2004 15 November :: 2.24am
Who wants to see photos from our Butler semi-formal?
Read more..
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jaganshi
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2004 10 November :: 1.19am
When Kim Jong Il was Born
Someone linked this on a forum. I can't take credit for finding this gem.
So beautiful....
should have sent a poet....
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Jaganshi
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2004 8 November :: 10.30pm
Halliburton falls for Nigerian Scam
Well, not really. It's more of a bribe thing... but still. What's with Nigeria?
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jaganshi
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2004 7 November :: 9.43pm
Ashley casts 'detect angst.'
The internet glows.
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jaganshi
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2004 1 November :: 1.49am
On Saturday the 30th, I went to Calibretto concert, and it was lots of fun. Everyone was in costume (or at least most people), and Link came. I'd missed him more than I'd been willing to admit to him, because I knew he would take it the wrong way.
He was a big ball of angst, as usual... but it was good to see him. He seemed particularly concerned with letting me know it was probably the last time we'd ever see each other. He didn't understand why this bothered me. I told him it's like telling me I'll never see my brother again. It doesn't matter that I haven't seen my brother in two years, he's still my brother.
Link didn't get it. He won't get it.
I made fun of him a little when he started to get overly dramatic.
Link:blahblah... well, I didn't just come down here to prove you wrong, that wasn't why I came. But you should know this is probably the last time we'll see each other.
Me:Why?
Link:There are reasons.
Me: You know what? Fine. Go ahead and be all, "Oh, I am Link, I am full of angst, lalala..." because quite frankly, if that's what you want, don't try and make me feel like it's my fault that you don't want to see me. Do what you like.
Link tries to argue, I walk away outside and he loses me. He eventually finds me again, I tell him yes, I'm upset, no I'm not going to talk to him about it. Then I walked away, and when he followed me outside and around the building, I asked him why he was following me.
Link:Should I not?
Me: No, you shouldn't.
I walked back inside and disappeared into the crowd to escape his vortex of angsty woe. You guys know how strong an empathic connection I have with him for some ungodly reason. I can't help it. His angst is my angst, and I don't need that right now. If all he needed was for me to be there for him, I can do that.
If what he needs is someone to blame for his isolation, his loneliness, his general dissatisfaction with his life.... he can get someone else.
He doesn't seem to understand how much I can care about him without loving him romantically. He really is family to me, and I love him that way.
I just can't be in love with him because of the way things happened. It's my fault more than his, because I knew how everything would end, but things happen the way they're meant to. Any statement of purpose cheapens the fact that I really did/do care about him, care about what his life is doing, how he is, etc.
But it doesn't matter to him that I care. It defies his image of the world as a soulless wasteland inhabited by unthinking republicans and dishonest women.
But anyway.... Calibretto is good.
It was good to see Link, at any rate. I walked into the room where he was and I couldn't find him, as he was asleep on the bed to some extent. I smelled him though. Not in the gross B.O. from the doorway kind of way, but in the "I haven't caught this particular scent in months. I remember this." kind of way.
We took him DDRing, and that was fun. Like I said, it was good having him around. He can think what he likes, but he'll always be my friend. I care about him, and it distresses me to see him unhappy.
Be that as it may, the real reason I don't call him or email him first is more or less because I don't feel welcome in his life.
Every time I talk to him, it seems like I'm supposed to feel like I don't belong around him. His girlfriend feels threatened by me somehow apparently....I don't know. He feels abandoned or neglected or some other suitable emotion that is, for obvious reasons, more or less unintelligible to me.
Anyway, I don't feel wanted. I get so sick of being told how much happier he would be if he were still with her. I get sick of hearing the unspoken statement that his life sucks because of me. Quite frankly, all I wanted was for him to be happy, and if that's not good enough for him, then nothing I could have done would have ever made him happy. Ever. So.... given this... the implication is that he is happier without me there to complicate things or something. I don't know.
I get tired of being the bad guy. I'm waiting for him to get tired of being the angst guy. Quite frankly, he's one of the best people I know and deserves better than this self-enforced hell he puts himself through. He deserves every happiness in the world.
I just wish he knew that.
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2004 28 October :: 10.15pm
:: Mood: Sympathetically touched
OH MY GODDDDDD!
0.0 I can't believe this! TT
IT WAS SOOOOO SAD!!!!!! JJ, my little brother, came in and asked if I had my little shavey thing, and I'm like, why?
And then he started crying! OMG!! The poor kidlet! He was embarrassed about his unibrow! TT!!!!!!!!!
I know how he feels x3 So I fixed him up. It really is embarrassing, but there's not much you can do otherwise.
I love J TT He's such a darling, and I'm sorry he has to go through such torment, like me, because.. it's not very nice.
Anyways, just thought you'd like to know. BAI! ^^
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2004 20 October :: 11.08pm
:: Mood: ..
Yeah.
My head hurts.. why do I get depressed so easily?
And I have such.. wonderful days. o.o
Tomorrow's UTurn, Battle of the Sexes. If you spell that backwards, you get the same thing << That's so great. Anyways, I going to go..
Now..
I love you.
Make my heart stop hemhorraging over my insides.
I love you.. anyways.
<3
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2004 19 October :: 6.35pm
:: Mood: Okay
:: Music: The rushing of outside.
Some Day. And stuff.
Augh, another crazy day xX;;; Mmkay, let's start
The Drop-off:
- The point where my mom leaves me to the cruel world of fate, and a street crossing o.0;;; But today, I just HAD to be late 'cause I was wearing a mini-skirt ._.;; So yeah, we go to the drop-off, and GUESS WHO'S THERE?!
If you said Abraham Licoln, WHAT ARE YOU ON?! o.o No, it was hot goth kid Keith, smoking (TT Noo) with his girlfriend and two other boys. I was like "Mom.. keep driving" and she's like "I can't! I'll hit them!" so I said "But.. that's Keith!" and she's like "Oooh.." So I had to get out any way and I tried to move quickly xX; When I was at the stop light, I glanced back and he was staring at me xx;; Awkward..
Algebra 1:
- I didn't get to sit with Amanda 'cause I was late, so I went straight to class.. They had this PTSA for Toga Day, which was hilarious. It had two kids dressed in togas, sitting there, with the pondering pose, one saying "Socrates.. why are we dressed in togas?" the other "Maybe.. because it's toga day?" and both went "HMNNNNNNN!" XDDDD It was SO GOOD! I was laughing ^^ 'Cause it was so good! So yeah, that was that.
Personal Fitness:
- Classroom day. I turned in my perfect folder and took the chapter 4 test. I think I did pretty good. Nothing else really happened.
Integrated Science:
- Julio was raping Erin again o.0; She apparentally bit his shoulder and he picked her up off the ground by the pants. It was amusing ^^ But looked painful at the same time. Poor Erin. I soon learned that I had forgotten my water bottle.. and it sucked xX; Oh well, I lived.
World Geography:
- Heh.. Mr. Bianchi. <<; I learned today that our project on Africa was due tomorrow, soo.. I made plans to take Keith home with me rather quickly. ^^; Ahh, flexibility and chance of high school. Anyways, took another test in herr. Nothing else.
Band:
- First time I've played in a week. I didn't like marking time in a skirt 'cause my shirt kept pulling it up, and when I'd pull down my skirt, my underwear would go with it o.0;; Now.. that's.. just wrong, my friends.
Lunch:
- XDDDDDD Emily, making a phone call on her cell during lunch. I INCONSPICUOUSLY layed my head on my back pack to call my mommy. It was pretty funny ^^ After lunch, we, of course, went over the the goth table. I hugged my tall friends and Mizz, the darling who invited us in the first place, annnd.. Naomi saw Keith talking to his girlfriend, who then looked at us..
Oh yeah.. we're on the hit list >>; Now she knows what we look like, so we're SOOOO dead. OmG TT;
Pre AP English:
- Heh, hearing and vision tests. We went to the Little Theater for most of the period. Zach and Eli knocked the pretzel cantine over inside the tickets booth and I was running around, showing off my moustache (the handles tied together hanging just below my nose >>) It was great. I love Ms. Spurgeon ^^
TV Production:
- He STILL hasn't played our tape, or even watched it, I think. We continued watching The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock today, god, I love that movie XDDD It's like.. genius. Especially when the birds are chasing the kids. It's not like the kids MADE NOISE or anything!
But it was great ^^
After school:
- Met up with Keith and dragged him to Publix. We bought a peice of black poster board and waited for my mommy. This guy kept giving people flyers to vote for Kerry, which perplexed me.. But oh well. Stuff will be as stuff does.
We went to my house and worked on some stuff before I made him go home. Poor kid, I was like "Keith, you're going home, I'll be right back" >>;; Yeah, but I finished it. And it's pretty.
Sorry, Keith, I didn't use the Jackal picture.. but I was thinking about it XDD I printed out pictures on the Zulu culture fest and one of South African land scape. Our A is in the bag, my dear.
So yeah, talked to Jenn for a little bit, I love her to beans ^~ I've been talking to Evan A LOT more since the movies, he's really a sweet kid, if you get past the part when he shot people and went to military camp.. <<;;;
But what can you do? It's a crazy world.
I've decided that Jade, Lo, Jenn, and I are going to the Spanish River Homecoming on Saturday the.. umn.. 24th. There's also a home game on the 23rd (Friday) so if you want to see Emily in her lovely, pointing, ass-defining band uniform, COME ON DOWN! o.o; It's in the 'Shark Pit' at 7:30, I think. I don't know for sure, but I'll update you, 'cause I know you're just dying to root for the Sharks, right?
Even though they haven't won a game of foot ball yet..
~snicker~
But yeah..
I shaved my arms last night.. What a silly feeling ^^ And they look so much nicer with out the long, dark arm hair <<; I feel like a lady?
I dunno. I think I have homework, but I really don't want to do it.. Gosh, I sure do type a lot.. I need to wash my shorts.. AND! I need to get peices for my Jack costume (Jack Sparrow are gooderest ^^) Anyways, umn, yeah..
BAI!
"I LIKE YOU ALOOOTTT!!!"
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jaganshi
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2004 19 October :: 2.28am
Woohu invite codes. Nice.
For those about to blog....
we salute you.
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2004 13 October :: 9.39pm
:: Mood: Wheee!
My day ^^
Heh ^^ Today was fancy. I thought it would be my best day EVER, 'cause Chris sent me this chain letter in IM and it said if I sent it to ten people in some amount of minutes, today would be the BEST DAY EVER! o.o;; But it wasn't >< DAMN YOU CHRIS! Oh well, I lived ^^ Here it is!
Mo'nin:
-I got up kinda late (6:45 xX) so I left kind of late as well. I think it's so snobby, there's this girl next door who goes to Spanish, driving herself every day, and I can't even ride with her o.0;;;; Oh well, preps suck, I'll get over it ^^
Sitting with Amanda:
-Yeap, I do this every morning before first period. I trudge across the street, scowl through the halls and fall into a sit next to her, then we chat about how many people are wearing a color and vote on tallying or not. Then we decide if we want to scream out a random guy name to see if one looks at us. They usually don't but whatever. It's happened before, but with a chick XDD I was like "MICHELLE! I love you!" and this other girl turned around and I was like "o.o; You must be Michelle, too" and she was like "Yeah" and I disappeared into my class ^^
Not much happened in our hall sit today, but it was still cool.
Algebra 1:
- After the morning announcements we migrated to another room. Mrs. Richar's daughter is so cute =p We did some graphing today. I hate graphing, but whatever. I survived, right? XD
Personal Fitness:
-AUGH! We went outside 'cause of PSAT testing in the gym TT We couldn't even be in the Fitness Room 'cause of that. How mean. It was kinda okay, 'cause it was all breezy. But I still hate being outside. I started hyperventilating as we were walking outside XD I'm such a drama queen! You'll see more about this drama queen point a bit later.
Intregrated Science:
- Wojo is so awesome. Me and Erin started beating up Dirk. God, I cannot fight, but SHH! Don't tell! I still want to be able to threaten mercilessly! o.o; So we watched this INSANE British-sounding movie about the elements. The elements would talk in rhymes, and it would always be the same guy's face and accent. I loved it when he explained Potassium and Lithium XDDD 'Cause if you have too much Potassium, you get hyperactive, and Lithium is the counteractant.
So he was talking about Manic Depression, so he'd talk real fast then talk reeeeaaaalllll sloooooooowwwwww then real fast! then reeeeeeaaalllllll slooooowww and it was just so funny ^^;
But hey, atleast I learned something, right?
World Geography:
- Oops, oral reports today ^^;; I finished mine a little bit ago, and I did do a little bit last night, but I go pre-occupied, so it didn't get done last night, but now it's done! It was so funny, we were making fun of annoying Kasey, saying she was anorexic and stuff, and she's like "Oh my gaaaaawd! I am SO not ANO!" and we're like "Wow, she even knows the nickname, she must be anorexic!" and she's like "NUH UH!" then Mr. Bianchi said something about Tinkerbell and she's like "I used to LOVE Tinkerbell, then she got so commercialized and I didn't like her anymore" and someone said "You liked her 'cause she was so skinny, right?" and it was just.. hilarious ^^
Band:
- Ah, the 2nd day of "My Clarinet's in the Shop" scandal xDD But yeah. It was SO gross! Hey Omni palxx0rs, remember Evan Pelz from the morning announcements? Well.. he has a girlfriend o.o;; ASHLEY WEISSMAN! OMG!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! They kissed right infront of me and I FREAKED OUT! I started running about the band room, screaming "OH MY GOOOOD!" it was funny, but people were like "Chill out" "Shut up" stuff like that xD Then Naomi told me she gave a note to her sister to give to Keith, 'cause her sister is friends with Keith (Hot Goth Kid Keith) and she said that she put that I loved him in there so I started freaking out again
My fucking knees gave out XDDDDD
I'm sure he already knows, but GOD! So I sat out for a half an hour, and I spent the rest of the half an hour looking from Evan to Ashley in sheer amazement xDD He caught me staring at him and was like ".. What?" and I was like "0.0;;;;" xDD
So yeah ^^;; You know how it goes.
Lunch:
-Mm, not much happened. I was screaming again. I do that a lot, don't I?
Pre AP English:
- Not much happened here either. I was being smartsy.
TV Production:
-Hee ^^ I chilled out next to the camera thingies.. AUGH! Why must hot goth kid Keith be so attractive? ExpeciallY with a guitar! >< And.. a whip! XDDDDDDD Don't even ask how that happened, but yes, he did have a whip, and I think I drooled. xDD
My bad ^^;
Anyways, I just got back from art class <3<3 Had a BUNCH of lasagna TT Yum, and sooo.. HERE I AM! <3
I Love you all! ^^
"OH MY GOOOOOD! OH MY GOOOOOOOD!"
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2004 12 October :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: Frustrated
Teh Scream
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
H
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
H
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
H
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
H
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
H
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
H
HHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!1!1!11!!111!!!!!one!!
This has been a scream of sexual and embarrassed frustration by: EMILY, GODDAMMIT! ><
Luvvles ^^
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2004 11 October :: 11.10pm
Why'd I even try <<;; I are not sexyful! XDD
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