{ I am and I will }
I'm not in a good mood. I feel so depressed, I guess nothing is working. I feel so bad too. I fucked up. I mean, how the hell did I end up like this.
I used to be an inoccent, I never got in trouble... o wait that's a lie.. I was a trouble maker but not as much as I am now. But now it has come to some kind of fork in the road: I can start over and stop getting in deep shit, or I can do just the opposite. Obviously I'm going to choose to change for the better, but thats going to be super hard.. then again what isnt hard?

Also, there are so many things that I want to do, but I'm afraid of the outcome. For example, I like this guy and he knows. But when he asked if I like him, I didnt know if I should have said the truth. he wanted the truth, but I didnt say yes.. i said 'i didnt know". I would tell him the truth but I guess I'm too scared to say anything like that to anyone. I was talking about this with a couple of my friends and they all said the same thing, "its better to do it and know, than to never do it and not know." that seems like everbody's answer for that kind of thing... its kind of true.
O, and about San Antonio. Damn, it used to be a 75% chance of me not moving... but now it like 35% chance of me not moving.
well I'm going to stop the upsetting and depressing shit. So I'm going to stop and watch HeatguyJ.

you know the drill
???????

:. i ran over cops .:
Heheheh! I was playing Soul Caliber, Kingdom Hearts, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, and super smash borthers. I enjoyed play Grand Theft Auto, I killed many cops on that game. AND I got away with it, woohoo! What a nice game, lol. So much Violence, yay!
It was funi, cause we ( my sister and I) were trying to "pick up hookers" while playing... stupid hookers, lol.
Today was fun. In Ipc we were lighting newspapers on fire, and Ben threw it onto an ant-pile, awesome, lol.
Well I'm 'oof', i'm getting cold.
**moo**
Jessica

/|Par-tay!\
I'm back from Chelsea's quincenera. It was so much fun, just haning out with friends and dancing. Sam looked so Sexy. O rexy youre so sexy, lol. Where did that come from?
I wore a dress and some people were a bit surprised, lol. I guess it's kind of weird to see me in a dress.? But man my feet hurt. I don't like wearing high heeled shoes. Must- get- a- foot- massage. I have a slurpy, nah nah :P {slurp} *YUM* (^.^) I'm tired, but I don't want to go to sleep. I want to stay and IM myself. lol.

Use your heart and not your eyes
Today was a bit of an improvement. Damn TAKS testing, I haven't tested yet and I'm bored already. But we did watch THE LION KING!! We had to wait for "xXx" to finish, and it was so stupid. I took my pillow so I could take a nap, but it ended up being a baby of Ryan's since Nima knocked him up. 4th block or should I say 3rd block was boring, so I took a nap. It smelt funky since it's been all over the place, slutty pillow. lol.

Should I go to Marilu's on friday? What if I get in trouble, my mom doesnt want me to go there any more. GRRR! Hmph. I'll just be 'good' till Friday. Then on Saturday I have to go shopping for a dress :twitch:. Mey I'll get to see Marilu, Kasi, Brandon, and Drea at Chelsea's Quincenera, hopefully, I don't want to be alone and have no one to talk to.
I have no one to talk to right now, ='( So I guess I'm going to get off.

cover my eyes and lead
I guess I have to start this journal over. It's weird my journal was paid for by I dont know who, and then all my entries are deleted. And those entries were good because they had good/ bad memories. I have a greatestjournal, and it is kickass because Yoshi made an awesome layout. It has a pic. of "D" and she just used her Imagination to finish it.. Its pretty cool, you can see it by going to the address below.
http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/livingnightmare/
Is it me or did I sound like an infomercial?
Anyway, today I wasnt having a good day, I felt super down. There were many reason as to why I was feeling like that. One mainly being about those 2 guys. I wanted to cry so bad, but I guess seeing all my friends near me kind of stopped my from shedding tears. I'm going to write Nydia a note since she wanted to know why I was depressed. I think she might know at least one reason, or who its about. And I guess its really easy for people to know when I'm feeling down. I was happy in Advisory, but during 4th block I wanted to just be left alone. I noticed I was smiling when I was talking to Marilu, Nydia, and Jon but I guess I did it so I make them think I was ok. I feel like this and the reason is so stupid. I cant understand how this happened. hmph. I'm going to do nothing tomorrow, I'm just going to ingnore stupid shit.
good bye for now,
~ chester ~ {Black}

What's going on !!?!