"In the great words of Kappy Sood, It's Over!"
Indeed it is. My last day of high school was about a week ago, which consisted of doing nothing in 1st, 2nd, and 4th periods, skipping 6th and chilling with Hotchkiss, and was followed by band practice and the worthless chorus concert. My AP Art History exam was the following day. I took the Palm Tran to school, which involves 3 busses and $2. The third bus had some sort of computer problem, and forced us to wait for a mechanic, and eventually another bus. At this point I was thoroughly annoyed, and the bus driver claimed that she couldn't reach the pedals because of the seat, so we had to wait for another bus. By this time I had smoked more than half my pack of cigarettes and was ready to kill somebody. I got to school an hour late and was given shit by the ROTC douche bag guarding the entrance. I made it to the AP exam just on time, and bs'd my way through the multiple choice. I got my free response booklet, and handed it in about a minute after the section started. This invoked the classic like by the media center woman "you must know a lot about art." I turned in my book and was lucky enough to avoid Mrs Stecker and have to explain to her why I wasn't taking the exam. It was sad to realize as I left that that was the last time I'd do anything academic at ATL.

The final band concert was really sad. We sounded great, and I was really surprised at how good the concert band sounded. I can see that Lerner's worked hard. Banquet was definitely the highlight of my senior year. I tied Chris O'Brien for the most awards received. Bastard. We had a bet going. The speaches were really sad. I'm lucky I didn't have a bet with Lerman, because I started to tear up when the seniors were up there. My speach wasn't too bad. I got a nice aww from the whole room that made my night. It hurt to realize that I'd most likely never see any of those kids again. I mean, I'm going to come back and visit, but still...

Checkout was yesterday. Mrs. Fontaine told me that I have to go to Senior awards night. That’s a very good sign. I seriously doubt that I'm up for an award, so the only thing I suppose I will get is the $500 band parent scholarship. That's great because I need money to pay for books and such. I'm only getting $3500 in financial aid, and I will have a $2600 loan. Paying for everything else next year is up to me. That money from the band parents will be well spent. (: Suki and I had a nice run in with a focus on the way to ATL. The guy's car was pretty much fucked, but her car is ok. She just bent the front driver's side wheel. Hopefully the axle isn't bent, because that would make her car fucked as well. She got a ticket, and I feel really bad. I told her to make the u-turn. Luckily the guy that hit us was sane, because I know that if I got into an accident that fucked my car, I'd come out screaming.

Speaking of my car.... I had that piece of shit '84 Monte Carlo waiting for me, but something miraculous happened. One of my dad's friends said he found a nice Pontiac Grand Prix for sale. The Grand Prix is the same car as the Monte Carlo, much as the Camaro is the same as the Firebird, and many other similar GM vehicles. My dad went to go look at it, and bought it on the spot. It's a 1987, with 30,000 miles. To put that in perspective, my dad's 2000 Tacoma has 65,000; meaning that this Grand Prix has been garaged and well kept. The guy that was selling it invested a lot of money into the car, at least 5 grand, and had it almost completely restored. It has the expensive two-tone metallic paint, and just a whole buncha other options that make it fucking unbelievably sweet. The guy is getting married and is desperate for cash, so he let it go for $2500. It's worth almost 7 grand. I wanna go give him a hug, and then kick him in the face for selling it. This car is in almost mint condition. I can see myself driving it for like the next 10 years. It can probably go for another 100,000 miles before it needs anything major. Sure beats the piece of shit Monte Carlo. We were ready to invest about $4000 into it to fix it up, but now we're just selling. Anyone know somebody who'd like to buy it? It's got 140,000 miles, and is mechanically sound, just needs some bodywork, paint, and seat covers.

And finally, being 18 fucking blows. They've got me working long shifts at work now. I had to close the other night, meaning we don't get out till 12:30. I have to open tomorrow, meaning I have to be in at 5:45. Major gayness. I also learned something from the experience: Mopping sucks.

Well that's it. I'm done. Post. Too. long.

cross postin;
yeah. pre-graduation party. my house. saturday. parents won't be home till monday. keg. mos def. spend the night. fold out couches like whoa. if you can read this, you're invited. 703-4691.

I wish I had a prom date.

I wish my car was ready to go.

I wish she would talk to me.

I wish I was in college allready.

I wish I wasn't the loser I try so hard not to be.

How come things never work out my way? I wish, for just once, that I could have a nice thing, and have it last.

Well, aside from my rant, I got two superiors at state S&E, and made district honor band. I was really impressed with the honor band, and hope that college will be like that, or better. I earned my spot to be the bari sax player fair and square, and Mr. Lerner tried to screw me out of it TWICE. asshole. I'm definately ready to go on to college band. I've had enough of high school, and it's directors, and their atitudes. I'm sick of high school in general. But on the brighter side, USF isn't offering me any scholarships, but around $8500 in financial aid. sweet. It pays to be poor.

and lonely.

So I enter the adult world...
...just a buncha bull shit. Buying smokes, porn, and lottery tickets never really appealed to me. Turning 18 just means I have more shit to do now. Gotta go get my "totally free checking account" this week, I'm getting my license next week, I'm gonna get more hours at work, less breaks, and now I can get into more trouble for the shit I do if I get caught, because I'm now an adult. I sure don't feel any older. It's all just a number.

All district concert band tryouts are on monday. I haven't done more than look at the names of the songs I have to play for the audition. It would be pretty funny if I didn't make it though, seeing as I got two superiors at state S&E, on my quartet and bari solo. Shit always has a funny way of working out like that. It wouldn't really matter if I didn't make it though. I allready took off of work on the days of the performances.

Since I get my license in a week, I get my car in two, or just before prom. My dad is really hooking it up. He's got his personal mechanic fixing everything on the mechanical end, it's getting new upholstery on the seats, new carpet, new dash, new head liner, new front and rear bumpers, the body shop is grinding out all my rust, fixing the dent on the rear qtr. pannel, it's getting the accents rechromed, and a new paintjob; going from ghetto spraypaint baby blue to a more masculine GM dark blue. So my dad is basically taking care of everything and totally hooking me up. I'm responsible for the stereo and wheels. I just dropped $300 on the head unit and front and rear speakers. I'll eventually get subs to give it some bottom. The wheels on the car now are apparently the most expensive option Chevy had in 1984. I bet in 1984 they were pimp as hell, but in 2004 they don't look as cool. They've got to go. I'm thinking a set of late 80's Camaro RS wheels would look hot.

Thanks to steph for liking my poem; if it is a poem at all. I'm flattered. And suki, you rule.
I'm out.

I havent slept more than three hours within the last 47. No intentions of sleeping tonight.
I just wrote a really deep entry, but decided not to post it. I don't think I've ever correctly expressed my emotions through words.

I started writing music again last week. Mostly blues. I never knew it, but blues really does come from the soul. It's tiring to always play others people's music, and never create anything of your own. I wish I had a 4 track, because everything I write gets lost with my bad short term memory.


I also found out that I've been accepted to be a music major at USF next year.

"Lisa Simpson; master of the double life."
I'm Lisa Simpson. I play the baritone sax and am pretty good at it, I'm a big fucking nerd, I'm smarter than my parents, I dont believe in Church, I'm the good one in the family, my talents are underappreciated and are going to waste, I hate living at home, and I lead a double life. Yes folks, I'm Lisa Simpson.

Anyways, I finished my auditions over a week ago. The rides up to Tampa and Jacksonville were nice. USF was rad. I really want to go there. I loved the campus, and all the people. JU and UNF were rather disappointing after seeing USF. On a fucking saturday afternoon, the campuses were dead. Not one student walking around, chillin, or doing anything. Were there actually any students at these schools? I don't know. The campuses weren't even half the size of USF. The only thing I liked was that UNF had an immaculate music building. My audition there sucked though. They didn't want to hear much of me playing, and Bunky got mad at me for playing a Melodic Minor with a Natural Minor descending. Bastard. My USF audition wasn't too bad, but I cant be too sure that it will give me a spot in their program. It was the best audition I did for a school I wanted to go to though. My FIU audition sucked, but fuck that school. Them and their asshole jazz director can eat me. JU was my best audition. The guy fucking loved me. The jazz director, the guitar teacher and I jammed for almost a half hour. It barely felt like an audition. I thought that was great, but the campus sucked, and the music building was old and was obviously not intended to be a music building when it was first built. It reminded me of the high school from the Wonder Years. They didn't have much to offer me other than money to cover their big private school tuition. Fuck them.
I'm still waiting to hear back from UNF and USF. I want to hear back from FIU, but just because I was told to talk to the dean of music and tell him how much of an asshole his Jazz director is. Well thats it. Pretty worthless entry. I'm done

FIU Jazz audition today at three. USF on saturday, UNF and Jacksonville U the next saturday. Concert next week. Musical is comming up, and state S&E after that. Maybe state concert after that.

I've got a little too much shit on my plate. I'm getting a little overwhelmed. Maybe after my auditions, it'll be a little bit better. I'm so nervous. For most of my auditions, I'm playing two standards, a ballad, and a latin from the Aebersald books. It's not that hard; I just play the head, and improv on those chord changes once or twice. I'm just worried about my improv. When I first started to improv, it was all by ear, so I played what sounded good. But anyone can play a Bb to F change by ear. These songs that I'm playing for my auditions are legit. songs, with legit. chords and changes. Improvising them by ear doesn't work for someone at my level. I don't know enough scales to put out a decent solo on any of these songs. At the most, I can get the root, 3rd, and 7th of any chord from just looking at it, but that's not very much. Scales are what's going to kill me. I'm fine with my majors, but I dont know my natural, harmonic, and melodic minors off hand. I know how they're constructed, what they're for, and how to use them, but I just haven't worked on them enough to play them from memory. I can play them off a sheet of paper, but all that shows is that I can sightread.... yea, I'm bad at that too. Well, atleast sightreading jazz. I've played more concert music than jazz in the last year, so counting straight is really ingrained into my brain, rather than swing.

I wouldn't be so worried about my auditions if I was just going to get accepted to their music dept., but I am going for scholarships. They want to give their money to the best and most talented, or those who they think can become the best and talented. I have potential to become friggen' awesome, but right now I'm just a mediocre player.

Almost forgot to mention: I got a superior on my solo, trio, and quartet at S&E. All three are eligable for state, but we decided not to do the trio, which is the hardest and sounds the worst.

Enough for today.
-A.J.

My first paying gig! Holy shit!
My mom picked me up when I got off work tonight at 9:30, and said I got a phone call from Addison Gilbert. That was a shock. The hardcore drum teacher with the coked up eyes called my house. Weird. I called him back to find out what he wanted. Apparently he was looking for a bari sax player, and Mr. Lerner recomended me, and spoke very highly of my playing abilities. Mr. G is the pit orchestra director for all the Olympic Heights musicals. To fill the pit, he hires professionals for the lead parts, gets the best OH kids to play the other parts, and he recruits from other schools to fill in whatever parts are left.

He asked Mr Lerner for a bari sax player, and Lerner told him I was the man. Hard-fucking-core. Olympic Heights does serious musicals. This year it is the broadway musical "Me and My Girl." He said it's about three hours long, and they use the real scripts and music, not the watered down high-school versions. He was telling me all about it, and I couldn't stop thinking like "Holy Shit." Opening night is in the beginning of March, and I'd have to go to rehersal every thursday. not a problem.

I was saying a few weeks ago about how happy I'd be to just play some good music for free, like the jazz combo Chris O'Brien was trying to set up at Pineapple Grove. Mr G. said it pays a measly $100. Holy shit, bells, whistles, and cash register cha-chings were going off in my head. My first paying gig at a professional level..... hell, my first paying gig. Wow. This post is just all incoherent babble, but I'm just really excited. I'm just suprised that Mr. Lerner thinks I'm capeable of something like this. I wouldn't have thought so, but then again, I am my hardest critic. Mr. G. was telling me all abotu when Kevin Blum played with his orchestra 2 years ago, and how great he thought it was. Oh man. This is a new level for me. Nice. I'm done.

I forgot to mention. I got a car. Finally.

It's a 1984 Chevy Monte Carlo, Luxury Coupe with a 305 V8. It sounds sweet, but its really an old piece of shit with 150k miles on it that needs work; but I'm still stoked to have a car. When they made them in 84, there was the Luxury, or the SS. The SS has the same engine, just bored out to be a 350, and also has a cooler front end and rear bumper. I'm probably gonna go to the junkyard to get an SS front end and rear bumper to make it look better and then paint it to match. The Luxury model is the same basic car, but with the front end, it looks like an old grandma car..... a fast fucking granny car. When I get done with it and am ready to take it on the road (April 10th, hint hint), it's gonna be one bad motha fucka. Paint job, new wheels, white walls, rockin system, SS parts, flowmasters. Oh snap!

"For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!"
Hmm. What's new in my life? Same old shit, but not really.

I've gotten a lot better, and much more used to playing the bari sax. That is a major plus. I’m considering playing it for my college auditions in place of my alto. I sound awesome, well awesome for someone at my level, on alto, but I think I might just impress some people with my bari sax skills. Who knows? This year is my first time ever doing solo and ensemble. I’m really excited. I've got a bari sax solo that is coming along nicely; better than I had expected. I'm playing bari in a quartet that it doing a decent job at staying together, and I'm also in an alto trio, that is, well... a trio. It really needs help, but it sure is fun to play. I'm really starting to enjoy and love playing my saxophones. I'm at the point where I can't imagine life without them. If somebody ever causes me to lose my hands or fingers, they're getting a bullet to the head. Fa sho'

I also got accepted to three more schools. I went to guidance to send my transcripts out to FSU, USF, UNF, FIU, and FAU. It turns out that UNF already requested my transcripts, so they didn't have to be sent out. I didn't know they could, or would do that. I got an acceptance letter from them yesterday. I got my acceptance letter from USF the day I sent them my transcripts. The mail usually takes two days or so, meaning that they made their acceptance decision solely on my application and my SAT scores that I sent. Scary Shit. FIU accepted me too, but their admissions department is pretty worthless, so they get a student to call and congratulate me first, and then send the letter a week later. at least USF called me the day I got the letter. I still haven't applied to FSU, or Jacksonville University. I have a feeling that JU is exactly like Lynn University. Their jazz director called me at 9:30 on a thursday night a few weeks ago to ask me if I was going to audition. Apparently there are only about 2,500 students at JU. There's that many at Atlantic, and also Lynn. That makes me figure that it's a small shitty campus. But it's a plus because there's more privatized instruction, and also it’s close to the beach, unlike USF in Tampa and FSU in Talahassee(sp). Young Harris College also called me tonight to ask if I was interested. I politely told the girl that I wasn't, but she kept asking me questions about my major, and where I applied. I wanted to hang up, but she was being so nice to me that I couldn't bring myself to do it. I told her about my career plans, and she mentioned something about God's plan for me. She also told me to pray that things work out or something. I was really tempted to tell her that I'm an atheist, but she was just too nice. I can't do that. I'm not ever sure that I'm an atheist. I don't know what I am. I just prefer not to think about it now. As for now, I don't believe in much, I don't pray, I don't go to church, and I am happy. Maybe when I turn 40, I'll have some crazy epiphany and change my ways, but until then I'll stay very unreligious. I also tried Xanex. No, not on prescription, just because it's fun. Really fun. But I'm done with stupid shit like that. Alcohol is my limit. No pot, no bars, no more recreational mind altering substances that aren't alcohol. So there! Take that illegal drug market. Boo yah!

Wow, that was the first time I've ever said Boo yah! Weird.

But on to what that last paragraph should have said: I've been infatuated with the same girl since freshman year. I can't get her out of my mind. I think about her all the time.... and get depressed. I had a dream about her a month ago, where she wouldn't talk to me and completely ignored me. I guess dreams imitate life, because she never wants to talk to me, or see me again. I get what I deserve. I've been single for almost a year and a half. I think the only times in high school that I've been happy were when I wasn't single. Those were also the times when I was the least shy. I had one or two chances in that time to become not-single, but they weren't the right ones. I don't know. I think I just can't meet the right girl. I met this girl Adelia in my chorus class. Oops, almost forgot to mention, I'm in chorus now. Yes, that's right: 3 band classes and one chorus class. I'm a pimp. But back to that girl I met; people say she’s weird, but I think she's cool. She flirts a lot, but I can't tell if that's just because she's interested, or if she's just one of those girls that flirts with every guy in the world. Oh well. Hopefully my next entry will be more positive. I have such a negative outlook on life. That's why I never smile. I think that's also why I don't update often. I don't want to look back on these years from now and see only the bad things.

So that's it for now. Foreverly yours,
A.J.

I woke up today and decided to be optimistic. I swore to myself that this would be the year of A.J.

Two-thousand three was a horrible year for me. Everything that could have gone wrong did, and everything that could have made me depressed and feel like shit did too. So by my logic, 2004 should be just the opposite. I'm going to be graduating, and going off to college pretty soon. Just the nature of those two events should offset two-thousand three's shit-ness. I really can't wait to start college. Maybe I can make some real friends there. But back to what I was saying; to make 2004 better, I need to abide by these things I resolve to do.... that I thought of doing after New Years.....

1. Eat healthier. Pizza and french fried no longer count as lunch.
2. Go to the gym atleast three times a week. Marching band is over, so I have no excuses for not going.
3. Be nice to everyone. Especially the people I hate.
4. Talk more.
5. Play my horn atleast an hour a day. More preferrably.
6. Get a car.
7. Get a license.
8. Clean my room atleast once a week.
9. Invite people over to chill.
10. Throw a madd party.

...and I'm done.

Another sad new years..
I dont have anyoen to chil with tonite. It's cool though. I'm getting used to being lonely, and not having any real friends. I spent all of last week in New Jersey. I wish I was still back there. I felt wanted there. I had an awesome time at a TCNJ party. Bent beyond belief. Fun shit. I came back on Sunday. Had nothing to do. I've done nothing but play Vice City. Awesome Christmas present. I'm rambling. This post is pretty worthless. Like me. Well I'm out.

She was standing there, looking like her world had just been crushed.
She was cute. The cutest sad girl I've ever seen.
I enjoyed your company.
You enjoyed mine.
I walked away from you.
She was sitting behind us.
I had never went up to a girl I did not know and introduced myself.
I made that my plan.
She was sad.
You were singing happily.
Your shirt was cute.
Her shirt said "peace".
You love to fight.
I am passive.
I sat down next to her, with two feet between us.
I looked at her.
She looked back.
I smiled.
She smiled.
I am very shy.
I could tell that she was too.
I exchanged glances with her.
She exchanged glances with me.
You were starting to get lonely by yourself.
I worked up enough nerve to go talk to her.
She was waiting for me to say something.
I was just about to say "hi", what I had done with my eyes and smiles I could now imitate with my lips.
You sat down between me and her.
You were smiling like I wanted her to.
I could have brightened her day.
I could have gotten over my fear.
You put your head on my shoulder.
She knew something was up.
She walked away more distraught than before.
Her world was now even more crushed.
She was now infront of us.
She couldn't see what we were doing.
She didn't want to see.
Her heart was broken even more.
You kissed me.
I kissed you back.
I felt guilty.
I made your night.
I was your perfect guy.
I wanted to be her perfect guy.
I made you happy.
You were the wrong person.
I could have been her world.
She could have been mine.
She was gone.
She was no longer in my sight.
She did not want to be.
You ruined it.
I could have been happy.
She could have been happy.
I looked happy.
You were happy.
       But I was empty inside.

Mmm... Thanksgiving
by far, the greatest holiday.
For the last seven years, it's involved waking up, putting on a pair of shorts, eating within a half hour of waking up, watching football, and falling asleep while watching football.
[Greatest Holiday Ever]

I hope somebody got that. Anyway.... I got accepted into FAU yesterday at the on-site deal. Definately a sad day for college admissions. It wasn't even a decision. She just looked at my SAT score and gave me an instant yes. Didn't even look at my application. Wasn't interested in community service hours (which I have none of) or my essay (which I didn't write). Didn't even care that I'm sitting at a 2.6 GPA. Apparently colleges calculate grade point averages differently, and all the honors and ap classes I've taken bring it up to around a 3.1. That led her to tell me that I'm eligable for a scholarship, and would most likely revcieve a whopping $2500 from them. The fact that I won't get Bright Futures makes that money almost as valuable as gold... or rather platinum. It's a nice deal, but I'm still somewhat disturbed by how that school is impressed with me. For real, me.... come on. It really makes me not want to go there, but it's comforting to know I have a fall-back option if I don't get accepted to a school I really want to go to.

Well thats the positive part of what I had to say. I'll save the negative for after the holiday. I'm not in the mood to be depressed. Whatever sense that last sentence makes.... well I don't know. Enough
-A.J.

hmm... so I didn't make all district jazz. oh well, theres always..., well there isn't. sucks for me.

I hate how my furure is so up in the air. I have a pretty decent sat score, but a shitty gpa. no chance for academic scholarships. I can probably get a music scholarship to a shitty state school, but if it doesn't pay for the whole thing, I don't want it. ::Wishes he could afford Berklee:: I was seriously concidering being in the Army or Navy band program. It's three years, but I get to go to the Military School of Music, get a paycheck, play sax all day, and get $30k for college after the three years. It sounds pretty sweet, but also sounds like it would probably be the worst experience of my life at the same time. If scholarships don't pull through, it may be my only option. I dont want to mortgage the next ten years of my life to pay for undergrad.

I hate how my future is still up in the air. I hate how I've lost touch with everyone I know. I hate feeling lonely.

"Oh no Lois. A guy at work bought a car out of the paper once. Ten years later, BAM. Herpes"
Theres a FIF concert in Palm Beach Gardens on Saturday the 27th at some church. fuckin christians. it's their farewell tour. im soo there.

So on to real news: I got suspended from work for a week, so im pretty relaxed. I'm a little pissed though, because my gym membership expired, and I finally have time to go. It's been hard to get there while juggling school, marching band, and work all the time. Hopefully after FBA I'll be able to get there more. Im getting more and more out of shape every day.

Speaking of band, I'm not really happy with everything that is going on, but I can say I'm having a lot of fun. Everytime I see something that I really don't like, I just think that this is my last year, and I should try to enjoy band, and not be pissed about the little things. I had three years to do that. This is the fun year, and I'm keeping it that way. If people want to be pissed off about drum wars, or this and that, they can. I'll just sit back and watch. For real, it's not that important to me. I just want to have fun and enjoy myself, not be upset and complain every game.

Anyways, this Peter kid is such a fucking awesome sax player. I think I can honestly say that hes better than both Fowee and Bethany, back when they were here. My new goal for the year is to strive to play as well as he does. I need to practice more.
I'm out.
-A.J.
<3's

its about time I do a real update
Jeez, I musta bought this album around january, back when I started going to river. Everyone was telling me how awesome thrice was, so I thought what the hell. I gave it about 2 quick listens and I really didn't like it. Recently I gave it another listen, to see if I wanted to trade it in, but I found that I was really diggin’ the first track. I can’t really say I like the rest of the album, but maybe I'm just unenlightened.
I also bought the new Deftones album this week. The songs are all rather slow, and some sound alike, but they surprisingly fit together perfectly, and make it a nice chill album. It's a little reminiscent of White Pony, but I don't find any of the songs on this album to be "single worthy," with the slight exception of Minerva.

Now on to bigger and better things.... My friend’s mom told me I look like the guy from the show The O.C. But more importantly, I owe a big one to Heidi, Jess, Dave, and Alex. Sorry about the kegger. It turned into a buncha guys at the beach with an empty keg we couldn't get filled, and various other bottled beers. Sorry for not being home. I'll make it up to you guys. I promise.

But besides the alcohol, my life has been pretty lame. It seems that I have no free time anymore. When I don't have school or band practice, I'm working. It really sucks, but the money is good. Speaking of that, I'm getting a new tenor sax. I have twelve months of no interest to pay off, so I figure I'll be broke for the next year, and won't be driving until sometime after that.

Well stay tuned for the next tale, as our hero A.J. does absolutely nothing, and writes a whole entry about it. What pointless things will he say next? Tune in, same pointless website, same pointless journal. Good night folks!