<center><b>WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?</b></center>

:: 2005 7 April :: 3.32pm

I'm listening to "Jesus Christ Superstar"....on record.

It's so old school. Yeaaah maann. *takes drag from joint*

They use a lot of bass in the pit. I guess that's what you get with a rock musical, huh?

Work was excruciating slow today. I don't have to work again until Saturday.

Well I suppose I should do some homework or something....hmm...how about..no.

-michelle-

:: 2005 7 April :: 7.56am

I just woke up about ten minutes ago. Blah. I have to work at 10:00am until 2:30. Last night I had to work until 10:30. It wasn't too bad. I'm glad it didn't rain last night. I had to clear the lot of carts. Blah. I hate carts.

Tomorrow Rueben and I are going to the mall. Yay! I like walking around and looking at things, just being around people. I mean, usually I hate people, but hey, if they don't open their stupid mouths, then I probably won't have too much of a problem.

Spring break is halfway over with. It's really going to suck going back to school. These past few days have felt like summer vacation, and I even caught myself imagining them as such a few times. But, alas, I must return to school come Tuesday.

I went and saw Stacy before my Tuesday lessons. She said I had a job back there as soon as school gets out! It's not the best job in the world, but it's better than Meijer.

I don't believe I'm going to quit Meijer, though, although having two jobs was quite conflicting last summer.

Oh well.

-michelle-

:: 2005 28 March :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: sad

I desperately want to talk to you. Where are you?

:: 2005 24 March :: 1.51pm

So I gave blood today. My arm still hurts a bit, but all is good.

The antiseptic tickled. haha.

It's getting warmer out. It's actually warm in here (school) for once. Huh. Interesting.

I guess Mr. Pilar sent Mr. Andrus an email saying that a student told him he was putting paper towel over the thermostat. Mr. Andrus is not heating his room anymore.

Band is going okay. The next big thing is fine arts night.

You know, it doesn't even seem worth it. No one knows. No one cares.... I just do it and then it's gone.

Well, whatever.

No school tomorrow.

Work 3:30 - 7:30.

Blah. I haven't worked in like two weeks.

Get to see Rueben tonight. That will be extraordinarily wonderful. I don't know why. It just will be.

michelle

12 x o | x o

:: 2005 20 March :: 9.06am

I'm glad it's all done with. The musical, solo ensemble.....it's all done!

It's sad, yes, but now I can have some of my OWN time. That's nice.

Well, solo ensemble went pretty well yesterday. I got a 90 (out of 100) on my solo, so that was a one. My judge was really nice. I can't wait to see what she wrote on my form. Our quartet judge was really really mean. I almost started crying when I left the room. It was horrible. She didn't say one nice thing (without being sarcastic). She was really rude, and I don't think calling one of the most beautiful flute quartet arrangements in the world "not substantial enough" and "too easy" is just horrible. I don't see why people can't look past difficultly and horrible runs and high notes and see the beauty in a piece of music. If they can't do that, they shouldn't be a professional musician, and certainly NOT teach it.

Needless to say the quartet got a two.

Rueben and I went out to the corner bar for dinner. Haha, deep fried dill pickles, yum!

I love that boy. He means the world to me.

The musical went okay last night. I'm pretty glad I didn't stick around for the cast party. I've already shed enough tears and have been upset enough this month.

(Toccata just came on my musicmatch media player, haha, i love that song!)

I went over to Rueben's house after the musical. It was really nice to spend some time with him. It's been quite hectic this past week, culminating in yesterday. It's just nice to lay in someones arms and not have to worry about anything.

See everyone Monday!

michelle

:: 2005 2 March :: 7.59pm
:: Mood: intimidated

These next few weeks are going to be LONG.

So many things to do, so much jam packed time.

THIS WEEK:

I'm staying after school for a while tomorrow with Erin. We're going to see if we can work out our song for the talent show.

Friday I have to work 3:30-8pm

Saturday I'm going to start my English paper (yes, THIS time..).

Then I have to work from 2:30-6:30pm.

No work Sunday! Woohu!

NEXT WEEK:

Monday starts pit rehearsals everyday afterschool.

Lessons Tuesday, of course.

Friday is Band Festival at Greenville.

Saturday morning is flute choir.

WEEK AFTER:

I have Pit rehearsal Monday afterschool, and then school board meeting to attend and a paper to write for that.

Tuesday and Wednesday are dress rehearsal.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are the SHOW.

Saturday is STATE SOLO AND ENSEMBLE.

I also have my English Paper to write, a script to write for drama, a report to do on the school board meeting I go to, AP chem calculations, random assignments to finish for "Pride and Prejudice", practice with Linda for state, practice with the quartet and Dani for state, 7 melodic minor scales to memorize, pit music to perfect, and whatever else happens to be necessary...oh, say eating, breathing, bathing, and sleeping, perhaps.

michelle

7 x o | x o

:: 2005 25 February :: 11.47am

So our band concert went okay last night. Robuck thought it was crap, the only thing i was thinking was something along the lines of getting sick on stage...i swear i had a fever, and i just didn't feel good at all.

Eh, anyway, time for lunch..no meat today, it's friday.

that's bomb.

except..
not.

michelle

:: 2005 21 February :: 8.03pm
:: Mood: listless

I'm sitting in my dark little corner listening to acoustic emo music lisa gave me.

I think it would be emo music.
It doesn't really matter - i like it.

"you can't fake it hard enough to please anyone at all"

School tomorrow. I didn't do my homework. Why should I care? Sometimes I wish I didn't. Just stay in bed all day and not think about anything. Isolated.

Even when I'm around a thousand people, it feels like that anyway.

I hate crying.
I hate expectations.
I hate anger.
I hate hate.

I never thought something this simple would be so hard to do.

:: 2005 16 February :: 7.16pm

The best quotes from my journal and comments
"Only the shallowness and unwillinglyness of humanity to change will be it's ugliness and sole downfall. Don't let it happen to you."

--March 19, 2004
michelle campbell

"...you do have to remember that people alway think about what others will think about what they do"

"...that's a big reason why depression is on the rise; because of people who are too superficial and need to look better than that of everyone else, so they fabricate this lie of who they are, instead of who they want to be"

--March 20, 2004
bill korb

"... if it was easy, that means it didn't mean enough to you, and that it wasn't real"

--January 29, 2004
anne howland

"...People who don't know when to shut the fuck up piss me off, too. I'd really like to knock them unconscious so I don't have to hear their stupid voices anymore"

--January 23, 2004
justine gunneson

"Everyone does things they don't want to do, it's how the goddamn world works"

--December 24, 2003
mitch armstrong

:: 2005 29 January :: 4.06pm

The performances are over, and here are the results:

Piccolo Duet ........ I
Flute Solo
(unaccompanied)..I
Flute Quartet........I

We got a standing ovation from the judge after our quartet, it was so cool. She loved it, and it was the best we have ever played it. I'm going to State for my solo, obviously, and I'm sure that we are also doing our duet and quartet at State. I hope they all get one's there, too. That would make me very happy.

Now that that is all done, I'm very happy, but tired. I cleaned the house when I got home, and now i'm trying to get my work schedule for next week.
Well, good bye :)
michelle

5 x o | x o

:: 2005 27 January :: 7.39pm

Rueben,

Call me tomorrow after four if you can. I miss you. :(

I really do.

:: 2005 27 January :: 7.32pm

There are so many things I want to say.....i just don't have the energy, ya know?

Sometimes I don't feel like defending myself, I just want to tell it like it is and just have people be okay with it. No explaination necessary.

Things are never going to be like that. We have to keep fighting until the end, for the things we want, the things we believe are right, the things that make us happy. Moments of peace are few and far between these days.

And solo and ensemble is two days away.

-michelle-

:: 2005 26 January :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Variations on a Korean Folk Song

Solo and ensemble in a couple of days. Blah. I just practiced for an hour. Got some things on the duet worked out, my solo, I cannot find anything else to work on for it. It just IS. My whole score is going to depend on whether I can find that THING or not. I hope I will.

We had pit practice today. That was terrible exciting, except, not really. And Jess, don't worry, you were doing great today. No one knows what they are doing, so don't worry about it, just have fun.

Saxophone solos would be the bomb, if I could play them. I think I'm going to start practicing Sax starting monday, because I don't want to practice too much before solo and ensemble. There's about two months before the musical, and I'll have it good and learned by then.

I am so multi instrumental.

I think it would help if I knew what I was doing.

After talking with Michael Monday at work, I just feel, happy. He just is that kind of person that can just make so many things better just by talking your ears off and not letting you get a word in. He's a great guy, but I like my Rueben better.

History is a bit better, educational wise, yet, I almost miss the way it use to be, just because I didn't have to do ANYTHING, and I could do all my homework.

Teacher assisting for general chem is a hoot. They did a lab today and I got to help them and mix chemicals. 12 molar HCl is not some stuff you want to get on you (it has a tendency to burn holes in your skin within a few minutes of exposure). I got to dilute that today. The fumes are nasty. Ah well, finished my AP chem lab. Our class is a lot of fun because it's so small, not to say we don't miss those who use to be there, but everything is a lot more on track now.

Tomorrow Mrs. Spinella is helping me with my solo after school. Hopefully she'll approve, and I'll be set. Friday I'm practicing after school with Dani for our piccolo duet. That has gotten laid by the wayside in recent weeks, just because the quartet and both our solos are more important, and we've agreed on that. It's just a throw away, something to warm up with, really, to get use to the judging. I bet it'll go to state.

-michelle-

4 x o | x o

:: 2005 24 January :: 3.23pm

This is going to be a very looong week. I work tonight until ten thirty, or until the lot is clean, but i don't think they can keep me much past that because i'm a minor. Tomorrow I have lessons after school in Howard City. Wednesday I have a debate meeting and pit practice. Thursday, all work for my solo and ensemble things. We're playing them for the class Thursday. Friday debate, and maybe something else. And, in the culmination, I get to wake up at five thirty Saturday morning to go to Mona Shores for district solo and ensemble. My first performance (piccolo duet) is at 8:08 am. My solo is around 9:30, and our quartet is at 11:27am. Then I'm done. Done Done Done Done Done.

I really can't wait.
Well, then I'll probably have state solo and ensemble, which, of course, is the day after the last day of the show, which i have pit rehearsal EVERY DAY for the two weeks before. Where is all the time?

Oh, and flute choir is comming up.

Oh my.

Well, no one can say that I'm not well rounded in my extra curricular activities and work experiences.
I actually miss those days when I came home from school and watched tv and was bored. I always wished I had some activity to do, something that was fun.

I think I bit over did myself, don't you?

Ah, well, going to go eat something and straighten my hair. And watch tv, and relax, and chill, and whatever.....just not think about going to work and how cold and horrible it's going to be clearing the lot by myself.

ughh.

-michelle-