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swimfan14

:: 2006 15 March :: 10.49pm

If you see me walking with someone else, it's not because I love him. It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me now.
If you see me smiling, it's not because I've forgotten you. It's because I'm tired of crying for you.
If you see me living again, it's not because I wanna get back at you. It's because I want to get back what you took from me.
But most of all
If I fall in love with someone else, it's not because I wanted to.
It's because you were never there to catch me and love me back.


This is so difficult for the both of us. I know I tried so hard, there's just no hope right now. Well it's more than a shame that I lost to this game. All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing- -
nothing will ever be the same.


swimfan14

:: 2006 13 March :: 9.58pm

Well let's see here. The National College Fair wasn't all that bad. None of my friends even knew what it was. We honestly went just to get out of class and Mr. A told us we'd get free pens which was a lie lol. Not that I don't have enough of those anyways but out of all the colleges I was only interested in two of them which are both in California. Imagine that? I know. I sort of want to go to The Fashion Insitute of Design for fashion design obviously. I don't really know which one I'd go to. They have a school in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Orange County, and San Diego. I've would probably say Los Angeles or Orange County and then the other school is The University of San Francisco. So besides those two schools, the whole thing was a big waste of time but we missed almost the whole day so I guess I can't complain too much. I was talking to the guy that works at The Fashion Institute of Design and that is where LC from Laguna Beach goes. Haha I made sure to ask him that. He said he knows her pretty well. Well, thats nice. I'm not going to go there just because she does because I honestly could care less it's just I thought that was pretty interesting and I don't even know if I'm going to go there in the first place. It's just a small option I have. I still really really want to go to USC. I don't even know yet.
Okay so enough college talk.

I feel like my house is going to blow over any minute. That might be unfourtunate.

I can't let you go. It's who I know.

<3 Ashley

4 heartless people | crush me


silverstar

:: 2000 13 March :: 3.34pm
:: Mood: annoyed

So I'm sitting here at this stupid PSSA tutoring because I'm a dumbass in Math and I failed that part. Now I'm in danger of not graduating which is complete BULLSHIT! I have all my credits, passed my graduation projects and came to this shit hole for 4 years...WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?! There's probably like 15 of us that didnt pass and some of the kids that did pass really surprise me because they dont deserve it, just because they went to fucking votech means they can graduate. Votech is bullshit if you ask me. Everyone I talk to says they can do whatever they want there and its so easy. If I would have known I wouldnt graduate because of this shit I woulda done votech!
This is supposed to be "tutoring" but I'm not being tutored only one student is and I wanna fucking hang myself right now! lol Whatever Fuck School BYE:)

1 heartless people | crush me


swimfan14

:: 2006 12 March :: 8.45pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: The Veronicas-4ever

I can honestly say that today I had my doubts about all of this but after that talk I realize I don't have any reason to doubt things and that things are just the way they should be.


Come on baby we ain't gonna live 4ever, let me show you all the things that we can do, I know you wanna be together, and I wanna spend the night with you.

2 heartless people | crush me


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 11 March :: 1.58pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: killswitch engage - the end of heartache

Oo
nothing has changed; everything still remains the same.

ive been hanging alot of fun though lately.. but besides gered, fat e, and stevie gettin mad at me.. for me wanting to hang out with my cousin & a few old friends.. wtf? honestly so fuckin gay!! whatever though.. i'm always gettin put down for stupid shit.. UGH!


i got a phone call yesterday in gym class (4th pd) and it was my ex.. hes home til monday and then in another 10 days he will be home for good.. hes been gone for almost a year! wow crazy shit.. but ya i went to say hi and it was so weird; but i liked it.

anyways lastnite was interesting we all got drunk at durbins house haha and my cousin made someone eat fucking dog food cause he told him it was coco puffs LMAO! (sick).. but ya i got pretty shitfaced=)

crush me


swimfan14

:: 2006 11 March :: 12.57pm

Lisa and I are procrastinators and we figured since Spring Break is coming up we should probably buy our tickets to Florida so that's what we did today and the total for both of us was $1,000. Yeah, that's what happens when you wait so long. We should have gotten them a long time ago but I always wait until the last minute to do everything. Oh well I guess. $1,000 later and we're off to Florida soon. Thank god. We both need to get out of this horriable place.


swimfan14

:: 2006 10 March :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: Happy
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack-My Favorite Accident

I really hate calls like those. Calls when you can't even understand your friend because they are crying so hard. I don't even know what to say to make her feel better. It's hard for me to imagine being that upset because I haven't been that way in a long time and right now I'm genuinely happy. I feel so useless because some of my friends really need me and yes I am here for them it's just I can't always help them in the ways they need to be helped. It really makes me sad to see her like that because I can honestly say that less than a month ago I was the same way. It's hard. It hurts. I know. I've been there and I'm sure I will be again someday. I never believed that something great would come along and make me forget about all those things that were bringing me down but eventually it does and you just need to learn to let go of the people who cause pain. It's not worth being down. I've learned that the hard way. I have no idea how talking about my friend turned into something like this but I just hope that things start to look up for some people who really need it and they know who they are.

This morning when I pulled into school Bruce was already parked and he waited for me and we walked into school together and he told me that he feels like today was going to be a good day and I just had a feeling it wasn't going to be and sure enough it really wasn't. I was such a bitch to everyone for no reason. I was just so upset that I could've cried. I have no idea why I was upset but it was just one of those days but I think I really just needed to talk to this person and after we talked and everything was better. So I apologize for being that way today.

Mishy: I'm pretty sad because those wonderful sunglasses that you bought for me have been stolen by Aaron. He was wearing them after school and he told me he'd give them back tomorrow. He has like ten things of mine at his house haha.

I guess this is all for tonight. I'm just rambling on.

<3 Ashley

4 heartless people | crush me


swimfan14

:: 2006 9 March :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Panic! At The Disco//Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off

Aww I love those moments when you say those things. It's so adorable.

This week has gone by so slow but it's definitely been worth it. So much has happened this week and so many things have changed it's unbelievable. I'm happy. Everything is pretty much wonderful. I'm off to bed. Goodnight!!

I love you all.

<3 Ashley

crush me


swimfan14

:: 2006 8 March :: 10.49pm
:: Mood: tired

Tonight was fun. I hung out with Emily Esch and Elyse until the game. Emily always wants to drive my car but when she asks me we are always on our way somewhere so I always say no but then today she asked me again and I told her she would have to call my dad and ask him if he would let her since he wont let barely anyone drive it unless it's him or me and I really didn't think she would call him but she did and sure enough he said yes because she is definitely one of his favorites out of my friends. They sat there and talked on the phone for like five minutes. I was like seriously just drive lol!!


Once I get everything straightened out and I begin to enjoy life...something happens. It happens because there has to be some kind of event that hits me in the face and makes me realize that it's not all gonna come easy.

Part of me just can't let go of the past and the other part tells me I have no other choice.

Having that talk with you made me realize that we have so much more in common than we ever thought. We are almost like the same person and it's good to know that someone thinks the way I do. I guess you always understood those things in me.

I think this is how things are going to be and I'm really happy right now. For once I finally feel like this is something real.

4 heartless people | crush me


swimfan14

:: 2006 7 March :: 7.51pm

Everytime we touch I get this feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last. I need you by my side. Everytime we touch I feel the static and everytime we kiss I reach for the sky. Can't you hear my heart beat slow? I can't let you go. I want you in my life.


swimfan14

:: 2006 6 March :: 10.53pm

I'm not exactly sure what I should say. Everything I do is a mistake. Your attention is attention. It doesn't matter if it's real or fake. I'll take it if I get it. I've made up my mind. I'll do it over any time.

You're over it, over me. Present just physically. Last words from the dying scene, you're over me.


vanishedx3heart

:: 2006 6 March :: 10.34am
:: Music: none.

wowwwwwww.. it's been a long time. so, i haven't updated in awhile and becky's making me, so i am.

uhmm.. OH. steve. one great kid, completely awesome. and i miss him terribly and i want to hug him forever. he loves and tolerates my sister, and that's a huge task. his sister's really nice too! and we went bowling last night.. i beat him, ha.

but that's all i really have to write about sooo.. update soon!

crush me


swimfan14

:: 2006 5 March :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack//The Future Freaks Me Out

<3
I think I'm just being paranoid. I always feel like I need to know what's going to happen and if I don't know what's going to happen then I freak out. It's not really necessary but I can't stand that feeling.

This weekend was extremely exhausting. I barely slept. Friday night I went out to dinner with my family in Lansing and then I went to my friend Missy's house. She also models with me. We went ice skating with her two sisters Holly and Katrina and then their friends Tori and Haylie. It was really fun. They have an ice skating rink at their house. Weird? I know. Saturday we had modeling from 11-6 which was the exhausting part. Afterwards we had a fashion show and international dinner. They both we're really fun. Sunday we went to church and then I just went to my dads for a while to see him before he left and then I came home.
A few pictures from this weekend.
Read more..

When I got home today I found out that my mom put a phone line in my room so now I have my own internet. It's actually quite nice. I'm just being a lazy ass right now and I'm laying in my nice comfy bed talking to my friends on my laptop.

This week should be a busy week. I'm most likely going to all three basketball games on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday with Lisa and Elyse and then Tuesday i'm hanging out with Cohen and then Thursday I'm going shopping :D

tomorrows monday..what a drag.

I would stay here if I could but I know it wont do any good. Maybe one day you'll understand something in me. It's something I gotta do. It's not you. It's something in me.

I still love you.

Did you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?

2 heartless people | crush me


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 5 March :: 12.58pm
:: Mood: fucking kill me
:: Music: Citizen King - Better days

fucking shit man.. GOD!
it hurts to fall for another; i haven't hurt this bad in a long time..

i wish i could understand; i could give you what shes able to provide & more. I'm just as good.. i promise!!

UGH!!!! :(



--lastnite i went drinkin over gereds; just like every weekend.. it never changes...
--got alil fucked up.. and got emotional

yeah that was my nite.

1 heartless people | crush me


TheEdgeOfYourAtmosphere

:: 2006 4 March :: 7.32pm

ooOo yes!
lastnite..

was..

amazing..

crush me

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